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Back from the dead and in China

Post your trip reports, travel experiences, and updates abroad. Or your expat story if you already live overseas. Note: To post photos and images, insert the image URL between the tags [img]and[/img] after uploading them to a third party site.

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Postby lavezzi » Tue Feb 05, 2013 12:39 pm

I'm thinking of booking a flight to China for a month from May until Jun. I have maybe around $2,500 before paying for flights.

Guangzhou seems like a good place to at least start off. Would it be a good idea to book a flight to Guangzhou in May, then book a return flight from Beijing in Jun and spend the month travelling from A to B alone with no Chinese? Or would it be a better idea to simply get a return flight to Guangzhou and spend the entire time there? Do hostels need to be booked in advance or can you just find them once you're over there?
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Postby xiongmao » Tue Feb 05, 2013 1:30 pm

There's enough to keep you occupied in Guangzhou for a while. The place is vast, and they're building 10 new metro lines.

If you want to date Chinese women then stay in one place and get building a network of contacts. If you just want to travel around then you could go to Guangzhou and back to Beijing. The whole journey takes just 11 hours now apparently. Train tickets can be bought in hotels but buses are hard work. It's still fairly hard to use trains in China if you can't read your ticket or the train departure board though! I recommend you start learning to read Chinese as it helps a lot.

Internal flights are quite cheap, and airports are very easy to navigate.

It's harder to get a visa for China now, especially if you're not applying to study or work. You might not be able to get a visa without booking accommodation in advance, unless you have somebody you can put down as an inviter.

Chinese 3 star hotels rarely seem to get full and there are loads to choose from.

Just bear in mind that China gets very hot in May onwards, especially in the centre.

Good luck!
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Postby Everdred » Tue Feb 05, 2013 1:47 pm

It's been very interesting reading your thread, magnum. It reminds me a lot of when I first took the plunge back in 2009 and went to China for the first time. I had traveled to some other countries before, but it was my first time in Asia. I haven't looked back, and I've been living in Asia ever since. I lived in Dalian, which is a only a few hours by train to Shenyang. Both cities are in Liaoning province. I applaud you for taking the leap, but you picked the worst time of the year to be in northeast China. The winters up there are quite rough. On the other hand, you should definitely stick around for Chinese New Year, especially since you have a Chinese host. You'll almost definitely be the guest of honor at any celebrations you attend, and I'm sure you'll have a blast. One's first Chinese New Year in China is almost always their best.

You were asking earlier about the best websites for finding Chinese women. Well, if you have a smartphone, I recommend you download an app called WeChat (微信). It's made by Tecent, the same Chinese software company that created QQ, which is the instant messaging Juggernaut of China. It has a feature called "Look Around," which basically shows you all the people using the same feature who are within a 5 kilometer radius of you. It's a great app for meeting random people nearby, and I'm sure you can at least find a few English-speaking hotties on there. You'll probably have people, both men and women, trying to add you within seconds of turning on the "Look Around" feature. If you play your cards right, you can meet nearby women within minutes of the first contact. I believe cold approaching generally doesn't work too well in northeastern China, but meeting people from the net is relatively common these days. I also recommend getting yourself a QQ number if you plan to stay in China for long. It's much more useful having a Chinese girl's QQ number than her mobile phone number - I kid you not. QQ is by far the best way to keep in touch with so many Chinese people. By the way, if you ever hear that "beep beep beep beep beep beep" sound while you're out and about in China, it means someone around you is using QQ. You might not know what I mean now, but you'll surely know sooner or later.

You mentioned Chinese girls seem shy. Well, Chinese girls are definitely more shy than their American counterparts, that's for sure. Also, you're a foreigner, so that's make them even more nervous to talk to you. And on top of that, many of them are painfully shy to communicate in English, assuming they know any. So even though some girls may find you attractive and interesting, many of them will never have the guts to communicate with you. If you really want a Chinese girl to open up to you, chat with her on QQ. While many Chinese girls are shy in person, they're way less shy when communicating over the net. Speaking any Mandarin obviously helps immensely as well. I also believe being subtle tends to work well with Chinese women. Don't ever be pushy, aggressive, or overly blunt - these traits won't get you too far in northeast China. I've known a few guys who were way too forward and blunt with Chinese women, and needless to say they didn't get too far. It might have worked for them back in the Anglosphere, but it certainly didn't work for them in China.

