What’s wrong with men?
That was the title of a recent broadcast of “Dr.Phil� I have watched. Although I haven’t watched it completely, the episode was a “bit� bias to say the least.
Dr. Phil addresses the question all women wanted to know the answer to: What’s wrong with men? With the help of TIME Magazine writer and comedian Joel Stein, Dr. Phil tries to solve the mystery of what makes men tick.
The TIME writer Joel Stein went out to the streets of Hollywood to ask women to give their two-cents about men, to start off. They had set up a booth with an attractive sign that reads, of all else, “What’s wrong with men?� And women line up standing in the cold rain waiting to blow off hot steam; perhaps hundreds of them turn out.
He listens to their complaints, mostly trivial, that includes: “Men don’t stay faithful.� “Men are just forgetful.� “You can talk and talk all you want. Five minutes later they have no idea what you just said.� “Boys are stupid.� “Men are just sloppy and lazy. It’s hard to get them to clean up. It’s hard to get them to cook.� “Service is important to me. Fill my car up with gas, will you? I don’t want to have to make the To-Do list.� “They’re becoming too needy.� On and on, fable after fable it went throughout the day and when he couldn’t take it anymore of their ranting, he replaces the sign on his booth with one that reads, “What’s wrong with women?� and said, “ALL RIGHT, WHO WANTS TO LISTEN TO ME COMPLAIN?� No doubt he was mainly joking. And even if he was serious there was no interest in finding shortcomings with women. One of the notes that Joel made during his day of research was that most of the attractive women complained that men were “sensitive�, how interesting. He goes on to say to Dr.Phil that men don’t listen, according to the women, and the women don’t express their feelings, and men don’t do enough around the house. Also quiet puzzling when he observed that the women he was quite fond of were the ones that said men weren’t “manly� enough, and that they should go back to their prescribed gender roles. Then Dr. Phil asks, “Did you learn anything that you didn’t know?� The TIME reporter answered, “I learned not to wear two tones of brown at the same time.� Jokely. Explaining that those women had a lot to say about his outfit. How interesting indeed.
Then Dr. Phil brought his female guests on stage, all who are single and all scorned. One lady by the name of Emily has a long, laundry list of infractions that pisses her off with men. She complains that they don’t take out the trash, let alone put trash in a trash can near em’. Another one who is older, name Caroldean who says she couldn’t stand our hypocrisy. She rants in her intro, “Here I am, a strong, independent woman, but if I need to get my ‘special’ needs met, if I want to have a booty call, by the time the guy’s eating his pop tart in the morning, the whole town already knows what flavor it was, so that’s a little bit of an issue. I’m a whore; he’s a stud — that’s not good.� She then starts complaining on stage that the men she dates don’t pay for their meals when they are in a restaurant. One man she dated look at the bill for the dinner and sits there staring at it until closing time, and how she ended up have to pay for it. “Showed up late, made no reservations, made you pay…� She went on. Then Dr. Phil interrupt her by pointing out, “Well, he gave you a ride home!� “Lucky me!� she replied.
Another one who is just a typical, average single black BBW who just hate men, and they are “nutty as fruitcakes�.
When Dr. Phil ask Emily after she said that men just suck, she replied, “I’ve dated so many men, and it always ends up a useless battle. They’re worthless half the time. All the good men are taken or non-existent,� He points out to them that they’ve dated the bad boys. And one of the replied, “Well, we can’t find the good, so that’s all we have to work with here,� Have they even bothered to try? What’s the deal here, seriously? They also ranted,
“They just don’t listen, but I also think — I mean, I’m not a man hater — but I just think that chivalry is dead,� she says. “I mean, you seem to be a dying breed, Dr. Phil. You need to have a boyfriend boot camp and see if we can get them to be more like you!� Interesting.
Then he brought the men on stage, the worst they can find by the way, Disgruntle men who were just plain tired of all women.
One guy who is a bodybuilding stud, name Chris, just tired of the women using him for sex.
“I feel like I’m God’s gift to women for a lot of reasons. I’m sexy as hell, which is a fact. I am 6-foot 3, about 245 pounds. That’s a lot of sexiness to handle,� boasts Christopher, 28. “When I walk past a woman, I have confidence. Women love confident men. Women have come up to me and told me how beautiful I am. I really don’t need pick-up lines. I definitely know I’m at an advantage because of my looks. Women will just do anything to get a guy like me on their arm.� In the bathroom, he says, “I’ll take anywhere from two to two-and-a-half hours to get ready before I hit the club. I’m going to have to get dressed, and I’ll take y’all with me. We’re about to pick something nice and sexy out to tantalize the ladies.�
Another one they find was quiet cenacle it looks, name Kayo, who has to go to the extreme to fit in the sadistic society of ours.
