Can a whoremonger ever become a good husband/boyfriend?

[Winston]

Have you ever met a girl who you thought you probably did not deserve?
An intelligent girl with a strong spirit and a keen mind...one that you feel simply
brings out the best in you whenever you are around her...a girl who kept you in
your comfort zone as a matter of course...a girl with class and a touch of elegance...
a girl who would habitually surprise you with an upbeat attitude in the face of difficulty...
a girl who, if she were rich would still remember the poor...a girl who was a weaver in time...
who could find a heart cold and empty...and in time build her fires there in ways that surprised
a long traveled heart grown grey and cloudy with life's cares and fractures...a girl who be you 49
or 53 as I am, could suddenly make you feel like a school boy again in that unguarded moment...
a girl who would shock you as you realized how affections for her could go far beyond fading beauties of
youth...and in the meantime not really know just how totally beautiful she is...who works in the garden around
your house because she loves to do that...and standing there in a t-shirt and hair tied back...she is still drop-dead gorgeous...when you take her to her favorite restaurant you realize suddenly that you are no doubt the luckiest man
there...and their looks of envy confirm that thought...and when you tell her you feel so lucky to have her. she will
say, no, she is the lucky one...and when you go home...she practically rapes you in the living room...and she figures that your morning shower is just another chance to fulfill the "full service" clause...whose every instinct is to take your s
side in any conflict...who cannot imagine lovemaking as a "duty" and delights in keeping you perpetually sexually exhausted...and she still wants more...

Yes, I have met a few and they told me to f**k off. Such women are devilishly hard to find. And even if you find them, they may just tell you to go and f**k yourself.

All such girls that I have had a fortune to meet rejected me ( even if I was not whoring or doing anything else, they simply did not think I was worthy of them, they had too many suitors). I just think such girls are out of my league and not because I convinced myself so, but because in my 49 years on this planet I have not met any that would like me.

I have the same experience. No one is perfect, but I have met girls in the ball park that Nate describes, who are like angels and make me feel in love, that puppy dog love of your first crush. I've even met such types who had a lot in common with me too, who were intellectual, progressive and angels inside, and cute. But they just wanted to be friends and were not interested in dating me.

The girls attracted to me tend to be the ones that do not share my interests. The ones that share my interests only like me as a friend.

Murphy's law again.

[Hero]

Unfortunately, all the American women who I would marry are also way out of my league. But maybe my "league" would be better in another country?

The other big problem with getting married is that most nice girls want to have kids at some point. If I had to get married right now, I would choose a hot middle-aged MILF whose kids were already grown up. Of course, that's not the kind of woman I'd want to party with.

[SNS]

Have you ever met a girl who you thought you probably did not deserve?
An intelligent girl with a strong spirit and a keen mind...one that you feel simply
brings out the best in you whenever you are around her...a girl who kept you in
your comfort zone as a matter of course...a girl with class and a touch of elegance...
a girl who would habitually surprise you with an upbeat attitude in the face of difficulty...
a girl who, if she were rich would still remember the poor...a girl who was a weaver in time...
who could find a heart cold and empty...and in time build her fires there in ways that surprised
a long traveled heart grown grey and cloudy with life's cares and fractures...a girl who be you 49
or 53 as I am, could suddenly make you feel like a school boy again in that unguarded moment...
a girl who would shock you as you realized how affections for her could go far beyond fading beauties of
youth...and in the meantime not really know just how totally beautiful she is...who works in the garden around
your house because she loves to do that...and standing there in a t-shirt and hair tied back...she is still drop-dead gorgeous...when you take her to her favorite restaurant you realize suddenly that you are no doubt the luckiest man
there...and their looks of envy confirm that thought...and when you tell her you feel so lucky to have her. she will
say, no, she is the lucky one...and when you go home...she practically rapes you in the living room...and she figures that your morning shower is just another chance to fulfill the "full service" clause...whose every instinct is to take your s
side in any conflict...who cannot imagine lovemaking as a "duty" and delights in keeping you perpetually sexually exhausted...and she still wants more...

