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Don't Look for Love, Let Love Find You! etc.

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Postby Mr S » Sun Nov 15, 2009 5:53 am

There is a lot of literature around discussing why Western woman act the way they do and are over obsessing about bringing adventure and drama into their lives. I think a lot of the problem stems from the modern media and it's attempts to marginalize normal human lives and success while over emphasizing unrealistic lifestyles that only an extreme minority live. In combination with being radically feminized, dumbed down and not able to critically think, Western woman think their lives are supposed to be some amazing romantic adventure that never gets dull with the intricacies of normal life.

This is why there are so many divorces initiated by woman nowadays. They feel their lives are dull and also they know they have a high chance of getting a majority of her husband's assets so there is not much to lose on her part within her mind. If there was tort reform in conjunction with making divorce much harder to achieve, I think there wouldn't be as many issues with marriage and relationships as there are today. Couples would go back to solving their issues the old fashioned way, behind closed doors, yelling, throwing punches, food and random objects around at each other.

Regarding the earlier topic question I have found that the harder I try to find a woman the less likely my success was. When I stopped trying or didn't care then I always had opportunities come about to allow me to hook up with one. I don't know why it's like that for me. For instance when I lived in the states I always had a hard time finding decent woman to date and hang out with. But whenever I made plans to move to another city then all of a sudden I would hook up with a decent chick, but then I would be in the process of moving so it didn't matter. This happened to me in Phoenix before moving to Seattle area and then moving from Seattle to overseas. This actually happened to me in Thailand also before moving to Korea. I assume it will happen again when I eventually decide to move from the Philippines. Korea sucked so I never hooked up with a local but right before I left there I did discover some cooler places to hang out and meet local chicks. Oh well, who wants to be with a Korean chick anyways?
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Postby ladislav » Sun Nov 15, 2009 7:52 am

Agreed on above points.

As far as things happening when you no longer need them, yeah, it seems to be some metaphysical variation of Murphy's law. As if the universe was doing something to spite us.
But is it something we should harness or is this some devilish trick of the universe that we should ignore?

I wonder what would happen if you actually changed your plans and decided to stay in that place. Would these girls stick with you?

It has been noted by many people that when a guy finally gets a bride, all these women start popping out of the woodwork vying with each other to interfere. Maybe it has to do with the law of letting go? And we now seriously make use of that strange law? And does it happen with everybody?

But even if it does occur like this often, is relying on that mystic inexplicable occurrence to obtain benefit from it a good thing?

Also, one cannot deny that for many millenia people have been procreating through arranged marriages and, even now, half the world still arranges marriages which is the most contrived thing there is. But we are here thanks to thousands of years of arranged marriages by our ancestors. Somehow they did not sit there letting love alight on their shoulder.

Only in the developed world the concept of romantic love developed in earnest and only in the last 150 years or so. In the Muslim world and in India, it is mostly arranged. In India, they have marriage "markets" where parents go and find wives for their sons. Newspaper matrimonial ads is not the loser's way of finding partners but is the prevalent way to find them in that society. And they have produced 1 billion people that way.

Filipinas also love looking for pen pals and many marry that way. Online ads with Filipinas produce marriages with an 80% success rate ( with Western men) In the Arab world, parents again look for wives within the same tribe. Nothing is left to chance, and waiting for love to alight on someone's shoulder, unless you consider letting your parents or clan run around and look for a wife for you as " letting love find you".

Many people, I guess, want to ignore that cruel, mocking, capricious twist of Murphy's law of letting go, and instead, decide to take the destiny into their own hands.

While I agree that with some people pushing too hard does not work and they cannot find when they look, for most people, active efforts, common sense and law of averages is what works.
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Postby womanizer » Sun Nov 15, 2009 10:25 am

Even if the love alights on your shoulder as you put it, chances are if you are a red-blooded horny guy, you will still want to stray and scheme to find ways of seeking young, nubile woman to satisfy your sexual urges. Sorry to sound cynical but that's experience talking here. Of course, there are lots of other guys who have no problem being monogamous perhaps because they are strong in character, or don't wrestle with raging demons, or are just naturally well adjusted in their environment. But since I'm not a social scientist, I haven't actually done a survey to find out how many.
Last edited by womanizer on Sun Nov 15, 2009 11:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
"We happily accept that we can love more than one child, parent, sibling, teacher, friend, or pet. When you think of it like that, isn't the total exclusiveness that we expect of spousal love positively weird?"

