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I have heard this advice several times and I do not what to make of it. Some people believe in some strange metaphysical/phychic/ spiritual laws of having to let go and let things happen and if you insist on pursuing thing such as love and luck( hold on to them mentally) , they will evade you but if you do not, well, they will find you. How true do you think that belief is?
Love will alight on your shoulder when you least expect it.
Don't chase love, let it find you naturally.
In my experience, yes, sometimes things happened when I least expected them, sometimes they happened when I pursued them. I do not really know what to think of this whole philosophy because some people I know take it for a gospel. They even teach their kids those things.
How true do you think this is? For example, in search of jobs we are encouraged to pursue and apply and prepare resumes and go on interviews, but in the case of love, we are taught by many very intelligent and well meaning people to let go and stop trying. Did it work for you?
Another thing is we are taught two conflicting things 1) The unexpected always happens 2) Things happen because you expect them to happen and thus bring on bad influence/karma/ events or good events and happenings upon yourself.
So, which one should we believe? My experience is that it happens kind of sporadically both ways and sometimes what I expect does not happen and sometimes , it does. Sometimes totally weird and unexpected events happen.
For example, earthquakes, a blackout in Brazil, accidents or the shootout at Ford Hood- did these happen because we expected them to happen? I think not. They happened sporadically and as a big shock. At the same time we are taught that if we harbor dark thoughts ( or light thoughts) they become our reality. How do you reconcile these two?
And especially the thing about not expecting love to happen. Sure does not work in Saudi Arabia or America for me. I expect- it does not happen, I do not expect- it does not happen. WTF???
Any thoughts on the above?
My personal philosophy is to pursue things because I have noticed that few things ( good ones) happen to me. Including love.
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
Some Asians believe in Yuanfen, which is basically candy-wrapped fatalism:
As a data analyst I look at historical trends, and as a fisherman I wait for the lucky strike. Some would say that it's a numbers game where you place yourself in situations where you meet the greatest number of women to find the one that you want, others would say that dating a lot of girls doesn't make that one important relationship better. Relationships are one of those things where a 16 year old could very possibly have a better and more fulfilling first time BF/GF relationship than a 40 year old who has dated over a hundred women.
How true gmm567! However, perhaps there is truth in the theory of "positive thinking." You attract what you think about. However, I believe you also need to try and meet women because a woman is not just going to knock on your door one day and say, "I heard you were looking to meet a woman."
I would disagree with the theory of letting love/women find you and take the scientific route. In this I mean eighter taking the statistical approach with numbers while your being the judge if you match up with girl good or not......or narrowing down your pool of personalities with good parameters and software.
Probably one of the most important things a man can do in his life is know thyself. The myer-briggs, stong inventory and a few other good basic personality/career tests will point you in the right direction where you will be appreciated and accepted for your strenghts (career) and steer you toward the right people to associate with in life. I have found myself in jobs that I absolutely hated and have also tried to maintain or grow friendships with people that had oppostite personalites..and I can attest it sucked.
So I guess for a manual game-plan I would get my personality on paper that's derived from serious tests and just knowing yourself...and then list or map out your close to perfect woman so as to know what your looking for. An idea might be looking for women employed in simliar career fields that match your personality. The other approach would be using the few personality matching software services such as eharmony.com. I've heard they are looking at expanding into China.
I have john t reeds book where he explains his dating system he used back when he was at west point. He advocates that you should date somewhere between 100-300 women before marrying and that people actually spend more effort shopping for a used car rather than a spouse. Anyhow, his system which is now a little outdated consisted of a letter of interest along with photo copies of his drivers license and west point id on the back. He states in his letter that he will call on a certain day to plan details if they are intrested. He would mail like 10 letters a week and get a response rate of like 30-50% and sometimes greater. His week would be chalked full of dates as his buddy and partner would also be scheduling about a women a night with a few scheduling goof-ups
After dating hundreds of women (he talkes about one that was some beauty pagent queen) he settled for the chick that he was tired of and dumped because she refused to commit ...and she called him back 3 months later. He mentioned that their where times in his marriage when she would not compromise and would be acting up... as he would catch himself motioning to the bullpen with ease for a new date, but realized he was married>>>Funny!
Finally, Reed wrote about using the computer as a good idea for matching, but added that people liying on thier profiles makes it tough.
I think it's different for everyone. Some people find their mate by not trying and letting it happen "naturally" (through introductions from friends and coworkers, or by chance meetings) and others by working hard to find one. You just have to do both and see which works for you. There is no one general rule that applies to everyone and everything.
My meyers briggs personality is half INFJ and ENFJ. You can take the test online here:
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"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
Using online dating services for a man is a complete waste of time. Anybody who tells you otherwise is giving you complete disinformation. I never used such a service because I have a lot of friends who have and the horror stories I could tell you... Total loser chicks are to be found there, and if you do find a chick she will think you are a loser because you used an online service to meet women. Think about it: Women can simply go anywhere and she will get hit on by any guy in Femerikka. She could even be a pig and she will still get hit on. She would not retreat to the internet unless she had to. A lot of chicks just set up accounts never intending to respond to men, they only do so to enjoy all the attention and stroking of guys online who approach her. She does this simply to feed her ego.
