The Biggest Culture Shock: Americans in Movies vs. Real Life

[Winston]

I've often wondered about something. Why is it that on TV and in movies, Americans are so open, friendly, happy, wild, free, exciting, social, carefree, spontaneous, and expressive? They look so easy to meet and befriend. And they gladly invite you into their circles, take you out for fun, and introduce you to their friends. TV characters act so emotional, passionate, and full of life and feeling. And American women are portrayed as open, loose, flirtatious, and easy to pick up and have a steamy affair with. Thus people in other countries assume that this is how Americans really are.

But in real life, Americans are very closed, cliquish and paranoid of others. They don’t talk to strangers unless it’s business-related, they don’t know their neighbors, and they aren’t social outside their clique. So how can they be “so open� as people in Asia think? Americans establish their friends and cliques early on in life, and do not like to meet new people. People are in their own bubble and disconnected from others. They are distant and basically ignore you and expect you to mind your own business while they mind theirs. There is an "ice barrier" between strangers (hence the term "breaking the ice"). The social vibe feels very cliquish, paranoid and uptight, not relaxed at all. And women in America in reality are very closed, private, cliquish, and do not like to connect with others. They are not open, curious or engaging at all, but unapproachable and paranoid. They have a cold wall or force field around them. And they view flirtation as creepy, taboo and violating, sometimes to the point of harassment too.

In real everyday life, Americans are stressed and tired, always in a rush to get through their daily routine, and uninterested in human connection. But if you are not like that too, then you stick out like a sore thumb!

Thus there is an ENORMOUS difference between the media image of Americans and reality. Why is there such a HUGE difference that no one talks about?! It's so bizarre, like the Twilight Zone!

What’s interesting to note is that Asian immigrants living in America do not consider Americans to be open, wild, free and exciting like on TV (as Asians in Asia do). Instead, they say that Americans are “fake and selfish�, and that they only care about themselves and are not your real friends. This speaks volumes, and I can only wonder why the media in Asia have not debunked the false image and misconceptions that Asians have about America long ago. Why would they want their people to continue having false illusions about America? It’s very strange.

My friend and cultural advisor, a former US immigrant who speaks 10 languages and has lived in 9 countries long term, making him an expert in cultural analyses, made the same observation in my forum when he described the biggest culture shock that immigrants face in America:

viewtopic.php?t=8855
"I think generally, the biggest culture shock that people experience in the US is not between their country and the US but between what they thought the US would be and what it actually is. Books and movies about America make the place appear very free and exciting and happening and the people are so interesting and emotional. There is sex and fun and romance going on. When they arrive, the place looks very conservative and the people appear robotic and quiet. Sex is subdued and hard to come by. The people are not open at all, they look closed and mistrustful. Everybody is just working and looking tired and apathetic. Talking to strangers is taboo. There are thousands of little rules and laws and social mores that seem as dogmatic and strict as those in a Muslim society. And every time you are at risk of breaking yet another law and facing very dire consequences. That is the biggest culture shock of all."

Now that is perhaps the most accurate summary of America ever written. It is all so blatantly obvious, yet no one talks about it. It's like an "Emperor's New Clothes" syndrome. To talk about this would make you look like a loser, so no one dares to, because you are supposed to be “positive� about everything and ignore the reality of such things. Either that, or people don't see it due to cognitive dissonance from their social programming.

You see, there is also an unspoken social rule that everywhere you go, you MUST say that people are friendly and great, or you say nothing at all. You are NOT allowed to say that people are unfriendly or unsociable. That is a taboo and No-No, no matter how true or justified. Thus truth is censored, and political correctness and positivity are placed above truth and honesty. This is very weird to me, since I place truth and honesty above political correctness and positivity. Is there something wrong with me, or everyone else? In America, there definitely is a HUGE GAP between hype and reality. No doubt about it. What's wrong with pointing out the truth? Since when did truth become a taboo?

[Winston]

Btw, when I was in college, I went to this university called Cal State Hayward in Hayward, CA. For the two years I was there, every day after school I'd spend about two hours trying to meet girls, with no results, simply cause I believed it was easy based on what the media, culture and TV shows portrayed.

But in reality, everyone there minded their own business and expected me to do the same. They just went there for the classes and then left afterward. There was no desire for human connection at all. I was the only one seeking the fun and girls that I saw on TV. No one else was. Everyone else was all business. I went home deflated everyday after hoping that I'd run into some hot chick who would get involved with me like the characters do in sitcoms everyday. It was so depressing. I felt like a sore thumb there. It was very odd. What a waste of precious life, bumping my head into walls for nothing. It was the most shameful, pathetic and embarassing experience.

Now I realize that I was deceived and that the cultural image of open outgoing friendly girls in America was a TOTAL LIE AND FARCE. That's an example of the danger that the fake facade in the US media and culture can delude you with.

