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What do you think is missing?

Discuss and talk about any general topic.

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Postby ijohn » Thu Jan 06, 2011 12:15 pm

gsjackson wrote:I get the sense that you want to direct this thread to a point where people can understand their feelings of perceived lack as being at bottom some sort of spiritual emptiness.


Hmmm... I'm not sure I want to direct the thread to such a point as much as steer it back on topic versus discussing the nuances of meeting chinese women online and who did more women than whom.

If what you find missing is community, social bonds and commitments then that is what you find missing, as you seem to suggest is your assessment and that assessment is fine, no one (at least not on this forum I think) would suggest it is a bad assessment or that you shouldn't need family, community and social bonds.

The solution is to go somewhere else where these do exist and properly so, after all you can't care about friendship and family in a place where nobody else does.

Then you will have found your way over to a place where these do matter and settled down there. You will have found your lady, popped the question, accepted her family as yours, the community there as yours with all their/its requirements and been raising the kids. And you will report that doing so has made you feel fulfilled, what was missing has been found.

But the discussions on this forum are vast and varied and I'm not sure how many are reporting the above. For example, there are discussions about which cities and countries are the hot party places and where can you go to meet attractive women for quick flings, etc. which certainly doesn't suggest that everyone is looking for community or family, after all if you found your partner and made a family you are off the market, right? You don't care anymore where the hot, loose party women are because you've already made your commitment to your partner, you don't care if people in such and such country are not friendly with you because you've got your community already - you are done, you are bounded, that is it.

Then there seem to be people who have just travelled the world their entire life.

Hence the question (and there is no judgement in it, just a fun excercise in seeing what motivations people have and what their assesment is), what do you think is missing?
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Postby djfourmoney » Thu Jan 06, 2011 1:20 pm

Speak for yourself Globe, I have had as much success as I have wanted to have with very little effort. The problem I've always had is my expectations and desires not meeting up with what was in the dating pool. Being a Black Man who likes White Women that's a problem and limits the size of your pool. I have and do consider other women, but again I come up with the same issues generally, basically they aren't that cute.

However online I do more or less "get what I want" and I like it that way. Using the internet or other technology does not replace human contact. Its also impossible for you to meet all the available women where you live no matter where you live. If you want to just deal with local population I guess that's okay but hey its the limitation you want to live under, don't complain about it.

There some 40 year old Asian women that look pretty dam good and I'm not talking about doctored/photoshop pictures you generally find on some of these web sites. I'm talking local women here in Los Angeles... I could date just about any 40somethting I want, however I want to have children and many of them already have child or can't have children which is why they have never been married.

What's missing?

An attractive woman with some common sense!
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true

Postby Asia Outback » Thu Jan 06, 2011 1:23 pm

Despite my irreverence, I am the category you describe, married with children abroad. (In Mindanao)
So far as I know, I am the only man here in this category. A noted a few that were married, most were not, looking
to find GFs or just convenient sex more easily than in the USA. As a consequence, the themes here are different than
some forums where topics such as schools, housing, and where to buy furniture might come to the fore.
I have not noted a single other poster who has such domestic concerns, ones that would seem normal in time overseas from
the USA if one was expatriated, "Married in" and had found home in a new land. For those who simply seek easier sex abroad, your point will not gain much traction. What is missing? What? Who? Me? Not many will grasp your point or be willing to entertain it if their interests are in reality far removed from marriage and family abroad.


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Postby globetrotter » Thu Jan 06, 2011 1:26 pm

djfourmoney wrote:If you want to just deal with local population I guess that's okay but hey its the limitation you want to live under, don't complain about it.


If any of you guys know how to date a woman who is not in the local population I want to hear about it.

Last time I checked you actually had to be in the same room with a woman to date her.

djfourmoney wrote: There some 40 year old Asian women that look pretty dam good and I'm not talking about doctored/photoshop pictures you generally find on some of these web sites. I'm talking local women here in Los Angeles...


If you have traveled then you know that 'Asian women in Los Angeles' are NOTHING like Asian women in Asia.

They don't even look the same, have the same personalities, facial expressions, body language or demeanor.

As I wrote, you guys are looking for one thing and I am looking for something else.
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Postby The_Adventurer » Thu Jan 06, 2011 1:48 pm

ALthough I use tools like QQ and DIA, I agree with Globetrotter that meeting in person is absolutely essential. When I used DIA in Philippines, I only chatted with girls in my immediate area, who were online at that moment and arranged an immediate meeting, and then went to meet them, usually at the mall.

