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From datelessness to everlasting abundance - My story

Discuss and talk about any general topic.

Moderators: jamesbond, fschmidt

Postby globetrotter » Tue Jun 15, 2010 1:19 pm

Just this past week or two the interest I have gotten from the local women in my small, rural Chinese city has grown exponentially to the point where now I have an abundance of choices. The next thing to do is test the waters because my very distinct impression is that there is very little 'dating' here, that most of it is very much a prelude to marriage and the very last thing I want to do is give some young lady the impression I am going to marry her when I am not ready to do so.

This isn't Los Angeles. Pumping and dumping and game will only result in my body being pumped full of holes, dumped in a ditch, and the perps playing a card game afterwards.

The town is microscopic in size, everyone knows everyone and everyone sees me every single day.

I am hoping that I can have a direct and honest discussion with the ladies and convey my meaning.

The other concern I have is that it is very very clear that the girls want stuff. I see this on PRC forums -- young guys get a gf for 8 months and spend 12,000 yuan (1,500 a month, his monthly income, about $200 USD) on her shopping addiction during those 8 months on weekend trips to the big city. It can, if you are not careful, be ALL about her. I have spoken to my assistant and she 'fell out of love' when she met up with a guy in a nearby city for 2 days, on his dime, of shopping, hotels, and walking about. His mistake? He neglected to ask her what she wanted to do.

I also get the impression that they want stuff but don't want to put out in return. Homey don't play dat. If the cost per unit rises too far above 100 Yuan there are alternatives. It seems that with Chinese Women it can be 'all about her' if you let it. If you are a pushover, beta/omega doormat, these women will eat you alive. I shall see. I don't roll over that way and I suspect they haven't encountered a man who will say 'no', mean it and stick to it. No amount of p***y, even if from extremely fine and feminine Chinese women, gets me to roll over like that.

Then again, these observations of mine could be wrong...but, there is only one way to find out. No one gave ladislav or Winston a manual beforehand.
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Postby globetrotter » Tue Jun 15, 2010 1:59 pm

J.Adama wrote:The unattractive, fat women are the angriest because, although they do still get men, they dont have the amount and depth of sexual power at their command that their thin sisters have. This means every man who doesnt submit to her majesty is a superficial bastard for liking women who arent obese, which leads to them being the worst of the man-haters.

There is a third reason women say men are shooting too high. It is because it is what women do. To women, you arent a man until you are 6'3'' and earning a hunk of a salary. To them these are the hot guys. It is classic projection.

I do take great pleasure in knowing that one day all of these American bitches who seek the impossible will turn 40 and become instantly worthless, no matter how pretty they are. Even 40 year old men dont want 40 year old women.


Sadly this is not the case. Last time in the USA I saw this all the time. Slim, trim, super fit National Guardsmen, 40-ish, All American Boy Scout type, hooked up with a 42 year old, fat, average woman with kids. The men are programmed to do it and the ONLY women I would get introduced to were 40-50, fat, average with kids. Just go to Universal City Walk and see the land whales with thin men. Happens all the time.

No f***ing thank you.

This does not even begin to broach how the women will behave, or the laws in the USA or any of that -- just what they look like.
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Postby momopi » Tue Jun 15, 2010 5:15 pm

globetrotter wrote:Just this past week or two the interest I have gotten from the local women in my small, rural Chinese city has grown exponentially to the point where now I have an abundance of choices. The next thing to do is test the waters because my very distinct impression is that there is very little 'dating' here, that most of it is very much a prelude to marriage and the very last thing I want to do is give some young lady the impression I am going to marry her when I am not ready to do so.


