Happier Abroad Forum Community

Winston,


I think you answer your own question. I didn't know LIsa was a divorce woman. Not saying all divorce women are messed up but it can be trouble dealing with a divorce woman. You only dated Lisa for 2 weeks...just take as a short tem experience and don't dwell on it too much.

If your female friends cannot help you how do you expect people online who never met you give you advice to help you. I mean I never met you but my impression of you is that you come out needy and any time a pretty girls comes your way your so quick to fall in love. I think at the same time just by reading your post I find that sometimes your very narcissistic and lack empathy. A trait that in the long will turn woman away but this is just by reading your post. Maybe in person your very different and have a thick skin from outside criticism and become quickly defensive .

Winston wrote:A few updates and additional points:

1. I never told you all this. But lisa wasnt loyal to me either. While i was away in Taiwan, she dated an indian guy and even slept with him. She confessed all this to me openly. So she said it didnt count as cheating. Most of my friends said not to take her back but i was madly in love and thought she was my soulmate. So i fought to win her back. Now she misses him and is trying to go back to him but hes had it with her.

2. I found a way to contact that Indian guy she was dating. When lisa found out, she freaked out and lost it. She wrote me a suicide note and acted hurt and betrayed. What a basketcase. Anyway i had a friendly chat with him and found out that lisa lied to both of us about many things. So she is fully capable of lying to suit her purpose.

Anyhow, none of you are answering my question about why lisa would spin things against me like an enemy does. Why would a girlfriend do that? And why cant she be like other chinese girls i see out in public who are relaxed and happy with their boyfriends and not anxious or impatient or in a rush to get somewhere?
Lisa is definitely not fair or reasonable or clear headed or logical in her behavior and choices.

I told you, it's a textbook case of BPD Borderline Personality Disorder, these other symptoms you describe match as well. The compulsive, shameless lying, the spinning or making-up of facts, the unfaithfulness and suicide threats all check.
You kept going back not just because of the love inspired by her "infatuation" with you, but also because your brain was trying to resolve the cognitive dissonance created by someone expressing deep "true" love for you while simultaneously engaging in open unfaithfulness.

You just have to remember you're not dealing with a human being, but rather with a virus or body-snatcher, there's really nobody upstairs and the wiring is all f*ked up. There is as much empathy in there as a lizard has for a moth.
That's why you feel mentally raped and even after "getting over it" you're still trying to find a logical resolution.

The usual advice is to run like hell from these women when the symptoms are identified, but this is not practical, good or healthy advice, because once you're snared it is very difficult. The only thing is to have the awareness of all this so a gradual and caring exit can be planned. You're lucky in that she "dumped" you suddenly, as they usually tend to cling.

Winston wrote:So wheres the advice? That sounded like a pessimistic assessment. No advice was given. Whats your suggestion? I don't feel complete without a chinese woman. I cant just get a wife in the Philippines. Vietnam may be a possibility. But China has billions of women. There must be a good match for me somewhere.

Vietnam seems great, as I've posted before. It's just 19 year old after 19 year old expressing interest.
I'm tempted to skip China altogether.

Winston wrote:The girl im talking to now and in love with, shes only 28 and her last boyfriend that she loved died in an accident. Thats why shes single. She never got over him. Until she met me that is. We connect in a deep way that makes us both feel alive and happy. And we have similar attitudes and views. Plus shes a hopeless romantic like me, which is rare because chinese women arent usually hopeless romantic types.

You seem to get invested too quickly, be careful you're not making the same mistake. That "deep" and fast connection can be very deceiving.
Why would she tell you about the guy that died so soon? talking about her past is kind of a red flag in my book, I don't like to hear about their previous crap.

Winston has a problem in falling for a girl too quickly . Something tells me if i was hanging out with him he be always scoping out a new girl

From ethan_sg:

"Definitely disagree with posters on the forum saying that all unmarried Chinese women aged 27 and above plus all Chinese women you meet online are whacked. I personally know quite a few good quality single Chinese women aged 27 and above, just not suitable for me, but we're friends.