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Postby Mr S » Sun Nov 15, 2009 10:32 am

I believe throughout most of human history the family of the daughter or son has chosen who they are to marry. Only within the last couple hundred years has it begun to change in the western world. Even in Europe and America it was quite common to have arranged marriages if the family had money and status. Why would you allow your son or daughter to marry someone with no money or their family was from a low social class? When status and incomes started blurring with a rebound in the middle class and American individualism becoming more prevalent, did it become more popular for people to choose each other through love, but even then it wasn't common.

Nowadays people really don't know much about each others status initially unless they give it away through their actions and physical appearance. Even then you can have low class individuals with little education have lots of money if they happen to be in an illicit job or a media star. However there have probably always been people of this same distinction in various occupations throughout history. Back in the day it was wrong to sire illegitimate children, mainly cause families did not want their line mixed with lower classes or peoples. Perhaps they are right to some extent that a persons troubles can be passed on to others genetically.

I don't have a problem with arranged marriages, they actually might be better than ones based on 'love'. It's very rare anyways for a couple who met based on love to stay together and have the same feelings for each other over many years. Why not just find a woman who can be a good wife, raise kids and take care of the household. Being a man, he can just get his rocks off with hot woman at brothels or prostitutes. That's what the whole industry was made for anyways throughout history. Husbands who need sex cause their wives don't give them any or young single guys who can't afford a wife or don't have the means to settle down. Banning prostitution is so ludicrous its like banning people from taking a shit, it's never going to be eliminated from society as long as men act and think the way they do and likewise women.

Online dating and other related services are no different from how singles were paraded in front of families back in the day, it's just taken a different form. I've had mixed results using online dating when I was in the states. I think it can work if your willing to spend the time weeding out the decent girls from the not so desirable. However a lot depends on your own status and desirability as well. Most likely you will find a girl that is equal or lower social status to you. Your not going to find a super hot chick if your just average. Better to try your luck overseas. I've had success just meeting girls to date and f**k but you can't always be too picky with them. Region and where you live also play into account. Obviously you have better chances meeting someone more your type in a larger city than a rural area. All and all I think it's better just to go overseas if you want to find a decent woman to have a relationship with. Just remember to find someone from the same social class. It will be tempting to just be with any hot piece of ass but like in America I don't think you would want to be tied down to a white trash chick or black ghetto girl. It's no different overseas it's just the language and culture can mask the lower social classes and their ignorance initially.

I used to be open minded about people's potential and would give them the benefit of the doubt if they were poor or uneducated. Well 9 out of 10 times there is a reason for their predicament and they often will and can't be changed for the better. If you come from a middle class or above background only get serious with girls from a similar social class. You can date poorer girls, just don't get serious with them cause they will suck you into their poor social class environment and mentality and you'll be sorry in the long run...
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Postby Winston » Sun Nov 15, 2009 10:40 am

ladislav wrote:Agreed on above points.

As far as things happening when you no longer need them, yeah, it seems to be some metaphysical variation of Murphy's law. As if the universe was doing something to spite us.
But is it something we should harness or is this some devilish trick of the universe that we should ignore?

I wonder what would happen if you actually changed your plans and decided to stay in that place. Would these girls stick with you?

It has been noted by many people that when a guy finally gets a bride, all these women start popping out of the woodwork vying with each other to interfere. Maybe it has to do with the law of letting go? And we now seriously make use of that strange law? And does it happen with everybody?

But even if it does occur like this often, is relying on that mystic inexplicable occurrence to obtain benefit from it a good thing?


I have the same experience. If I'm with someone and chained up, then lots of hot/cute girls flirt with me and make time with me. They suddenly become available, and are always there around me when I go out with my girlfriend, like Dianne for instance. But when I am alone and roaming freely, they aren't there, and I can't find anyone I like, and the girls I liked before suddenly are busy and not as available to meet up for dates.