I have no experience with smaller towns in China, but do know that in the cities, college students far away from home provinces would hook up and cohabit without getting married. My GF went to Tsinghua University in Beijing for her study abroad and said it was fairly common. The more conservative ones call it "trial marriage".
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Postby globetrotter » Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:47 am

momopi wrote:
globetrotter wrote:Just this past week or two the interest I have gotten from the local women in my small, rural Chinese city has grown exponentially to the point where now I have an abundance of choices. The next thing to do is test the waters because my very distinct impression is that there is very little 'dating' here, that most of it is very much a prelude to marriage and the very last thing I want to do is give some young lady the impression I am going to marry her when I am not ready to do so.


I have no experience with smaller towns in China, but do know that in the cities, college students far away from home provinces would hook up and cohabit without getting married. My GF went to Tsinghua University in Beijing for her study abroad and said it was fairly common. The more conservative ones call it "trial marriage".


'Trial Marriage'...

Thanks. That is a VERY useful phrase to know.
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Re: Endless Dating..What's the Point?

Postby Jay » Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:38 pm

Nate wrote:There may be men who like endless dating...but it hardly applies in much of the world, including the Philippines, where with most girls the term Courtship means a lot more. "recreational dating" is hardly an option in many places. What is endless dating...something like a subway to nowhere? I suspect most men are looking for a Mate, not a date....and are unsure about how to get a mate after dealing with the pric-teasing "dating" wenches in the USA. If one takes the time to know the place and the people...and learns how to show respect within the culture, the outcome begins to look a lot more sunny. A reliable and devoted companion in life sounds like a pretty good idea to me...I could give a rip about "dating" at this point...and even if I were to become single, the web of life would provide what I need...

I think the whole deal in the USA is really screwed up, including so called "dating"....and to think that going abroad to simply cure the dating "dysfunction" within the USA is an adequate destination, is delusional I think...the problem, and the solutions go far beyond that.


Nate,

I love your relentless optimism, but I have just read/browsed this whole thread and I am sure that most of the posters in here are not looking for a mate, they are looking for hell.
You are looking for a mate.
The internet: And endless process of searching online for sane people and wholesome information while weeding out the dogshit and the rantings of madmen.
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Re: Endless Dating..What's the Point?

Postby Jay » Fri Jun 18, 2010 2:46 pm

Jay wrote:
Nate wrote:There may be men who like endless dating...but it hardly applies in much of the world, including the Philippines, where with most girls the term Courtship means a lot more. "recreational dating" is hardly an option in many places. What is endless dating...something like a subway to nowhere? I suspect most men are looking for a Mate, not a date....and are unsure about how to get a mate after dealing with the pric-teasing "dating" wenches in the USA. If one takes the time to know the place and the people...and learns how to show respect within the culture, the outcome begins to look a lot more sunny. A reliable and devoted companion in life sounds like a pretty good idea to me...I could give a rip about "dating" at this point...and even if I were to become single, the web of life would provide what I need...

I think the whole deal in the USA is really screwed up, including so called "dating"....and to think that going abroad to simply cure the dating "dysfunction" within the USA is an adequate destination, is delusional I think...the problem, and the solutions go far beyond that.


Nate,

I love your relentless optimism, but I have just read/browsed this whole thread and I am sure that most of the posters in here are not looking for a mate, they are looking for hell.
You are looking for a mate.


Our priorities for what we want and where we serve should look like this:
1st: God, 2nd: Wife, 3rd: Family, 4th: Work

If we can get it right even a small part of the time, at least we are trying and our volition is in the right place.

What is going on in the minds and volition of many of the expat men I have met in real life, and many of the posters on this board, is something more like this:
1st: Women (notice that does not say "wife" or "woman" singular), 2nd: Money, 3rd: Who gives a f**k about third
Those are dangerous masters to bow to - not the kind of masters one bows to if what they want is a "mate", as you have suggested Nate. That's why this site always did and continues to leave a bad taste in my mouth and why I am done posting here.

