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Apartment p***y Pass

Posted: December 13th, 2010, 11:02 am
by Fenix
*Old blog post I wrote*

Craigshitlist (Craigslist) is the worst website of all time. All types of scammers on that motherf***ing site. I keep telling geeks that Craigshitlist is bad news bears. All I have encountered is fake ass jobs, looney tune people, and gay parades. Gay parade? Many gay people hang out at Craigshitlist. This isn't about gays or looney tunes (crazy individuals). This shit is about apartment ads. I browse the rooms & shares and apartments wanted section of this bullshit website all of the f***ing time. All I see is sexism when it comes to the ads. Every other ad has something to do with a female getting preferential treatment. Here are some examples of the ads I see. Either the female can get a free place to stay or she has to pay little rent (i.e. $100). How come I don't see men get this type of luxury? It is dragon shit. *Quick note: I wrote these ads that are below. These ads are pretty accurate portrayals of what I see on Craigshitlist.*

Looking for a female roommate age 21-24, can live with me for free:
Hi! I have a nice house by the beach and I am a single male looking to have a good time. I am new to the area and I wanted some female companionship. If you want to stay by the beach in a 5 bedroom house with 4 bathrooms, chauffeur, all types of nightclubs around here and much more, hit me up! Why am I letting you stay here for free? I am a good man. I am helping out young females that need to get on their feet. Okay, I lied, there is a catch. You have to be my personal whore. I know, this is harsh but you have to f**k my brains out when I say "Come to Daddy!" You thought you were going to live here for free because I am a good person? Sweetie, life is hard and so is my dick! Hit me up for a free place!

Need a roommate ASAP but has to be a female $100:
I am a 45 year old male and I have a mansion in Beverly Hills. I am so lonely living here with my 5 dogs, 9 cats, 3 birds and one horse. I need a female to take care of me. All you have to do is pay $100 every 3 months. That is it. All you have to do is pay rent quarterly and be my little French maid. Oui, oui? Parle le vous Francais? You would f**k me quelquefois but only when I buy my Viagra pills.

Do not get angry when you see my Woody Woodpecker. I am only 3 inches erect. I can last about 15 minutes on Viagra but only 3 minutes without them. Anyway, if you like the pictures of my mansion and are interested in this opportunity call my cell phone at 555-5555 and/or email me. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, my oldest dog Killroy likes to shit bricks. He will shit all over the house. I do not want you coming inside of my house and you think I am a bricklayer.That is Killroy's dog shit. Forgive him, he is 19 years old and still kicking! $100 every 3 months, f**k me occasionally and do a little housework for daddy. Contact if interested!

Need one more female roommate $25 rent:
Hello, ladies! I am an aspiring singer/student and I would like to have another female around here. I already have one female roommate but I need another so we can form our version of the Powerpuff Girls (girl power!). You only have to pay $25 to get inside of this complex. The complex is owned by some crackhead. Red flag, nice to meet you...He is a good crackhead (oxymoron). He is clean, responsible and trustworthy.

$25 is for his crack habit but he lets us stay in his complex for free. The apartments include furniture, a Jacuzzi, basketball court, gymnasium, secret service, a funeral home, casino and the whole ten yards. This place is amazing. It is our own utopia! Anywho, living her is like a membership basically. If you were a male living here, you would have to pay $1,000 upfront and $500 each week. Men have it bad but we are females! We have our golden vaginas and our brain power! Smooches! Any female between the ages 18-30 would be fine. We just need one more special female to fill the void. Ladies, hope to hear from you soon!

/satire

Go on Craigshitlist sometime and look at the housing section. It is really coo coo for Cocoa Puffs and Cookie Crisps. It is really sickening on a serious tip. Women, congratulations, you are honored with an apartment p***y pass! If you are a female, you don't have to pay full rent (usually $500 or more) or pay rent at all. Men, we have to suffer and go through flaming hoops to get a place to stay. Whatever...Your p***y pass will be revoked someday!