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I use online dating to meet girls - at least then you know they're looking for a partner.
Also I stay away from bars as they're better places for finding gf's, not wives.
Actually I only met 1 new girl in 10 days, and she was a friend of a friend.
Game and confidence are more important for a man to have than looks. Some of the guys I were at Uni with were ugly as f**k but they were all supremely confident.
Chinese girls seem quite shy, so they appreciate a confident man. Take that guy I saw making a scene in the restaurant because his wife's food was served cold. That's what Chinese women are looking for in a man.
I have been reading and following your adventure with great interest.
First, let me tell you that what you have done is remarkable: you have been taking massive action to improve your lot. First by going from 300 pounds to being athletic as per your own admission in here. That's something to be damn proud of and that alone should shoot your confidence to the stratosphere! You're among the 1% of the people who are proactive about their lives!
Second, going half way across the world to find a wife, that also takes a lot of guts to go into the unknown.
Now having said that, let me make some suggestions to you in as keen as possible way as possible:
You're still quite young, so what's the rush to get married? Specially knowing that you have not had any girlfriend prior to now? Life is all about experimenting new things and dating various girls is one of the most fun and pleasurable yet informative ways to learn. You'll learn the type of women you really like, which ones are really compatible to you and your personality. So don't skip that vital part of your learning and growing as a man.
Also, another major thing that I'd suggest you is instead of focusing now in your 20's to get married by the time you're 30, do something different. Focus now on building a capital, a bank roll and a skill that you can take anywhere with you. In other words, focus your 20's on making money and establishing a career. You are a US citizen. You have no University degree? No biggie man! Get into a trade! Trades are much more lucrative than any degree you can imagine. Get to the oil fields in North Dakota. Do your search on that. Get started there in a trade. Once in a trade, you will make more money than a lawyer or doctor! And within 3-5 years, you'd have enough experience and capital that you could be in a very sweet position of being able to do anything you'd want as opposed to being broke with no skill as you are now.
And remember at all times, :
"You lose money chasing girls, but you never lose girls chasing money."
Go back to the US, save some money say till you have 5k, then move to the oil fields in North Dakota. Get any job you can find there, even a labourer and work your butt off to show to your employer that you're serious and hard working until you can get into a trade apprenticeship which could take you 2-3 months after getting into the door.
Once there, you will make about 7-10k/month working in the oil fields. This is not ifs or buts, it's the average going rate. At that rate, within soon you'd have built a nice capital. After 3-5 years, you could have a couple hundreds thousands in the bank if not more. With that capital, go to China, have an amazing lifestyle, have any woman you want and build yourself a solid, profitable business. And by the time you are 30, you WILL get to that sweet spot of being financially in a very healthy and comfortable position, in good shape, very confident in your own capacity and potential. Which all will make you exactly the kind of man that any good woman is dying to meet.
If that is too long of a plan for you, then go to the US to work any job you can until you have 5K. Then go back to China, in Guangzhou, and get in touch with the guys from theelevatorlife.com watch the videos on their site to make your creative juices go into overdrive. With 5K, you'd have enough to at least get started. You can easily find a teaching job, making about 9-10k RMB/month with the accommodation taken care of and leaving you with enough money to have a good lifestyle and lots of free time to network, work your way into a better job/opportunity and into potentially starting a lucrative international business. In China, really anything can be done, provided you have the right mind set, contacts and network, confidence and discipline and some cash.
The plan is all in front of you, go out and make it happen brother! I wish you all the best!
Last edited by JacarÃ© on February 24th, 2013, 5:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
I would rather a woman hate me for not playing an entertaining game than win her over with PUA tactics.
Confidence is knowing you can succeed at something from experience. Anything else is false bravado. Women can't tell the difference but men can.
Confidence with women is knowing sex from one woman is no more valuable than from another. You should make a woman understand early in a relationship that her body isn't special and any other woman can please you. She cannot withhold anything from you another woman can give.
I don't think being in a relationship where you constantly need to think up ways to impress a woman is healthy.