And Winston, you are talking about getting your view on dating and women from TV shows (the most absurd mockeries of real life imaginable, which most people should discern by the time they are about 12 years old), and you are talking about using magic and witchcraft and whatever to help you get laid more often and get more dates. At this time I need to break it to ya hard that you actually are a little crazy and could use some help with discerning what is real and what makes sense in the world. Not to try to tear ya down... you have done a good thing overall in helping men to see that they are not alone in the struggle of the insane relationship scene in modern America, and also helping at least some well intended men to see that there are in fact some work opportunities and women to be found outside the US who just want to marry, have a family, love their man, etc... (These things seem to be dying in women the USA). However, it would not hurt you one bit to go see a counselor to talk to someone who can help you get keep your head screwed on straight and take a close look at your own bitterness and anger while you are at it. I do appreciate your honesty and openness about it, we need more of than in the world.

"Dating" is not ever what I wanted in the US - I was always more monogamy and commitment minded - If I am into a woman, why would I leave her? Why would I want to be hurt or to hurt her? How would I make meaninglessness out of the sexual experience, and just use women for sex, why would I want to be used like that? I went into relationships in the US with that view on reality, and after enough betrayals and let downs, I feel like I wasted my life in this ludicrous relationships scene where so many men are pissing in the wind, women act like the grass is always greener with the next sexual partner and move on to the next guy, and men are spending most of their time alone anyway and where 80% of the women in the city where I am now visiting in the US are obese and the list of depressing truths about the US scene goes on......

And so in the spirit of honestly and openness, I acknowledge that have my own self-destructive demons of bitterness and jadedness to work out but I'm doing what I can to not make women and money my masters, which I can see are the masters of most of the posters on this board and most of the expat men I have met. And as far as taking my own medicine, I do talk with people often about that bitterness and make sure I stay in touch with how much it is negatively affecting my own life (whether I am in the US or anywhere else, and whether I am involved with a woman or not), so I don't ever get lost in it and blinded by it entirely. I admit I am 80% blinded by it as it is and am yet to get over the last time a woman treated me like toilet paper in the USA, though it has already been a long time.

Here is to another year of doing what I can to NOT betray any women who may enter into my life, and may God have mercy on me if I leave women struggling to forgive me as desperately and terribly as I have been left struggling by women in the US of A.

And to those of us who say stuff like, "you don't need an education or career blah blah." I encourage everyone to get an education and/or a career because the rewards of leading a productive life through education and meaningful work can not be found in between the legs of a woman, whether she is American or from any other country. Wake up, get a clue, and stop posting your crazy bullshit on the internet.

And to all the whore mongers (That means anyone who is in it to screw lots of women without monogamy or commitment), and those of you who have posted on this board and even in this thread know exactly who you are - you shit bags are doing the same exact thing that people like Nate and myself are on here and angry and bitter at women in the US for. You guys posting on this forum are part of the problem which is the reason this site exists, with your talk about using women, prostitution, and porn. That kind of shit is where the hurt manifests. Take a look at the bed of thorns you have made for yourselves, log off, and go get a job.

Peace out
The internet: And endless process of searching online for sane people and wholesome information while weeding out the dogshit and the rantings of madmen.
Jay
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Re: Endless Dating..What's the Point?

Postby Nate » Fri Jun 18, 2010 5:27 pm

Jay wrote:
Jay wrote:
Nate wrote:There may be men who like endless dating...but it hardly applies in much of the world, including the Philippines, where with most girls the term Courtship means a lot more. "recreational dating" is hardly an option in many places. What is endless dating...something like a subway to nowhere? I suspect most men are looking for a Mate, not a date....and are unsure about how to get a mate after dealing with the pric-teasing "dating" wenches in the USA. If one takes the time to know the place and the people...and learns how to show respect within the culture, the outcome begins to look a lot more sunny. A reliable and devoted companion in life sounds like a pretty good idea to me...I could give a rip about "dating" at this point...and even if I were to become single, the web of life would provide what I need...

I think the whole deal in the USA is really screwed up, including so called "dating"....and to think that going abroad to simply cure the dating "dysfunction" within the USA is an adequate destination, is delusional I think...the problem, and the solutions go far beyond that.


