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Well I dont know if this qualifies as a trip report but I was able to meet Pete and his lovely Filipina wife, Cathy. They were driving through Portland back home to Seattle and we met downtown for lunch.
While sometimes people's online personas are different from who they are in person, Pete is as down to earth and straght forward as he seems on HA. He's been a wealth of advise to me in my search for a lovely Filipina(s).
His wife Cathy (who appears in Pete's avatar) is quite sweet and beautiful and clearly devoted to him. They have been married 5 years and I am envious of their love for each other. That and the fact that she is pretty damn hot! She held him and leaned against him in a way that an American couple would not do after 5 months, let alone 5 years.
He is clearly proud of her and has every right to be. We got to share our experiences on Cherry Blossoms (where they met) and Cathy gave me insights into how Filipinas think about Americans and marriage to them (her sisters also married Americans). As many of the Filipinas I have been chatting with, she acknowledged that she was always attracted to white guys.
I know that many here advise against bringing foreign women here and while I understand the risks it certainly appears that Pete made the right move in bringing Cathy here.
I really felt that I made a couple of nice new friends.
Thank you very much for sharing this! While I am very apprehensive about bringing a woman here to live with me, because of the culture, it seems some couples can make it work, as you've presented. I suppose in this case it does depend on the person, and how much they truly do love you. I personally am in somewhat of a tough situation. I cannot just pack up and get the hell out of dodge to go meet, spend time with and marry one of the several "qualified" women I've been talking to from PH, let alone, live there. The only thing keeping me here in the states, as a saving grace, is my career as a freelancing musician for symphony orchestras. I have family ties here as well, and a dog of my own that I wouldn't want to subject to air travel and possibly quarantine in a foreign country. That means, instead of moving, I may have to take several trips because of my obligations here, to ensure I find the right person, which there is no guarantee of either. I guess I'm not truly "free" as some would put it. In fact, I'm willing to take a bet that fellow forum members here would be getting on my case, jumping my shit for even having a dog and anchoring myself down with such obligations. The reality is, my family needs me here right now. My grandmother lost her husband of 60+ years 8 months ago. My aunt and I are her anchor of stability right now, because my mother, and uncle are too selfish and involved in their own lives to help us share the load. Until I can get a stable income established, or have enough saved for extended travel, I am stuck here.
The question becomes - do I then need to choose someone who is educated, and can get a job, especially if I am contemplating them moving here with me? (like Pete's wife) That may be my only option at this point, with moving back to the PH set aside for the future.
Very torn about all of this. Been wanting to express my predicament, but I fear the trolls, and some forum members who will not be understanding, and instead just offer up, ad naseum, the usual serving of ridicule, scorn, unproductive criticism and vacuous advice.
"Women age like milk; Men age like wine." - Tom Leykis
You are not alone in this feeling. My situation is similar. I have teens and cannot and will not leave them yet. So my dilema is similar: travel abroad periodically and meet women and enjoy their company and country; bring one here; or wait until I retire and move abroad; or combine 2 of the above options?
Even Cathy acknoweldged that many of the marriages do not work and the woman goes back to the Philippines. But that risk exists in any LTR whether with an American or a foreign woman.
The positive is that you know they are out there and that there are positive options, whereas in the US there are few if any positive options.
BTW, and I dont want to speak for Pete here, but he was very cautious and waited quite a while before bringing Cathy here. My modest experience so far is that while the women abroad may not want to wait they will wait. If you find the right one she is pretty motivated.
My only other comment is that I feel badly that you felt you could not bring up this issue on the board. I sometimes feel the same, which is one of the reasons I sought out Pete's advise offline.
I've been doing some weighing of the pros/cons of each scenario. It would behoove me to travel to and see the Philippines first. I can meet my ladies, and also see if its a good match for me to even live there. I need that as real experience and field data first, to make a more concrete decision.