My test for a first date is the following: I bring her to a restaurant and don't say one word. If this pisses her off then she's failed the test. If she can endure 60 minutes of silence then she's a keeper.
So you want him to screw over a lot of women that future men will have to repair? The same path your talking about can be explored through hookers.
Thanks for the complements jacar.
I have learned some people will never have to work for what comes, others will pay 1000x over for minimal returns in life.
The personal choice i made a long time ago was, bite a bullet,or never stop trying, and I've learned for me at least, a man has no choice but to make his own way, maybe others were fortunate and had help, I've never had a social network or friends, at least none that weren't in the same boat as me, my father supported me while I was in his house, that's more then some people get.
My dreams are not disposable to my "lack of motivation" or "laziness"
At the end, most people have no one to blame but what's looking back at them in the mirror.
I will never have that problem, because I will do what is within my power to make my dreams come true.
you might be right, maybe It will take money, a sad fact that I've always attempted to lie to my self about, but maybe when it all comes down to it, money is god to most people.
when it comes down to it I'll tell you why I don't want to wait until I'm rich, why not enjoy life now, life's too short to lose any more of it, I rather make money while I have a wife, he might even help me make some!
As for meeting more women, I always seem to be the odd man out, my interests are rather anti-woman, I like exercise and athletic activities, I like anime, video games, fire arms.
one of the reasons I"m heading to japan, the only place in the world where I might just find a woman who has some of my hobbies in common, 5 months from now, we'll see what happens.
Some Japanese girls could be a good fit.
Or any woman who found solace in her own pursuits, I.e., an internally motivated girl, rather than an extroverted party girl.
Just be sure to post pics here of you and your wife - and baby - when you are settled and happy.
Yeah I think brother Magnum should either get a trade and stockpile cash, or go the English teaching route.
I went down the education route, but it's not the only way. Oil is good and you know another one that's hot in the UK is tunneling - London is a world center of excellence for building railway tunnels now and here in Guangzhou they're building 10 new metro lines.
I'm only really here because I built a stockpile of cash from my job in IT. My first relationship with a Chinese girl was a catastrophe. However, the good that came out of it is that for 3 year I totally focused on making money, and not spending any of it on junk (I didn't even buy a DVD for 2 years) and generally keeping my head down. Now my investment income alone is enough to pay my Chinese apartment rent.
Like Winston I have a few side projects that will earn enough to live here almost indefinitely. Also I rented out my UK apartment, so I have that to come back to if it all goes wrong here. I always advise people never to burn all their bridges back home.
The main advantage of being an English teacher is that you usually get a free apartment. Also you sometimes get free or very cheap food here.
I'll spend more time dating later, but I need to settle in first. Actually, I didn't get too much interest on CLL lately. I realised it was because I set my matches to only "average" body type. So that was ruling out 75% of women from appearing in My Matches and me in theirs!
Magnum is maybe a little too young to be very popular here. The 21-26yo girls here will normally prefer a Chinese husband, it's not until 28+ that they begin to look for foreign bf's.
Personally I prefer the older girls, they look more womanly. Some of the hottest women here are in their late 40's.
Also Chinese girls do like men with money, it's expected that you'll be able to support them. So don't forget that either.
Probably another reason I'm striking out, everyone here thinks I'm 23 years old, so that mixed with the fact that you said girls who are younger aren't interested in foreigners as much, I can see the logic behind it.
I just hope the opposite isn't true in japan, where the 20 to 24 year olds wont' date me because I'll be 28 by the time I get to japan.
I wonder if the japanese will think I'm as young as the chinese do?
I've had one of my fattest weeks in china yesterday, my buddy and I dinned at this mom and pop shop dumpling house, but the steamed round dumplings, not the fake crescent shaped dumplings you see at panda express... I to my shame ate 20 of them for lunch, then later that night, his family made HOME made ones that were 50% better than the ones on the mom and pop shop and i had 10 more... my god, I didn't know food could be so good.