Nate,

I love your relentless optimism, but I have just read/browsed this whole thread and I am sure that most of the posters in here are not looking for a mate, they are looking for hell.
You are looking for a mate.


Our priorities for what we want and where we serve should look like this:
1st: God, 2nd: Wife, 3rd: Family, 4th: Work

If we can get it right even a small part of the time, at least we are trying and our volition is in the right place.

What is going on in the minds and volition of many of the expat men I have met in real life, and many of the posters on this board, is something more like this:
1st: Women (notice that does not say "wife" or "woman" singular), 2nd: Money, 3rd: Who gives a f**k about third
Those are dangerous masters to bow to - not the kind of masters one bows to if what they want is a "mate", as you have suggested Nate. That's why this site always did and continues to leave a bad taste in my mouth and why I am done posting here.

And Winston, you are talking about getting your view on dating and women from TV shows (the most absurd mockeries of real life imaginable, which most people should discern by the time they are about 12 years old), and you are talking about using magic and witchcraft and whatever to help you get laid more often and get more dates. At this time I need to break it to ya hard that you actually are a little crazy and could use some help with discerning what is real and what makes sense in the world. Not to try to tear ya down... you have done a good thing overall in helping men to see that they are not alone in the struggle of the insane relationship scene in modern America, and also helping at least some well intended men to see that there are in fact some work opportunities and women to be found outside the US who just want to marry, have a family, love their man, etc... (These things seem to be dying in women the USA). However, it would not hurt you one bit to go see a counselor to talk to someone who can help you get keep your head screwed on straight and take a close look at your own bitterness and anger while you are at it. I do appreciate your honesty and openness about it, we need more of than in the world.

"Dating" is not ever what I wanted in the US - I was always more monogamy and commitment minded - If I am into a woman, why would I leave her? Why would I want to be hurt or to hurt her? How would I make meaninglessness out of the sexual experience, and just use women for sex, why would I want to be used like that? I went into relationships in the US with that view on reality, and after enough betrayals and let downs, I feel like I wasted my life in this ludicrous relationships scene where so many men are pissing in the wind, women act like the grass is always greener with the next sexual partner and move on to the next guy, and men are spending most of their time alone anyway and where 80% of the women in the city where I am now visiting in the US are obese and the list of depressing truths about the US scene goes on......

And so in the spirit of honestly and openness, I acknowledge that have my own self-destructive demons of bitterness and jadedness to work out but I'm doing what I can to not make women and money my masters, which I can see are the masters of most of the posters on this board and most of the expat men I have met. And as far as taking my own medicine, I do talk with people often about that bitterness and make sure I stay in touch with how much it is negatively affecting my own life (whether I am in the US or anywhere else, and whether I am involved with a woman or not), so I don't ever get lost in it and blinded by it entirely. I admit I am 80% blinded by it as it is and am yet to get over the last time a woman treated me like toilet paper in the USA, though it has already been a long time.

Here is to another year of doing what I can to NOT betray any women who may enter into my life, and may God have mercy on me if I leave women struggling to forgive me as desperately and terribly as I have been left struggling by women in the US of A.

And to those of us who say stuff like, "you don't need an education or career blah blah." I encourage everyone to get an education and/or a career because the rewards of leading a productive life through education and meaningful work can not be found in between the legs of a woman, whether she is American or from any other country. Wake up, get a clue, and stop posting your crazy bullshit on the internet.

And to all the whore mongers (That means anyone who is in it to screw lots of women without monogamy or commitment), and those of you who have posted on this board and even in this thread know exactly who you are - you shit bags are doing the same exact thing that people like Nate and myself are on here and angry and bitter at women in the US for. You guys posting on this forum are part of the problem which is the reason this site exists, with your talk about using women, prostitution, and porn. That kind of shit is where the hurt manifests. Take a look at the bed of thorns you have made for yourselves, log off, and go get a job.