Yes, I have met a few and they told me to f**k off. Such women are devilishly hard to find. And even if you find them, they may just tell you to go and f**k yourself.

All such girls that I have had a fortune to meet rejected me ( even if I was not whoring or doing anything else, they simply did not think I was worthy of them, they had too many suitors). I just think such girls are out of my league and not because I convinced myself so, but because in my 49 years on this planet I have not met any that would like me.

Females see men simply as a means and nothing more. This may sound like a diss, but its not. If young boys were taught the true nature of women then they would grow up never getting disappointed. Females will always be on the prowl for the next Bigger and better Deal (BBD) The only time a woman claims to have found her true love and is dedicated to him is because she feels she cannot do any better than what she has got, pure and simple. This is why older chicks start changing their tune and become 'nice' not by choice but because they have to be. Older women simply cannot compete with the younger ones. it seems as if this is in the nature of things, albeit harsh nature.

But it is also worth looking at it from this perspective: imagine you meet a sweet pretty young thing and have the best times of your lives together, and you end up marrying her. Now you watch this sweet young girl turn into a fat nagging shrew, completely the opposite of what you signed up for when you got married. Again, this is nature playing a most dirty trick on you.

I think of times of previous gfs i had in my twenties. They were quite cute, some even pretty. I would not want to imagine what they look like now, nor would I be envious of the poor bastards who got suckered into marrying any of them.

I will say that a lot of my friends who are over age 35 and married with kids are envious of us guys who never went down that cuckhold path to enslavement. They would give anything to be in their 40s and footloose and fancy free. They know all too well, via personal experience that 'love' never lasts forever. It is something always fleeting and momentary, and never with just one women. In the final analysis its all about memories, and you will have a lot more pleasant memories by staying single and having the occasional fling with the Pretty Young Thing then if you were to limit yourself to being tied down and will be assured a lot of shit in your life that you could avoid by staying single.

PS - please note there are a few givens here: To have sane healthy romances in your life, stay the hell out of the USA or any other nation whose native language is English. Marriage anywhere in the world now no longer makes sense for men, and the temporary romances I speak of are best experienced outside the anglosphere.

[Nate]

Ladislav,
.
Have you ever met a girl who ..........

Well the list goes on and on...but about that time you may feel a fear of ever doing something so stupid

Respectfully Nate, I have to disagree with you in the sense that no such female that you described in your post exists. Your post reads like something from a mainstream men's magazine or other popular propaganda aimed at western men whose sole purpose is to keep the scam of marriage alive and well. What you describe is what one could define as the perfect girl, and damn, man, I also would like to have what you outlined. But I've been around the block and the globe to see it see that this not realistic.

Saturday- I too have been around the block and around the globe, and such girls are rare. I guess that was my point, most things worth having are rare, but I do know they exist at least more or less as I "Idealized".
If I were to look at my experiences in the USA, I would have to agree, that such girls do not exist. To the American guys here, I would say DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! YOU WILL BE BITTERLY DISAPPOINTED AND TOTALLY SCREWED!
The MacLife offered in the USA is not authentic, and authenticity is usually earned. Women in the USA are raised to function as facades without the soul.

I did however meet such a girl in Israel, and a similar one in Chile, and more recently, I met one in the Philippines, from Sulu, more or less right in the middle of bandit country. Quite predictably, she was raised with multiple brothers,
and is quite close to her father who is rather an exceptional man...watch for that detail guys...when you meet an exceptional girl, most likely you are seeing the rearing handiwork of an exceptional man...a man worth respecting.

But yes, there are worse things than one's own company....and a good concubine is way better than a bad wife.
That may be why in Latin America and much of Asia (and much of Europe too for that matter) the mistress serves
as a pressure relief device.

The opinion seems to emerge that some men have met similar girls but faced rejection. Like most men, I have experienced plenty of rejection...much like life itself. However, I doubt that the most desirable girls anything like
what I describe will be found hanging out in bars, so if one is really looking for the best, you have to live in the right places.

