8 Days in the Philippines (with Pictures!)

[Halwick]

You've only known the girl for 8 days and you've already decided to marry her?

Have you checked out her background, i.e., visited her town and met her family?

Has she ever been married or does she have a child? There are many Filipinas with children who have never properly annulled (read divorce) their previous marriage, yet insist they are single. Perhaps in their hearts and mind, but not in the eyes of the law there. There may be a Filipino husband and child lurking in the background and possibly masquerading as a "relative".

Have you met her parents and relatives and assessed their financial situation? To them you (especially with a $70K/year income) are a walking/talking ATM machine with bottomless reserves and they will pressure you (through your wife) to send money to them to pay for medical bills, tuition costs, funerals, business venture, etc.

Strongly suggest you read the below links so that you understand what you are REALLY getting yourself into:

http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/ReadersS ... er7083.htm

http://ulyssesulysses.hubpages.com/hub/ ... xperiences

Good luck.

[Banano]

Lucid-Dreams, You've only known the girl for 8 days and you've already decided to marry her?

8 days and wants to marry her??

[Johnny1975]

I just looked at the pictures, I haven't read what you've written, yet, but the bit that caught my eye is when you say that you're going to marry one of them.

Don't do it. You need to get to know someone properly first. 8 days? Come on man. My advice could end up saving your a**, if you take it. And I'm just an ignorant shmuck with hardly any experience.

Thank you for your comment/warning.

Well, as you said you haven't read my post (yet), just the pictures and the one sentence in bold declaring that I'm going to marry one of them. If you had read my post, you'd know that I spent a couple of months getting to know her (each of these girls, actually) over Instant Messenger, e-mails and video chatting. I didn't come all of this way to meet strangers.

Also, the way the USA works, is 1st I apply for a Fiancee Visa. Then, she can visit for 3 months and during that visit, we can marry. Hopefully, she can come in December (the Phils has a fast approval speed for Fiancee visas: often 3 to 5 weeks vs. months from other countries). So, by the time we would marry we would have met in the Philippines, got to know each other for 9 months, and have lived together for 2 months (during her fiancee visa stay). So yes, I do believe that is enough time. I've seen happy lasting domestic marriages made in less time.

And since I'm a young working man who is also going to school, I can't just take off for 3 or 6 months and live there. I'm 33--far from retirement and bills to pay, etc. It's hard enough for me to get an entire week off, and a round trip all in all costs about $2k for a week. It'll be 22 years until I can take 3 months off, and I'm not waiting that long hehe. My point is that I either do it this way now, or wait 22 years. I also don't believe I would learn anything significant by spending the money and time to visit again that I wouldn't learn by talking to her on the phone often, video chatting, and having her live with me for 2 months before marriage.

Ok, well I've read everything else that you wrote, but it doesn't change the fact that you've known her for only a short while. I did previously skim through it and I knew that you'd been chatting with them online. But even chatting online, well that doesn't make any difference. To really get to know someone inside and out, you have to spend proper time with them, and lots of it, in different scenarios. You need to see them in action, in person.

I've been chatting with a filipina for 3.5 months. I like her a lot. I think she'd be great to be with. But that's only my current perception. If I went over there I wouldn't dream of taking it any further without knowing her for a sufficient amount of time. In fact I'd get to know her all over again. I'd ask loads of questions, I'd meet her friends, her parents and sisters, I'd ask them questions about her. I'd spend time with her in various scenarios, I'd make observations. It takes a long time to get to know someone.

You simply haven't given yourself enough time to do any of that. My philosophy is that everyone has some red flags, no exceptions. The question is, what are they, and are they acceptable / reasonable? You don't know the answer to that.

Would you take a job just because the manager seems nice, or you heard good things about the job? Would you be best friends with someone just because they seem cool? Would you buy a car just because it's comfortable to sit in? Would you buy a house just because it has enough rooms?

Taking a wife / girlfriend is a very big decision. It shouldn't be taken lightly, or based on very minimal information. You've got to peel the onion. As it stands, you're going to marry an unpeeled onion. But that onion is going to peel itself over time, and it's going to be a matter of luck as to whether the contents are good or bad. You're taking a huge risk.

[davewe]

I just looked at the pictures, I haven't read what you've written, yet, but the bit that caught my eye is when you say that you're going to marry one of them.

Don't do it. You need to get to know someone properly first. 8 days? Come on man. My advice could end up saving your a**, if you take it. And I'm just an ignorant shmuck with hardly any experience.

Thank you for your comment/warning.