I'm also not too sure if you're searching for a genuine long-term girlfriend, some no-strings-attached action, or both. I think it's very easy to find a genuine girlfriend in China, as long as you're not in such a hurry. I don't think it's quite so easy getting no-strings-attached action. That might be much easier in mega-cities like Beijing, Shanghai, and Guangzhou. And be careful what you say to northeastern Chinese women - if you show any interest in them whatsoever, they're probably gonna think you're genuinely interested in pursuing a long-term relationship with them. For example, don't be telling Chinese mothers you're interested in meeting their daughters, because they're going to assume you would also be interested in marrying their daughters. It would be hard for them to understand you just want to date and play around, as that's not nearly as common in northeastern China as it is back in the United States. In other words, avoid showing false interest just to be polite. And also bear in mind that northeastern Chinese women aren't nearly as used to dating around as us Americans are. They're also used to relationships escalating very rapidly. Think hard about whether you really are ready for a long-term relationship with a Chinese girl, because if you stay in China long, it's not hard to wind up in one.

Another thing to consider is that in all honesty, most Chinese women are not at all interested in having a relationship with a foreigner. Sure, you're suddenly in China, and it feels like so many women are throwing themselves at you, but things are not always as they seem. The ones throwing themselves at you are usually the ones that are open to a foreigner-Chinese relationship. People often say foreigners get all the women in China, which is very far from the truth. Sure, there's a small niche of women who are interested in them, but the vast majority are not. Some Chinese women may have curiosity in foreigners, but I can assure you that the majority of them would never consider having a relationship with a foreigner. Nonetheless, you'll more than likely be getting far more attention from women than you did back in the States, so I guess that's all that matters. The only reason I'm mentioning this is because many foreigners come to China thinking they're hot shit, and that they can get any woman they want. I just wanted to clarify that that isn't reality.

I also encourage you to get see other parts of China if at all possible. I believe northeast China is one of the most unattractive parts of China to live in. So many people are close-minded, all work and no play, aggressive, and xenophobic in that region of China. And of course let's not forget the dreadful weather. If you're seriously considering living in China, I beg you to go to other cities like Chengdu, Kunming, or Xiamen. They have so much more to offer and are much more livable than any northeastern Chinese city. If you like Shenyang at all, it's very likely you'll like these cities even more. I know you're getting comfortable in Shenyang right now, but I recommend you move on to some southern cities if you really want to get comfortable in China. The women are also equally good, if not far better.

As for that whole bar incident, please never do that again. I've heard time and time again about some drunken foreigner getting beaten up in some random Chinese nightclub. If some idiot Chinese guy gives you a bad look, just ignore him. Just like someone else said, Chinese don't fight fair, and within minutes of the fight starting, 50 random Chinese dudes will be taking his side to fight you. This is not only true in bar brawls, this is true for any kind of foreigner-Chinese conflict. The foreigner is always the guilty one in the eyes of most Chinese onlookers. Foreigners are often "guilty until proven innocent" in Chinese society. Stay in China long enough, and you'll soon realize this.

You also mentioned that you were gaining a little weight from having to eat and drink so much. That's one of the ups and downs to living in China. Chinese people like to know that their guests are well-fed, and they'll always be putting more on your plate if you give them a chance. Same with alcohol - if there's any empty space in your glass, I promise you someone sitting around you will top it off. I definitely struggled with my weight in China because of this, and because Chinese food portions are somewhat out of control just like American food portions. One dish is often enough to feed two people. Even though you may feel like a dick sometimes, you're gonna have to learn to refuse people trying to give you more food and drink. Don't worry, everyone around you already knows to do that. Avoid leaving any open space on your plate and in your glass. Take charge of your own food and beverage consumption, otherwise it'll never stop coming. It's somewhat funny - almost as soon as I moved from Dalian to Bangkok, I dropped about 6 kilograms, and I'm now in the best shape of my whole life. I found weight management very challenging while living in Dalian. If you have any social life at all in China, I can promise you that you're gonna be eating and drinking a lot. It will be really hard to balance your diet and food and beverage consumption.