Some years back I remember meeting a girl in Bohol, Philippines, who was just such a catch. She was at the time
being courted by a German guy who was a bit of a playboy himself, and though he did not flaunt his wealth that much,
he was an heir to a chemical company fortune in Germany ( I heard he had about 50 million in a trust fund )
On one hand he saw this girl as a real catch, and on the other hand he did not want to give up his playboy ways that he could so easily afford. This girl would have been more than set for life with him, but to his surprise the turned him down flat, telling him she thought he was not willing to give up his playboy ways. At that point I thought is was my opportunity, and courted her myself, and in hindsight, screwed that up myself.

So years went by and a less than successful marriage too, and then I met such a girl again. She was working in a
bookstore in General Santos in Mindanao, and the description I offered above of "The Marrying Kind" just about was a based on who she is. Hard to find, but NEVER found in bars and not sold in stores! haha...but well worth finding.
That said, I cannot argue the point that a mistress is better than what most women would offer as wife...and
in any and all cases, if you are in the USA...GET YOUR PASSPORT AND FLEE THE COUNTRY IF YOU CAN!


Nate

[Jackal]

Hi Ladislav,

Why don't you go back to your roots? I mean live in a country that has a large Russian expat population and find a nice Russian girl there. Maybe your problems come from you feeling rootless and without a true home. If you feel this way, all countries just feel like Disneyland/Las Vegas so nothing seems to matter and you just act out your impulses without thinking ahead.

Where are you living now? You've been in Arab countries for a long time and that couldn't have been good for your love life. You seem to have expressed an interest in the Baltic countries. Why not give those a try?

[robincolorado]

And I seriously doubt that going back to his roots will help in finding his true love. From what I know about Ladislav, he has already travelled extensively and pretty much knows the complexities of women from many cultures. From that point of view I think one knows what best fits with his own chemistry. I too ask the question, "How much older?..." I am 54 and still looking for that mix of homemaker, whore and soul-mate. The only answer I have at this point is that to find ones true "soul-mate" is a long and arduous task or journey. I am beginning to wonder how many times that actually comes true in life. Many men get married to a woman for the comfort of having a home and family but they succome to a life of part-time missery by being attached to someone who constantly nags at all their imperfections. Eventually the man realizes that it was not the "match made in heaven" he had hoped for at some point in his life. Many men stay in these situations until the kids leave home. In these situations some men leave sooner, some leave later, and some never leave; they just die. So goes the story of life and being committed to having a dream about one day meeting a partner who will forever "feed" your spirit and soul (and physical needs as well) and you "feed" hers as well. I am committed to the thought that their are "twin souls" out there somewhere. The matter of actually finding ones "twin-soul" is something I am still wondering about. Ladislav, your story rings true for so many men, I am sure. This includes myself. I think there are men in this life who are "free spirits" and perpetually seek a truth for themselves that is an illusive journey. Kind of like Don Quixote in his persuit of windmills. I think it is even harder for those of us who find ourselves on this type of journey to "settle down" if you will. I think it is also difficult for us to bring that "one" into our lives who will not make us feel as though we have settled for less than what we set out to find in the beginning. In my own opinion, I think we actually are looking for the woman who not only feeds our spirit and soul, but one that has that abillity to play the whore we seem to be so tempted by and attracted to. I think the other thing to keep in mind here is how a woman's psyche changes once she has "captured" the man, who she thinks she can now tame into being the husband/partner she always dreamed about. I guess in short it has a lot to do with our expectations in life and how badly we wish those expectations to be met on both sides of the gender coin. My personal opinion at this point in time, (which may change tomorrow) is to go in with no certain expectations and then if what develops does not feed your soul, it is then time to take a different path. In many cases and situations that is a difficult decision to make. I have experienced some of the same stuff you are going through my friend, so know that you are not alone. All I know is to keep on searching, keep committed and true to yourself, and never give up or give in or settle for less than you deserve. Perhaps your "true soul-mate" is very close and you just don't know it yet. Like the woman in the Mindanao bookstore that Nate describes.

