Why are Americans so "cliquish"?

[jamesbond]

Anglo countries are the most "cliquish" countries in the world. In these countries you need to make your friends early in life (when you are in school) and then hold onto those friends for the rest of your life.

So in anglo countries, not only is it diffcult to meet women, it's also difficult to make friends with people.

[S_Parc]

Anglo countries are the most "cliquish" countries in the world. In these countries you need to make your friends early in life (when you are in school) and then hold onto those friends for the rest of your life.

I think the other problem is that it's also very special interests oriented. For instance, if you let's say move to Boston but you're not a Celtics basketball fan and thus, have little affiliation towards names like Russell, Havlicek, Cowens, Bird, Pierce, etc, then right there, you're limited in breaking into social circles, which love their home sports team. I find it to be the biggest problem in America because really, if you didn't grow up in a particular region, then that place is always a type of business rest stop than a plausible home. Hence, despite all my business travels, I'm always back in New England when everything is said and done.

So what needs to happen is that one needs very strong hobbies where you get to meet let's say guitar techs, sporting units, etc, around the US. That's a good way of making social contacts, but while you're at it, don't get too serious with an American woman. The two activities need to be in separate categories. Think of the US, as business center/hobbist center but the rest of the globe as a place for normal male-female relationships.

[well-informed]

@ S_Parc

But you don't know how hard that is, because you're attraction to females doesn't go away even if she's american or not.
I will say that having children or marrying american women is not wise since you're more than likely going to lose at the end.

[S_Parc]

@ S_Parc

But you don't know how hard that is, because you're attraction to females doesn't go away even if she's american or not.

I understand it's hard but it is doable. I think part of my awakening was realizing that my sister wasn't some great "Susan B Anthony" thing, during my early 20s. Then, little by little, I saw similarities between her and other American *Yankee* women. Well, then there was that transition period when I was pretty much only dating international women and started to hang out with American gals, only to gather the local gossip. That's when the attraction factor died out ... they felt either like my sister's clone or an emotionally challenged guy (but w/ boobs). As you can gather, it's hard to stay *attracted* to the aforementioned, getting negative vibs half the time.

I will say that having children or marrying american women is not wise since you're more than likely going to lose at the end.

Well, in the above case, if you're both not a member of a insular dating pool (i.e. both Armenians, Orthodox Jews, 1st gen Cambodians, etc), the chances of lifelong misery are well above 60%. There's little point in aiming to make some high water mark there; it's better to focus on one's career.

[MattHanson1990]

There are some pockets in America that aren't as cliquish, and if I stayed i would rather be in such pockets. America overall isn't a fun place to be; it basically is a large high school except in the pockets I mentioned. Even in churches people will be polite but they won't want to actually get to know you. Additionally, a lot of colleges are becoming more and more cliquish, even in the dorms. I currently live in Los Alamos, New Mexico and boy is it one of the hardest places in America to meet people. It's almost as bad as Seattle and Bellingham, Washington.

America wasn't always like this. In the 50s, 60s, and 70s for instance, Americans were more open to meeting new people and actually knew their neigbors. Social isolation in America took off in the 80s and has gone into full swing in the 90s and 2000s.

[DDuana]

I think this has to do with the "high school-ization" of America. American culture has become so teenage-driven, it's weird.

[MattHanson1990]

I think this has to do with the "high school-ization" of America. American culture has become so teenage-driven, it's weird.

Even people in their 30s and 40s still act like teenagers, especially the women. Welcome to "The United States of High School".

[Winston]

Have you guys noticed that Asians are even more cliquish than Americans? They take it to the extreme. Even Asian Americans are mostly very cliquish. You see this in the US too. It's as if cliquishness is in their blood or soul. Very weird. I've never been cliquish so I've never understood it. So I am not like other Asians at all. I hate how Asians never make eye contact with others in public. It's so cold and depressing to see that.

This also appears to be a middle class thing. Even in the Philippines, the middle class people in the malls there who have money and don't need a foreigner to buy them anything, look unapproachable and in their own bubble, like they want their privacy and don't want to talk to anyone. If you talk to them it feels like an invasion of their privacy, you can sense it would be like "violating their boundary". Have any of you noticed this too?

Why is that? Why are middle class people so cliquish and closed off to strangers? Even though my family is upper middle class from the SF Bay Area, I've never been that way, but everyone else is. Especially middle class and upper middle class. Why? Why do they all act the same? Why can't they deviate from the norm or hive mind? I almost never see a middle class person who is open and approachable and doesn't have that ice wall around them. Middle class women especially have that wall around them and that cliquish vibe that says "don't talk to strangers unless it's business-related, mind your own business".