[jamesbond]

But in reality, everyone there minded their own business and expected me to do the same. They just went there for the classes and then left afterward. There was no desire for human connection at all. I was the only one seeking the fun and girls that I saw on TV. No one else was. Everyone else was all business. I went home deflated everyday after hoping that I'd run into some hot chick who would get involved with me like the characters do in sitcoms everyday. It was so depressing. I felt like a sore thumb there. It was very odd. What a waste of precious life, bumping my head into walls for nothing. It was the most shameful, pathetic and embarassing experience.

Now I realize that I was deceived and that the cultural image of open outgoing friendly girls in America was a TOTAL LIE AND FARCE. That's an example of the danger that the fake facade in the US media and culture can delude you with.

It is funny in American made movies and tv shows, women appear friendly, easy to meet and flirty. Nothing could be further from the truth! In real life women in America are unfriendly, anti-social and cold as ice! If you approach them and start talking to them, you feel as if you are doing something wrong and socially unacceptable.

In America, a guy REALLY needs to be able to meet women through his friends! This is how most people seem to meet in the US. For some reason, women in America need the reassurance of their friends in order to even be open to the idea of meeting men. This of course eliminates meeting women at grocery stores, bookstores, shopping malls and other public places.

Wow, the dating scene sure is great for men here in the USA! lol

[ssjparris]

yeah the american women are alll messed up in the head shame for shame.

the media in other countries depict real life for what it is. here in the good ol' us of a its the media portraying a fake image of usa. how sad.

[jounderw]

I would not call this culture shock. Maybe for you it was, but movies sterotype EVERYONE not just women. Thats all a part of tinseltown.

[globetrotter]

I've often wondered about this:

- Why is it that on TV and in movies, Americans are so open, friendly, sociable, communicative, and easily invite you into their cliques, taking you out for fun and introducing you to others? They act so warm, emotional, full of life and feeling, and are easy to talk to and get involved with. And in romance/drama films of old (less so nowadays) people were so passionate and full of feeling in their eyes and expression, as though they were fully aware and conscious.

I have read Ladislav write this, and looking at American movies I simply don't see what you guys are talking about.

-Any romantic comedy there's one guy and one girl and he has to jump through numerous hoops. It isn't portrayed as easy.
-Even superheroes like Spiderman and Superman don't get the girl.
-Old movies like Gone with the Wind, Clark Gable spends 4 hours landing Scarlett, she is a pain in the ass, she loves another man and in the end Rhett leaves her.
-Most other leads that 'get the girl' have to go through hell, prove themselves, be an alpha, save the world, etc. to get the girl in the end. Not easy, at all.

Again, this is not what you guys are writing. Maybe you were projecting.

Perhaps this is their own cultural bias via what they talked about back home and then they look at a movie and project.

It certainly isn't what I thought of myself growing up, it wasn't what my friends and I talked about, and it wasn't how we assumed the world was is or was going to be like.

We knew that movies are not real. Why is this so hard to understand?

You guys do understand that movies, tv, and film ARE NOT REAL, right?

[ssjparris]

Ladislav and Winston are correct with this...the movies do not depict american life for what it really is. Instead they give you a fake facade on tv, movies and music about americans. these mediums simply do not tell the truth about how americans really are.

Whereas in all the other countries the movies depict their environment for what it really is. so if people are open about sexuality and nudity. you will see this frequently in their movies. they are all about realism. americans are about fantasy and make believe in their media.

this is why i enjoy foreign movies and tv shows more. i feel like i can intmately relate to the people in these foreign mediums.

[E_Irizarry]

We knew that movies are not real. Why is this so hard to understand?

You guys do understand that movies, tv, and film ARE NOT REAL, right?

Well they do have the power to influence though!! Look @ Law & Order. Men becoming UNdeservedly shafted in most episodes.

[BellaRuth]

this is why i enjoy foreign movies and tv shows more. i feel like i can intmately relate to the people in these foreign mediums.

My favourite film ever is The Lives of Others. It's German. Give it a try if you haven't already!

[ssjparris]

okay i will check it out my friend BellaRuth...you should check out The Big Blue a fantastic romantic ride from france. [/quote]

[ladislav]

And you know what is funny? That people abroad imitate Hollywood movies and then state that they try to "behave like Americans". Open, sexually provocative, talkative, expressive. And then in many countries they talk about how American culture perverted them and now young people do all kinds of wild things "just like Americans".
And many do a good job at actually creating a reality out of the fake America on TV. So if you want to find those "Americans"- you will need to go abroad. Lol!

[globetrotter]

We knew that movies are not real. Why is this so hard to understand?

You guys do understand that movies, tv, and film ARE NOT REAL, right?

Well they do have the power to influence though!! Look @ Law & Order. Men becoming UNdeservedly shafted in most episodes.

You are kidding, right?

Unless you are 12 years old and have the most undisciplined mind ever, you should be fully capable of realizing that movies and TV are not reality and are unworthy of influencing thought.

It's f***ing FICTION shot on a stage in the San Fernando Valley.

[Repatriate]

We knew that movies are not real. Why is this so hard to understand?

You guys do understand that movies, tv, and film ARE NOT REAL, right?