I just read Nate's comments and I have to whole heartedly agree with him when it comes to the typical American woman and it seems he too has a bit of wisdom as a result of his travels. In fact I agree with all of what Nate offers here in sharing his wisdom. I agree, "A good concubine is way better than a bad wife". I think that there are, quite possibly, some men who are just not meant to be with one woman or need to seek out some sort of alternative arrangement with a woman. (an open relationship of sorts) In an open relationship though, what goes for the goose is also fair for the gander. Most men and woman cannot get past that point in an open relationship as jealousy lies shallow beneath the surface and some men just do not get off on knowing their woman has recently been with another man. There is probably a cultural and much deeper reasoning behind why most Filipino men have several wives and families.

As to Jackal's comments of going back to your roots; I personally have found this does not work. I am of Eastern European decent. I have always been attracted to Asian woman. So who do I seek out by "going back to my roots", but a Russian woman. Bad idea!! I repeat, bad idea!! If I was to find that one Russian woman who was actually a "soul-mate" perhaps it might have turned out differently. However, in my situation we were like oil and water. I have a buddy who now lives in the Ukraine and he has seen a lot of the traits in women there that I have described to him from my own foible of a relationship. And I am sure Ladislav knows what I am referring to: headstrong women who want to rule the roost and basically want a slave for a husband. I think that for me I am not going to even approach the word "marriage" from now on. At 54, if I find a "partner" who wants to share my journey for the foreseeable future, then so be it. If not, I will be relegated to exploring foreign lands and the fruits that come with those travels. And yes that may leave an emptiness in my soul, but I would rather be alone and "reasonably happy" than with someone and miserable for many years. And then there is that one thing that Nate speaks briefly about; Money and the men with the most money seem to have the pick of the litter. It is gratifying to hear Nate's story about how a Filipina decided that money was not enough, however, she too was not willing to put up with a "playboy" for a life-mate.

One just has to be happy in life and keep that in mind before getting too committed to a situation. Each culture has it's own set of ideosyncrasies that are attached to the female gender. Well I am out of thoughts for this round, but those are some of my ramblings.

[Shokkers]

I rejected marriage as soon as I learned the root of the word HUSBAND is "House-Bound".

I expect that an army of other men are rejecting the institution as well.

The benefits of marriage are less depression, a longer lifespan, a better immune system, and more success in the workplace. Ostensibly married men have more sex, albeit with the same person...but this presumes their partner is always up for it.

Ladislav seems basically polyamorous. He ought to google Polyamory and find some groups in his area, and/or start one, or at least introduce his partners to the concept. That way you have both variety, and consistent lovers.

Best, KK

[ladislav]

I could not go back to those countries for political reasons for a long long time. I was a draft dodger, you see. Then they had a visa regime that was a headache so I headed for the Philippines.
In Russian communities in the US, there are more men than women and the women also often prefer to marry out and marry 'real' Americans- guys established with big cars and a lot of money. Plus there is also an age problem. In the Philippines the age of a man does not matter. Same in all SE Asian countries. With the Russians, and the like, age does matter. One Lithuanian girl I was fond of told me I was too old for her even though I do not look as old.
Still, I am making inroads, but not with Russian girls- mainly Ukrainians ( yes, they are a different nationality and culture, believe it or not)- these are easier to date because no visa is required and you can just fly into the country and stay there for three months with no one giving a hoot about you. In Russia, you need to register, the cops stop you and ask for documents, there is a bit of chauvinism and I was already told that I did not have a Russian world view ( in a reproachful way). My roots my a$$.

But again, the above is really not the point. We have gone off the tangent. I am not talking about the nationalities and places and all. I am simply asking if after years ( no almost two decades) of carousing in SE Asia and being used to the company of several 18-22 year olds while at the same time yearning for true love and not being able to reconcile the two, if the whole thing would be possible.

Courting nice Ukrainian girls takes time. Inspite of my age I have found some 18-23 who want to see me already and go out with me. And they are very beautiful, I must say. Refined, nice conversationalists. But if I fall in love with one of them, I will, after a few months, hear the siren call again and sleepwalk towards the bars in AC or BKK. The bar lights flashing. The disco ball, the naked thighs... The wild nights of me with several young ladies doing the unspoken, the unthinkable... Oh!

