Can a whoremonger ever become a good husband/boyfriend?

[ladislav]

Back in my 20ies I failed to find my true love so instead I waited until I was 30 and left for Japan. There, also, I failed to find the one that I loved and who would love me in return. The seething frustration and rancor resulting from many unrequited loves led me to Bangkok where all this pent up energy became released in wild whoring that lasted for years. Then when I met a girl I loved I had already been spoiled. The bright lights of the red light districts, after a few months, beaconed me with their siren call. My legs took a life of their own and headed for the bars, the go go girls, the mama sans and the pimps again. The relationship soured and did not work out. The same thing happened later at some other point in time. After the buzz of true love passed and things settled in, the call of the wild began resounding in my head again "Come, come back to mama!"We've been waiting for you!" I tried to fight it but could not. I tried to replace it with porn but could not. I would wail like a wolf and then all hell broke loose. I was back in bars dancing and carousing.
Should I even try to find true love or am I forever destined to mope about whore districts, always in company of 18-23 year old girls, never growing old together? No kids, just fooling nature? When I am in bars I yearn for the purity and the clean blue fire of innocent true love, when I find it, I yearn for the drumbeat of the bars.
Any thoughts on this?

[Winston]

Wow those are the same questions I'm asking myself. I guess the grass is greener on the other side. Some things do not have a win-win solution, and this is one of them.

You can have multiple girlfriends that each have a loving consistent relationship with you.

Or another way is to have a loving stable relationship and then sneak out to bars on the side without letting your partner know about it. But that's risky and most women eventually find out.

Or you can just forever alternate between the two.

[Hero]

Maybe when you're older, you'll get over your desire for la vida loca and it won't be so hard for you to settle down.

[ladislav]

How much older? I am already 49. The urge for sex is not as strong but the urge for variety is stronger than ever.
A walk around bars in AC and Bangkok shows that there are more guys who are old, gray and decrepit than younger ones. Some people become ever hornier with age.

[Nate]

Ladislav,

Have you found an answer to your question? Your question seemed sincere, but I doubt you will find
what you are looking for in context of a forum. I could express my thought on that privately, but I would be
reluctant to parade those same thoughts for the peanut gallery....

Nate

[Hero]

The problem with marriage is that the man loses his freedom. I mean, a married man can't just quit his job if he gets fed up, or take a trip around the world on a whim.

[ladislav]

Ladislav,

Have you found an answer to your question? Your question seemed sincere, but I doubt you will find
what you are looking for in context of a forum. I could express my thought on that privately, but I would be
reluctant to parade those same thoughts for the peanut gallery....

Nate

Not really. It is still an open question. If I ask myself the same question, then the answer would be this:
Yes he can provided:
1) he has enough money to maintain his wife/gf and an agreeable enough gf/wife who looks the other way in exchange for regular remittances/care.
2) he should play discreetly and not parade around town with his other girls. he should learn to juggle.
3) he should have a cluster of relationship with the main squeeze ( who does not mind and who says that as long as it is not in everyone's face, it is OK)
4) he should play as far from the main squeeze's home as possible.
5) he should really think hard if he can ( or try to) fall in love.
It is all iffy, shifty, unstable, fallible, ephemeral and needs to be managed with extreme care.
But whoring alone is so boring. Just as boring as true love gets after a while.

[momopi]

What do YOU want?

If you want something bad enough, you'll pay the price to get it (if you can afford it). If you don't care for it, you wouldn't bother even if it's free.

My ex-GF in Taiwan is a "grass type" and she once told me that you need 3 things in life when you're old:

1) an old spouse who grew old with you and will take care of you
2) old friends who grew old with you, and won't ask "who the hell is Britney Spears?"
3) old money, which you keep from your kids, least they squander it.


Is the above 3 things important to you? If not, then make your own list of 3 things that's important to you.

[Winston]

Ladislav,

Have you found an answer to your question? Your question seemed sincere, but I doubt you will find
what you are looking for in context of a forum. I could express my thought on that privately, but I would be
reluctant to parade those same thoughts for the peanut gallery....