For the most part, I chat for fun and to learn the local language, but I don't expect anything serious from it. I don't discount the possibility, as I have already gone to visit one of my QQ friends and see potential, but I don't go into it with that goal.
“b***y is so strong that there are dudes willing to blow themselves up for the highly unlikely possibility of b***y in another dimension." -- Joe Rogan
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Postby ijohn » Thu Jan 06, 2011 4:25 pm

Winston wrote:Thus we must be meant to be striving. It's the natural order of things.

It does seem true though, cause whenever I feel completely fulfilled, and everything is perfect, and I have the love of the woman that makes me feel like I'm on cloud 9, etc. it always disappears soon after, leaving me deflated. so even if you find compete fulfillment, it's like the universe is always ruining it, returning you to "striving mode" again. Funny how that works.


Yes Winston, it does appear that we are not meant to be happy in the common way we understand happy. We are meant to be striving and we strive for the sake of striving, because it is our nature to do so.

Speaking of philosophy (you can skip the rest of this post if philosophy doesn't interest you) there is a great literature book Candide by the French writer Voltaire, a fun, humerous little book that in its 120 pages captures the entire philosophical search of the west and the genius of the east too.

Candide is a frenchman who has a philosophy teacher named Pangloss who keeps inisisting that everything always happens for the best, kind of like a new age guru would. Candide falls in love with a beautiful woman Curmengone but due to a comedy of errors he loses her, she is whisked away to another part of the world. So he goes in search of her and travels far and wide. Along the way he picks up a travel companion by the name of Martin, a dour Schopenhauerian German who insists the opposite of Pangloss, that we human beings cannot be happy, whatever is our life situation we will find a way to be unhappy with it.

They have many adventures, stumble into money, spend it, all the while on the trail of Curmengone. They meet many people, rich, poor, in many different stations of life and they all seem to echo Martin's theory, while Pangloss continues to insist that it is all for the best. Eventually Candide, Martin, Pangloss and the rest of his motley crew do find Curmengone; she is serving as a maid in a village in Turkey and they are able to rescue her.

To Candide's shock she now has turned horribly ugly, time has not been kind to her. But he still marries her anyway because otherwise that would have been an awful waste of effort. In the Turkish village they find a sufi saint to whom they pose the same two questions. Does everything happen for the best and can human beings be happy? But the saint has no interest in these questions and just slams the door in their face. Weary with exhasperation they encounter a Turkish farmer and pose the same questions to him too. He replies hey I don't know and I don't spend time thinking about these things. I tend to my farm to look after my two daughters who will be getting married soon.

So they settle down in that small village in Turkey. They have now spent most of their money but have enough to buy a small farm and set up a small bakery. Curmengone has not only turned ugly but she is now horribly cranky too but she can manage the bakery well and everyone gets busy doing whatever work they can to help out.

So in the proper Zen way both Pangloss and Martin turn out to be right and wrong simultaneously. Pangloss' assessment that everything happens for the best seems threadbare given where they have ended up. But from an inverted more eastern perspective it seems right. They have stopped searching, they have come to find the best in whatever happens, to accept their Karma.

Martin's assessment that nobody can ever be happy seems correct given their day to day experience and the stories of the people they have encountered along the way. And yet, even though their life continues to have its share of hassles they are all immensely enriched for the experiences they have had and get contentment from the companionship with each other.

When his philosopher friends bring up their beliefs again Candide now only says, look I don't know any big answers but I do know this. Work banishes the three evils of poverty, boredom and vice (the last at least during the time you are working!) and I have to go work in the garden.

Beautiful.

There was a thread somewhere on boring asian people who don't seem interested in existential issues or cultural issues ether. But you can see what is going on. The East has understood that the search is futile. We all have to live out our natures, that is all we can do. They know that going on the search can lead you to unhappy spaces of aridness and despair. So why waste time and energy on it?

Instead most Asian (South and East) cultures give you a life template with a set of rights and responsibilities. In taking care of your duties you are occupied and find meaning. That is all. Most are content with this and don't ask existential questions, some because they don't find it interesting, others because almost instinctively they know that these questions are futile and would rather spend their energy elsewhere. So if these questions interest you then these people will certainly seem boring.
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Postby Rudderless » Fri Jan 07, 2011 5:46 pm

I love your (the above) post. Great read, interesting perspective.

Anyway, what is missing?

For me it's 2 things....

1) If I didn't say girls it would be a lie so... A more traditional, less westernized / modern woman. I have a good job that pays me very well but for me, money isn't that satisfying without a love. I have found a few prospects here in the states though, so it isn't impossible and I am willing to put in the effort to find her however, #2 is still missing so I shall move to Cebu PH once my car sells. Anyone want a used Mitsubishi Evolution X?

2) Adventure. I have lived all over the US. At least all the places (except AZ) that I would care too. It's time for me to explore a bit and push my boundaries. Another country sounds fun so here I come. Requirements: Fan of Americans, no cold, inexpensive, exotic locale, English speaking. That leads me to PH.

