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Women looking for "the one" = big problem

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Postby MrMan » Wed Aug 27, 2014 9:25 am

It's not so bad if she's looking for 'the one' as long as if she's married, she considers you to be 'the one' and sticks with you through thick and thin.

My wife and I both believe that God brought us together, with the detailed answers to prayer, speaking to us. I even got some details about her in prayer that she told me the next time she called.

But does that mean she's 'the one.' I can remarry if our spouse dies. Which one of them would be 'the one'?

This 'the one' thing isn't the right way to look at it.

Watching hours of Disney romanticizing about marriage and relationships and all the other movies doesn't help women either. They need to have a realistic understanding that it's a relationship with a person, that there will be challenges.

I was watching some movie where a woman advised her daughter to find someone who would never break her heart or make her cry. The advice was stupid. But in the movie, the mother character was played by a single mother. It made sense. She didn't know what she was talking about.

In just about any marriage, the husband is going to make his wife's cry. Probably in a lot of marriage, the wife has made the husband cry a time or two. I suspect Chuck Norris has even shed a tear. He got a divorce after all.

If you date a woman with romanticized ideas, you might actually be able to talk some sense into her all the time. The danger is, with these girls, when she has the dopamine rush of feeling 'in love', she wants to be with you and marry you. But when it is over, after you are married, she decides you are not 'the one.' That's where it's dangerous. If you marry a woman with deep morals and convictions, hopefully she won't think that way. You can also explain to her about the dopamine rush wearing off, and how successful marriages continue on through the ebbs and flows of different feelings. You can tell her that Disney leaves out an important component of true love-- commitment. That includes commitment and staying faithful (and meeting each other's needs including sexual) at times when you aren't 'feeling it' as much as at other times.

If you can get her onboard with this philosophy before marriage, that's a good thing.

Something to keep in mind for those who want to marry young girls who haven't been 'spoiled' yet is that they may not have enough life experience to realize that that Disney or other Hollywood movie they saw doesn't accurately present real relationships. So you have to educate her a bit and explain how this stuff works. There are movies in foreign countries, too.

Foreign girls can have silly ideas, too. I don't think my wife has the same Disney myth, but she had this idea when we got married that we should always sleep facing each other. I told her my ear God hot if I always faced the same way. She got over it. She also had this idea that married people shouldn't pass gas in front of each other. :) I told her about my friend with the Korean wife who would say, "Let it out Honey. It will make you feel better."
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Postby jamesbond » Wed Aug 27, 2014 9:41 am

MrMan wrote:Watching hours of Disney romanticizing about marriage and relationships and all the other movies doesn't help women either. They need to have a realistic understanding that it's a relationship with a person, that there will be challenges.

I was watching some movie where a woman advised her daughter to find someone who would never break her heart or make her cry. The advice was stupid. But in the movie, the mother character was played by a single mother. It made sense. She didn't know what she was talking about.

If you date a woman with romanticized ideas, you might actually be able to talk some sense into her all the time. The danger is, with these girls, when she has the dopamine rush of feeling 'in love', she wants to be with you and marry you. But when it is over, after you are married, she decides you are not 'the one.' That's where it's dangerous. If you marry a woman with deep morals and convictions, hopefully she won't think that way. You can also explain to her about the dopamine rush wearing off, and how successful marriages continue on through the ebbs and flows of different feelings. You can tell her that Disney leaves out an important component of true love-- commitment. That includes commitment and staying faithful (and meeting each other's needs including sexual) at times when you aren't 'feeling it' as much as at other times.

If you can get her onboard with this philosophy before marriage, that's a good thing.

Something to keep in mind for those who want to marry young girls who haven't been 'spoiled' yet is that they may not have enough life experience to realize that that Disney or other Hollywood movie they saw doesn't accurately present real relationships. So you have to educate her a bit and explain how this stuff works.

Great points MrMan, that's basically what this guy is saying in this video for women who are looking for "the one."

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnFUFy4GbdQ&list=LLc_WhKVXGJcQeFx6Afry9CA&index=1[/youtube]
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
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Postby Will N. Dowd » Wed Aug 27, 2014 10:17 am

The whole "the one" and soul mate thing is completely absurd of course.

If everyone is looking for that one person in the whole world they are meant to be with forever, isn't it funny how they usually find them at work, through friends, or at school, in the exact same place they live? What about all the other billions of people in the world they haven't met? The person that most people call "the one" is just the person they have chosen, out of the very small group of people they have met. Their are millions of people everywhere that you are compatible with. You just haven't met most of them.
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Postby onethousandknives » Wed Aug 27, 2014 3:35 pm

I'm going to argue somewhat the opposite of this. While yes, the idea of "the one" is not really a totally realistic idea, it's I think more of a right way to think than how most people think of dating. I think most people think of dating as like, buying a used car from a dealer. They have no real specific goals in mind and don't have any real concretely thought out features of what they want in their partners, just like most people when looking for a car, they have the dealer tell them what they want. I think this is probably the reason for most people's relationship issues, really. They take any old girl or boy that comes along, and not go specifically for someone fitting what they want. People have told me to do this, too, and have sex first, as then my feelings for the girl will build up after I have sex with her. What.....?

I think this in general is people's biggest problem, and a thought process I myself am trying to get out of as well. The idea of chance and luck being the determiner or everything. Happier Abroad is a good example imo of breaking this type of thought process. Yes, there's some one in a zillion chance of finding the right girl here in USA. All you have to do is pray and you'll get a chance or get lucky, right? But Happier Abroad says no, be deliberate about it and go somewhere else. People aren't deliberate enough in their thinking imo, and just "ride the waves of life," "take it easy" or whatever and then they wonder why they don't have the things they want, because they never put forth a concerted effort to get them in the first place.
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Postby S_Parc » Wed Aug 27, 2014 4:10 pm

onethousandknives wrote:I think this in general is people's biggest problem, and a thought process I myself am trying to get out of as well. The idea of chance and luck being the determiner or everything. Happier Abroad is a good example imo of breaking this type of thought process. Yes, there's some one in a zillion chance of finding the right girl here in USA. All you have to do is pray and you'll get a chance or get lucky, right? But Happier Abroad says no, be deliberate about it and go somewhere else. People aren't deliberate enough in their thinking imo, and just "ride the waves of life," "take it easy" or whatever and then they wonder why they don't have the things they want, because they never put forth a concerted effort to get them in the first place.


It's like why go with the flow, if the flow goes down the drain.

And I think for most ppl, if you didn't meet that *right* AW circa age 24, it's time to call it off, and go abroad. After 24, the good AWs are basically gone or to be more technical ... their expected value of showing up on one's path, diminishes exponentially.
16 years ago, the Best Picture of 1999, "American Beauty", telegraphed the message of Happier Abroad to the world.

Beware of long term engagements with AWs, you may find yourself in a coffin.

AB discussion thread

BTW, despite settling down with an AW, myself, the warning is still in effect.
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Re: Women looking for "the one" = big problem

Postby jamesbond » Tue Feb 23, 2016 11:05 am

Here is christelyn karazin talking about women looking for "the one."

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXm5krzSiI4[/youtube]
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
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