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What do you think is missing?

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What do you think is missing?

Postby ijohn » Wed Jan 05, 2011 5:56 am

Anyone browsing through the different threads on this forum will see many different needs and expectations expressed and a lot of angst too. So this might be a fun and interesting excercise (apologies if it has been done before), what do you think is 'missing', that is making you feel this ennui? What do you think you need that if you got you will not feel this? The various discussions on this forum suggest that these are some of the things:

- attractive white or asian women who express interest in you, are warm to you and are also traditionally minded.
- warmer, friendlier people who share more and value their friendships and commitments.
- the old style family life with its duties and commitments.
- a position of authority and respect
- a sense of belonging
- hot women to sleep with who don't mind having quick flings.
- hot women to sleep with after which a hot girl to marry
- hot women to sleep with who once they get older quietly go away to make way for the next one.
- a relationship that never has problems
- weed is finally legalized everywhere.
- some other things

If you don't mind sharing, do so, but if possible keep your answer short - maybe a few sentences, seventy five words or so.
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Postby globetrotter » Wed Jan 05, 2011 8:01 am

Now that I have moved to China, the only thing missing is a gf.

That's due to language and that I am 50.

Ever met a 50 yo Chinese woman who is unmarried?

They look as tho they are 80.

So I patiently work the locals waiting for that 20 yo.
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Postby Rock » Wed Jan 05, 2011 8:32 am

globetrotter wrote:Now that I have moved to China, the only thing missing is a gf.

That's due to language and that I am 50.

Ever met a 50 yo Chinese woman who is unmarried?

They look as tho they are 80.

So I patiently work the locals waiting for that 20 yo.


My good friend from LA area married a very attractive middle class girl from Shenyang around 27 years his junior (don't remember exactly) and brought her to the States. She has a strong personality and that caused some problems in early stages but improved a lot over time. She's one of those strange cases where living in the States seems to have made her a better and more mature person. And he only makes around US$4-5K per month, just enough to cover the bills. He speaks no Chinese and loves the States. In the early days of their marriage, the girl wanted him to move with her to China and teach English. But in his old school mind, China is an inferior and unromantic country. He still loves the US and I must admit, their quality of life way out in the far suburbs where he lives is quite appealing (beautiful big house in large new development with resort style facilities, constant sun, and beautiful mountain backdrops for a moderate price).

He actually immigrated from Sweden in his early 20s to pursue the American/Hollywood dream and live in a sunny warm climate (his ethnicity is Macedonian so he's short with dark complexion). Anyway, they now have a 4 year old and another child on the way.

I think it helped a lot that he was always ready to walk from this girl. His dream was to find a Latina, not a Chinese. Moreover, his having a strong desire for children fit in well with Chinese values.

If you really wanna find a young Chinese gf, you could consider expanding your search to online. That's how my friend found his and in his profile, he shaved 10 years from his age. He came clean with the girl well before he brought her to States on fiance visa.
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Postby Winston » Wed Jan 05, 2011 8:55 am

Globetrotter, have you tried QQ? Some of the guys here used it and said it works very well in meeting Chinese girls.

Also, have you seen the thread where we posted the older Chinese women profiles from AFA? Some of them look really hot.

Here are other free sites you can try: Datinasia.com and Tagged.com

Or you can just come to the Philippines? What about Chengdu? Mr S told me it was a wild place with women eager to please?
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Postby Winston » Wed Jan 05, 2011 9:02 am

ijohn, you are a true philosopher. Darryl Sloan, whom I listen to on YouTube, said that we all strive for fulfillment, even though we know we will never be completely fulfilled. Thus we must be meant to be striving. It's the natural order of things.

It does seem true though, cause whenever I feel completely fulfilled, and everything is perfect, and I have the love of the woman that makes me feel like I'm on cloud 9, etc. it always disappears soon after, leaving me deflated. so even if you find compete fulfillment, it's like the universe is always ruining it, returning you to "striving mode" again. Funny how that works.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Gea-lq21FM[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgvVjIVZujQ[/youtube]
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

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Postby globetrotter » Wed Jan 05, 2011 9:56 am

Winston wrote:Globetrotter, have you tried QQ? Some of the guys here used it and said it works very well in meeting Chinese girls.

Also, have you seen the thread where we posted the older Chinese women profiles from AFA? Some of them look really hot.

Here are other free sites you can try: Datinasia.com and Tagged.com


I don't 'do' QQ, MSN, chatting, online dating or that.