Nate

Come on Nate. Share your thoughts. You are anonymous here, so what do you have to lose. You know that this is a brutally honest forum anyway.

[Winston]

Not really. It is still an open question. If I ask myself the same question, then the answer would be this:
Yes he can provided:
1) he has enough money to maintain his wife/gf and an agreeable enough gf/wife who looks the other way in exchange for regular remittances/care.
2) he should play discreetly and not parade around town with his other girls. he should learn to juggle.
3) he should have a cluster of relationship with the main squeeze ( who does not mind and who says that as long as it is not in everyone's face, it is OK)
4) he should play as far from the main squeeze's home as possible.
5) he should really think hard if he can ( or try to) fall in love.
It is all iffy, shifty, unstable, fallible, ephemeral and needs to be managed with extreme care.
But whoring alone is so boring. Just as boring as true love gets after a while.

Logically there is no win-win solution, since this is an irreconcilable conflict in most cases.

Most women will not accept payment in exchange for letting you screw around. And even if they did, they would be unhappy about it deep down, thus the quality of her relationship with you will be undermined.

Even if you do it secretly and get away with it, her "higher self", intuition or sixth sense will feel it. She will subconsciously know, sense a "rift" in the energy field between you and her, so to speak. That also creates bad karma and leads to negative effects in the relationship as well.

There are women who are open with relationships and believe in having multiple partners, but they are few and usually found in hippie camps. Such types of women are probably not that attractive anyway.

Or you can have a series of dating relationships with short term love, and when you get tired of her, just gradually "drift away" until she gets the hint. That will work most of the time since most girls you meet will only have short term chemistry with you, not long term chemistry. Most of the time, after the infatuation wears off there will not be much there. Problem is that if a girl is serious about you, she will become attached and expect monogamy.

There is no perfect solution. You just gotta "ride the wave" sometimes.

[SNS]

My 2 cents here:

I think that marriage is a scam for men.

We have been fed a lot of bullshit by Disney. The happier ever-after, true love.... sorry to say it but its all crap.

I am beginning to suspect is love is always a moment, a series of moments or finite period to be enjoyed. Then it goes.

I have never been into being a player, I prefer quality over quantity. I do know one friend who had a lot of chicks and he said to me that when a man spends a lot of time with a lot of women, he learns that life is more fulfilling without them. its weird. This is why it seems that if a man gets married he is somehow desperate, or too weak to carry on without a surrogate 'mommy' to be there for him. i recall seeing a painting one time, a symbolic abstract of sorts. The key component of the piece was a sheet of paper that had written note that stated: "Honey, I don't love you, I married you because I am weak. Sorry."

In this day and age I know of senior couples who have been married since the late 14th Century who call it quits.

I am not sure what the answer is, but not sure if the age old tradition of settling down is in fact something natural.

[womanizing_whorechaser]

Hi first post here. I saw the OP so I had to chime in.. I'm kinda in the same boat myself as I am supposed to get married next year but I go on sex vacations overseas and I've been doing it for years now. My problem is I've already found the "right" girl, we've known each other more than 10 years. And she is a good person with all the right traits an American man would want in a wife. Problem is, I like chasing p***y too much! . Honestly I dont know WTF I should do since I like my freedom and dont want to give it up. The clock's ticking and I gotta make a decision soon

[Nate]