Well, as you said you haven't read my post (yet), just the pictures and the one sentence in bold declaring that I'm going to marry one of them. If you had read my post, you'd know that I spent a couple of months getting to know her (each of these girls, actually) over Instant Messenger, e-mails and video chatting. I didn't come all of this way to meet strangers.

Also, the way the USA works, is 1st I apply for a Fiancee Visa. Then, she can visit for 3 months and during that visit, we can marry. Hopefully, she can come in December (the Phils has a fast approval speed for Fiancee visas: often 3 to 5 weeks vs. months from other countries). So, by the time we would marry we would have met in the Philippines, got to know each other for 9 months, and have lived together for 2 months (during her fiancee visa stay). So yes, I do believe that is enough time. I've seen happy lasting domestic marriages made in less time.

And since I'm a young working man who is also going to school, I can't just take off for 3 or 6 months and live there. I'm 33--far from retirement and bills to pay, etc. It's hard enough for me to get an entire week off, and a round trip all in all costs about $2k for a week. It'll be 22 years until I can take 3 months off, and I'm not waiting that long hehe. My point is that I either do it this way now, or wait 22 years. I also don't believe I would learn anything significant by spending the money and time to visit again that I wouldn't learn by talking to her on the phone often, video chatting, and having her live with me for 2 months before marriage.

Ok, well I've read everything else that you wrote, but it doesn't change the fact that you've known her for only a short while. I did previously skim through it and I knew that you'd been chatting with them online. But even chatting online, well that doesn't make any difference. To really get to know someone inside and out, you have to spend proper time with them, and lots of it, in different scenarios. You need to see them in action, in person.

I've been chatting with a filipina for 3.5 months. I like her a lot. I think she'd be great to be with. But that's only my current perception. If I went over there I wouldn't dream of taking it any further without knowing her for a sufficient amount of time. In fact I'd get to know her all over again. I'd ask loads of questions, I'd meet her friends, her parents and sisters, I'd ask them questions about her. I'd spend time with her in various scenarios, I'd make observations. It takes a long time to get to know someone.

You simply haven't given yourself enough time to do any of that. My philosophy is that everyone has some red flags, no exceptions. The question is, what are they, and are they acceptable / reasonable? You don't know the answer to that.

Would you take a job just because the manager seems nice, or you heard good things about the job? Would you be best friends with someone just because they seem cool? Would you buy a car just because it's comfortable to sit in? Would you buy a house just because it has enough rooms?

Taking a wife / girlfriend is a very big decision. It shouldn't be taken lightly, or based on very minimal information. You've got to peel the onion. As it stands, you're going to marry an unpeeled onion. But that onion is going to peel itself over time, and it's going to be a matter of luck as to whether the contents are good or bad. You're taking a huge risk.

I would agree that the OP should be careful, do all necessary research, make sure the girl is who he thinks she is, as well as tell her exactly who he really is and what kind of marriage he wants. I know over a hundred Fil-Am couples, many in person and some online friendships, and one thing is for sure - there is no exact science, no rhyme or reason. I know couples where the guy went to visit her once, applied for the Visa and they have been happily married for years. Other couples the guy visited her multiple times over a period of years. Couples that lived together in PI, and others that never had sex before the wedding. Certainly I know plenty of marriages that did not work out but more that did. It defies Western logic but then Western logic has a 50% divorce rate. Western logic says live together first, even though statistics say couples that live together and then marry have a higher divorce rate.

The OP should certainly do all his due diligence, find out about (and preferably meet) the family. He should look for red flags. He should connect with other guys married to Filipinas to get their perspective on pros and cons (BTW, there are several here on HA). But in the final analysis it can be done.

[kai1275]

Lucid-Dreams, You've only known the girl for 8 days and you've already decided to marry her?

8 days and wants to marry her??

Where are you guys getting 8 from? He has known her much longer than that from what I read. If you are talking about 8 days physically in the same space, that is getting into silly semantics... webchats are no different than Christian people that refuse to live with each other first before marrying.

My ex wife and I lived together for YEARS before we got married and it was a disaster. Never living with my current wife before marriage has made things light years better. I would not have traded that for the world now. The reason why is because it made getting to know her personality more important because I did not have p***y waiting for me at home to spend time on instead of talking.

When you live with someone, you tend to f**k each other in order to stop fighting, arguments, and maintain peace. Makeup sex sound familiar? When you are thousands of miles away, you either talk out your issues or split! It's that f***ing simple. I gave my wife a ring the first day we spent in China together because she was exactly what I expected before I got there and nothing about her was not. We have not had makeup sex yet either. Not even once.

