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14 posts • Page 1 of 1
Fostering a Child- a Different Type of Love
For the past four years, I have been a foster father of a wonderful child in the Philippines which has filled my life with great love and has given it a new meaning.
I am a childless person in my 50ies ,and until some years ago, I was used to a life with no responsibilities. I had saved up a bit of money in Saudi Arabia which could easily last me for several years. So, in 2012, I was renting a room in a big house and was enjoying a very carefree life in Angeles City, Pampanga. I traveled often, had many friends, threw parties and spent most of my time socializing.
Across the street from me, there was a woman with a small child. She was in her early twenties and was often sitting outside in the evening having a beer with some friends. Her child was a three year old girl, as cute as a button. Every time I passed by, she would look at me with a strange expression in her eyes. Once, I sat down and the child walked up to me and measured me with her look as if sizing me up for some role. Later, I found out what exact plans she had for me.
The woman, whom we will call Mary Anne was from Samar , and she told me her story. She was a single mother, as her boyfriend had abandoned her and the little girl - whose name was Jinky. Mary Ann had to quit school because she had no money to pay tuition, and moved to Angeles with her child hoping to find a foreigner who would take care of her and Jinky.
She did find a “ foreigner”, an Aussie, I think, and moved in with him. But the man was not kind. He did not love her and used her as a maid barely giving her any money at all. He did not send the little girl to kindergarten. As a result, at three, she could not speak proper Tagalog and communicated in a mixture of broken English, Kapampangan and Waray. Even her mother could not understand her. The Aussie guy also allegedly punished Jinky by putting her in a shower room and turning on cold water. In spite of that, the little girl still treated him as her father, but he always pushed her away. He also called Mary Anne “ aso”, a dog and was very rude to her.
Eventually, he announced his decision to abandon the mother and the daughter and go to Thailand to live. When I met them, he was already gathering his things.
Days passed, and every evening I would return to my apartment, and Jinky was playing outside. She would stop and stare at me. She looked at me pensively, almost as an adult. When I once sat down to talk to Mary Anne, Jinky walked up to me, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. Then, she walked off and looked at me again, sizing me u again.
The next day, I came back late when it was already dark and I heard a long shout of joy, Jinky ran up to me and hugged me. Something stirred inside of me. I was a man without a child, and she was a child without a Dad. Heck, I said, we need to give Jinky a day of a happy childhood. I spoke with Mary Anne and we agreed that this coming Saturday, we were going to have a “Jinky’s day”, a day in which she would feel what it would be like to be a happy child.
When Saturday came, we went to the SM Department store and bought her toys, then, we went on all the rides, the carousel, the toy train, etc. Then, we visited the Zoo where she was able to see different animals and she was absolutely ecstatic about seeing a horse, goats, camels, etc. She was squealing with joy. They both got tired and we came home late.
Next day, I was passing by when the little girl ran out of the gate,,her arms open in a hug. She was shouting “Daddy! Daddy!” at me. She ran up and hugged me. I hugged her back. “ I love you ,Daddy”, she said.
I then hired Mary Anne to come and clean my apartment and wash my clothes a couple of times a week. Mary Anne was very smart , and it was an accident that she and her daughter ended up in such a situation. I then took Jinky and Mary Anne to Manila Ocean Park and Star City, and they both thoroughly enjoyed the trip. Jinky loved the big fish in the tanks and was constantly shouting with joy. I am an only child, and I was given a lot of love by my parents and grandparents. Thus, I was now passing it on to Jinky. All the good things I had received in my childhood, I was bow trying to bestow on the child. Slowly, we were creating a foster father- foster daughter bond.
Suddenly, I got a job offer from the US and was given two weeks to gather my stuff and begin my duties. I decided to take the job and say good bye to my new foster family. It was bit of a shock to them, but I promised to come back on vacation. When I got to the US,I still texted them. One day, Mary Anne texted me and said that they were OK, and that I should not worry about them. A neighbor contacted me and said that there were now in good hands, and Mary Anne found a new boyfriend, an American guy. I did not want to interfere, and we lost contact for a couple of weeks.
Then, the neighbors contacted me on Skype and shared some disturbing news. Apparently, the new boyfriend was being very cruel to the child and was beating her with a belt. Mary Anne was also having fights with him. There were shouts and commotion coming from the house at all times. Once, they said, they even heard Jinky shout my name.