*Note, I ran away from home as a kid looking for adventure Goonies style. Pretty much sums it up right there. Same guy, just an adult now.

Rudderless.
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Postby ijohn » Sat Jan 08, 2011 7:33 am

That is good to hear rudderless and we wish you well on your travels!

When you've found your lady, don't be afraid to create a rudder, steer your ship to a good place and drop anchor too. Good luck.
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Postby Rock » Sat Jan 08, 2011 8:29 am

ijohn wrote:When his philosopher friends bring up their beliefs again Candide now only says, look I don't know any big answers but I do know this. Work banishes the three evils of poverty, boredom and vice (the last at least during the time you are working!) and I have to go work in the garden.

Beautiful.

There was a thread somewhere on boring asian people who don't seem interested in existential issues or cultural issues ether. But you can see what is going on. The East has understood that the search is futile. We all have to live out our natures, that is all we can do. They know that going on the search can lead you to unhappy spaces of aridness and despair. So why waste time and energy on it?

Instead most Asian (South and East) cultures give you a life template with a set of rights and responsibilities. In taking care of your duties you are occupied and find meaning. That is all. Most are content with this and don't ask existential questions, some because they don't find it interesting, others because almost instinctively they know that these questions are futile and would rather spend their energy elsewhere. So if these questions interest you then these people will certainly seem boring.


Hmmm, what do you think Winston? Its clear that work may banish poverty and even vice. But what about boredom? Do you think it gets more boring being free in the long term or being absorbed in a job which keeps you busy (even if monotonously so)?

Could it be that Asians, esp. NE Asians have evolved beyond the free thinking and searching stage and found life is more tolerable and less painful if they follow the study hard, work hard, cultivate next generation, obey elders, and don't challenge the system template?
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Postby djfourmoney » Sat Jan 08, 2011 6:20 pm

globetrotter wrote:
djfourmoney wrote:If you want to just deal with local population I guess that's okay but hey its the limitation you want to live under, don't complain about it.


If any of you guys know how to date a woman who is not in the local population I want to hear about it.

Last time I checked you actually had to be in the same room with a woman to date her.

djfourmoney wrote: There some 40 year old Asian women that look pretty dam good and I'm not talking about doctored/photoshop pictures you generally find on some of these web sites. I'm talking local women here in Los Angeles...


Try ISG, quite a few posters are regular visitors or live in Asia, Chinese thread is usually jumping. Yes there's much talk of short term relationships in exchange for money, however there are also discussions around dating local women as well.

If you have traveled then you know that 'Asian women in Los Angeles' are NOTHING like Asian women in Asia.

They don't even look the same, have the same personalities, facial expressions, body language or demeanor.

As I wrote, you guys are looking for one thing and I am looking for something else.


I was just relating to basic common sense. I like Asian culture as far as its history, the women; well its all about personal taste isn't it? Something different as in? You want a different culture, language, way of life, etc? That makes sense I suppose.

I don't believe we're looking for something different, at least not all that different.

When I was over in Europe, I was looking for the type of woman not commonly found here which is why I was there. I wasn't there to see castles, though I did do some sight-seeing not much of it. But I wasn't there long enough to expose myself to where I should go and people to meet. In that case the internet isn't a good idea, well not a great one anyway.

I believe a confident guy that's not fumbling over himself, outside of America should be able to land a girlfriend inside of 90 days. If anything local girls will date you because your different. Now if your frumpy, you have the same problem all men not quite there have, you'll be overshadowed by men that do things slightly better than you do.

All I'm saying is you should expose yourself to as many women as possible and the internet is just a tool, not a replacement.
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Postby ijohn » Mon Jan 10, 2011 7:48 am

Hey I never wrote what I think is missing!

But looking at it, nothing really. Let me echo Captain Kirk from Star Trek V. What will you show me, that I have pain, that I have made mistakes? That I turned left instead of right? For god sakes men, pain can't be taken away with the wave of a magic wand. Without my choices, without my pain I wouldn't be who I am. Our choices make us who we are. I need my pain don't take it away.

But wait there is something I need to be fulfilled.

I should like to have a brief fling with a beautiful woman from the central asian steppes, with enough mixed blood in her to give her that glorious other worldly look, long jet black hair, no doubt with the bloodline of Genghis Khan in her. Very brief, just long enough to have hot crazy sex while riding a horse on the wide open plains, on a balmy late spring day, wind in the hair, riding along the vast expanse, horizon disappearing in the distance.

And oh yes, what about the erb? This is the twenty first century after all. Or let Peter Tosh sing it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HcXcYlF3_0

Cheers dudes.
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