Went to the bath house last night, got a scrub down too, I don't think I could ever get used to another man scrubbing me down, all I can keep thinking is, this might be nice if it wasn't another man touching my naked body, but hey, culture thing I guess, still, you sleep like a baby after, one of the most relaxing things you'll ever do.
I'm getting a nice tax return, it'll just about cover both my tickets home, and to go see my buddy I'm going to live with.
Give me a shout if you ever make it to southern China!
I've got less than a week to go, when life tells me no, I respond with "half as long, twice as bright" and kick lifes ass.
Tonight I met up with this girl I've been chatting with, but never had seen in person before, we had lunch at this dumpling house, we talked for a bit, walked for what seemed like a hour or so through the mega malls for a bit, decided to get some sour plum black tea, I highly suggest it, no clue what the chinese name is.
we were chatting for a while, exchanging questions, interestingly enough she got nervous when I said I wanted to ask her a personal question, because in her words "american guys online always say personal question, and ask really weird things" I can only imagine how many sexual and crude things she has been asked on the dating site, I informed her most guys on dating sites are probably trouble, but not all of them, you just have to find the good guys, then she asked me if I was a good guy, I told her I was probably one of the best guys she'd ever see.
After that we were walking for a bit, and I started holding her hand, then she got all excited, told me something I'm sure I'll never hear from any american woman she said "oh my heart starts beating so much when I hold your hand" talk about making a man feel good....so after that I suggested ice skating, she had only been once, I hadn't gone for years, that went vary well, and we kept each other from falling decently well!
At dinner is when things got even better, it went from just hanging out to a full on date, we had real chowmain and chicken, some tofu noodles.
After talking for a while I got chatting a little bit about relationships ect, she was fascinated by my eyes, they're dark green so she kept looking really close at them, I thought she was going to smash her face in to mine, so naturally I thought about kissing her, gave her a kiss on the cheek, went over well, and being a gentleman I don't just kiss a girl on the lips without asking, so I asked, and mission successful, I made out with her more times than I can remember, we walked around the mall that had closed for hours, and then made it to the subway, where she insisted on waiting until the last train so she could stay with me, then we parted with a kiss!
So lets have a recap of my life in china for 2 months, and a look at my life in the usa the last 3 years compared.
Life in china for 2 months.
6 chances with women.
Wonderful fresh food that's better than the best holiday food you've ever had.
first time experiences!
Snowbording for the first time.
over 6 to 7 new friends.
first time in real snow and real winter.
first time singing with people around at KTV
mistakenly being brought to a club that mostly consist of gay men, thanks for my host for not knowing until after the fact, explains why women were so few in that club.
being kicked out of a club by 4 to 5 chinese security guards and then realizing your coat that contains your passport and wallet both remain in the club, then 30 mins later getting back in to the same club, mannger apologizing, security analogizing and then having your friends teacher who's a lesbian, help you hit on a 19 year old girl who works at said bar and THEN having lesbian teacher lean over and in broken english saying "vary nice C cup" then tucking your cross necklace in to your shirt, and smiling and proceeding to make out with her girl friend while you talk to 19 year old girl, true story...
training in parkour in a makeshift gym that's so cold that water bottless freeze while your training, and remastering a front flip!
discovering fruit you never knew existed!
discovering vegetables are in fact wonderful when cooked chiense style, and that westerners don't know how the hell to make food.
visiting a old kings castle?
giving a min-speech at a wedding, where no one understands you and your translator is nervous!
getting a number from a girl whose only intent was to reject you???
I'm sure I'm leaving something out, but you get the idea.
My life in the USA
zero dates in 3 year, zero chances at dates due to knowing No one at all worth dating, or making any friends in that time.
hours of pointless existance indoor playing pc games or browsing the internet.
negativity being bounced off you by everyone around you.
your friend/best friend constantly pulling you down because they themselves are having it ruff.
constantly being bullied by the police for nothing at all, and then being abused because you weren't intimidated by them.
inability to have my teeth or health checked due to the cost of health insurance in the usa.