I don't like it.

While I am very very computer savvy and know my way around, I just don't like the dynamic.

I prefer to meet people in person, in real life.

It's better that way.

I don't even like to text.

I prefer to phone call to set up a date or to meet in person. All photos of those older women are doctored. They don't look that good in person.

Everything else is just fiction and nonsense.

There are millions of subtle clues, smells, body language tells, that are missing from online interactions.

Without those signals, I cannot tell if I like a woman or not.
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Postby Winston » Wed Jan 05, 2011 11:34 am

But Globetrotter, those tools like QQ are the GATEWAYS to allowing you to meet many different women that you otherwise would never be able to meet. They are merely tools and gateways. Of course they will lead to meetings in person. You've got to see it that way to get the maximum benefit and range of introductions.

Are there any agencies or matchmakers in your area?
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
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Postby globetrotter » Wed Jan 05, 2011 12:53 pm

Winston wrote:But Globetrotter, those tools like QQ are the GATEWAYS to allowing you to meet many different women that you otherwise would never be able to meet. They are merely tools and gateways. Of course they will lead to meetings in person. You've got to see it that way to get the maximum benefit and range of introductions.

Are there any agencies or matchmakers in your area?


Look, you guys here are mostly people who had little success with women and then you moved abroad or hit up the online Filipinas or whatever.

I do not have the same history, to be polite, OK?

Those tools don't give me the information that I need. I don't like them and I don't do that.

You cannot read a person's body language from a webcam or video.

You cannot tell if a person is attracted to you in a physical, animal sense, if you do not meet in person.

I cannot tell if I am attracted to the person unless I meet them in person and stand next to them, talk with them.

Oftentimes a woman that looks like crap in a photo is the one that I want and the 'hot' one is a dead fish in person.

I am not 37. I don't want to meet many women and get a range of introductions. I am not interested in getting laid or f***ing many women. I don't want to meet women I would never meet. I want to meet women who live where I live, within 20 kms or less. I am not going to 'meet' someone online and fly to her. That's not what I do. People meet in person through friends and introductions. Long distance is bullshit.

I want to meet A woman. I am far past the stage of playing the field. I have had my dozen gf's and my 3-figure conquests.

You guys do what you like and I will do what I like.
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Postby momopi » Wed Jan 05, 2011 7:21 pm

ICQ/AIM/YIM/MSN/QQ/Skype/etc are good for LD. But if you're physically there, then there's little need for it.
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Postby zzzz » Wed Jan 05, 2011 8:05 pm

globetrotter wrote:Look, you guys here are mostly people who had little success with women and then you moved abroad or hit up the online Filipinas or whatever.

I do not have the same history, to be polite, OK?


I think it's hilarious you knock online as a tool then insult "most" guys here for having little success with women when you are the one who doesn't have a girlfriend and says that is the one thing you are missing. Why don't you be polite? :roll: All people were trying to do is help.
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Postby keius » Wed Jan 05, 2011 9:15 pm

I've got to agree with globetrotter. Use them as tools to set up meetings.... if you feel the need to use them at all.

I've never been inclined to actually waste time chatting, etc, with girls online when i might see them for 3 seconds and know that it'll never work (no attraction). This applied when i was in my early twenties and i still feel the same way. I'm very computer savvy btw. My biggest beef with the online junk is that anything can be faked (appearance, gender, etc).

I've always been introduced to girls through social circles. Know people or work the circles and people so you can get to see real people. Usually you can verify background and it makes it easier to tell if the person you are considering is feeding you lies.
How many of you have actually used these online options for some kind of social experimentation?
There is absolutely nothing like actually being there in person.

Now, there are times when qq, skype, etc is useful. This is when you are already in a relationship and just need that bit of extra time(videocfing)... although, personally, i loathe online conversations. It always feels awkward when your trying to 'make' time together and there really isn't anything to talk about.
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Postby globetrotter » Wed Jan 05, 2011 11:39 pm

zzzz wrote:
globetrotter wrote:Look, you guys here are mostly people who had little success with women and then you moved abroad or hit up the online Filipinas or whatever.

I do not have the same history, to be polite, OK?


I think it's hilarious you knock online as a tool then insult "most" guys here for having little success with women when you are the one who doesn't have a girlfriend and says that is the one thing you are missing. Why don't you be polite? :roll: All people were trying to do is help.