One of the side issues that I would have to deal with, is ridicule, criticism and skepticism from family about marrying a foreigner. I just know that I am going to catch shit from less understanding family members, including my uncle's idiot feminazi battle axe wife, who is the family gossip. "Why didnt you marry someone here?" "You're crazy." "You couldn't get a woman here?" BLAH BLAH BLAH. I need to be living on my own, and have my own life if she is going to be here with me, in order to keep her away from as many negative influences as possible. Even then, her time here will be kept to as much of a minimum as possible, as I arrange my residential exit from the US.
Yes, you have called it right on this one. All 3 of my Filipina girls are knockouts in the looks department, and have sweet personalities to match (Skype has been an tremendous asset for this). Compare that to here -- my options here are dismal. I already had a taste of a foreign woman here in the states recently (a Korean exchange student) before I heard about HappierAbroad and Filipinas. Now because of the knowledge I've gained, I don't want Western women anymore for girlfriends and/or marriage. They are all the same, with their undesirable qualities and traits. Bitches with unrealistic expectations, pugnacious attitudes, and an overinflated sense of self-importance and self-entitlement.
Yes, I will be cautious if I bank on the decision for her to come here. I'm wondering if I should consult with Pete if I make that decision, and ask what precautions he took. And yes, interestingly enough, all three of them have said, at some point or another, that they will "wait" for me, especially when I told them that I had serious intentions about traveling to the Philippines to see them. Its just now a matter of how we click, in person. Thats the next logical step. Like AA - one thing at a time.
"Women age like milk; Men age like wine." - Tom Leykis
Thanks again for the very kind words. Cathy and I had a blast at lunch on Sunday. JCris, please do feel free to consult me any time. Like Dave and I were discussing, either you are a glass half full guy or a glass half empty type. If you want something bad enough you'll find a way to make it work for you.
JC, the key in finding a women is to get one that is equally humble, smart and beautiful. You have to remember that there are millions of filipino women who would give their left foot to come to the US and not necessarily for selfish reasons. Most know they can get a decent job which allows them to send a few hundred dollars back to the family in Phils. You'd be surprised how many of them have their as their primary MO. But while they are at it, they hope and pray for a nice guy who will love and respect them in return.
Will they change when coming over to the US. Sure! My wife added 10lbs but she was bone skinny when she got off the plane so no biggie. She enjoys going out for a nice meal. That's my treat to her a few times a week. But that doesn't keep her from doing 80% of the cooking and cleaning. She lovingly does it and never complains. When going shopping, she'll go to Goodwill and Ross/Marshalls instead of Nordstrom or Macy's. All in all for a beautiful lady, she's one hell of a humble and kind person and that will never change.
If I were to do it all over again, I'd target girls from a modest family living in the suburbs (not Manila) who scraped all their money together to put their kid thru college. Sure upon graduating she may move to a bigger town and have a good enough job to be considered "middle class" but she sure as heck will never forget her humble beginnings. That part never goes away because it's sewn into their dna.
Cathy has been here for 5 years. Strangly she doesn't have any white female friends because there is a jealousy factor going on. Therefore she doesn't hang around them enough to pick up their bad habits.
So thanks again Dave. JCris (or anybody else that wants to shoot me a PM, fire away. I LOVE LOVE LOVE to help out other guys. I want everybody on this site to have success!
Guys, dont go by "message board heresay". Go by FACTS. According to the filipino commission on overseas workers there is only a 20% divorce rate, and all the dating agencies show the same stat. I doubt all the dating agencies all made phone calls to each other and agreed to quote a 20% divorce rate, and even more so doubt that this brnach of the filipino government met with the dating agencies and they all agreed to collude on this 20% figure.
STICK WITH FACTS FELLAS. PLZZZZZ! Did you guys not read my research report on this??
I cant stand the way people get misled by opinions and heresay. This idea about not bringing them here cause they will turn into monsters and rip you off and leave you etc, is pure BS! It happens sometimes, the same way it happens with American woman too,...no, let me take that back, AMerican woman are far worse at screwing their man over than foreign woman ever could be.
Why not Manila? Just curious.