Ladislav,

I have been prodded into expressing my opinion (all 2cents worth!).
You want to be a BF/husband it seems. Now some here have all kinds of
negative things to say about love and marriage, and may do that institution
a favor by staying away from it. After all, the world has balance...whores need
customers...and whatever floats their boat, more power to them...or if they want to
die in bed at 80 with their 143rd short time GF...it's not any of my business...
Have you ever met a girl who you thought you probably did not deserve?
An intelligent girl with a strong spirit and a keen mind...one that you feel simply
brings out the best in you whenever you are around her...a girl who kept you in
your comfort zone as a matter of course...a girl with class and a touch of elegance...
a girl who would habitually surprise you with an upbeat attitude in the face of difficulty...
a girl who, if she were rich would still remember the poor...a girl who was a weaver in time...
who could find a heart cold and empty...and in time build her fires there in ways that surprised
a long traveled heart grown grey and cloudy with life's cares and fractures...a girl who be you 49
or 53 as I am, could suddenly make you feel like a school boy again in that unguarded moment...
a girl who would shock you as you realized how affections for her could go far beyond fading beauties of
youth...and in the meantime not really know just how totally beautiful she is...who works in the garden around
your house because she loves to do that...and standing there in a t-shirt and hair tied back...she is still drop-dead gorgeous...when you take her to her favorite restaurant you realize suddenly that you are no doubt the luckiest man
there...and their looks of envy confirm that thought...and when you tell her you feel so lucky to have her. she will
say, no, she is the lucky one...and when you go home...she practically rapes you in the living room...and she figures that your morning shower is just another chance to fulfill the "full service" clause...whose every instinct is to take your s
side in any conflict...who cannot imagine lovemaking as a "duty" and delights in keeping you perpetually sexually exhausted...and she still wants more...

Well the list goes on and on...but about that time you may feel a fear of ever doing something so stupid
as letting her go...and you can hardly believe your luck...
Well for my own part, I say I should be ahead and marry the girl!


Nate
PS...Don't worry, find a girl like I describe above...and you are at all cut out to be a BF/Husband...those instincts will be in full bloom at that point...
...and in NO case allow a marriage to take place in the BS culture of the USA!!! In that context, yes, marriage is certainly a scam...my 85 year-old father recently described marriage in the USA from the AW perspective:
"You and I live together and if it does not work out, I get to keep all your stuff!" RUN!

[SNS]

Ladislav,
.
Have you ever met a girl who ..........

Well the list goes on and on...but about that time you may feel a fear of ever doing something so stupid

Respectfully Nate, I have to disagree with you in the sense that no such female that you described in your post exists. Your post reads like something from a mainstream men's magazine or other popular propaganda aimed at western men whose sole purpose is to keep the scam of marriage alive and well. What you describe is what one could define as the perfect girl, and damn, man, I also would like to have what you outlined. But I've been around the block and the globe to see it see that this not realistic.

[ladislav]

Have you ever met a girl who you thought you probably did not deserve?
An intelligent girl with a strong spirit and a keen mind...one that you feel simply
brings out the best in you whenever you are around her...a girl who kept you in
your comfort zone as a matter of course...a girl with class and a touch of elegance...
a girl who would habitually surprise you with an upbeat attitude in the face of difficulty...
a girl who, if she were rich would still remember the poor...a girl who was a weaver in time...
who could find a heart cold and empty...and in time build her fires there in ways that surprised
a long traveled heart grown grey and cloudy with life's cares and fractures...a girl who be you 49
or 53 as I am, could suddenly make you feel like a school boy again in that unguarded moment...
a girl who would shock you as you realized how affections for her could go far beyond fading beauties of
youth...and in the meantime not really know just how totally beautiful she is...who works in the garden around
your house because she loves to do that...and standing there in a t-shirt and hair tied back...she is still drop-dead gorgeous...when you take her to her favorite restaurant you realize suddenly that you are no doubt the luckiest man
there...and their looks of envy confirm that thought...and when you tell her you feel so lucky to have her. she will
say, no, she is the lucky one...and when you go home...she practically rapes you in the living room...and she figures that your morning shower is just another chance to fulfill the "full service" clause...whose every instinct is to take your s
side in any conflict...who cannot imagine lovemaking as a "duty" and delights in keeping you perpetually sexually exhausted...and she still wants more...

Yes, I have met a few and they told me to f**k off. Such women are devilishly hard to find. And even if you find them, they may just tell you to go and f**k yourself.

All such girls that I have had a fortune to meet rejected me ( even if I was not whoring or doing anything else, they simply did not think I was worthy of them, they had too many suitors). I just think such girls are out of my league and not because I convinced myself so, but because in my 49 years on this planet I have not met any that would like me.