Sucks.

Murphy's Law. I thought Murphy's Law ran my life only. I didn't know it ran others as well.

Mr S told me he experienced similar things at the Hard Rock Cafe before.

Must be some metaphysical version of Murphy's Law. lol

I also suck at gambling. My risks don't pay off.

More examples of Murphy's Law:

When I am driving for instance, and I come to the road I'm looking for but don't know whether to turn right or left and so I just guess, about 90 percent of the time I turn the WRONG WAY! This means in a 50/50 chance, I guess wrong 90 percent of the time! Is that proof of the existence of Murphy's Law, or what? LOL

Also, if I've lost something and there are five possible places it could be, for example, I will usually find it in the LAST place I look, or the 5th place in that example.

Weird huh!?
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Postby ladislav » Sun Nov 15, 2009 11:26 am

Mr S wrote:I used to be open minded about people's potential and would give them the benefit of the doubt if they were poor or uneducated. Well 9 out of 10 times there is a reason for their predicament and they often will and can't be changed for the better. If you come from a middle class or above background only get serious with girls from a similar social class. You can date poorer girls, just don't get serious with them cause they will suck you into their poor social class environment and mentality and you'll be sorry in the long run...


Agreed, if you are talking about a 1st world country with all the financial/educational opportunities yours for the asking and all you have to do is study hard and work hard, and those people being lazy or stupid and not advancing. These have no excuse and one should stay away from them lest one becomes drawn into the hole they came from, as well.
In a lot of other countries with faulty, rotten economic and political/historic/climatic foundations people cannot be pigeonholed into classes that easily; you have people that could potentially be of the same class as you economically but by virtue of their physical location/citizenship/ the state their country is in they are in places where there are no scholarships, no opportunities to advance and no credit of any kind. They want to go to school but they can't. They have not got the money and there are no student loans to speak of. They want to work hard at a business and succeed but no help is available. Look at Cuba. Look at the former USSR with teachers and engineers not getting paid for months and they have to clean doorways to make a living. Look at many Asian countries where you have very smart people but they can never go to school.
That category is the 1 out of 10 that you have mentioned and these people , with a few thousand dollars, can be transformed into your equal. And they will forever be grateful to you.
I am now in touch with a Ukrainian girl- a student of mechanical engineering. Before, schools were free there but now, you have to pay tuition. She is crying because she is afraid she will not be able to finish. She needs $800! For one year and to defend her senior thesis on mechanical engineering. The girl has a higher IQ than mine.
Her two friends- girls, students- went to the US to earn money but the recession hit hard and they have no visas to get decent jobs. Again, pimps and strip club owners are all over them and these are the only jobs that do not require a green card. So, are these lower classes? I do not think so. They are, again the 1 out of 10 that you are talking about. Those are the people that can be targeted as potential mates.

The Russian girl I met in Manila while she was pole dancing was not only my equal but from a family of university professors and aerospace engineers. The family fell apart, the country went belly up and they do not give any help to a young student like her and she is there flashing her body at pervs in Manila. When I spoke to her, I wa sfloored by how brilliant she was.

So, indolent or with bad habits, in a prosperous Western country, but not succeeding because they are hopelessly dumb or incorrigibly lazy is one thing, but the above cases are a completely different story.

I am now helping one hill tribe girl to finish highschool by the time she is 20. Is it her fault that in the Philippines you need money to finish high school and her parents did not have the money? Is it because she is lazy? Once I paid for her school, she was so fired up, ran to buy uniforms, books, supplies and she was back in the classroom with lightning speed, reading, studying, working hard, giving me reports. I also sent her to study how to be a cellphone repair technician. She finished with honors and as soon as she is done with her HS diploma, she will go and look for work.

Such people are not really "lower classes' that we should avoid.