Soon, they were both on Skype typing away telling me very worrying things. Accodring to Mary Anne, the new boyfriend was a drunkard, a bully, a child-beater and a womanizer. He would bring hookers into the house forcing the woman to partake in orgies with them. If she did not do it, he would threaten to kick both Mary Anne and Jinky onto the street. She had no money and had to obey him. Eventually they had a big fight, the police got involved and he was arrested. Then, they did end up sleeping in a park.
The next day, I was sitting in my room in Ohio and, suddenly, Jinky’s apparition materialized In front of me. She was transparent, just like a holographic image. She came up to me, hugged me and kissed me. Then, she was gone. The phantasm was so clear that I had no doubt that she somehow projected herself to me. I do believe in things like that.
The following evening, they were both on Skype again, having borrowed money to talk to me, crying and telling me how much they had missed me. I then, decided to help them both out. I sent money for them to go to Manila and get situated. Then, I sent money for Mary Anne to enroll in some courses.
First, she finished a TESDA ( gov’t program) housekeeping course, then she got a guard license, and then both of them began a slow climb out of that bad situation. Jinky went to kindergarten. I also had Jinky ‘ baptized’ at a local Buddhist temple, thus becoming her full “ninong “, kind of like a godfather. Two years of struggle followed and, after many dramas and upheavals, both of them got on their feet. Mary Anne is now studying for a license in cosmetology while working full time, and Jinky has learned to read, write and use a cellphone. Her Tagalog is now fluent and very rich. She’s also beginning to speak proper English step by step. Everywhere she goes, she carries my picture and shows it to everybody telling them that I am her Daddy.
About one year ago, I learned that Mary Anne acquired a boyfriend, a Filipino, but Jinky told him outright that he could never be her Daddy, because she only had one, and it was me. I have been visiting them twice a year, and every time, I took Jinky on horse rides, on boat tours, to amusement parks, to Intramuros, the Spanish section of town, and other landmarks and interesting places. Every years, she would have proper birthday parties, proper Christmas parties, just like what I had when I was a child.
It has been an interesting relationship which I have formed with these two people. Mary Anne has turned out to be a very honest, hard working and reliable person. I never had a romantic relationship with her, but I formed a kind of father- daughter bond with Jinky. And it has been enough for me. Jinky has also turned out to be a very energetic and smart child, and one that would never become sad no matter what happened. She did not have siblings, but she “adopted” her neighbors’ kids as such, and she did not have a father, so she “adopted” me. Now, both of them consider me a family member.
It has been a very interesting four years, very meaningful, and my life has become enriched on account of them. I am in Saudi Arabia now, and Mary Anne has said to me that she cannot imagine in what hell they would have been had we not met and what course their lives would have taken. I also prefer not to think about all these “ what-ifs”. What matters is here and now. And so far, it has all been one big success for all parties concerned.
Those who go to the Philippines to look for love, may sometimes find different love and give love in the most unexpected ways.
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
Thank you to both Ladislav and El Caudillo for bringing some signs of intelligent life back into this forum. [Update: Add Falcon to list of posters bringing back intelligence to HA.]
In anticipation of the inevitable comments about cuckolding, I present Yeats' famous lines (which will pass right over the heads of the validation oriented PUA types here):
Once, when midnight smote the air,
Eunuchs ran through Hell and met
On every crowded street to stare
Upon great Juan riding by:
Even like these to rail and sweat
Staring upon his sinewy thigh.
Last edited by retiredfrank on July 25th, 2016, 6:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Ladislav, thanks for sharing this touching, heart-warming story. Being Happier Abroad is far more than simply chasing ladies. A more satisfying way of being Happier Abroad is by giving happiness to others and making human relationships mutually beneficial and satisfying.
I have now adopted a 6-year-old Thai daughter who absolutely adores me. She is very clingy and calls me "Baba" (the Chinese word).
I guess I appearing very kind, approachable warm, soft, and loving to her. Just ask Winston. She is very shy around other adults and would say nothing in front of them, and would run away if I'd push her to get closer to them.
Things just seem really weird and lonely if we don't see each other for more than a few days. I play with her everyday and am her best playmate. I love being a child again, and am sort of reliving a new childhood with her now, since I've had an unpleasant childhood full of bad memories. Her mother (my girlfriend) says that there is simply no other guy in the world who would love her daughter like that, and vice versa.
Such abhorrent sexpats. He is probably abusing another woman in Thailand now. I'm a softie at heart and simply can't understand abusive fathers.
I feel so sorry for Jinky and Mary Anne - no matter how much HA'ers have been telling us "it's her fault if she chooses to be with a bad guy."