Kayo, 27, says that women are easy to manipulate. “I have a confidence that most guys don’t have. I think it’s just a gift from God. I’ve been laughed at, like, growing up, but I’ve always carried a slight arrogance about myself, and it’s done wonders,� he says. “I’m not misleading them. I’m honest about myself and what it is that I do. I’m just making them comfortable, and that all goes back to them being naïve. Women are insecure by nature, and they are looking for that security blanket, and I’m able to give that to them. I don’t plan on driving a minivan anytime soon.�
Another one they had on, name Marcus, 37, says women go from zero to hell in four seconds. He tells Dr. Phil, “One second, everything is going really well, and the next it’s flipped very quickly. It was a good day. Now, all of a sudden, it’s a very bad day in the span of four seconds.�
When Dr. Phil asks Shannon what she was thinking when she heard Christopher’s stance on women.
“I can describe the way I was feeling; like, my heart almost stopped beating — � she begins.
“That was because I’m so beautiful,� Christopher interjects.
“Now, I will give you this: You are handsome, but what you did not know I’m going to inform you of today: When God made one attractive man, he didn’t shut down the factory. There are many more,� she snaps back. A huge ovation from the audience, mostly female of course.
“I never claimed to be the only sexy man. I’m just one,� he says. Christopher says he’s not into long-term relationships, except around the holidays. “What I usually do, around the holidays, sometimes I like to settle down with three women because it’s more of a family time. I kind of get a little more choked up around that time and so I narrow it down. I narrow my options down during the holidays.�
“It’s family time, so you get a family of women, and you settle down,� Dr. Phil summarizes. “Caroldean thinks that men just don’t step up. Are you chivalrous?�
“Absolutely. Now, I don’t, right off the bat, pay for meals though. That I don’t do. I feel it’s the woman’s job. If they want to take a man out, take them out,� Christopher says. While the women groan, he says, “If you want a beautiful man on your arm, what’s the harm in paying for meals?�
“Do you date beautiful women?� Caroldean asks him.
“I don’t date beautiful women,� Christopher says.
“Ah, you want to be the pretty one in the relationship,� she surmises.
“Absolutely.�
Shannon asks, “Where do you find these women? That’s what I want to know. Where?�
“You’re one of them. You just don’t know it,� he tells her.
Shannon gasps.
Dr. Phil turns to Kayo. “You don’t even pretend to be chivalrous, right?�
“I’m very chivalrous,� he says.
“Really? Because you basically put women down and make them feel insecure. You’re one of those alpha-male trained — �
“I don’t put them down. I don’t make them feel insecure. I just approach women that may be insecure and try to provide that security blanket for them,� Kayo says.
Dr. Phil consults his notes. “You described yourself as ‘a jerk, inconsiderate, manipulator, player, or at least a wannabe player.’�
“That’s how I get stereotyped,� he says. “But you guys were talking about paying for meals. I always pay for meals.� Kayo says he understands Christopher’s point. “If he’s being asked out, why should he be required to pay?�
“But do you respect those women you go out with? Don’t you have that whole hunt and gather thing in your soul?� Caroldean asks Christopher.
“I gather a lot,� he says confidently.
“You’re picking on the pathetic women so you can just take them out and use them as your little toy and have sex with them, which is disgusting,� Emily tells Christopher. “You’re disgusting. And you know what? You may have good looks right here, but you don’t have good looks on the inside. Your personality makes you ugly.� Funny coming from a young single mother who perhaps like to date the bad boys at one time in her life and thinks that [ALL] men suck, among other things she said, but of course that’s okay.
“You’re saying that because he’s being candid about this,� Dr. Phil says. “If you met him out on the street, he wouldn’t necessarily — � “I wouldn’t dare ask him out. I wouldn’t ask any of these guys out; they ask me out. Why should I lower my standards and be pathetic for a man?� she says.
Why should even the good guys you’ve probably turned down at one time lower their standards and be completely shallow just to meet yours? Her hypocrisy speaks volumes.