I do not believe in this attract-things-in-your-life-by-will because it implies that all bad shit that happens to you, that you deserved it because somehow you willed it into your life. Thats bullshit. Everyone has bad luck from time to time, pure and simple. I had a conversation about this with a colleague of mine who believes that everything happens because you will it to be so. He even stated that women who get raped did so because they willed it. Thats just sick IMHO.
I will agree with whomever stated God helps those who helps themselves because things happen more so by taking action is what prompts situations and luck to come your way.
I agree with the second part, but with the first part only if you are talking about the US and other anglosphere countries.
I used online dating while in the Philippines and went out with oodles of very very pretty girls. Same with these Russophone sites: these girls are in countries where good guys are hard to find and they do respond and ask you when you will be coming. Not as good a response as the one I get from Pinay gals, but still not bad. I now have several gals in Ukraine who are waiting for me to visit them. And they seem like decent gals-I speak the language there as well as in the Philippines and it does help. But in the US, it is a different story. Both the guys and the gals who use dating services have some weird issues. The only weird issue that the Filipinas and E.Euro gals have ( bar the scam sites aimed at foreigners) is lack of money and lack of decent guys who make some normal salaries and who do not drink and womanize like a bunch of sailors- an endemic problem in those countries.
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
How true! In the US interenet dating is for losers! At least the women who use it are losers, fat, ugly, single mothers and women with horrible personalities. I have never heard anyone say anything positive about internet dating. Dating experts have also said, internet dating doesn't work and only attracts losers, fatties, freaks and geeks of all strips! No one in their right mind would actually log on and lose their dignity to try and meet somebody. It's totally pathetic!
I love what dating expert Don Steele said about internet dating, "your not going to find any normal people on the internet, if the person was normal, they wouldn't be using the interent." LOL
Well, not all the women on the internet are losers; some are gorgeous but their standards are absurdly high, so they think they can just go shopping on the internet for a perfect guy. I think normal people will try the internet for a while, but they get scared off by all the freaks within a month.
And it's ridiculous to try to find love by doing nothing, at least in this country. You can end up wasting a lot of years of your life by doing that.
One of the faults of the American culture is that it teaches that any person can achieve anything he/she desires and if he/she does not, he/she is a loser because all resources are available (in the US) and all you have to do is reach out and go for it. On the one hand, it is a good philosophy and the US has produced great achievers but people also need to stop having unrealistic expectations. But the girls are taught that they deserve the perfect guy, and the guys are also told they deserve the perfect girl. And the best job and they all can be Hollywood stars.
All people cannot be on top having everything. There is only so much for everyone in one country. The resources are finite. That is why you need to scoop out some of them from other countries but that is never taught. Companies have been doing it all the time, but love has to be restricted to America only. Those fat blobs can get the perfect guy if they went to Arab and African countries but many are not willing to do so. Again the US, they say, has everything.
Russian and Filipinas are smarter- they explore the vast US market of lonely men and marry them all the time. Amerikan women do not. They want an all American boy.
Incidentally google :" all American boys" and you will see mainly gay posters ( lol). Those women have some competition and not from women.
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
I respectfully disagree. American women do not want an all American boy. What the females in the USA want are violent thugs who will choke them half to death while being f***ed. They want a man who will treat her like shit. The worse he treats her the more she will like him. American women will not respect a man unless she feels he would beat the shit out of her. No I'm not kidding, nor am I trying to be obnoxious. Decent men have the same effect on American women as daylight has on Dracula. Look at how so many trophy skanks in Femerikka have all kinds of violent boyfriends who beat them, but yet they never leave their Thug. Nope, they are loyal to him until he decides to trade her in for a younger chick, or until perhaps he knocks her up and she shits out his bastard. Look at what happens when a man is convicted of a major crime and he starts getting love letters from women he never met before. Its f***ed up.
The All American boy represents a hard working industrious type who has a moral compass. Females in Amerika run as fast as possible from these men. After said trophy skank spends years with said Thug and he finally leaves her, and say she turns 30-something, her looks begin to fade, she gets heavier, and is stuck with being a single mother needing to raise her kid; this is when she wants the 'nice all American boy' to rescue her sorry f***ed-and-chucked ass and diseased ridden stinkbox. The problem is there are so many desperate Captain-Save-A-Ho manginas who will marry or hook up with her.
This is why you see almost every guy getting a tattoo in america trying to emulate the bad boy persona and image. Of course once a chick finds out that you are a decent guy she will dispose of you like a used tampon. If you want to attract a chick in America you best tell her you just got out of jail for doing something violent like killing a cop. The problem is when it becomes conventional wisdom that men need to at least pretend to be evil to get a date, then that nation has started its terminal decline. It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
To even think about being with an American female is foolish. They're toxic. Outsource your love to a FW
Hmm, thanks for the clarification. I think what is happening with these women is that they are becoming perverse. It is basically a perversion of sorts and a thrill; along the same lines as other sexual perversions. They yearn for adventure.
In some ways, I can see myself doing a similar thing after all these years of dating. While I do not necessarily like bad girls, I am hooked on virgins who are in trouble and I try to save them. That is my pet projects. Girls with sick mothers, girls without fathers who are being courted by pimps, etc. A decent girl with a career does not appeal to me since that is just so boring. But in my case, I do not think it has reached the dimensions of a perversion, I just like feeling needed and fulfilling a strong role in a woman's life; but I see how these American women are trying to raise things to the next level and how they seek a thrill, of sorts.
But why is this happening? Could you provide an explanation? Does media have anything to do with it?
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!