Peace out


Jay-

Wisdom is the guardian of the soul. It has also been said that age and wisdom go together, but sometimes age travels alone.
I have observed that mongers lack certain instincts that might be of great value when dealing with others...typically an ongoing "lack of insight" that hobbles them in their dealings with others or the perception of a threat. If you are a straight living man in the Philippines, your life experience will be profoundly different than that of a monger. The Locals are not stupid- they can spot a monger at 100 yards.
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Postby ajushi » Sun Jun 20, 2010 7:08 am

Thank you Nate. Good perspective.

And by the way, I am back in the matrix and miserable about it. Can't talk to strangers, can't make eye contact, neighbors don't interact, social groups in public do not interact or over lap, extreme social cliqishness, nothing going on for social life in the community, women unapproachable to the point that it feels taboo to talk to them at all, and lonely, isolated lives are standard, people spend more time with a TV than with people, and the relationships/dating scene here and the disintigration of family, marriage, and community is downright shocking.

Just seeing how my family members live on in this isolated and dysfunctional matrix, oblivious to what a wonderful, open, natural welcoming social life exists outside of the US, depresses me. I can't wait to get out myself. And so I have a lot of work to do on not letting that whole mess consume me now while trying to get enough healthy human contact to stay sane in this incredibly frigid and mistrustful and disconnected social atmosphere.

Meanwhile, while I was abroad, I got a real good up close look at the prices of living abroad that are not described anywhere on this website. The price is terribly high, and the biggest price of all is the total lack of normality in the social vibe. The exact thing you go there for (the social life) turns out to be really off kilter and surreal and awkward, becasue you are a westerner in a place that is homogonously non-western, where very few people speak English, and where Americans are commonly regarded either as a movie star or a villain - and that is just the tip of the iceberg.

By the way, yes it is incredibly easy to meet amazing women. It is in fact WAAAAAAY too easy, to the extreme that it seems unnatural and you may even need to fend off an extremely attractive woman who you would not even stand a chance with in the US, at least on a weekly basis. And that is NOT a good thing, especially if you want monogamy in relationships. These things and many others equally severe (such as the environmental or human rights issues in all 2nd tier nations - don't get me started) have complicated matters and added heaviness to the whole idea of living abroad a whole lot - realistic stuff that almost no one talks about here.

It is like there are a lot of posters here who lack discernment and insight. How the f**k would anyone live abroad, coming from America, and not be confronted with and wanting to discuss these issues? There would have to be something really offf-kilter in one's thinking or personality. Are most of the posters just like some of the whore mongers I met recently when I was abroad? You bet I think they are. I met at least a couple of really scary/weird characters out there. People who would probably be in prison or become serial killers in the states, or some kind of closet freak, but I saw them in public places with a gorgeous woman on their arm, looking to me like scary vampires, but to whoever the woman they were using at the moment, I don't know what they looked like to them. You can find women who want their blood sucked by these vampire characters at ordinary public meetings for travellers and expats or on dating websites.

Even the most seemingly legit characters (straight living people as Nate said) aknowledge that they and all expats are living way outside of social norms and standards.

That's another thing that freaks me out now about the idea of living abroad, is knowing how high the percentage of the expats who I connect with for normal English conversation and friendships are in fact those types of vampire characters, or else just various forms of weird people and crazies. It certainly takes a certain breed of person to live abroad ins spite of these very serious isuses. And why isn't anyone talking about this issue here either?

And the mentality is different out there alright. Different mostly in very good ways, but it is SOOOO extremely different that it is quite impossible to really find anyone in the local population who you can even relate to.