Dr. Phil addresses Kayo. “I’m interested in how you define putting women down, because I said you are basically an alpha-male put-down artist, and you said, ‘No, no, no. I don’t do that,’ but yet you told us in your interview, ‘It feels good to make them feel inadequate. I insult them. I humiliate them.’�
“I don’t know. I don’t know what you’re reading. I think you got the wrong card,� Kayo says, looking uncomfortable. He comes clean. “No, I have. I’ve done things to women that I am ashamed of, but at the same time, I’m not at that point where I want a relationship.� Kayo admits he’s not exactly upfront with women about not being interested in a relationship. “I’m going out, looking to have a good time right now. I’m not looking to settle down.�
Caroldean tells Kayo if he were open and honest about his position with women, he wouldn’t create insecurity in them.
Dr. Phil asks Caroldean, “Are you out there only looking for a long-term [relationship,] or do you ever do it just for fun?�
“I’m not looking for anything,� she says. “I mean, if it happens, great, and that would be my long-term goal, but I don’t go on the date and go, ‘Are you the one?’ and start planning the wedding.�
Emily adds, “If I date a guy, when I’m dating him, especially if it’s a first date or something, if I’m getting clues that they’re useless, I’m not going to go on a second date with them. There’s no need to continue wasting my time and theirs.�
“What makes him useless?� Christopher asks her.
“If we’re not clicking, if he doesn’t have a job, if he doesn’t pay for the meal,� she says. “So, apparently, you wouldn’t get a second date. You wouldn’t get a first date, actually, because I wouldn’t ask you out.�
Kayo thinks Emily is stereotyping all men.
“I don’t mean to. That’s not my intention because there are some decent ones out there,� she says. “I don’t think you would be one, but I think there are some decent guys out there. It’s just a matter of finding them.�
What’s offensive to your sensibilities about Kayo?� Dr. Phil asks Emily. “Because I could see you guys together.�
“I think she’s a beautiful girl, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I don’t think she’s very fond of me,� Kayo observes.
Emily answers Dr. Phil. “Well, first, that he puts women down. I mean, why do you have to do that? You shouldn’t have to run anyone down. There’s no reason for it. There’s no excuse to put anyone down.� Interesting, again, coming from a woman who puts guys like me down. But again, that’s okay.
“It’s joking with women, just having a good time,� Kayo replies.
And later he invites a married couple who couldn’t stand one another: Kaydee & Mike.
“I think I’m a good wife, and the only thing I’m asking in return is that my husband be a little romantic,� Kaydee says. “The first thing: flowers. I honestly can count on one hand the number of times in our six years of marriage that I’ve gotten flowers. Secondly, I never get any time for myself. I would like a break too sometimes. How about I get a girls’ night out? Another thing that he does: He doesn’t buy me anything. No birthday presents, no Valentine’s Day, no Mother’s Day, no anniversary. I mean, I don’t even get a card. Nothing!�
Kaydee takes the video camera into her husband’s office, recording him. “I’m doing something for the Dr. Phil show, about how unromantic you are in our relationship,� she says.
“Do you nag?� Dr. Phil asks Kaydee.
“All the time,� Mike interjects.
“I wouldn’t have to if he would do it spontaneously,� she says.
“That wasn’t the question,� Dr. Phil says.
“I don’t think I nag,� she says. “After my birthday, I’ll say, ‘It was my birthday. I didn’t get anything — ’�
“But leading up to your birthday, you’re like, ‘I need some cards. You’ve got to give me some flowers. My birthday’s coming up,’ but then it’s not spontaneous, so I can’t come home and surprise her,� Mike says. “And then she expects it, so I can’t be spontaneous.�
“So, you’re only not getting her presents and cards because she’s nagging you. If she didn’t do that, you’d be all over it. Is that the story you’re telling?� Dr. Phil asks Mike.
“Absolutely,� he says.
“I don’t think so,� Kaydee says.
“Why don’t you get her presents?� Dr. Phil asks. “I mean, seriously, if it’s not because she nags you, why do you not do it? You just don’t care about that kind of thing?�
“Maybe that’s it. Growing up, my dad was never into birthdays, or Father’s Day or Christmas. It wasn’t a big deal for him, and maybe I should realize that, for her, this is a big deal,� he admits.
Dr. Phil says he doesn't get what the big deal is with holidays sometimes, but Robin doesn't hesitate to remind him that it's important to her. “About two weeks before, Robin will come up to me and ‘OK, now, I just want to tell you, the most important day of the year to me is Groundhog Day,’� he jokes.