Let me give you another example. My grandmother wanted to go to school but every time she tried to, a war or a revolution would break out. Then they had an artificially induced famine in the country. Actually, both of my grandmothers almost died. Then as soon as they tried to get back on their feet, another war broke out. It was a tough time. Well, but she eventually studied by correspondence, became a bookkeeper and my other grandma became a pharmacy employee but they were dirt poor through no fault of their own at first. They lived in countries where wars and revolutions are a norm. Now try and do something with your life under such circumstances. Would you consider them to be "lower classes'? I don't think so.

But of course, in the US you have no excuse. No bombs falling, no wars, no bloody revolutions, no famines created by governments, just apply for student loans, study hard and voila!

That creates another problem- American plumbers with more money than Russian biology teachers, American grease monkeys dating Ethiopian MA holders who are making $60 a month. You have a sick, illogical class mixing with poor higher classes in some countries and rich, lowly blue collar Western rubes who are now calling the shots.
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Postby momopi » Mon Nov 16, 2009 3:11 am

People who grew up in the first world nations do not fully understand life in poverty.

One of the people that I learn real estate from grew up in a place called Kowloon Walled City in Hong Kong. You can read about the place here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kowloon_Walled_City

For those who don't care to read lengthy wiki articles, the Kowloon Walled City was an 6 acre-sized Yamen (old Chinese bureaucratic residence, which sometimes include garrison and barracks). When the British forced Qing to lease Hong Kong and Kowloon to them for 99 years, the Kowloon Yamen was excluded from the treaty. Technically Kowloon was under British administration and the Kowloon Yamen was under Qing administration as an outpost of diplomatic compound. However, after the Qing Empire fell, the British government refused to take charge of the Kowloon Yamen and it became a squatter village.

Moving forward to the 1970s, illegal constructions built upon one another and some 36,000 people crammed into the 6 acre lot:

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Quote from a former resident:

4 foot deep Metal cages from floor to ceiling were bolted to the exterior like balconies for renting to old men without a family. He kept all his belongings behind a metal gate with a padlock. They had the best view. Plastic tarps waterproofed their homes from rain.

An aerial view of housing without code enforcement that that evolved over time. It was built in the 20’s but additional buildings were added on until the 60s. Windows were blocked electrical wires and sewer lines were hung outside the labyrinth of public corridors filled with a decade old trash. Rats and cockroaches helped to decompose the organic trash. The courtyard shown was a sacred temple and left alone. It was bad feng shui to encroach into the setback.

This was the place when the Chinese gave Hong Kong to the british as a way to pay off the country’s opium debt. This 6 acres of land was not a part of the jurisdiction. Neither China nor Hong Kong had the authority to enforce law there. Police were afraid to go in and the Chinese government abandoned it since it is in the heart of Kowloon, Hong Kong. Hong Kong is like a Catalina Island smaller but only a mile off Newport Beach where Kowloon still a part of Hong Kong but connected to the mainland but separated by the mountain range of Cleveland National Forest. Lake Elsinore to the other side would be in the China territory while OC would be the Kowloon territory where I had lived.

Heroine attic, hookers, priest, Illegal dentist and doctors, daycare center, School classrooms, noodle makers, restaurants, factories, sweatshops, and homes were all inside this filthy maze. No daylight even penetrated the corridor and as a kids I would get lost inside quickly. Every corner was a cartesian method of identifying the location by using an “XYZâ€￾ coordinate system. Chicken and fish bones among other dinners leftovers were tossed out the windows into the trapped atrium courtyards filled with waiting vermin. The smell of odors from rotting flesh and food forced residents from not opening their windows.

Kids played at the roof decks without safety rail or walls. Several kids I knew fell to the death 10 stories below. Some kids jumped because they did not pass the proficiency test to attend the next school grade.

Many were many windowless homes including the one my father and I lived in. Our house (room) was 10’x10’ with a folding table where I did my homework, father cooked our meals with an electric table top camp stove, and it had to be folded and put away to make room. 20 families shared one toilet and a communal kitchen. We had a chamber pot where we had to empty out twice a day. We lived on the 8th floor with no elevator. I was a fat and lazy boy who made my 70 years old dad piggy back me home when I was too tired to climb stairs.