Its like purgatory. Living abroad comes at a terrible price, yet I can't stand the thought of being in the US matrix another day. At least for now I am enjoying clean air, drinkable water, and peace and quiet for the first time in months - things you can kiss goodbye when you go to any major city in any 2nd tier naiton.
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Postby globetrotter » Sun Jun 20, 2010 7:41 am

ajushi wrote:TMeanwhile, while I was abroad, I got a real good up close look at the prices of living abroad that are not described anywhere on this website. The price is terribly high, and the biggest price of all is the total lack of normality in the social vibe. The exact thing you go there for (the social life) turns out to be really off kilter and surreal and awkward, becasue you are a westerner in a place that is homogonously non-western, where very few people speak English, and where Americans are commonly regarded either as a movie star or a villain - and that is just the tip of the iceberg.

By the way, yes it is incredibly easy to meet amazing women. It is in fact WAAAAAAY too easy, to the extreme that it seems unnatural and you may even need to fend off an extremely attractive woman who you would not even stand a chance with in the US, at least on a weekly basis. And that is NOT a good thing, especially if you want monogamy in relationships. These things and many others equally severe (such as the environmental or human rights issues in all 2nd tier nations - don't get me started) have complicated matters and added heaviness to the whole idea of living abroad a whole lot - realistic stuff that almost no one talks about here.

It is like there are a lot of posters here who lack discernment and insight. How the f**k would anyone live abroad, coming from America, and not be confronted with and wanting to discuss these issues? There would have to be something really offf-kilter in one's thinking or personality. Are most of the posters just like some of the whore mongers I met recently when I was abroad? You bet I think they are. I met at least a couple of really scary/weird characters out there. People who would probably be in prison or become serial killers in the states, or some kind of closet freak, but I saw them in public places with a gorgeous woman on their arm, looking to me like scary vampires, but to whoever the woman they were using at the moment, I don't know what they looked like to them. You can find women who want their blood sucked by these vampire characters at ordinary public meetings for travellers and expats or on dating websites.


Expat teachers know they are odd and they do discuss what you mention.

I have quite a bit of discernment and insight, and I just don't want to get into a discussion of environmental or human rights issues because I am all talked out about such topics. I lived in WDC for 25 years and I never want to discuss politics again, forever. It is called burn out. You are mistaking a lack of discussion with a lack of insight. This is a faulty assumption.

The world outside my front door seems normal. It is the USA and 1st world that is scary, weird and odd.

Ajushi, if you only spent a few months abroad then you did not go through all of the phases of culture shock and you repatriated before you completed the adjustment phase. Do some reading on this topic. Your response is typical of someone who got to the point of derision towards your location, and then immediately returned to the USA. You are a 'Rejector', about 60% of expats fall into this category.

----------------------------------

Stage 1 - Excitement

The individual experiences a holiday or 'honeymoon' period with their new surroundings.

They:
. Feel very positive about the culture
. Are overwhelmed with impressions
. Find the new culture exotic and are fascinated
. Are passive, meaning they have little experience of the culture

Stage 2 - Withdrawal

The individual now has some more face to face experience of the culture and starts to find things different, strange and frustrating.

They:
. Find the behaviour of the people unusual and unpredictable
. Begin to dislike the culture and react negatively to the behaviour
. Feel anxious
. Start to withdraw
. Begin to criticize, mock or show animosity to the people

Stage 2.5 - Derisive Contempt

. These people are all idiots!

Stage 3 - Adjustment

The individual now has a routine, feels more settled and is more confident in dealing with the new culture.

They:
. Understand and accept the behaviour of the people
. Feel less isolated
. Regains their sense of humour

Stage 4 - Enthusiasm/Normalcy

The individual now feels 'at home'.