“Oh, my goodness, I’m sure you’ve gotten a sob story then,� he tells the camera. “If she wouldn’t nag as much about the flowers and the cards … It’s always ‘You never buy me flowers. I need my cards,’� he says in a mocking tone. “She never lets me be spontaneous, so I don’t know what she’s talking about.�
“He does know what I’m talking about, Dr. Phil. So, tell Dr. Phil you want his help, because you need his help!� Kaydee says behind the camera.
“Dr. Phil, I need your help, so that my wife can stop nagging,� he says.
Dr. Phil turns to Kaydee. “So, you want a present. You want an acknowledgment. You want some romance,� he summarizes.
“Yes,� Kaydee says
“So, are you romantic?� he asks her.
“I think so. Valentine’s Day, I cook dinner,� she says. “And the kids and I decorated the house last year for Valentine’s Day, and I cooked a steak dinner, so I think I try to do things that are romantic.�
“He says you don’t do your hair or spruce up, that you don’t clean the house up, that you don’t do anything that you used to do when you were dating. You just walk around and bitch,� Dr. Phil says.
“Well, I have four kids, all under the age of 6! So, I may not have time to do my hair and makeup — � she begins.
“And she wanted all of them,� Mike interjects. “I love my kids, but she made the choice to have them when we had them.�
Dr. Phil points to the family photo on a big screen behind them. “You just had them because she wanted them?�
“When we had them. The timing,� he clarifies.
“Boy, it must be really busy over at the sperm bank or something because apparently he had nothing to do with it,� Dr. Phil jokes.
Dr. Phil asked Kaydee and Mike to document on home video what annoys them about each other:
“It is 8:00. Daddy’s still in bed, and Mommy’s up with all the kids,� Kaydee says, aiming the camera at her husband, hiding under the covers.
“Here we are in my husband’s office, and he’ll take off his clothes and his socks and just leave them lying around in here,� she says, showing a pile of clothes on the floor.
Moving on to the bathroom, Kaydee says, “One of the things that bugs me is, I swear, he waits until I clean the bathrooms, and then he shaves, and he gets all these hairs on the counter.�
She continues, “I have to honestly say, housework is probably split up 95/5, if even that. I do everything, the cooking, the cleaning. He doesn’t take out the garbage. He can clearly see it is full — overflowing! He is also a slacker when it comes to his schoolwork. He’ll tell me that he’s coming back here to study, and is he studying? No. He’ll be playing Nintendo games on the computer; he’ll be looking at the sports pages. So, Dr. Phil, as you can see, we do have our little issues, and I know if there’s anybody who can help us, it’s you.�
Mike takes over the video camera. “Hey, Mike here. I think my wife gave you a little bit of a false sense of how things really are around here,� he says. He tours the kitchen. “We've still got dinner from last night on the stove, dishes in the sink. Look at all this stuff on the counter.� Mike points the camera to the floor. “See these diapers? My wife can’t seem to get them into the garbage can.�
He scans the living room, which is untidy with clothes and toys. “See, this is what I come home to, and I bet you right back in there, yes, we’ve got some diapers,� he says, zooming in to show a diaper between two pieces furniture. “The living room, which happens to be our entry way — We can’t have people come over because this is what they’d see.
“She has her way of doing things. I’ll load the dishwasher, and get it ready to run, but if she comes in and looks at it, and it’s not done right, she’ll take out the dishes and rearrange it,� Mike says. “I’ll come home, and the house is all a mess, and she’s been watching Dr. Phil. She records every episode, and then she’ll just sit down and watch them, and then nothing gets done in the house.�
“You say there’s no romance? Where would you romance?� Dr. Phil asks Kaydee and Mike.
“The house does not usually look like that, and he knows it,� Kaydee says.
“What about the diapers on the floor?� Dr. Phil asks.
“That’s so he’ll take out the garbage, because he actually has to pick them up and put them in the trash, so he knows when to empty it,� she says.
“Didn’t you tell me it ain’t working?�
“Yeah, it’s not working very well, but that’s my intention with it,� she says.
“Do y’all require enough of yourself? He asks in a Texas slain of his. Really, did you get married and get lazy? And I don’t mean lazy. You’ve got four kids. There’s nothing lazy about having four kids under 6,� Dr. Phil says, turning to the camera and speaking to his viewers, “so don’t write. I get that. Four kids. I get it.� He turns back to his guests and says, “But my point is, in the relationship department, I mean, have y’all just pushed everything aside?�
“I don’t think so,� Mike says. “Every day, I tell this woman that I love her. She is my queen. She is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and I’m glad that she chose to be with me. But, you know, I think you get married and things slow down, but I still love her. She’s amazing.�
Dr. Phil asks Kaydee, “OK, how’d he just do? That was kind of a card, wasn’t it?�
“That was good,� she says.