Well they do have the power to influence though!! Look @ Law & Order. Men becoming UNdeservedly shafted in most episodes.

You are kidding, right?

Unless you are 12 years old and have the most undisciplined mind ever, you should be fully capable of realizing that movies and TV are not reality and are unworthy of influencing thought.

It's f***ing FICTION shot on a stage in the San Fernando Valley.

He's right though. Media and popular culture has a lot of power. A lot of Americans shape their views of race, gender, and social behavior through television.

[have2fly]

And you know what is funny? That people abroad imitate Hollywood movies and then state that they try to "behave like Americans". Open, sexually provocative, talkative, expressive. And then in many countries they talk about how American culture perverted them and now young people do all kinds of wild things "just like Americans".
And many do a good job at actually creating a reality out of the fake America on TV. So if you want to find those "Americans"- you will need to go abroad. Lol!

Ladislav is totally RIGHT! I see that in Russian girls that come to the USA. They wave at coming cars to get a ride on any street in town (like American girls do in many movies), they try to meet any American guys that go their way because they think that's the way everyone does it in America. They try to get to American trash cheap bars with pool tables and tattooed biker-type guys because they think "it's soooo cool to hang out in such places". They try to take pictures with American muscle cars. It is actually a new fashion statement in Moscow nowadays - to drive a "vintage" Oldsmobile, Cadillac or Buick from 1980's. They call them "old-timers" and rich people in Moscow buy them a lot instead of S600 Mercedes or BMW 7-series.

American fake pop-culture is just bombed upon youth in Russia/Ukraine. Russian guys dream of having sex with hot "chocolate girl" from Snoop Dogg video and Russian girls dream of driving a pimped out Cadillac with 20 inch rims listening to ghetto hip-hop. It's funny how black guys with those beatup rusty junk cars pickup Russian Work and Travel students during the summer in the States. I laugh my ass off watching that. But those girls are young and VERY naive, they believe what they see on TV and think it's cool to do same stuff and dress the same way as Lady Gaga, Beyonce etc. Of course, they get smart after being raped by some crack addict black dude or get pregnant and kicked out Also, those that stay to live in the USA quickly learn that "chocolate girls" from Snoop Dogg videos are most likely doing crack, cocaine or meth or often don't have teeth etc. Girls learn that having 20 inch on your car doesn't really mean shit and guys that drive those cars are usually losers. But it takes a while to overcome that "American movie/MTV" mentality.

Of course, not every Russian girl is amazed by American culture (or rather "Fake pop-culture"), but there are many.

I just love this forum and website. It raises issues of global concern that actually may be more important than nuclear reduction treaty because things we discuss actually influence people's lives and behavior, self-understanding etc.

[ladislav]

We knew that movies are not real. Why is this so hard to understand?

You guys do understand that movies, tv, and film ARE NOT REAL, right?

Well they do have the power to influence though!! Look @ Law & Order. Men becoming UNdeservedly shafted in most episodes.

You are kidding, right?

Unless you are 12 years old and have the most undisciplined mind ever, you should be fully capable of realizing that movies and TV are not reality and are unworthy of influencing thought.

It's f***ing FICTION shot on a stage in the San Fernando Valley.

Never underestimate the stupidity of the common populace!

While movies are not the reality and people know they are movies, the repeated messages and images in them shown over and over and over again and the way people talk in them, the values they teach, the trends and the subliminal programming they have with background music and all have a powerful propaganda effect on billions of people who watch them. The same messages driven into people's minds over and over and over again.

While a French intellectual may not want to watch those, humongous masses of working folks and teenagers do as an escape. And most of the stuff goes into them subliminally/subconsciously. It is not even life imitating art, it its art controlling life.

And do not forget a couple of billion of people outside of the USA who watch such movies daily on TV. Who grew up on them. Many of them have no idea how life in the US is and they think it is real or a movie reenactment of real life. Again, I am not talking about a German law professor who would not put up with that nonsense. I am talking again about masses of Chinese, Indians, Filipinos, Russians, Indonesians.

The good thing such movies do is they portray American men as super-duper heroes and millionaires with virtually supernatural powers. After watching "Top Gun" or a movie with Danzel Washington, the girls around the world want an American man. Badly!

Or any white or black man. They are all Americans to them, anyway. Just like this Serbian guy I knew who went to Indonesia. To them, he is just a Bule, a white man. Just like they are in America. Where else do white people come from?

He must be fabulously rich, a hero, brutally handsome, just like the real thing - what they see on TV all the time. A Serbian refugee man is not a hot item in Chicago but he is Bill Gates and Bruce Willis in the Philippines and Indonesia.

And a Black African gets into hip hop and goes to Russia and he is now an American there. Heck, they don't see the difference. The common populace, that is.

And this is the time for all of us to arrive into those countries and start strutting our stuff on the streets on Jakarta and Manila. And see nothing but smiles. They'd just watched another Tom Cruise movie and I am Tom Cruise to them. And they just watched another Michael Jackson song and a poor African is Michael Jackson to them.

These movies spoil things for us in the US, but they sure do us a great favor overseas.