They:
. Enjoy being in the culture
. Functions well in the culture
. Prefer certain cultural traits of the new culture rather than their own
. Adopt certain behaviours from the new culture
. Maintain some old cultural traits and blend them with the new

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock

There are three basic outcomes of the Adjustment Phase:
-Some people find it impossible to accept the foreign culture and integrate. They isolate themselves from the host country's environment, which they come to perceive as hostile, withdraw into a ghetto and see return to their own culture as the only way out. These Rejectors also have the greatest problems re-integrating back home after return. Approximately 60% of expatriates behave in this way.[citation needed]
-Some people integrate fully and take on all parts of the host culture while losing their original identity. They normally remain in the host country forever. Approximately 10% of expatriates belong to this group of Adopters.
-Some people manage to adapt the aspects of the host culture they see as positive, while keeping some of their own and creating their unique blend. They have no major problems returning home or relocating elsewhere. Approximately 30% of expatriates are these so-called Cosmopolitans.
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Postby ladislav » Sun Jun 20, 2010 2:34 pm

ajushi wrote:Thank you Nate. Good perspective.

...And the mentality is different out there alright. Different mostly in very good ways, but it is SOOOO extremely different that it is quite impossible to really find anyone in the local population who you can even relate to.

Its like purgatory. Living abroad comes at a terrible price, yet I can't stand the thought of being in the US matrix another day. At least for now I am enjoying clean air, drinkable water, and peace and quiet for the first time in months - things you can kiss goodbye when you go to any major city in any 2nd tier naiton.


But where abroad were you? There is abroad and there is abroad. And also, you know, we all need to prepare before we go. Study the language, the culture etc. Where did you go?
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
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Postby Winston » Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:38 pm

Jay,
Um thanks for the moralistic preaching, but it isn't really necessary.

You and I are different people. I can't be like you and you can't be like me. Accept that. Stop judging others. We all have our reasons for doing what we do. Your preaching changes none of that. Plus it makes you look narrow minded too.

I do not come on here claiming to be righteous, pure, moralistic, a saint and a square person who is blameless. I only claim to be a truth teller. Sure I may be a little crazy. But who isn't? A little crazy is what makes a person interesting, balanced by rationality. Otherwise you'd be boring.

The struggle between a dual dichotomy is what makes a character interesting. It's what makes Shakespeare characters interesting and complex. I do not want to be SQUARE like you. No thanks.

You can take your judgmentalness and preaching somewhere else where it's welcome.

Get real please. What do you expect your preaching and judgmentalness to accomplish? Do you really expect me and others to say "Oh Jay is right. We should change who we are to fit his standards." YEAH RIGHT! LOLOLOL You're dreaming dude!

FYI:

- I do not advocate using women and dumping them. Nor do I do that. And neither does Ladislav, who is polyamorous and admitted it here. When we have sexual relations with a female, we keep in touch with her, try to see her regularly, become a friend or lover with her, etc. It's called loving more than one woman. The "screwing and dumping women" stereotype is a mythos created by the feminists. Sure some guys do that. But many don't.

I can show you some really true A-holes in AC. No girls like them cause their personality sucks. And they know it. Yet they blame it all on the girls, and do not believe that the girls treat others better than them.

- I am open to seeing a counselor. But most of them suck. They are not wise or understanding. They are educated by the system to get people to conform. The last one I had in Washington ended up getting defensive and arguing with me when he heard about my overseas experiences. He didn't like them and disagreed with everything I experienced. So I brought him my huge massive photo albums to show him, and he turned his head away and pretended they weren't there.

Instead of being my counselor, he ended up trying to debate me over every point and getting his ass kicked.

His name was Jack Duffy, and I hope he googles his name and finds his name here, so people know the truth about how irrational and closed minded he was.

But anyhow, if you know a good counselor with wisdom and social skills, I'm open to seeing one. I like counselors. Some are good people to talk to. Others are not. Probably most are not.

Most counselors deal with drug abuse anyway, not the kind of problems that we have here, which are far more complex.
Last edited by Winston on Sat Jul 31, 2010 7:59 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Winston » Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:58 pm

Ajushi,
It sounds like you are in a transition phase and dealing with the shock.

I don't get though, how you can see the ease of meeting attractive girls as something "bad" or "unnatural". To me it was the most natural thing in the world. I finally felt normal. My expectations were finally realized.

Perhaps you feel that if something is too easy, then you don't deserve it? Maybe you feel guilt about it?