[ladislav]

\
Ladislav seems basically polyamorous. He ought to google Polyamory and find some groups in his area, and/or start one, or at least introduce his partners to the concept. That way you have both variety, and consistent lovers.

Best, KK

Great advice. But I do not want my women to be polyandrous, though. I guess what I need is a lot of money and have several concubines and kids with them and be upfront with them about the whole thing and tell them that I need to carouse once in while, or not tell them at all.

And I have been doing that albeit in a much smaller scale.

And I am shocked to admit that this polyamoury is so natural to me. Simultaneous physical activities with many female partners is another totally natural thing and when I experienced it for the first time it was like- oh, that is the perfect situation. That is what I have been missing! Then, a few ladies in apartments here and there, a main squeeze on a pedestal, all bankrolled by me and not saying one insolent word because I will cut the financial lifeline if they do.

I am appalled at what I really want. But the desire comes from my genetic make up and I cannot hide it. i can be intellectual and kind but the urge is very strong and I will have a chip on my shoulder if I do not fulfill it.

But a monogamous husband settling down with one? I guess it would not be possible at all.

[Hero]

This discussion reminds me of something I read in the Bible (Matthew, Chapter 19). Not that Jesus condones sleeping around, of course.

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

[gits]

Back in my 20ies I failed to find my true love so instead I waited until I was 30 and left for Japan. There, also, I failed to find the one that I loved and who would love me in return. The seething frustration and rancor resulting from many unrequited loves led me to Bangkok where all this pent up energy became released in wild whoring that lasted for years. Then when I met a girl I loved I had already been spoiled. The bright lights of the red light districts, after a few months, beaconed me with their siren call. My legs took a life of their own and headed for the bars, the go go girls, the mama sans and the pimps again. The relationship soured and did not work out. The same thing happened later at some other point in time. After the buzz of true love passed and things settled in, the call of the wild began resounding in my head again "Come, come back to mama!"We've been waiting for you!" I tried to fight it but could not. I tried to replace it with porn but could not. I would wail like a wolf and then all hell broke loose. I was back in bars dancing and carousing.
Should I even try to find true love or am I forever destined to mope about whore districts, always in company of 18-23 year old girls, never growing old together? No kids, just fooling nature? When I am in bars I yearn for the purity and the clean blue fire of innocent true love, when I find it, I yearn for the drumbeat of the bars.
Any thoughts on this?

I know that's some excellent writing. You should write a book Ladislav.

[ladislav]

Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

No such word has been given to me. Now that it has been through you, I would like to plead my case as a person afflicted by an acute case of polyamoury and thus, totally unable to keep the precept. That and the fact that I am not a Christian should free me from responsibility.

[ladislav]

I know that's some excellent writing. You should write a book Ladislav.

Paper books are a b*tch to publish and market. That is why I have

http://truthfulinsights.blogspot.com

and you can PM me for the URL of my poems. All online.

[SNS]