[Johnny1975]

I can't get my head around the idea that living together before marriage is a bad idea. Kai, you've said that if you live together you tend to f**k too much to get to know each other, but you could just do that anyway (at her place, at yours, somewhere else). And anyway, at what point does f**k ing all the time stop being a problem? And what if you don't actually get married? What if you live with her as if you're married? At what point do things change?

I think living together is a good idea because you get to know what they're like day in day out, rather than committing to that without knowing that it's like.

But if I'm wrong, I'd like to understand why. But right now, to say that living with her before marrying is a bad idea, it just doesn't make sense. However it's something that I have come across a lot lately, which is why I'd really like to understand it.

[Halwick]

Re living together before marriage: I'm ambivalent about this. One would think that living together before marriage offers an insight to a person's habits, quirks and idiosyncracies as well as potential red flags.

I had a friend, like Kai, lived together for three years with his girlfriend before they finally decided to marry. They married and after about three years, they divorced. Turns out during the three year pre-marriage period, she was acting and being careful not to do anything that would derail the matrimony plans. After they married, her true colours surfaced and he discovered a manipulative, devious and vindictive side of her he never knew existed .

Funny how once that ring goes on a finger, everything changes and the REAL personality is revealed. By then, the poor guy is trapped and the only way out is an expensive divorce whereby he loses almost everything.

BTW, how is Lucid-Dreams doing? Anybody heard?

[Jester]

...

I've been chatting with girls from Cebuanas.com and Filiapinaheart.com. Honestly, I was looking for the right person to marry and to share my life with. I don't have trouble dating (and sleeping with) women in the US (mostly Caucasian girls), but I do have trouble meeting the kind of woman that I would like to marry. The women I'm with in the US usually want to marry me, but I don't want them for various reasons (they have kids already, are currently married or divorced, or smoke, or are overweight. Those qualifications eliminate almost everyone woman I meet in the USA).

I've always wondered if the kind of girl I'm looking for is in the Phils, so I thought now is the time to find out! Of course, I was wanting to have some fun as well! I had planned to meet 3 ladies and spend 2 and a half days with each. Each of these girls, I spent a month or two getting to know online via countless IM messages on Yahoo! Messenger, Skype video chat, and many e-mails, etc. So, I wasn't meeting strangers--I already had a relationship and knew a lot about these girls before I met them. Each of the these girls knew that I was meeting more than one girl, and that I was planning to marry someone I met during this vacation.

The reason why I didn't meet just one girl but planned to meet 3 is because it takes thousands of dollars for a round trip, and 48 hours in the air round-trip. You can never really get to know a person until you meet them in person. So, I couldn't justify the time and expense by meeting just one person. Imagine if after 20 minutes I realized that a girl isn't the right one, and I still have 7 more days in the Phils. So, I selected the 3 I was most serious about potentially marrying.

I left on Sunday the 25th around noon and arrived on Monday the 26th just before midnight. Okay, so the air flight from Chicago to Cebu was about 24 hours, with a 4 hour layover in Seoul, South Korea. That was a long flight!

The first girl I was going to meet was Karen. She was from a small town near Tacloban city south of Cebu. She took a boat to visit me. She was going to meet me at the airport, but she was late for the boat (all of these girls were late by the way!!! Like, hours late!) so she met me Tuesday morning. I had such an amazing time! We spent most of Tuesday at mall where I got to see a variety of things. We checked out the stores, ate at a few restaurants, played air hockey at the arcade, etc. The next day we mostly kicked back at the hotel pool. Of course we went out here and there. Oh, we stumbled upon a music store and I jammed on the electric guitar for awhile while she recorded. She was so cool, real, fun, genuine. She had an endless supply of energy, both in and out of the bedroom. I could have spent forever with her....

....................

....So, I went to meet 3 women, but ended up meeting two extra.

I'm going to marry Karen. She was just so wonderful and amazing, and I know she's the right one! I'm super-excited! I've been staying in touch with her everyday and know in my heart that this is the right decision. Of course, I had such an amazing time with the other girls too. Especially Marige. If I hadn't met Karen, I could definitely spend the rest of my life with sweet Margie. All of the girls were real. None of them asked for money or for me to buy anything. They all just left it up to me where to go, they never hinted they wanted to go here or there. They all genuinely seemed to want to get to know me, spend time with me, "take care of me" , and ultimately hope that I would marry them.

Amazing.

Best trip report in HISTORY. +10

I love the positive attitude, coupled with a clear plan.

CONGRATULATIONS.

("Cablanasians" to follow!)