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http://www.articlesnatch.com/Article/Fi ... on/1195733
I will be the first person to agree with the fact that the fear of rejection is a paralyzing and debilitating reality that grips the best of men. I wont deny its existence like some of the self styled dating experts are prone to do. In fact, Im going to discuss some very practical ways to fight this fear that turns guys into douche-bags at the thought of approaching women.
But first, we need to understand the hows and whys of this fear. So read on-
When man was in the hunter-gatherer phase of evolution, he faced a definite paucity of beautiful girls. The few beautiful girls there were, all wanted to have sex with the tribal leader because he was the one best equipped to provide the greatest resources and protection to their babies.
If any of the low status males wooed a beautiful, desirable female and was rejected, he would have to make do with one of the fat and ugly girls for the rest of his life, or worse, nobody. This is due to the fact that women have an evolutionarily designed switch in their heads which focuses on peer approval: The more one girl wants a guy, the more others do too, even if there is no legitimate reason for it! Low status males had to face this rejection as a regular occurrence and were deeply affected by it. In time a very real fear of rejection settled in their brains- if this girl rejects me then I will have to remain celibate throughout my life.
Over a period of time, natural selection created a defensive trigger in the brains of these males. This is due to the fact that, those males who DID have such a paralyzing fear of rejection, tended to pass on their genes better than those men who DIDNT, and thus became more numerous in the population. If a low status male was turned on by the sight of a beautiful female, his brain immediately switched into the fearful mode. So if the male even contemplated approaching the woman, his heart would start racing and his knees would quiver, effectively nipping his attempt in the bud. All future males were born with this trigger which we know as the fear of rejection.
Now that we know the reason for its existence, lets go through ways to deal with this fear of rejection-
1.The first thing you have to do is realize that there is no logical reasoning for the fear of rejection in the modern world. We arent living in the tribal era anymore and there are hundreds of beautiful girls around for you to attract and seduce.
2.To get girls, youll have to go out into the real world and interact with girls. Its not gonna happen if you just sit on your butt and worry about getting rejected. Go to the mall, the book store, the library and see with your own eyes- nature has created an abundance of beautiful women just waiting to be seduced by a guy like you.
3.If youre well-groomed and well-dressed, and your body language is congruent with your appearance, theres not a chance in the world that a beautiful woman will not be interested in you. Just stride in with confidence and sweep the girl off her feet.
4.Why do we feel dejected when a girl rejects us? Because weve placed such a massive value on her, thats why.If you dont place that kind of value on her, you wont mind it if she rejects you. Big deal if one girl has rejected your APPROACH, not you (remember). Shes just a girl after all. If she rejects you, thats her problem, not yours. There are so many beautiful girls around just like her. So cast your net into the sea and get your load of fish.
5.We fear rejection because we care about the validation of others. Once you stop assigning so much importance to peoples validation of you, youll find that getting rejected doesnt hurt your ego at all.
6.And the last thing which is the most important is that when the fear of rejection grips you, just tell it to go take a walk. Remember that this fear has no relevance in your modern life and when it strikes you, just go in anyway. In time youll find that by just going in despite the fear, you are no longer affected by it. This blind audacity is the only effective way of banishing it forever.
So understand that to meet the most amazing women everyday and to have them desire you is a cakewalk once you have banished the fear of rejection to the farthest recesses of your mind. Forming new habits takes time, but it WILL happen with persistence, so stick at it.
Read more: http://www.articlesnatch.com/Article/Fi ... z0pAZg6MWd
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution No Derivatives
I guess this is something that those within the Anglosphere use in being a PUA, but to project it as some universal genetic condition is laughable. It is all about modern culture within the Anglosphere, and not much else. It makes huge ethnocentric assumptions and projects that onto all of history...LOL . PUA techniques are an understandable attempt to remedy a sick dysfunctional mating environment with desperate therapies and desperate "tools" that Mr. Desperate might in fact be able to use to boost his success rate within an environment that is assumed to be some kind of universal social geology, when it is not. Most of the world considers courtship as something conducted within the context of a larger extended family. The positioning of the girl as some kind of self directing seduceable "target" independent of her larger family is largely of modern western origin. A simple illustration: Seduction as a desirable outcome in all cases requires no consideration of sometimes typical clan/family context that can redefine the entire concept and process of courtship success and failure in ways that are totally foreign to the average American Joe. Chronic failures within the American dysfunction might find great success within another culture, because of the elevation of abilities not valued within the corrupt American system. Conversely, a real stud of a PUA might come to another country and find himself a total failure. If I can use myself as an example, when my very pretty daughter is older,
it might be possible that she was targeted by a wandering PUA from the USA, and let us just say that he was successful in seducing her.
Well within his new matrix, that PUA would be considered a total failure genetically, because if his seduction was successful, his lack of attention to the family/clan context would be fatal, resulting not in loss of face, but in loss of his life as he was taken on a one way fishing trip and fed to the hammerhead sharks, which believe me, would be his fate...a "fishing accident" of course...LOL
PUA techniques work sometimes I am sure within the Psychobabble world of the Angloshpere, but I would not bet on them elsewhere.