When we talked about safety issues here not even South LA could come close to the danger of this 6 acre walled city. There were no place to run or hide. When I was a kid I have seen child molestation in stairs well, rape, drug addict with syringes, robberies, stabbed victim lying in pool of blood, Heroine labs, kids jumped off buildings, wives sold to brothels by their husbands, and etc. This neighborhood had no law and no police jurisdiction. There were many good things as well. Caring people like old men and old ladies eager to help and educate the unfortunate children. There was a safety outpost at one of the floor where citizens took it upon themselves to be the security officers.

In America one can buy their way out of the ghetto when they have money. Suburbs are the instant gratification of good schools and less crime. Places like Kowloon Walled City were refuge for the poor families and elderly folks without a family. My father was over seventy at that time without income. His family fortune was lost when Japanese invaded China and the rest just vanished when Mao became the Premier.

There were no public education in Hong Kong. Most families could not afford tuition for their children. Schools and universities were limited in HK to serve the population. 1 out of 1000 students made it to college and the rest either failed to advance. It was a society of survival of the fittest. Without an education people could not find their way out of poverty. This is the reason why Chinese are very competitive.

Immigration was their only option to find educational opportunities in America since all students must advance. The brightest students remain in Hong Kong while the average students seek education abroad... Schools were limited to the brightest creme of the crops and those with mediocre intelligence would have to rely on private schools. Due to limited spaces available only kids with scholastic merits were allowed to continue with higher education. For those who did not pass the proficiency test the kids had to join the work force.


==========

This was a 6 acre slum that the British didn't want and the Chinese government refused to take responsibility for. Finally, the meeting between Margaret Thatcher and Deng Xiao Ping on the future of HK finally signaled the end of the Kowloon Walled City. The British agreed to return HK and Kowloon to China at the conclusion of the 99 year lease, the Chinese government gave consent to the British government to demolish Kowloon Walled City. The Hong Kong colonial government spent $2.7 billion HKD to compensate the squatters and forced eviction on those who refused to move. In 1993-1994, the slum was finally flattened and turned into a park. This is what it looks like today:

Image


The legacy of the Kowloon Walled City lives on with its former residents and their children. The tough, competitive environment from which they grew contributed to making what Hong Kong is today. Out of the 5 public Universalities in HK, 3 are in the top 50 world-ranking and all 5 are in the top 200 ranking:
http://www.usnews.com/articles/educatio ... p-200.html

In comparison, Taiwan is bigger and richer than HK with many more universities, but Taiwan's best, NTU, barely came in at #95 on the list.

If you think your life in the US is hard, think twice, then consider that YOU, are competing economically against hungry people from slums like the Kowloon Walled City around the world. Unless if you can maintain your competitive edge, YOU, and your descendent's, will be marginalized into irrelevance in the fringes.
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Postby Mr S » Mon Nov 16, 2009 5:11 am

If you can live in a 2nd or 3rd world country for an extended time period you can maybe sort through all the riffraff and find a diamond in the rough, but it's still extremely difficult. I'm just saying for guys looking for love overseas but still live in their 1st world countries, they have to be realistic about finding a decent match that they can be compatible with long term. I've been living in the Philippines over 5 years now and still haven't met anybody that I would consider an equal that I would want to forge a long-term relationship with. Sure there are nice girls who have had a hard and difficult life. But are they worthy and able to keep up with someone with goals who is highly educated and motivated? Most won't or can't in the long run. They don't even have an incentive to keep themselves looking good after 25 or 30 yrs old. Why would I want to be with a hot young 20 something with little education and oversight of the bigger global picture when I know when she hits 30 or so she won't have the same looks as she had previously? This is what most of the western guys in the Philippines base their relationships on, how good the girl looks when she is young. They don't take into consideration what she will be like 15-20 years down the road. I just can't get involved with the woman here on a long term basis. The smart ones are usually not attractive and the hot ones are usually poor and uneducated with 10 siblings or something. Who wants to deal with that?

I interview smart girls and guys for my job on a monthly basis and I've maybe had 5 woman out of hundreds that I would maybe consider going on a date with. That means there aren't too many hot ones getting educations or trying to leave the country. Or it could be that I have such high standards that it's difficult for me to properly assess a womans physical appearance and potential. Well everyone has preferences, I don't think I'm that picky but I am only 35, perhaps when I'm 45 my perceptions of beauty will change.

