I would say that the lion's share (85% minimum) of what I am going through right now is loneliness. I have asked this question, "If God loves me so much, then why am I so lonely all of the time?" Those people who I have asked that, either could not answer or offered me some half-baked cliche' (which is, in my honest opinion, worse than merely saying "I do not know"). Sometimes, I still drift in and out of the God thing ("Oh, God must hate me because it's like every time I like someone, He takes them away from me, yet it seems like everyone else is in a relationship..."). The reason I say that is because I hope you guys cut me some slack when you read this-- I was raised in the church, and my old man (FATHER!!!!) is currently a minister. He is the man that I respect most on planet Earth (no one will ever replace him), and if he found out 1/45,363,465,436,364,576,562,345,682,376,834,265,892,346,578,958,925,785,978th of what I was saying, he would have a fit. Anyway, back to what I was saying earlier: I told my mentor about my problem (this was before the Church incident). Later, she told me of a student of hers who wad going through a very nasty divorce. She actually had the gall to tell me that God is "protecting" me from a bad relationship. I swear, I wanted to laugh at her AND cuss her out at the same time! Look at it this way: even a total imbecile (or someone without a lick of common sense) would be able to see through a lie as obvious as that. Here is the logic behind my reasoning: For every 10 women that God has "protected" me from, maybe 20% (at the most) were bad for me. Translation: For every 10 girls that I have been "protected" from, 1 or 2 of them were actually bad for me, so what about the other 8 or 9?? Sounds like whatever he is doing, he is doing it indiscriminately. Also, if God were really about protecting me, he would protect me from seeing all of these happy couples... I know how that sounds to you guys, but you have to look at it like this: I have been in the church so long, I honestly find it very difficult to break free of the religious crap that I was taught as a kid. I at least get an "A" for effort, right? I have known a lot of this stuff for a few years now, and as I said in a previous post, I only go to church now to keep everyone happy.
Dr. Phil might be a feminist sympathizer, but he said something in one of his books that made a lot of sense:
"There are people with fancy PhDs and BAs who don't have the sense to come in out of the rain."
There. I just wanted to get that off of my chest.
