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For Asian Americans to discuss Asian American issues and topics.
That Asian American girl I met in an Arizona hostel wrote me the following today. Anyone have any advice for her? I'll try to get her to read any responses here.
It's hard to believe that an attractive asian girl who can get guys easily in the US would feel like she doesn't fit in. I guess it's not all about getting laid, cause her soul, as she says, seems out of place with the mask of the fake social atmosphere and culture there. In other words, she doesn't connect on an inner level, which I can understand.
I was just talking to someone in the newsroom where I work about his trip to Eastern Europe. He mentions that even though the peopel are poor, they are exceedingly happier than people in the U.S. and that he had to "shut off the sarcasm filter" because he was so floored by their hospitality, kindness, genuity, and innocence. He mentioned that the pace of life was slower and that unlike the U.S., which is task-oriented and focused on time and quality of life materially, they were focused on quality of life socially, and that there was an interconnectedness and contentedness that is missing from the U.S. There wasn't that additional layer of superficiality and deception/mask/distance that you have to deal with in social interactions in the U.S.
Ahhh.... I am dying here. Please advise me as to options about what to do. I do want to make a difference in the world and I fear that if I just move to these countries right away, I might give up educational and vocational opportunities that would better equip me to pursue my dreams. On the otherhand, my personality type is so at odds with this mainstream society that it has put me into major depression and frustrating sense of isolation and not being able to achieve fufillment or contentedness. I can't help feeling like I am wasting my life. I deserve a life where I can be free to be who I am-- where I can hang out wiht peopel I sincerely am amplifed by.... hike waterfalls, forests,play music with.... and that doesn't really seem to be the way of life here.
HELP. What do you advise I do? What options do I have? Are there artistic communities in Europe or elsewhere that you would recommend I join????
Last edited by Winston on October 14th, 2007, 11:09 am, edited 1 time in total.
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"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
I'd suggest traveling around North America a bit, then internationally to see where she might be happier.
I'm not familiar with AZ, but in CA there are many small artist communities scattered across central and northern areas. She could also try Berkeley or San Francisco.
If she feels like doing some social service type work abroad, the US Peace Corp has presence in about 70 countries, and the UN Volunteers in about 40 countries.
There are also many other NGO's, such as CARE, Mercy Corps, Oxfam International, etc.
I can share in her feelings and I went through the same experience.
She needs to separate her world into two parts- one technical/practical/financial/educational and one emotional/romantic aesthetic. The first is based in the US, the second on the country(ies) of her choice. Study for some profession that would enable her to work where she wants. A degree in TESL will enable her to teach pretty much immediately, as soon as she graduates. Also, she will need to always be thinking about what opportunities will make her mobile. An online business? a real estate investment? There are opportunities now for people with good credit in real estate to make cash. She should contact a real estate guy somewhere to see what's up and how she can have a cash flow. Anyway, she will need to not spend time moping but take practical steps.
If she likes Eastern Europe and the social culture there, then she should spend her time there as much as possible. But it is better be done with American qualifications, business contacts, finances and investments.
So let her set these goals and not waste time in sad ruminations. She can already start studying the languages of the country she is going to and reading up as much about the culture as possible. And start planning.
But don't mope about America. Utilize the opportunities it provides you with to build an international life. Because none of those E European countries are going to help you with anything much.
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
Do you think that one of her answers could be joining one of those young hippier counter culture groups in America? They are open and free spirited and like to talk about nature and holistic spirituality, etc.
But they also tend to smoke weed, and dress in very grungy styles. But they are into nature, preserving the environment, and vegetarianism, etc. which makes them interesting company.
Are these people truly progressive though? What do you think?
I met many of these groups in Arizona. They are nice, but I'm not sure I belonged with them for some reason. Something didn't click.
I'd suggest she investigate career opportunities with the Peace Corps. This will give her an opportunity to visit other places and provide a worthwhile needed service to others who really need the and appreciate the help.
I have absolutely no sympathy for her; most Asian American females wonâ€™t give Asian men the time of day.
Why should I be an emotional tampon for her when things go bad as they do for the rest of the human race?
I was a â€œniceâ€� guy for decades to Asian American
women and got mere toleration in return.
Tell her to hop into bed with Caucasian and use him as a wailing wall!
Asians account for ~5% of US population. With all the competition from the other 95%, and being raised in white-dominated culture (1.5+ generation), over half of the Asian-Indian, Chinese, Japanese, and Vietnamese women still choose to marry Asian men.
Obviously, their husbands didn't say "you Asian girls would never give me time of the day" and give up, otherwise they wouldn't be married. The only exception that I'd make is Korean Americans, they have highest out-marriage rate.
But if you're happy in Thailand, good for you! Heck I meet my most recent (ex) GF in Manila and not the states. Both of us were just visiting from abroad to attend a wedding.
Gee, nice statistics and do I have a bridge to sell to you!
Me and the rest of my Asian male friends never found Asian American women approachable over the past few decades.
This problem has been going on for decades, we are not imagining this.
Sure they choose Asian men, the ones who are doctors, lawyers and CEOs.