People like to oversimplify issues by making sweeping statements so as to come across as an experienced know-it-all who has all the answers to every question. In reality things aren't that simple. Truly knowledgeable people realize how complicated things actually are and don't try to prematurely draw conclusions using sweeping statements."

I fully agree. Btw i didnt meet lisa online. I met her at McDonald's in dongguan when i was with zboy.

Yea plus a lot of people, when they use the online route, they tend to just pick the low hanging fruits because they just fall onto their laps easily and don't require that much effort. Often the low hanging fruits are not good quality women, so when things eventually go pear-shaped they think all women online are like this. The online market is just like real life, you gotta be discriminating and discerning, and accept that good quality women will require more work and effort. I've met high and low quality women, both online and offline. Every girl has her individual circumstances. Life isn't as black and white as 'Offline good. Online bad'. If you could read Chinese, you will find an even higher concentration of good quality women on the Chinese dating sites.

Winston you have to ask yourself if you see yourself having a future in China. Do you? Because if not, where will you be taking your trophy? I know you are still in the early stages, and your wild goosehunt is not yet at an end, but what's your end game here?

I'm also curious to know what the take of your parents is on your recent adventures. I know your father is a man whose judgement and wisdom you admire and respect, you may ask him for his imput. I'm also curious for what Dianne has to say, although I expect a little Schadenfreude at your misfortune on her part.

MarcosZeitola wrote:Winston you have to ask yourself if you see yourself having a future in China. Do you? Because if not, where will you be taking your trophy? I know you are still in the early stages, and your wild goosehunt is not yet at an end, but what's your end game here?

I'm also curious to know what the take of your parents is on your recent adventures. I know your father is a man whose judgement and wisdom you admire and respect, you may ask him for his imput. I'm also curious for what Dianne has to say, although I expect a little Schadenfreude at your misfortune on her part.

Why do you ask this question? Of course i can have a future in china if i want. I have a good social life here and can meet girls and have lost a lot of weight. You can ask Ethan_sg and ghost and rock. Ive sent them lots of pics of parties ive went to on Wechat.

The end game is to find a wife and soulmate and stable partner. Isnt that obvious? Something about me makes women unstable. Yet they are stable around other men. I dont know why. Maybe my vibe breeds chaos. Lol

My parents of course hope i find a stable quality partner to settle down with. Isnt that what all parents want?

Why are you asking such obvious questions?

Winston wrote:

BlackKnight wrote:

Gadfly wrote:

Who would not suffer on a 39 hour train ride with no seat?

How were you able to sleep?

A better question would be why didn't he just offer a $50 - $100 for a seat or room? Geez. That would have showed her a real man

This is a stupid question. You must be a low IQ poster.

Firstly, the tickets to the sleeper beds on the train cost almost 100 dollars so offering 100 dollars as a bribe would be senseless.

Second, those with sleeper beds are usually upper middle class so they dont need such money anyway. They are focused on comfort, not on taking small bribes that dont interest them.

Duh. Dont you have any commmon sense?

As to how to sleep on a train with no seat, well you dont. Even when you have a seat its hard to sleep on an upright seat. I certainly cant. Or you lay your head down on the meal table in front of you. Either way you cant sleep long.

On long train rides its better to have a sleeper. But the cost of a sleeper bed is almost the same as a plane ticket. So go figure. They arent as cheap as the sleeper beds on russian trains which are dirt cheap.

Thats why lisa was an imbecile to insist that we go on a train with no seats for 39 hours. Very stupid for sure. I shouldnt have listened to her. We were supposed to go to shanghai anyway but lisa said there was nothing special there so she didnt want to go. She was originally fine with going anywhere but she got more opinionated later on. Apparently not much appeals to her. And she cares more about where we go than about spending quality time together, which is upside down and messed up.