Bless your heart. It takes a real man to do what you did. This is one of the best stories I have ever read on HA.
Came here late. Honestly I wish more man that go overseas are like ladislav or Falcon. It;s not about just mongering but actually caring about the people.
I just find it sad that in the Philippines it's just such a mess in that country.
If you look hard enough in the Philippines, as well as in other " corrupt" countries which are full of liars and cheats, you can find some great people. They are honest, hard working, responsible, but they have no chance to advance; they can't get a break. And just less than just $200 a month can change their entire destinies, their whole fate, the direction of their entire lives until the end of their days. It's like taking a train which is hurtling into hell and switching the railroad rails for it to start moving on an entirely different route.
If you think that casual sex with is fulfilling, it may seem that way from the USA, because you are constantly horny and there's no outlet.
But later, when you live in a country where sex is available at all times, it becomes like a massage or a meal. But things like getting involved with other people's lives and empowering them, watching a child which had been abused heal and recover, go to school in a uniform, bloom into a young person and just continue to develop, and all because of you is immeasurably more fulfilling.
Both Mary Anne and Jinky are telling me that when I'm old, they'll be taking care of me. And I believe it. Jinky wants to be a cop. She's gonna be 8 soon and in 19 years I'll have to start worrying about her post secondary schooling.
It's interesting how every time I visit her, she grows bigger and bigger and becomes more and more eloquent.
Last time I went to see her, the first words from her mouth were. " Oh, Daddy, what a sharp nose you have!" She had only just noticed.
In some ways, a ( step/foster/god) daughter is better than a boy. I don't have to worry about being a role model to a boy since I'm not into sports, war games, and other macho stuff. With a girl child, you can be yourself, and she's happy with you taking her to meals and amusement parks. She doesn't want you to be on a baseball field every Sunday.
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
You can have p4p all you want provided you are a respectful sexpat.
Just treat the service provider nice, be clean and smell good, be cordial, don't "slam", don't cause physical or emotional pain. Treat her as you would treat a professional masseuse or a hairdresser. Make sure she enjoys being with you; joke, laugh and then give a good tip. Let her leave the room with a smile and just as fulfilled as you are. This way, there's no suffering being created.
I enjoy my roll in the hay like anyone else, I just aspire try to be a gentleman even in such moments of dubious morality. Just because you are a man who has sexual needs does not mean that you cannot remain a good human being at all times.
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
Don't kid yourself Frank, your just as big if not a bigger clown than the rest of us on this forum.
Please keep your pudd pulling to yourself...........
Time to Hide!
Absolutely. If it's mutually beneficial and everyone's really happy, then why not? I would personally support legislation legalizing prostitution.
It's only a certain subset of sexpats who cause others pain and suffering on a regular basis, but not all of them.
That's a pretty powerful story Ladislav on how you touched and changed the lives of two people for the better. There are a lot of people here who are very callous towards single mothers and even out-right despise them. Most would not give them the time of day for various reasons. But I think we can all agree on one thing: the child is always an innocent victim in all these situations. Your attention, money and care have uplifted this little girl's life forever. She says she wants to be a cop one day? In Duterte's Philippines, cops see their salaries more then doubled. It's not a bad job to have. You gave a child who might not have had any future at all, dreams and hope for her future.
I suppose if you are an old childless man and you no longer feel like finding a wife and raising kids of your own, this little arrangement you have going on here is giving you what you need for the long run. In twenty years, when you are in your mid-seventies, your foster daughter will be 28 - a grown woman with a life of her own, and still full of love for the man who gave her that life. You're "dad" now, and chances are by then you'd be someone's granddad too, because who else will her kids give that esteemed title?
You gave that girl a future, but by doing so in a way you also gave yourself a future.
Haha! Yes, true. She will be an extension of me. I shudder to think, though, what would have happened to them. Most probably, they would have returned to the child beater BF and he would be beating her again. How can anyone raise a hand at a 4 year old girl and beat her with a belt? And it's not even his own daughter. And he is an American. And this is the shit some Filipinos have to put up with from foreigners. Unreal!
It costs so little to raise a kid in the PH, a bit over a $100 dollars would be the trick. That pays for kindergarten and even a nanny. And it's chump change for those sexpats. But no, they'd rather spend it on booze.
As far as despising single mothers, I personally do not despise them but i am also not romantically attracted to them, but I feel sorry for the kids. Some of them have adorable kids who are just looking for a dad. Someone to take them to the zoo, to buy toys, to play badminton with. Simple things like that.
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!