“I mean, let’s face it, the boy is on the Dr. Phil show, and the name of the show is ‘What’s Wrong with Men?’ and he still came. That’s like a huge card, right?�
“That is,� she admits.
Dr. Phil encourages Mike to get a babysitter and take his wife out for dinner. “And I’m talking about some place where you look down instead of up at the menu,� he says. Dr. Phil also notes that stay-at-home moms work the equivalent of two full-time jobs out in the marketplace.
“I believe that,� Mike says.
“So, you’ve got to help, because what women have told me over the years is what they call sexy is if he does something to make their day go better. He cleans the house. He does the dishes. He does something that makes their day go better, because they go, ‘Wow. What a gift he gave to me.’ And then maybe she has some energy to give some of that back, put a little something into the romance side of things,� Dr. Phil says.
He continues. “The biggest mistake you can make is when you start being moms and dads, and you stop being friends and lovers. And somehow or another, you’ve got to build a fence around your relationship and really court one another. I mean, take one another out. It’s hard to find a babysitter? It’s worth finding a babysitter. It’s worth going through the effort to do it, so you two can have some fun,� he tells the couple. He turns to Mike and says, “And let me tell you, she may nag, but she’s not asking a lot. A birthday card? Go by the grocery store, get some flowers, wrap them up, and bring them home. Come on, sweep her off her feet!"
In the end, Dr. Phil tells us the women and men are different and it’s supposed to be that way. You wouldn’t want to be with you? One who look like you, talks like you, and thinks like you. There should various differences.
And to be fair, Dr. Phil did dispel a few myths about men with facts, like men do not think about sex all the time. And the point that a married couple with children shouldn't sacrifice their romantic relationships for parenting is a good one.
Caroldean said, “I just think men don’t know how to treat a woman anymore. They don’t pick up the tab. They don’t plan the date. They kind of expect us to mother them and take care of them, and I think you treat your wife like a queen and then she, in turn, treats you like a king, and that’s how it should be,�
How would a man do that? And what criteria are there for a girlfriend or a female spouse to treat the men like patriarchs? Is it taking her out to restaurants and buying her useless greeting cards on a special holiday like Valentine’s Day one of those?
Now I’m not saying that we the men not buy anything to our love ones at all, a man could buy her a useful gift like a hat on her birthday, or for that matter any other day of the year. What gets me however is why I need to buy her stuff and never receive anything in return? What ever happened to equality here in America? And what is that tells you about the cultural mindset they have?
These women featured on the show is typical of the vast majority of women in the West (i.e. the United States) Though there are some women in Eastern countries who take and not give, to be quite fair. Nevertheless, it is the Western women in general who we see the materialism and spoiled mentality at its very worst. They’re entitlement queens who DEMAND that the men they date or marry pay for everything on them or force the men to become subservient to them with punishments and rewards the women impose. A wife for instance could deny sex or any affection to her husband, or force him to live in the doghouse if he fails to conform to her wants and wishes. It is almost never about 50-50, or what’s in it for the man.
Although there was some truth to “What’s wrong with men?�; whatever there’s a program where they have a bias agenda there is always a very small portion of truth. And there is some truth of what those self-proclaimed “jerks� said on stage. Nevertheless, the episode leaves me scratching my head.
For one thing, Dr. Phil never ask these women on stage to self-evaluate their feelings, their attitudes towards people in general let alone the men, their high standards. Nor did he ever suggest that they should have humility. Nor suggest they should stop going to nightclubs just to find dates. Nor did he suggest the women that they should alter their egos, or suggest to them that they should think outside the box and meet men outside their cliques; ones who are actually the "good guys". Nor would he even suggest that they should examine their shortcomings and not paint all men with the same prejudice brush, nor for them to stop treating all of us man like we're subhuman, if they expect even the good guy to be chivalrous toward her.
As Dave Chapell said, "Chivalry is dead, and women kill it!"
For all their talk of women’s issues, such as equality for all, it’s amazing to see on this show how unsatisfied still these women are. They would complain and complain that they couldn’t find any “good guys�, or that there are no good guys left to treat them right. Their standards are too high even for a good guy to fulfill. The feminist movement, along with the welfare state has brought the worst in women in America, let along all of us, and that's a damn shame.
What's wrong with men?
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