And on an unrelated note, one thing you should definitely do while you're in China during the wintertime is go to a bathhouse. Sure, you'll be surrounded by many naked Chinese men, but it's very relaxing and a very Chinese thing to do. There's no better time to go than in the winter. There's also plenty of extra services to be had for cheap if that's your thing. I also agree with everyone that you should skip Japan for now and only focus on China. I think you should save Japan for later, and enjoy China to the fullest while you're there. Regardless of what choice you make, I wish you the best. You're definitely going to have some unforgettable experiences along your journey!
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Postby Jackal » Tue Feb 05, 2013 4:48 pm

xiongmao wrote:>>>>I'm going to China NEXT WEEK<<<<

Cool! You guys who live in China have huge balls! I can respect the amount of challenges you face living there, especially if you don't look Chinese.

xiongmao wrote:Jackal, I was going to go live in Chengdu as the University is very good for foreigners wishing to study in China. The downside is that the winter is not good there, and also Sichuan women are a little fierce. Also not many speak English. Finally I've heard it's still very traditional there. Which is all well and good but neighbouring Hubei was very boring, not like Guangzhou where there are endless things to see and do.

Well, Eastern Tibet also neighbors Sichuan Province, but if you go to Tibet, you have to deal with altitude sickness, which is unpredictable in its effects.

Also, the Chinese government seems to keep changing its policy about whether foreigners can go to Tibet or not. The last I heard was that they can't, but it might have changed yet again...
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Postby Jacaré » Tue Feb 05, 2013 11:26 pm

Nice to see you getting there Xiongmao! Keep us updated on how it goes! I can't wait to join you guys in China!!!

Awesome post as usual Everdred! Love reading our amazing insight on China and living there! Thanks man! How would you compare living in BKK to say in China? If I remember, you lived in Dalian right? How would you compare the two cities in terms of overall enjoyment, fullfillment, attitude of the people, cost of living, quality and attitude of the women vis a vis the foreign guys?

Thanks a bunch man!
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Postby magnum » Wed Feb 06, 2013 2:27 pm

hhaha... my friends I have updates.


I have WeChat already, that's for sure, look around has been used for sure!


I have gone full nude in the public bath house already, even got scrub down from a 45 - 50 year old man, too bad my first group shower was with 20 naked chinese men, rather then women...


Cold apporch is no go, I got this hot chinese gilrs number, she gave it to me with ease, then got home started chatting with her, she starts asking me if i"m working here, why I'm here where i"m from, then that she only like chinese men, and i should stay in china town near L.A trying to date girls that want green cards, how's that for a taste of home... why bothe giving me her number i have no clue....


The girl from the gym I was intersted in, the 22 year old, canceld are second hang out...she said it was due to helping her mother clean up for chinese near year...not sure if she was blowing me off or not, she always gives me this inredible smile when i walk by we always stare at eachother, but I don't get it, I'm just not getting the hold up, probably the fact we don't have any way to communicate other then my friend.


This cute girl I got intraduced to is 25 years old, she's really cute, and she seemed to have a good time, we played at the arcade, it was great, only down side is, when it comes to women over 23 it seems like they lose the "adventure" and the desire to do anything like hike, or anything fun that takes effort, so though I'm interested, it scares me a little, as I'm a active person.


In no way am I looking for action, I want to find a girl friend, who will become my wife, the only down side is, I want a attractive woman, I'm in damn good shape, and look 5 years younger then I am because of it, I kinda hoped being athletic would earn me some points here, and it has, but Its not working for me like I expected.


the women here are rare to be "hot" I've seen a few cute ones, but the hot ones are always on a rich mans arm or just taken.


I'm going back to the bar this or next weekend in hopes of landing some numbers, I'll ask only the girls i"m attracted to, but I'm not getting much luck here with the women, maybe its my location, but I have zero reading/speaking chinese skill, and my host is my life line.


Not kidding, thank you so much for shareing your advice with me, I need it, I'm on a mission to find a wife, one way or another, and before I"m 30, I don't have much time left, i want a girl who's 25 or younger, its going to get harder after i'm 28...
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Postby magnum » Wed Feb 06, 2013 2:27 pm

hhaha... my friends I have updates.


I have WeChat already, that's for sure, look around has been used for sure!