Lol@ upper middle class(whose annual household income ranges between 106,000-229,000 yuan(16K - 36K) supposedly NOT interested in saving $100 dollars. Moreover, why would an upper middle class person take a 39 hour train rides to save $20? A 39 hour train ride = about 5 days of work. 5 days of work at $10/hour = $390. Everyone on that train was probably dirt poor and would have jumped out of their seat at $50 cash. The people in the sleeper cars probably had better planning or connections. I guess that is why women love me. I'm a creative problem solver

Droid,
Yeah it does seem like Lisa does seem to have borderline personality disorder. See here:

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/b ... ndex.shtml

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/borde ... -symptoms/

At first she worshipped me and said i was her god and jesus. She loved everything about me. Then when she turned against me she started spinning everything against me, and even said i was the stupidest guy she ever met, etc. All without basis. Totally illogical.

Many American women do this too so it seems that BPD may be common with them too.

When i contacted the indian guy she dated, and she found out, she freaked and said she hated me from the core of her heart. Then she sent me this suicide message. I havent heard from her since, but i know shes still alive because she changed her profile photo.

Final message for my life and for you:Thanks to your help i become a slut.You should know me.Im easygoing down to earth and kindhearted..but that means im a coward with Flaccid personality which easy to be cheated and be calculated.hard for me to reject or refuse others'good willingness.i Don't want to hurt both of you..but i don't know how to deal it well without too much pain and suffering.i try but fail.But you hurt a innocent Stupid girl..i will suicide in the midnight.hate myself hate the world.hope you will feel guilty one day.

I dont know why shes claiming to be a victim or that i hurt her. I never did anything wrong to her at all. Its like shes making up stuff. I swear.

BlackKnight wrote:

Winston wrote:

BlackKnight wrote:

Gadfly wrote:

Who would not suffer on a 39 hour train ride with no seat?

How were you able to sleep?

A better question would be why didn't he just offer a $50 - $100 for a seat or room? Geez. That would have showed her a real man

This is a stupid question. You must be a low IQ poster.

Firstly, the tickets to the sleeper beds on the train cost almost 100 dollars so offering 100 dollars as a bribe would be senseless.

Second, those with sleeper beds are usually upper middle class so they dont need such money anyway. They are focused on comfort, not on taking small bribes that dont interest them.

Duh. Dont you have any commmon sense?

As to how to sleep on a train with no seat, well you dont. Even when you have a seat its hard to sleep on an upright seat. I certainly cant. Or you lay your head down on the meal table in front of you. Either way you cant sleep long.

On long train rides its better to have a sleeper. But the cost of a sleeper bed is almost the same as a plane ticket. So go figure. They arent as cheap as the sleeper beds on russian trains which are dirt cheap.

Thats why lisa was an imbecile to insist that we go on a train with no seats for 39 hours. Very stupid for sure. I shouldnt have listened to her. We were supposed to go to shanghai anyway but lisa said there was nothing special there so she didnt want to go. She was originally fine with going anywhere but she got more opinionated later on. Apparently not much appeals to her. And she cares more about where we go than about spending quality time together, which is upside down and messed up.

Lol@ upper middle class(whose annual household income ranges between 106,000-229,000 yuan(16K - 36K) supposedly NOT interested in saving $100 dollars. Moreover, why would an upper middle class person take a 39 hour train rides to save $20? A 39 hour train ride = about 5 days of work. 5 days of work at $10/hour = $390. Everyone on that train was probably dirt poor and would have jumped out of their seat at $50 cash. The people in the sleeper cars probably had better planning or connections. I guess that is why women love me. I'm a creative problem solver

You idiot. Not everyone there was on a 39 hour train ride. The train stops at many cities. Many people get on and off. You are so dumb.

The sleeper beds cost almost 100 dollars so why would someone give theirs up for 100 dollars? Stop wasting forum space with stupid statements. Dummy.

Okay everyone, lets break down the idiocy.

First off lol @ this: she put us on a 39 hour train ride with NO SEAT! We had to sit on our luggage and wait for available seats, which never came because Chinese trains are always super packed and overcrowded, unlike Russian trains which always have available seats and beds. I assumed Chinese trains were like Russian trains, and found out the hard way that they weren't, obviously because Russia is nowhere near as crowded as China is, so their trains always have available seats and beds and so you can show up at the train station and easily buy a seat or bed.