Everyone is like the Borg. So why didn't Captain Picard's crew join the Borg and assimilate since they already were like the Borg anyway in that they all have the same beliefs and attitudes? lol. It would have made no difference. So why do people assume they are not the Borg when they clearly are and no one deviates from the norm or thinks independently? lol

Maybe I belong in Latin America or something? Some people say I would fit in there.

[Guhji]

Have you guys noticed that Asians are even more cliquish than Americans? They take it to the extreme. Even Asian Americans are mostly very cliquish. You see this in the US too. It's as if cliquishness is in their blood or soul. Very weird. I've never been cliquish so I've never understood it. So I am not like other Asians at all. I hate how Asians never make eye contact with others in public. It's so cold and depressing to see that.

This also appears to be a middle class thing. Even in the Philippines, the middle class people in the malls there who have money and don't need a foreigner to buy them anything, look unapproachable and in their own bubble, like they want their privacy and don't want to talk to anyone. If you talk to them it feels like an invasion of their privacy, you can sense it would be like "violating their boundary". Have any of you noticed this too?

Why is that? Why are middle class people so cliquish and closed off to strangers? Even though my family is upper middle class from the SF Bay Area, I've never been that way, but everyone else is. Especially middle class and upper middle class. Why? Why do they all act the same? Why can't they deviate from the norm or hive mind? I almost never see a middle class person who is open and approachable and doesn't have that ice wall around them. Middle class women especially have that wall around them and that cliquish vibe that says "don't talk to strangers unless it's business-related, mind your own business".

Everyone is like the Borg. So why didn't Captain Picard's crew join the Borg and assimilate since they already were like the Borg anyway in that they all have the same beliefs and attitudes? lol. It would have made no difference. So why do people assume they are not the Borg when they clearly are and no one deviates from the norm or thinks independently? lol

Maybe I belong in Latin America or something? Some people say I would fit in there.

Middle class Latinos won't talk to you either. Successful people will not talk to people they don't perceive to be successful as well. That's how it is everywhere.

[Winston]

What do you mean successful? How would they know if I'm successful without talking to me? Many milionaires look normal. Most rich people do not wear designer clothes btw. They dress modestly and don't like to attract attention. George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, etc all dressed in T-Shirt and Jeans. Even if you wear designer clothes, that doesn't mean they will talk to you. Come on. Get real. They are cliquish, so even if you look successful and rich that doesn't mean they will talk to you. Try it and see. People who are closed are closed, it's not about you. Stop being so shallow. Nothing is that simple or linear. They are closed because they are closed by nature.

Also I am referring to middle class people only, not rich or successful people. Why you so dumb?

Btw, middle class people do not show off or draw attention. Many of them are minimalists too. All the minimalist girls you see on YouTube are all middle class or above. They grew up in comfort and aren't materialistic anymore. You never see poor people who are into minimalism. The poor in the Philippines worship money and material things. Only middle class people who are tired of materialism and into spirituality become minimalists. You forget that.

[Winston]

Also Guhji,
The average middle class girl in the Philippines that you see in the mall only has a few thousand dollars in her bank account. A lot less money than me. So why would she still be snobby and closed and have a cold wall around her? Also. most middle class American girls do not have a lot of money either, just some in the bank. Not more than me. So you see, what you say makes no logical sense. If middle class people are only open and approachable to other middle class people, then ALL middle class people would be open to talking to me. DUH!

Why you soooooo dumb?! Why you always defy basic logic? You just make lame one liners to shame people but have no substance or logic or insight.

[Guhji]

People judge others on the first physical impression. You do not look like a successful guy nor or are you attractive. BTW when I visited Mexico I found the locals to be fashionable and well-dressed, moreso than the average American. For example, the only people wearing shorts and t-shirts were me and other foreigners. I quickly changed into slacks and a polo.

If you visit Latin America looking like a Chinese taxi driver I predict you will have a negative social experience there. Of course, you complain about having negative social experiences everywhere, so that probably won't come as any surprise to you.

[yick]

People judge others on the first physical impression. You do not look like a successful guy nor or are you attractive. BTW when I visited Mexico I found the locals to be fashionable and well-dressed, moreso than the average American. For example, the only people wearing shorts and t-shirts were me and other foreigners. I quickly changed into slacks and a polo.

If you visit Latin America looking like a Chinese taxi driver I predict you will have a negative social experience there. Of course, you complain about having negative social experiences everywhere, so that probably won't come as any surprise to you.

This is quite correct, upper-middle class latins judge and judge hard (soy clasista is something to brag about...) you have to dress a certain way, Americans with baseball caps, shades and big baggy shorts and sandals wearing a t-shirt of where they went to 'college' stick a mile. Even in Argentina.

They judge you on the way you look, the way you dress, skin colour, looks, surname, where you went to school etc etc.

[Guhji]

What are you, like 5 foot 3? Check out 'www.under510.com' for fashion ideas. Better that your clothes fit tighter and shorter...even with your potbelly.