Post your trip reports, travel experiences, and updates abroad. Or your expat story if you already live overseas. Note: To post photos and images, insert the image URL between the tags [img]and[/img] after uploading them to a third party site.
You're an amazing guy yourself. I think you praised me a bit too much though, haha. I'm just a regular guy who like to learn and tries to help the world make a better place to live.
Where on the forum can I find your HA story? You did mention that you have a wife and baby in viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26294&start=510
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I do not know if my HA story is somewhere easy to find. It must be somewhere, many posts ago, but so far I am unable to find it. I have, however, sent you a picture that shows me and my family. I'll elaborate more in PM if you wish.
When it comes to fertility and age, be careful please. My mother-in-law and her mother both started having fertility issues in their thirties. My wife's mother did not have as many children as she wish she had, as a result. By forty, she was completely barren. My wife and I, for this reason, are having our children early. By the time she is in her thirties, we do not want to be met with any unpleasant surprises... time is not on your side in this my friend. But maybe it is my own wife's experiences that have made me overly cautious, I don't know. Just think about things well.
My wife's grandmother left her biological grandfather forty years ago. She married again, to a far better man. Her first husband was a rich landowner, an aristocrat, but also a heavy drinker and a womanizer. Her step-grandfather (who she sees as her grandfather), was a humble man. He raised the children. They could never have children of their own because of fertility issues on her grandmother's part. Her grandfather will never say it, but you can tell it hurts him. Something is missing in his life, no matter how great the love of his step-children, because he never had his own.
Last edited by MarcosZeitola on Tue Jul 26, 2016 11:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
You guys keep saying I might eventually want to trade her for a younger woman. But I keep ending up dating older women, not because I'm looking for them on purpose but because they somehow keep ending up with me.
I just never really got along with most of my peers beyond being superficial acquaintances. Some of you older guys might have a bit of trouble imagining what it takes to fit in as a youth now. It means having to fit into a lot of dumb high-school-like cliques, social media cliques, social media mind games, flakiness, lack of real social connection, vapid social acquaintances, selfish me-me mentality, smartphone addiction, and all that nonsense. Things aren't that simple anymore for millenials. I envy the 1980's and earlier decades when young people could have more normal, more human interactions.
If you're an older guy dating a younger girl, you're not expected with put up with any of this BS because they see you as from a different generation. But I'm expected to totally fit into all this BS because I'm a young Asian guy. If you don't, then you're out. You can get to know many people but you won't be able to crack into youth social circles, and thus will have more trouble dating girls your own age. Being able to crack into social circles is usually a prerequisite for getting into the university dating scene, so you're out if you don't fit in with their superficial culture. At school, I'm a very sociable and likeable person and have dozens upon dozens of great friends at school that I talk to everyday. I'm a normal, talkative guy who loves chatting extensively with all sorts of people. But being totally accepted into a youth social clique is a different matter.
My girlfriend said that I'm a bookworm who obviously fits in with dedicated graduate students, but not with most undergraduates who are into silly stuff. Ironically, despite having only a high school diploma, she is strongly supportive of me finishing my graduate degree, whereas my well-educated biological family actually isn't so supportive.
I am indeed surrounded by young Chiang Mai pretties at my school, who are considered by Thais to be some of the most beautiful women in the country. But they're mostly spoiled hi-so brats who are a real pain in the neck to deal with long-term.
My classmates in Thailand are not flirty rural girls from the rice paddies. They are bratty upper-middle-class Chiang Mai pretties who speak Thai with a very nasal, whiny accent and can't go anywhere without their phones. Yes they are cute, but how long do you think someone like me can stand being with one of them? They are just like the Taiwanese meimei's that Winston keeps complaining about.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying they're all bad people. There's nothing wrong with either me or them in particular. We just can't mesh. We don't vibe.
My girlfriend was born in 1975. It was a different planet back then, and I can deal with those folks easily. Many older Asians are very authentic and easy to talk to, but there's just something weird going on with the younger generation. They can be so superficial, selfish, and zombie-like. You see this generational gap going on in all the industrialized Asian countries like Singapore, Taiwan, South Korea, and Japan too. Has anyone noticed this as well?
Falcon, she might be a decent woman, but seriously, the time is going to come when you're going to brush up against some 20 something year old, or you'll see a bunch of nice young little ladies and you're going to wish you could grab a piece. And remember, when you're 60, she'll be 75, whereas you could have someone who by that time will only be 40. And even when you're just 40 yourself, she'll be 55, and when you see other 40 year olds walking around with their 22, 34, 26 year old girlfriends, you're going to see the difference. Surely there must be plenty of nice younger women around.
As far as I know, Falcon is not breaking any laws.
Look for women who automatically want to please you because it pleases them. Any woman who seeks to please her man is a treasure. Even better if you don't have to ask but rather suggest.
I think Falcon brings up an interesting point. His current girl friend was born in 1975 was it. His girl friend grew up in different generation where as with the younger generation are becoming and more spoiled or selfish or more western like.
This is happening in other places through out the world. It seems like women in general are just getting worst and spoiled. I mean just look at the rise of inceal or mgtow and so on rising along with. It sad it's happening in Thailand and it's happening in other places. Falcon is having hard time relating to the young Thai girls because they are not that different from the spoiled western girl.
She was teenager during the 1980's - early 1990's. That's about when my parents met.
Some countries where I noticed where you can still easily relate to women born later than 1990 include Myanmar, Laos, and India. The rural ones where smartphone and Internet penetration are still quite low. Thailand is part of the connected, developed globalized world, but Myanmar, Laos, and much (but not all) of India are not. The Philippines (outside Manila) is transitioning.