1. Not everyone there was on a 39 hour train ride. The train stops at many cities. Many people get on and off. You are so dumb

So it should have been cheaper to buy a seat you backwards fool! Since you say you can just wait for available seats, I take it the seats are not allocated or set aside for a specific persons?

2. The sleeper beds cost almost 100 dollars so why would someone give theirs up for 100 dollars?

Because the outcome would be the same! They could get their destination without paying a dine and just sit on their luggage (like you two dumbbells) or wait for available seats in second class. I've bought first class seats before (even tho I wasn't going very far) just that is all they had available! If someone offered me $50 and a second class seat I might take it if I was poor like most Chinese.

Winston wrote: Well Lisa and I split up. After 2 happy weeks together of romance, fun and sex, she started becoming irritable and moody, then she started unnecessary arguments about little things or nothing.

Hey Winston,
you still need this EXPLAINED to you?

She was just shit testing you. And if you kept her she would shit test you for the rest of your life. That is what women are like now.

Really. You should relocate to Eastern Europe. Women do FAR less of this stuff there.

Best Regards

Peter

"I think you answer your own question. I didn't know LIsa was a divorce woman. Not saying all divorce women are messed up but it can be trouble dealing with a divorce woman. You only dated Lisa for 2 weeks...just take as a short tem experience and don't dwell on it too much. "

OMFG...Winston...don't tell me this woman is a divorcee....please....don't tell me that.

Winston wrote: The end game is to find a wife and soulmate and stable partner. Isnt that obvious? Something about me makes women unstable. Yet they are stable around other men. I dont know why. Maybe my vibe breeds chaos. Lol

My parents of course hope i find a stable quality partner to settle down with. Isnt that what all parents want?

Why are you asking such obvious questions?

Winston,
women in the west, and China it seems, are not suitable for marriage any more.

No woman will be your "Soul Mate". You would be better off looking for a flying unicorn. You will be more likely to find one. I thought you had outgrown the stupidity of "soul mate".

Western women are just despicable people now.

At least eastern european women will not try all that BS on you.

ALL women are unstable. It has nothing to do with you.

If your parents wanted you to find a good wife they would have spoken up by now about how disgusting women are and demanded that women be held to at least SOME sort of standard. You should tell your parents that the very fact they have remained silent would indicate to you they do not give a sh*t about whether you get f***ed over in divorce and for this very reason you feel no obligation, or even desire, to go and get yourself f***ed over in divorce.

Remember...my own father thinks the crimes I have suffered are perfectly ok. He even invited criminals to my mothers funeral.

The men my generation and my fathers generation are gutless, spineless, jellyfish, p***y beggars who are only ever telling MEN what to do while they allow their women to commit all sorts of crimes.

Don't entertain this BS of "I will find my unicorn". I have dated enough women to know that ALL of them are pretty bad. The BEST woman I know told me to my face she would cuckhold me if she changed her mind on children....the BEST woman I know.

That is what women are....they are very selfish people who do not give a sh*t about men.

Get used to it. Consider yourself lucky you were told this before you made the BIG mistake of having children.

Once you have kids....well...its not like there is a return chute or anything else like that. You have to just make the best of it then.

But the very fact there is STILL not one woman in all of Australia and Ireland who says women should be held equal before the law should disavow you of your delusions about women....right?

"1. I never told you all this. But lisa wasnt loyal to me either. While i was away in Taiwan, she dated an indian guy and even slept with him. She confessed all this to me openly. So she said it didnt count as cheating. Most of my friends said not to take her back but i was madly in love and thought she was my soulmate. So i fought to win her back. Now she misses him and is trying to go back to him but hes had it with her."

LOL! Its not cheating when I tell you I am a whore who sleeps around....yeah...right.

And then you wanted her back?

You are "madly in love" with someone you knew for 2 weeks?

WTF is wrong with you.

How old are you? 12?

Snap out of it Winston. You know women better than that.