Ok well that's normal.

And it's also normal for you to miss your own culture and the comforts of home. But soon you will be bored and miss the stimulation you had abroad. At least there you felt ALIVE! And that's what counts isn't it?

Everywhere you go you will find pros and cons. In time you will learn to balance it all.

As to expats, yeah there are some A-holes and messed up people among them. But usually at least, expats have above average intelligence, think outside the box, and you will appreciate this if you get to know them.

Would you prefer expats or the seniors in the US who go to Denny's and play bingo, knowing nothing better, because they are pure conformists in the matrix? At least the expats are more interesting.

We should start a new profession here, called "Expat Counseling". Now there's a field we could offer :)

Btw Ajushi, here in Taiwan, I'm experiencing the same thing you are. No social stimulation. No cultural stimulation. And no intellectual stimulation. Instead, I am totally invisible here. In a crowd of thousands on the street, even in a big city here, I am invisible and nothing is more ego deflating than that. When I say "hi" or "um excuse me" to any girl here, she walks by like I don't exist. It's worse here than in the US because in the US, there are hardly any good looking girls, so it doesn't matter if they all ignore you. But in Taiwan, hot skinny girls with model-like bodies are everywhere, so the antisociality from them makes it more excruciating. I can endure the USA more than here, to be honest. At least in the USA, hippies, older men, and lone travelers will talk to me from time to time, as well as perpetual travelers. Eventually my spirits start to deteriorate in these conditions, and I get depressed and deflated from the total lack of stimulation and from seeing so many cold faces everywhere. It's like a vampire/zombie land here, the land of the dead basically. But the Philippines is always an hour away by flight.

The world is a bigger place than you can imagine. A world of excitement awaits you out there. See it as that. And be glad you began your journey outside the matrix, where most Americans don't know about. You're already one step ahead of the rest. Be proud for that :)

Think of it this way. Whatever pain or pleasure you feel from now on, you would never trade what you experienced for the rut of life where you are now, right?

As they say in sci fi movies,

The adventure is just beginning...
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

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"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
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Postby Winston » Sun Jun 20, 2010 5:12 pm

Btw, this is off topic, but one thing I miss about the US is the food in restaurants. The pizza there really hits the spot. The cheese and the red pizza sauce is very and tasty and hits the spot. I know it's fattening too. But it's just so good!

I also miss all the plentiful mexican restaurants everywhere too. They give you big portions and lots of free chips and salsa.

Before I left the US last year, I went to a lot of restaurants by myself to savor all that good food and large portions before I left.

My favorite dish was baked spaghetti with melted cheese on top. It really hit the spot. You can't find that in Asia. I mean you can find good quality pasta and pizza in touristy cities in Asia, but it won't have that rich hearty taste that it does in the US that hits the spot.
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

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"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
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Postby momopi » Sun Jun 20, 2010 6:05 pm

My cultural shock was the realization that in certain parts of the world, there's a water hose next to the toilet, because after they use the toilet paper to wipe their butts, they need to wash their butt and use their bare fingers to get it really clean. From their perspective, they wash multiple times per day and are cleaner than us. But from my point of view, that's the guy prepping my food in the kitchen. Um...


Winston, you're in TW, go to Costco in TW. Ask around to see if anyone has a membership card and have them take you.
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Postby Winston » Sun Jun 20, 2010 6:36 pm

momopi wrote:My cultural shock was the realization that in certain parts of the world, there's a water hose next to the toilet, because after they use the toilet paper to wipe their butts, they need to wash their butt and use their bare fingers to get it really clean. From their perspective, they wash multiple times per day and are cleaner than us. But from my point of view, that's the guy prepping my food in the kitchen. Um...


Winston, you're in TW, go to Costco in TW. Ask around to see if anyone has a membership card and have them take you.


We were just in Costco in Kaoshiung. Got some cheesecake and ice cream sandwiches. Not sure if there's pizza there though.
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
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