You guys are clearly operating from a different pov and don't look for the things I look for. I cannot tell if I like a woman by seeing a series of photos and chatting in text - no matter how much I do that. Why? Because my relationship with her isn't going to be through webcams and looking at photos and reading text - it's going to be talking to her in person at a distance of .5 meters.

I need to be next to a woman to determine if I like her, and this is not something that I can break down into a rational list of items to check off, or questions to ask her, or a series of photo angles to look at. It is a gut and instinctive reaction that only in person interaction can reveal.

If I have to explain to you what you can sense in person that you cannot see online...
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Postby ijohn » Thu Jan 06, 2011 3:30 am

Well, at least on a forum like this I am sure everyone will agree people should feel free to drop the need for competitiveness, how many have you been with, how many have I been with etc. This is a very western and esp American thing. You will rarely see it in the traditional setup in Asia or other parts of the world, men after the initial teens maybe don't need to show off or feel insecure about their 'conquests', well rarely so. (They show off other things though).

It would not be considered important mostly because the family is valued most and the purpose of the relationship is to build the family. In this regard you only need one person, one partner.

In the old style culture when home, family was the goal, a plethora of uncle's, aunts, family friends would gently nudge the couple to cement their bond and start the family; after all it is not going to get much better than this; you will always have some differences with your partner; as you get to know each other you will come to accept the differences, tolerate each other's failings, learn how to live with each other and a bond will form and deepen.

On the other hand often in America you will find people declaring on dating profiles how they have had so many partners and how now they know exactly what they are looking for. But they are still single, which means they didn't know what they were looking for when they found these previous partners; and if they are so certain now they should be hitched in quick time but that is not the case either because they continue to be looking.

And that begs the questions with regards to the people who have had so many partners, of all the people you were intimate with did you form a bond with any of them? Do you even remember any of them? Did you ever care about any of them? What was the purpose of your relationship?

This begs the question what are you looking for? If you've had lots of partners, you can find dates easily, it is certainly not people who show interest in you. But something seems to be missing that these people obviously cannot provide, that makes you keep on searching, keep on looking.

So to gently steer the discussion back to the original question, what do you think is missing?
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Postby globetrotter » Thu Jan 06, 2011 3:50 am

ijohn wrote:On the other hand often in America you will find people declaring on dating profiles how they have had so many partners and how now they know exactly what they are looking for. But they are still single, which means they didn't know what they were looking for when they found these previous partners; and if they are so certain now they should be hitched in quick time but that is not the case either because they continue to be looking.

And that begs the questions with regards to the people who have had so many partners, of all the people you were intimate with did you form a bond with any of them? Do you even remember any of them? Did you ever care about any of them? What was the purpose of your relationship?

This begs the question what are you looking for? If you've had lots of partners, you can find dates easily, it is certainly not people who show interest in you. But something seems to be missing that these people obviously cannot provide, that makes you keep on searching, keep on looking.

So to gently steer the discussion back to the original question, what do you think is missing?


I remember all of the women I have dated and such. Every single one.

I had at an early age an unspoken wariness about marriage. Something was not right and now I know what that is - American Women bait and switch and want to make you into a draft horse, but they were never going to do their part of the work. No benefit to me in marriage only burdens. This gut feeling kept me away from the altar until I could figure it out. Once the internet and online discussions took off I quickly realized through the experiences of others what I was reacting to for all of those years.

Now, of course, I am in Asia where sanity prevails and it is simply a matter of time of finding someone once my language skills and social network have developed. Here I want to find a girl and settle down. Here there are benefits to me if I do this.

If you want to get laid I can show you 20 places in my small city of 30,000. Those places are everywhere in Asia.
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Postby gsjackson » Thu Jan 06, 2011 5:01 am

What's missing in the U.S.? Self interest rightly understood, as Tocqueville put it. That is to say, a sense that one's own well being is bound together with that of the society.

That's the most short-hand way I can come up with to say that the thesis on this website is that many perceived lacks might have a social provenance and a social solution. The problem might be with American society. The feeling of lack isn't always necessarily reflective of some personal emptiness. I get the sense that you want to direct this thread to a point where people can understand their feelings of perceived lack as being at bottom some sort of spiritual emptiness. That is to say -- as is the American way -- the problem is within, go within and seek a spiritual solution. This place is about saying: change your scenery, then take stock of where you stand internally. The perceived lack might just go away by setting yourself in motion.
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