And I seriously doubt that going back to his roots will help in finding his true love. From what I know about Ladislav, he has already travelled extensively and pretty much knows the complexities of women from many cultures. From that point of view I think one knows what best fits with his own chemistry. I too ask the question, "How much older?..." I am 54 and still looking for that mix of homemaker, whore and soul-mate. The only answer I have at this point is that to find ones true "soul-mate" is a long and arduous task or journey. I am beginning to wonder how many times that actually comes true in life. Many men get married to a woman for the comfort of having a home and family but they succome to a life of part-time missery by being attached to someone who constantly nags at all their imperfections. Eventually the man realizes that it was not the "match made in heaven" he had hoped for at some point in his life. Many men stay in these situations until the kids leave home. In these situations some men leave sooner, some leave later, and some never leave; they just die. So goes the story of life and being committed to having a dream about one day meeting a partner who will forever "feed" your spirit and soul (and physical needs as well) and you "feed" hers as well. I am committed to the thought that their are "twin souls" out there somewhere. The matter of actually finding ones "twin-soul" is something I am still wondering about. Ladislav, your story rings true for so many men, I am sure. This includes myself. I think there are men in this life who are "free spirits" and perpetually seek a truth for themselves that is an illusive journey. Kind of like Don Quixote in his persuit of windmills. I think it is even harder for those of us who find ourselves on this type of journey to "settle down" if you will. I think it is also difficult for us to bring that "one" into our lives who will not make us feel as though we have settled for less than what we set out to find in the beginning. In my own opinion, I think we actually are looking for the woman who not only feeds our spirit and soul, but one that has that abillity to play the whore we seem to be so tempted by and attracted to. I think the other thing to keep in mind here is how a woman's psyche changes once she has "captured" the man, who she thinks she can now tame into being the husband/partner she always dreamed about. I guess in short it has a lot to do with our expectations in life and how badly we wish those expectations to be met on both sides of the gender coin. My personal opinion at this point in time, (which may change tomorrow) is to go in with no certain expectations and then if what develops does not feed your soul, it is then time to take a different path. In many cases and situations that is a difficult decision to make. I have experienced some of the same stuff you are going through my friend, so know that you are not alone. All I know is to keep on searching, keep committed and true to yourself, and never give up or give in or settle for less than you deserve. Perhaps your "true soul-mate" is very close and you just don't know it yet. Like the woman in the Mindanao bookstore that Nate describes.

I just read Nate's comments and I have to whole heartedly agree with him when it comes to the typical American woman and it seems he too has a bit of wisdom as a result of his travels. In fact I agree with all of what Nate offers here in sharing his wisdom. I agree, "A good concubine is way better than a bad wife". I think that there are, quite possibly, some men who are just not meant to be with one woman or need to seek out some sort of alternative arrangement with a woman. (an open relationship of sorts) In an open relationship though, what goes for the goose is also fair for the gander. Most men and woman cannot get past that point in an open relationship as jealousy lies shallow beneath the surface and some men just do not get off on knowing their woman has recently been with another man. There is probably a cultural and much deeper reasoning behind why most Filipino men have several wives and families.

As to Jackal's comments of going back to your roots; I personally have found this does not work. I am of Eastern European decent. I have always been attracted to Asian woman. So who do I seek out by "going back to my roots", but a Russian woman. Bad idea!! I repeat, bad idea!! If I was to find that one Russian woman who was actually a "soul-mate" perhaps it might have turned out differently. However, in my situation we were like oil and water. I have a buddy who now lives in the Ukraine and he has seen a lot of the traits in women there that I have described to him from my own foible of a relationship. And I am sure Ladislav knows what I am referring to: headstrong women who want to rule the roost and basically want a slave for a husband. I think that for me I am not going to even approach the word "marriage" from now on. At 54, if I find a "partner" who wants to share my journey for the foreseeable future, then so be it. If not, I will be relegated to exploring foreign lands and the fruits that come with those travels. And yes that may leave an emptiness in my soul, but I would rather be alone and "reasonably happy" than with someone and miserable for many years. And then there is that one thing that Nate speaks briefly about; Money and the men with the most money seem to have the pick of the litter. It is gratifying to hear Nate's story about how a Filipina decided that money was not enough, however, she too was not willing to put up with a "playboy" for a life-mate.

One just has to be happy in life and keep that in mind before getting too committed to a situation. Each culture has it's own set of ideosyncrasies that are attached to the female gender. Well I am out of thoughts for this round, but those are some of my ramblings.

I have to say Robin you got some very good insight. There are many things i can relate to in your post.

[momopi]

I know that's some excellent writing. You should write a book Ladislav.

Paper books are a b*tch to publish and market. That is why I have

http://truthfulinsights.blogspot.com

and you can PM me for the URL of my poems. All online.

Ack, paper books are in the past. We're in the e-book and e-book reader era.

I publish cook books on Apple iTunes for iPhone and iPod Touch. You can publish your book for Amazon's Kindle. If you need a good editor or ghost writer to piece your writings together, you can hire one on getafreelancer.com.