I have gone full nude in the public bath house already, even got scrub down from a 45 - 50 year old man, too bad my first group shower was with 20 naked chinese men, rather then women...


Cold apporch is no go, I got this hot chinese gilrs number, she gave it to me with ease, then got home started chatting with her, she starts asking me if i"m working here, why I'm here where i"m from, then that she only like chinese men, and i should stay in china town near L.A trying to date girls that want green cards, how's that for a taste of home... why bothe giving me her number i have no clue....


The girl from the gym I was intersted in, the 22 year old, canceld are second hang out...she said it was due to helping her mother clean up for chinese near year...not sure if she was blowing me off or not, she always gives me this inredible smile when i walk by we always stare at eachother, but I don't get it, I'm just not getting the hold up, probably the fact we don't have any way to communicate other then my friend.


This cute girl I got intraduced to is 25 years old, she's really cute, and she seemed to have a good time, we played at the arcade, it was great, only down side is, when it comes to women over 23 it seems like they lose the "adventure" and the desire to do anything like hike, or anything fun that takes effort, so though I'm interested, it scares me a little, as I'm a active person.


In no way am I looking for action, I want to find a girl friend, who will become my wife, the only down side is, I want a attractive woman, I'm in damn good shape, and look 5 years younger then I am because of it, I kinda hoped being athletic would earn me some points here, and it has, but Its not working for me like I expected.


the women here are rare to be "hot" I've seen a few cute ones, but the hot ones are always on a rich mans arm or just taken.


I'm going back to the bar this or next weekend in hopes of landing some numbers, I'll ask only the girls i"m attracted to, but I'm not getting much luck here with the women, maybe its my location, but I have zero reading/speaking chinese skill, and my host is my life line.


Not kidding, thank you so much for shareing your advice with me, I need it, I'm on a mission to find a wife, one way or another, and before I"m 30, I don't have much time left, i want a girl who's 25 or younger, its going to get harder after i'm 28...
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Postby Jackal » Thu Feb 07, 2013 2:41 pm

Yeah, things can be quite tough in a new country.
Maybe you could make some male Chinese friends and you might get to know some of their female friends through them? Or maybe find the local university and hang out there?
I don't know much about China. These are just ideas. Guys who have had lots of experience in China may have better ideas.
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Postby magnum » Fri Feb 08, 2013 12:44 pm

Well, I've had a offical negative experince.


Me and my chinese friend went up to this group of girls in a bar, and man, we ended up getting literally pushed out of the bar for no reason at all it would seem, I guess a handsome white man scares the compatiton or something... after much trouble though my hosts friend talked the bar mannagment in to letting us come back in, and even got the security to say sorry.

On a good note, my hosts friend got this really cute chinese girl who works at the bar to come sit next to me, I'll tell you what... she's my type for sure, she found me attractive and I sure as hell found her attractive, but once again i can't speak chinese..... I even had this one girl translate for me that I wanted to take her out on a date.

The girl didn't say yes, but didn't say no, I'm not sure, the girl who translated said chinese girls are vary shy so I don't know what to expect from that.

The bitch of it thoug was... my buddy was upposted to save the number when she called his phone...he was drunk and I guess it just didn't happen, or she might not have really sent it, I don't know... but i saw her dial and cal.

She's too young for me, but i don't give a damn, she's only 19, but that just means she hans't had enough time to screw up her life too much to be worth my time, at least I hope.


I'm going to have to hit that bar again and get her number once in for all, she works at the place every night, she said she hates working in the bar though and her friend wont pay her, she works for free,, I'd call bull shit, but its what my friend said, and I doubte she'd tell him to try and milk cash from my friend as he's from china and knows better.



I played badmition with the cute girl from the gym today too, that was a plus, and I've been chatting on and off with this cute 25 year old, but as cute as she is, I'm not feeling the connection, but i'm willling to hang out with her again.

But damn, the 19 year old was for sure my type, I know you guys have thrown around the wrod "bar girl" and I'm not sure I know exactly what you mean by that, I know it's a negative thing but I don't know, would that fit the discritption I just gave?


I'm a bit worried, the gym will be closed for 7 days due to chinese new year, and I'm not sure how I'm going to keep my self from gaining weight with all the beer and eating that is sure to come...