All that time and effort to have success in obtaining a clearly INFERIOR woman? I would say, be my guest, Ameriskanks need the entertainment I guess...
The best way to fight rejection is to stop dating western women. It never ceases to amaze me what lengths guys will go to to try and impress a girl. No matter how many times they get kicked in balls they just keep coming back for more. They never stop to consider that maybe there is something horribly wrong with the women in western countries. If a western woman does reject you, she just saved you a lot of money and stress thats all.
Success with woman is all about location and nothing else. You could cut my head off and leave me on street corner some where in asia and I could still manage to get a girlfriend. Stop torturing yourself guys, come to asia and see what real women are like. If you believe that blonde, blued women are better than asian women there is nothing I can do to help you.
You got that right. Guys come up with all kinds of complicated explanations and techniques...for what? Like in the posted piece- all the BS about all those wonderful girls just waiting for you to be man enough to step up to the challenge...that is nonsense. The culture is terminally corrupted and decent women are extremely rare. If they are just looking to get laid, why all the BS? Just hire it out- it's far cheaper.
In my own case, when I was younger (now 53) I had no problem finding women at all in the USA. From high school forward, I would not worry about my "qualifications". It was as easy to get rejected by a beautiful girl as with a homely one, and in fact, the pretty girls were usually nicer. 90% of success is just showing up, and I would not hesitate to do that. I had a series of strikingly beautiful girlfriends, including a lovely girl from a prominent San Francisco modeling agency. However, I did not marry any of them. In hindsight I was always caught up in their drama as they expected, and I found them to be empty, unfaithful, and self-absorbed.
>>>And about sex guys...most American women think they are ALL THAT AND THEN SOME IN BED! Why after all, you are supposed to be SO BLESSED that they let you hit the sheets with them...well after more than 60 countries and having lived in 5, that is a bunch of Americana BULLSHIT. So many even pretty American girls are such posers with sex. Way more show than go! After a few episodes, most of them are like doing a 100 lb tuna - after all they are the Goddess...what do THEY have to prove?
>>>AND...pay attention guys, very often their hygiene is sadly lacking. In some poor countries, in many cases even poor girls consistently practice better hygiene than Americanas...and I cannot count the times I have gone into the bathroom (with Americanas) only to see a really rank used tampon sitting front and center on top of the bathroom trash. Of course, they are Goddesses so you have to put up with it...
>>>In contrast, most girls in much of the world are in no conflict at all being women. They are happy as a female and are not trying to compete with men. In other words, they are girls and really happy to be so...and really get into that role with delight. >>>That might explain why in the Philippines for example, a girl might be a virgin on Monday and be doing you like a porn star by the end of the week.
Ruts are hard to break out of, but one way or the other, if an American man does not spend some time out of the country, he is doing himself a real disservice.
I wouldnt go so far as to say it is ALL western countries. Certainly Western women may make horrible marriage partners across the board, considering divorce rates, who initiates the divorce, and the reasons given.
However, as far as the difficulty of simply finding a sex partner (forget girl friend or wife), it is much more down to earth in any country in which English is not the official language. So much of the nonsense AWs pull doesnt translate the same in France and Germany as it does in the UK, USA, and Canada.
It's a shame really. The most beautiful women in the world completely ruined by this ideology. Like an entire race of women completely off limits cause of this crap.
Iawesome60 says in viewtopic.php?t=9928 :
Because something bad IS going to happen if you ask them out. The "Fighting The Fear Of Rejection" article doesn't mention that.
No. It's far more than that.
In high school, my friends told me the clichÃ© "You shouldn't be afraid of rejection." Well, afterwards I learned that I should. Because those rejections also entailed horrible long-term embarrassments and humiliations such as:
- Being permanently blocked from her Facebook, IM, and e-mail
- Exaggerated rumors spread all around campus, and to all sorts of random people
- Curious ex-boyfriend asking me about what happened with the girl, or what is going to happen.
- Girl giving me strange looks throughout the rest of the year while we're stuck in the same class. Intense long-term awkwardness and embarrassment.
- Girl acting very unpredictably around me all the time. Sometimes snapping at me, sometimes ignoring me, sometimes feeling nervous around me. Most of the time, they'd nervously trying to avoid me.
- All of her friends talk about the incident for weeks or even months. Often around me. Sometimes they stare at me at random places and times.
All from Asian-American girls. I have no idea why they would behave like this.
I became afraid of approaching women despite having pretty decent looks. I almost thought my social skills had deteriorated because of that. But when I went abroad, I somehow lost all my fear of approaching women. The women abroad gave off good vibes and enjoyed talking to me. They did not start acting weird when I displayed romantic interest, as the American girls had. And when they do reject me, it's a quick affair done civilly without any traumatic long-term effects. I did the same things I had done back in high school and ended up being with the sweetest girl I've ever known, instead of being humiliated for weeks and months for doing something completely normal.
Just like real estate values, it's location, location, location.
I just spent a couple hours last night explaining to my sister how I had a new 22-year old gf in PI. I tried to explain the social dynamics, lack of viable men for these women, different attitudes than Americans, etc. I expected to be judged but instead at the end she said, "I have a male friend our age who is interested in younger women. Can I give him your email for you to advise him?"