Interesting. Who is jealous of whom and for what reason?? Im so curious as to the dynamics of this. : )
On province girls.....Just a personal preference for me. I work for Allstate and our customer service department is there in Manila so I call there on a daily basis. Other's milage my vary but I find the Manila girls a bit more spoiled and Americanized. They don't have that humble way about them that the province girls do.
True story...while in Cebu visiting Cathy before we were married, I took her to a nice Italian restaurant. In the back room sat a dozen young girls who were being couched by the Italian owner on how to meet and attract guys. I'm NOT making this up....lol. One of them said, we are not like Manila girls....we are just shy and religious girls that don't have experience. IMHO, the more shy and humble the better.
On jealousy... I think the American girls are jealous of Cathy because she stands for everything that the modern American girl is trying to sweep under the carpet!!!!!! AW feel that looks and being feminine are passe and a thing of the past. They don't want to be reminded of anybody that has effortless beauty and feminine charms. They are trying to forge ahead and challenge men. Only way to accomplish this is to chop off their tits and seal their vaginas. They hate hate hate beautiful asian women.
My friend told me he heard some women at his job say how they hate how asian girls are "stealing" American men away from them!
These women (who were white American women) actually said, they hated how some guys in the US "will only will date asian women." Well too f-ing bad, American men know a good woman when they meet them. Asian women make American women look like fat, unattractive, anglo-bitches. Wait, American women already are fat, unattractive, anglo-bitches!
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
Thank you very much Pete! You don't know how much I appreciate someone with experience, and who has been around the block a time or two willing to be a mentor. Yes, we will be in touch. And the glass is always half full with me.
Steve, thank you for being a voice of reason. You are right, in that I should not be basing my decisions on heresay or opinion. Facts are always important pieces of data to aid in making decisions. Couple Pete's input with your empirical findings, I am willing to take my chances in bringing someone here if I cannot relocate for reasonable and legitimate reasons. It is an option. By the way, may I have the link to your research report? I'd like to read it.
I have to agree with Pete on this one. All three of my ladies are provincial girls, one from Cebu, the other two from Mindanao (Iligan and Cagayan de Oro). I have no interest or desire in going to Manila or Luzon in general. The vibe of Manila women I've Skyped with is different. I cannot put my finger on it, but I do not resonate and click with them as well. There is a discernible difference in attitude and personality. In general, the women from the Visayas and southern islands I personally find more attractive.
"Women age like milk; Men age like wine." - Tom Leykis
I have to agree with Pete on this one. All three of my ladies are provincial girls, one from Cebu, the other two from Mindanao (Iligan and Cagayan de Oro). I have no interest or desire in going to Manila or Luzon in general. The vibe of Manila women I've Skyped with is different. I cannot put my finger on it, but I do not resonate and click with them as well. There is a discernible difference in attitude and personality. In general, the women from the Visayas and southern islands I personally find more attractive.[/quote]
I also agree. My only caveat is that while on Cherry Blossoms I have chatted with several girls who lived in Manila but grew up in the provinces and went to Manila to work after college. I'm not sure that makes them Manila girls.
And here is where Cathy and other Filipinas beat AW hands down. They are naturally pretty and feminine, not because they are flashy or slather on the makeup, but because they exude their femininity naturally.
I can imagine that some AW would be upset and jealous. It's too bad that instead they don't learn from the Cathies what it is to be effortlessly feminine.
Research section of happier abroad http://www.happierabroad.com/Research.htm
The part that I am referring to states:
DIVORCE RATE IN AMERICA â€“ 50-60%
DIVORCE RATE BETWEEN AMERICAN AND FOREIGN WIFE= 20%
See here for proof of the 20% stat above: http://www.uscis.gov/files/article/MobR ... endixA.pdf
*The link above has since expired but the full report is listed at the very end of this document
As quoted word by word from the USCIS report to Congress:
Good point Steve. Plus we should keep in mind that those whose foreign wives changed for the worse after coming to the states are gonna be the ones who are vocal about it, while those with happy marriages are more likely to remain quiet about it and not attract attention.
My mom came to the US in 1976, yet she never became Americanized at all.
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