Pressed for time here guys, I've got a date to ext on the 14th of next month...and I havn't made one break through with the girls, I've made progress and some connections....but the girls don't seem to be responding.


I have actually though about hanging around english schools and trying to pick up some of the cute girls I see, but that's one way to make people angry vary varty fast... and I had a interview for the one I'd probably hang around, for sure not a good impression to make if i ever plan on working in this city.


Seems as though I don't get along with women who are 25 years and older, they seem lto hate any kind of activity that requires your heart rate to go up AT ALL, where is the girls under that age seem like they're ready to go for a hike and have wild sex after, and that's a big problem, because the ladies under the age of 25 seem resistant to date me based simply on age....the thing is, everyone tells me I look 23, and I do look vary young because i'm in great shape, but that damn digit seems to nail me so hard.... not sure how some of you older guys landed hot younger girls when I can't even get a date looking 23 and athletic, I must be doing something wrong? being too aggressive or underly aggressive? i've been changing my tactic to aggressive just because I'm running around of time, but it still seems to get me the same results!

later for now, back to resisting the temptation to pig out on chinese food!
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Postby magnum » Sat Feb 09, 2013 1:38 pm

Not much of a update, but it's offically started, new years is gong on you can hear fireworks at all moments of the day and night!

I've been sending messages like crazy to girls all over chine on dateinasia.

I'm going to be honest here, I think your chances are fantastic in any asian country IF and ONLY if you speak the lingo, and well.

otherwise your just a dancing monkey for them to laugh at or be friendly to while you say a few worlds in the local lingo as they clap and laugh...

I have this one girl fron shangai who wants me ot take a train to go see her.... but she's a 6.5 or so on the looks scale, and it's going to drain my funds to train out to see her, she told me a apartment would cost around 2500 RMB to rent, thats around 400 and something US.

I'm tempted to do it if I could line up a few more prospects, at this point I wont lie I'm desperate at this point, I seem to have everything going for me, but I keep strikeing out cold, I can tell some girls are super attracted to me, they even feel my muscles ect, but they just wont go for it.

I figure at best I can cut my losses, save what I havn't spent yet, work in the US for 3 months come back and try again.

Or the alternative is I can hit up another country, maybe thailand, or like I originally planned japan, I keep hearing from my local hear barber that I'd be hot stuff in japan, and he seemed to mean it, so did this chinese born co-worker I had back in the states, but that probably is double in thailand.

I'm going to be 28 in may, and that will f**k my game up for sure, as 27 already has, I've gotta fight the urge I have to panic and just force my self to find a woman, I sware to god...I better find my wife before I'm 30.
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Postby xiongmao » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:14 pm

Lol. What's the rush? Men increase in value as they age. Go and have fun, then settle when you're older.

Shanghai is rubbish for women. Find a smaller, less wealthy city and make it your home.
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Postby Jacaré » Sat Feb 09, 2013 11:38 pm

Magnum,
Yeah exactly, why the rush? I think a better alternative would be to choose one city, stay there, enroll in a local school to learn the lingo, if needed, get a job teachign English and start networking from there for better prospects, not only job and opportunities money wise but also for girls.

If all fails, hop on a plane to the Philippines. But do avoid Manila like the plague. Head to Cebu or Davao and you'd feel you've died and gone to heaven!

All the best man!
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Postby eurobrat » Sat Feb 09, 2013 11:51 pm

...
Last edited by eurobrat on Tue May 28, 2013 1:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby magnum » Sun Feb 10, 2013 7:26 am

I know it might sound odd to you guys, but I've always wanted to get married while I'm still in my youth, so I can enjoy my young days with my attractive young wife.

The rush is due to the fact that I can feel my value going down when it comes to younger women, it used to be zero when i was fat, now its age that's kicking my ass, and to be honest, I didn't go from 300 lbs to athletic just to fail and be alone until I'm older.

Women who are 24 and younger don't seem intersted in me now that I'm 27, when 28 hits, you bet your ass it'll only get worse, the only acception was that one girl at the bar who was 19, and boy, I didn't know her age, but I didn't much mind eaither after finding out, she was exactly what I was looking for both in character and looks, but I doubte I'll ever see her again.