I never went to Thailand because of the women. I came here because of work and school.
I know this might sound this weird to some of you, but I really don't see this coming. Rock and Winston know that I'm a repeat offender when it comes to dating older women. All of them had genuine fears that I could one day dump them for hotter young women, kind of how older guys can be insecure about their younger girlfriends dumping them for a younger girl one day. Even my Indonesian ex-GF who was 11 years older than me and felt like a peer (or an older sister) constantly had this fear. I had to keep explaining why this isn't the case.
And what's with people who think that it's weird to have a woman who is 2-3 years older than the man? I really don't get this one.
I know a European man who married a Filipina three years older then him. Their marriage is falling apart because he, at 26, is still very focused on partying, "having a good time", drinking, chasing skirts. She, on the other hand, is 29 and very mature. She wants nothing more then to be responsible, have a family and build up a life together. They are failing because their maturity levels do not match. It is common for many men, especially men from first world countries, to "get their wild years behind them" first, before they settle down and get married. The couple I mentioned, is failing because the guy has not yet left his wild years behind him. He does not have the level of maturity his wife has.
A relationship succeeds when both partners have the same level of maturity. When they do, age matters little. For example, I know some girls who are the oldest of five or six siblings, and they would make amazing wives because of this - they have learned to be responsible from an early age. They are ready for marriage at 18 or 19, while their husband may be in his late twenties or early thirties by then, as he was not ready for such commitment before. It also takes a little longer for a man to establish himself in the world, to reach financial stability and be able to support a wife and family.
In nature, the top males breed with the top females. Those top males tend to be a little bit older, a little bit more experienced in life. They have years of battle experience, and the scars to prove it. They get the youngest, most fertile and desirable partners to mate with. It is, as a result, hard-wired into people for a man to desire a younger woman. If only just by one or two years. A man who dates a woman who is even so much as one or three years older, already raises eyebrows. It's a subconscious reaction.
I don't think it's malice, it's just a feeling that, from a Darwinian perspective, something seems "off" to people. They cannot quite put there finger on what it is that seems off, what it is they object to. But it's there, nonetheless. The value of a quality man only increases with age, he ages like a fine wine. The value of a woman, even if she is a good woman, only decreases with age. That is how society sees it, and it is a view supported by biology. However, you cannot let biology dictate your happiness.
@marcos: So that's why you married and had children, so you you wouldn't seen "off" to people and no one would "raise eyebrows" around you? You really that worried about what other people think? A lot of people are laughing aloud, to speak nothing of raising their eyebrows, at you for moving to the Philippines. Why doesn't that bother you?
Marcos is just saying what raises eyebrows and what doesn't, not that he himself specifically is trying to avoid having eyebrows raised. He's not saying that raising eyebrows is a bad thing either.
I can understand things from the perspective of evolutionary biology, and his explanations definitely do make sense. Of course, evolution can also be full of unexpected patterns and apparent contradictions.
But quoting Rock and Winston on dating women under 25, Rock said that people don't usually have fully mature brains until age 25, although some Filipinas under 25 that he has dated are actually quite mature for their ages. And Winston, while dating a Filipina under 25, said that it's hard to tell how much a young girl can change over time, since she's so young and has so much in front of her.
Come on now. Why didn't he also mention the price of eggs at the local market or note when metal working began or bring up a thousand and one other irrelevancies? He brought up raised eyebrows as an indirect way of casting aspersions on your choice of a mate.
Didn't you also read the other things he wrote? Read in between the lines too.
Overall, Marcos is a pretty supportive guy. Let's not be hypersensitive here.
I married because I wanted to get married. Because I met my wife, and my wife and me loved each other. And because we both wanted to have children very much. It may actually have raised some eyebrows, that we married as young as we did in our early twenties. The same way society would look weirdly at guys who date much older women, people who marry and have a family very early are often seen as strange in today's "civilized world". The norm would be to wait till our late twenties or early thirties. Especially for me, as a guy, that would have been the more conformist thing to do. I did things my way, because that is the way I wanted things to be.
I am not worried at all, I was merely stating the facts of how people, in general, tend to look at things. Some of my choices are hard for people my age to understand, too. To some I may be too serious, too early. They may feel that the choices I have made and am making, are a mistake or not in my best interest. They make their choices, and I make mine. All I did was write about the perception of others. It is not a judgement, but it is a fact.
You don't know the people in my family, nor do you know my friends. You cannot possibly know their reactions, much less their feelings, when it comes to my decisions in life. My family is supportive, my friends are supportive and the path my life is taking is not funny to anyone. I happen to have friends who, like me, have traveled the world. Who, like me, have lived or are currently living abroad. And several of them are dating or have in the past dated foreign girls. My own cousin married a foreign woman and is very happy with his choices.
All I wrote in this thread, is my personal opinion on relationships with (large) age differences, especially those relationships where the woman is older then the man. It is a different type of stigma then the stigma I myself am faced with. I'm just a guy who moved to the Far East and lives in a place hardly anyone in my part of the world has ever heard of. It's seen as eccentric by some, as admirable by others, but most people would just shrug their shoulders and couldn't give less of a f**k.
BTW I'm not laughing aloud myself, nor raising my eyebrows, at either you or Falcon. I just used that phrase to get a reaction, because there ARE some people who have made snide comments about you on this forum. No one is more supportive than me of men who take an unconventional path through life to find happiness.
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