I just think for the average person when they reach a certain age it is very difficult to change their viewpoint of reality. If you try to motivate and change someone to go to school and educate themselves when they never had the initial motivation or their family never pushed them to do well in school than they will not really be interested in pursuing additional job skills or education. I personally experienced this a number of times since living here. I think everyone attracts different types of people to them, but I never hardly meet innocent virgins looking for a way out of their poverty through education. So there must be some kind different energy vibe with everyone that attracts or detracts things away from them.

I'm tired of trying to be the nice guy to these girls and in the end just get shafted. So I'm limiting my future exposure to lower classes as I have had little benefit when involving them in my life.

I agree that social classes are mixing for the worse, especially when you have blue collar workers trying to get with highly educated girls from poor countries. I don't think it works out unless the girl has a dominant personality and the man a submissive. I don't think an educated woman with a strong personality would be able to handle a lower educated guy that is more emotional than thinker.

Down the road I will try my luck with European woman and see if they are more receptive to me and my way of thinking and personality. I get along okay with Asians but I realize long term compatibility would be a challenge for me. Oh well I'm not worried about staying single anyways, I just don't want my prime to fly by without trying other nationalities first. This way I can decide if staying a bachelor for my entire life is best or finding a compatible partner is still a possibility.
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Postby Mr S » Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:45 am

Yeah, everyone suffers in their own way and who's to say suffering in one way or another or in a different country or culture is harder or easier than another's? Suffering is suffering and some people can take a lot of it and others can only take a little. Many will say this group of people suffer more than this group of people. Suffering is all one's perspective, there is no common scientific finding and analysis to define levels of suffering, it's all in a given perspective. I've had my own suffering to deal with and others their own. Could another have been able to deal with my life the way I did and still be successful or would they have made things worse on themselves? Would some have made my life better than it is currently? Possibly, but better under who's opinion? Suffering is just ones opinion comparing it to whatever they understand suffering to be. Just as pleasure is all subjective as well. If you were to ask an American what true suffering and pleasure is and then travel to inner Mongolia somewhere and ask what true suffering and pleasure is, you would get entirely different answers! So to keep blaming Americans and Europeans for the life they have created through the centuries and try to make us feel guilty for our accomplishments in rising above all other cultures through the centuries is absurd! And this is why I hate leftists and political correct douche bags who are trying to dumb down anyone that has European heritage and try to make them feel bad for their ancestors accomplishments! Screw them!

The Chinese and Japanese had their chance to become more than the Europeans back in the day but they chose to become insular and not communicate with the world. Well big mistake, the Europeans took their place as the world powers. Only now are the enemy within attempting to destroy any vestige of European heritage by mixing ethnicities and attempting to make lesser cultures higher than they really are through lies and propaganda. Well I hope people of European decent wake up soon or by the next century whites will be dead and only small populations will be scattered around the globe that still have full European genetics. And thus we will be another page of history, while the world struggles to maintain its level of technology. Which it won't be able to do in the long run. Eventually the multiculturalists will invade SE Asia, China, Korea and Japan too so don't think those nationalities are safe. Once they have destroyed Europeans they will target other monosecular societies and start importing undesirable races into their countries as well to destroy them from within. Just you wait in see, 50 years from now China will be bitchin about all the Africans running around in their country causing crime and what not.

Don't ever apologize for your status in life!
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Postby Grunt » Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:56 am

I dont feel bad because in 25 years America will be a third world shit hole with rampant poverty crime disease and urban decay. I also dont worry because I will be long gone from America by that time. I lived in Eastern Europe for 2 years, I was able to do so by having a disabled veterans pension, but I too have known mind bending poverty and hunger and I overcame.
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Postby Winston » Tue Nov 17, 2009 4:05 pm

Welcome back Grunt. I was about to email you to see why you left here, and if it was because of the viruses, I was going to tell you that they are gone now since the clicksor ads have been removed.
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