So sadly that leaves me with only a few options, wait until I'm 400 years old and rich, and then BUY my wife, zero love but hey I'll get laid... or find a younger girl who by some act of god won't care that I'm a little older, I sound like a prick saying this, but i'm suprised I'm having such a hard time finding women, I might sound like a self loveing prick but nothing could be farther from mthe truth, I just know for a fact I'm in super shape, back in the usa if i had to rate my self I'd be a 7.0 or 7.5, so here, where i've heard women call me handsome in chinese I'm just clueless as to what my problem is and why I'm still dateless.

you have to understand, I don't want a girl who has no choice but to get with me because she's poor as dirt and needs me to pay her grandmothers health bills, I want to find love, not a woman who will trade vagina for whatever money I can give her.

I like women who are tender sweet, clingy, you know the kind of girl that makes you feel like a man, my chinese girl friend back in the usa was like that, I'd hoped some of the girls here might be like that, they seem to be, but so far I havn't landed a signle date after a month, I don't know how that happend.


Some of you guys if you remember my older posts know I'm waiting until I'm hitched to bed any women, so you can imagine being 27 years old and a virgin isn't any kind of good mentally or physically in any way shape or forum other then it stands as a testament to will power and self control...morality like anything is self control and the power of will.


So as you can see besides the fact I'm sick of liveing a lonly signle existance....it woud be nice to get laid before my youth is over.

You have no clue I'm even thinking of trying to invest in some HGH to stay young, I'm just upset I'm too honest to lie about my age, because they all think I'm 23 years old here, doing the right thing costs so much....



The ironic thing about being a real christian is, it wont make you happy, if you are a happy christian, you sure as hell arn't doing it right.

I've been throwing around the game plans, I have a few options in my bag here, I want to get a feel for what you all think of them


Option A> My budget is about 1685$ subtracting the ammount it would cost to take a train to another city, if I rent a place for a month it would cost around 250 to 450$

So that leaves me with lets say 1100$ so I could try my luck in another chinese city, you guys would have to advise me as to what city has attractive women that might actually give me the time of day, but with zero chinese speaking/reading skills or my friends help in that city I might be setting my self up for super defeat.

Option B> cut my losses, fly home to the usa, and work my ass off for 3 months, study for some kind of on line ESL licens, and a personal trainers licens while I'm at it, as that's what I know best, I'd probably save about 3k maybe 4k if I'm lucky if i work full time, I'll have saved probably 1200$ so that's about 5k for another trip, my choices based on women would be japan or korea, both these women make my heart melt, though from what I read they have ice queen hearts so, I could be setting my self up for suicide.

Option C> Remember this as a lession and just stay in the usa attempting to cling to any girl from out of country I can get a date with.

Option D>try to make a choice where I want to live, and just save up money until that day, though that plan would take more time then I really want it to.


I'm trying to get my life going in the direction I want as fast as I can, with as little time waisted as I can, I've been fighitng the clock, I waisted my life until I was 23 years old, now its time to make up for lost time, being here in china has only made me more hungry for REAL life, and as fast as I can get it, my modivation is at a all time high, the problem is if I settle down before finding a wife, I'll have limited my choices so much I might not have another chance to "explore" to find a woman.

I'm actually very positive, china has changed me, I used to wake up everyday in the usa with no desire to live, life was nutral, I didn't care if I lost it or not, now I feel that it has value, and more importantly for the first time in my life I feel like I have REAL value, not just "I value my self" but as a person, the usa stole that from me, and I wont forget what I've found here, it has given me direction and something to fight for.
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Postby ethan_sg » Sun Feb 10, 2013 7:43 pm

Magnum you should know that in China, guys over 30 are valued for the increased maturity and the assumed financial stability they bring to relationships. Being 30 is far from being old and you're still very much a part of the dating market - unless you yourself hold yourself back and use it as an excuse.

I know tons of guys in their 30s in China dating girls in their early to mid twenties. For a lot of guys in their early thirties, they still look good and in shape. plus they're more matured than ever before, this really makes them prime dating candidates for girls in their twenties, so I don't know why you create this artificial race against time for yourself. Be a little more aggressive over there and don't play mind games with yourself, just enjoy it.
ethan_sg
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