I'm going to stop, the list of negatives could go on forever.
The point is, get out of the modern communism hidden under the shroud of mechanics and taxes and get self someplace better, because it exists, dig down deep, work your ass off for a few months, and come see for your self, believe me, it'll change your life.
I set out on my quest to china to see if everything I believed about it was true, is it a better place, 100% yes.
My second objective was to at the vary least get a girl friend, I'd say I cut it to the vary EDGE but I still managed to pull it off.
I'm beside my self right now, this is another chapter in personal victory in my life, not to mention I hadn't kissed a woman in 3 years, so Hell yes.
If you're unhappy in your life, maybe it's time to take auto pilot off, and start using a your will.
Because without will, you have no power, and discipline is the key to will.
This may be the best HA post of all time!
Today was amazing, I spent half of it getting a tour of my hosts fathers place of work, a cardboard factory, it was interesting, I've been around a lot of industrial places so nothing was really new to me but he introduced me to a lot of the workers, I even got to play pool with one, and another made me old school tea vary good time, after we dinned some guh zu, probably spelled wrong, steamed dumplings, I've become a little addicted to them, it's best I found out about them late in my trip...
The second half of my day I spent with the girl I met, had a wonderful time basically hanging on to each other all day at my friends party.
After we went to a tea house, had some fantastic tea substance made with milk, it wasn't quite boba....but it taste fantastic, it's amazing how much of the true flavor bleeds through, I've noticed a lot of chiense treats ect use minimal sugar, ending up in a better tasting product, because you get real flavor.
That's when things went a little bad, she started to get super depressed and cried for about half a hour because I have to leave in the next 2 days....
After a bit of effort, and some heavy making out, she seemed to snap out of it, though I'm sure round two is coming tomorrow...because I wont see her again, at least not before I leave.
It's amazing for me having met this girl, I believe love is a choice, and honestly I'm as emotionally calculated as a assassin, so it tends not to hinder me, but I will say this, a girl like that could make you happy for the rest of your life, so no, the choice of love wasn't made, but i'd be buffing if I didn't say I have some emotional attachment.
I thought she was quite interesting, she was the first person I ever met to have 2 accents, chinese and french while speaking english.
having only ever had one girl friend, I admittedly didn't have much kissing time, but wow, at one point this girl was really aggressive, I mean, teeth clashed together, hell even french kissing was new to me, but I didn't know I'd have to worry about the girl biting my face practically haha
The girl is awesome, however, if i was to think about seriously coming back and staying with her, I have to consider a few things...she is a bit lazy and a study addict, as most chinese are, no exercise ethic, she is in to ONE game though, that was shocking, however, she really isn't a drinker and smoking is a no no for her, so...it's a mixed bag, one thing did click though, and this will sound odd, and I plan on making a post about this.
If you have ever heard of sam childs aka machine gun preacher, you'll know he operates a orphanage, some ex-child soldiers others not, a movie was made about the guy, but that was all smoke and mirrors, to the point though.
some africans speak french, so I told her about my possible plans to take up arms in africa to help save children amongst other things....and she said without a beat "maybe one day I'll be your translator" her major is translation english/french/chinese.
Gotta love that tidbit.
From 2 days with a chinese girlfriend I'm here to tell you guys....get to china, NOW, but only IF...
You arn't just looking for sex, and you want a relationship, want a girl to actually WANT you and make sure that's what you want, because once a girl wants you badly.. you might feel bad if you find out you don't want her as much as she wants you, so don't break a girls heart for your own ego or sexual needs.
And seriously, if your leaving home country for the right reasons, power to you and find your happiness, but if your just looking for a place where you think a fat hopeless man with no work ethic can score some free sexy, stay in the usa/uk where you belong and go rape a feminist or something, no one needs that filth leaking outside the usa/uk, are media has done enough to screw things up already.
Tomorrow will my my last day, I'll try to post before I leave, if I don't you've all got the important bits for now!