The working-class stiffs like us are out of luck.
And the Asian American women who do marry Asian men can be the worse princesses, combining the worse of Caucasian and Asian into one neat package.
If you have the misfortune to marry one be aware that the Asian household is matriarchal.
â€œFrom a slave to a generalâ€� is an apt description of the typical Asian American wife.
She will take your salary, pay all the bills and run the house like a tyrant, giving you an allowance.
Itâ€™ll be like the carrot and the stick, no matter how much money you are making or what position you have or how fancy the house and car is itâ€™ll never be enough!
Have to keep up appearances, right?
Drive the fanciest late-model car, has a mansion in the best neighborhood, send your kids to the best colleges and make sure everyone sees this!
Sorry, I did everything that was recommended by well-meaning friends.
I took â€œsinglesâ€� classes, tried to â€œshareâ€� and â€œlistenâ€� to women and learned partner-dancing.
It was like rearranging deck chairs on the â€œTitanicâ€�!
At some point a man, Asian or Caucasian has to admit that nothing is working as the pond is fished out and the mine is mined out.
It's not just Asian women in America who have high standards, the lovely high maintence white women do as well. As Winston would say," they have a sense of entitlement that is off the charts!" They all want to marry Donald Trump or Brad Pitt and they believe they deserve to! You can read all the books in the world on "How to meet women" and take all the seminars on "how to meet women" and use the internet and dating services and still come away empty handed! At some point it becomes an exercise in futility! That's when going over seas becomes an option!
Like I said earlier, if you're happy with Thailand, PH, or any other place, good for you!
I scrolled through my cel phone directory and did a quick calculation. About 70% of my male Asian friends over the age of 30 (almost exclusively 30-36) are married. If you're in the other 30% and want to look for greener pastures, by all means, go for it.
Being in that 30% myself (36 and single), I won't exaggerate the problem and claim that all Asian American women (and women of other ethnicities) don't want us. Men expect women to make themselves attractive, but many don't put in the effort to improve their own sexual market value. And before anyone start bashing, let me point out that going to another country is one method of elevating your own sexual market value.
When girls are around 18-24, by our cultural definition they're in the most attractive phase, and the pretty ones get spoiled by all the men chasing them. It gets to their heads. By the time that they hit 30's, reality sets in. This is written by a local Caucasian gal in her early 30's, responding to claims by younger women that there's a lack of eligible bachelors:
"First off...my opinion is that there appears to be a shortage of eligible bachelors because too many of the chicks whining about it aren't very eligible themselves. In the interest of fairness, where is the article about the guys complaining about not being able to find an eligible chick who isn't unattractive, lazy or, worst of all, crazy? I mean get real, ladies. If you aren't willing to put in the effort to better yourself (mentally, physically AND emotionally) then why are you complaining? If you took out the opinions of the ineligible yet entitled women there might not appear to be a shortage after all...I surmise it would all even out. Only the chicks who actually have something going for them have something to complain about."
So here we have a problem in America. The younger girls that most men find sexually appealing aren't always mature enough to realize such things, and majority of girls get married in their 20's. So if you want someone who's mature (non-bitch) you'd have to look pretty hard from the younger crowd, or choose from the "left over" unmarried girls in their late 20's to early 30's, or divorced women. Then you gotta check their medicine cabinets to see if they're on zoloft, paxcil, proxac, lithium, or something else. LoL.
As for the Asian wife who takes over the finances, hey, I think most of us know what we're getting into, it's just that sometimes the head is between the legs and not between the shoulders.
My most recent Taiwanese GF is a very thrifty person. When we went to Tianjin last year for vacation, she spent 45 min bargaining with a shop keeper, just to save a few bucks. To me it isn't worth it because I spent over $1k to fly there to have fun and not bargain with some street vendor over few dollars, but to her she's the type who thinks about every purchase and try to get her money's worth. If I had married her, she'd probably have a tight rein on the "husband allowance".
But hey, if you want a wife who'd be good at keeping your $ instead of blowing it on a new BMW, that's the kind of women you marry. Most only know bank savings or CD's, so you'd have to educate them on mutual funds for higher rate of return. And if she packs my lunch daily so I won't have to spend $8 on lunch, that's +$8 in the bank.
Or worse, you have thirty-something white girls who have mental problems but refuse to take medication or go to therapy. I know a girl like that who also dates Asian guys.
Well, you know at the end of the day there's alway some schlep willing to be the rug for these women. Actually I feel a bit of pity for whoever ends up with some conceited materialistic whore that has self esteem issues. America seems to create damaged goods out of women. It doesn't matter where their parents immigrated from the attitude is ingrained before the generation even finishes.
Some schlep whoâ€™s been brain-washed courtesy of that â€œJohn Gray/New Age Maleâ€� crap!
An entire generation of American women have already been ruined by the excesses of Feminism.
Most modern American women are a horror and a total waste of time and energy to cultivate a relationship with.
Those relationship â€œexpertsâ€� are merely rearranging the deck chairs on the â€œTitanicâ€�!