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Hello everyone. I am an American man who lives part of the year in Mexico and part of the year in the United States. I decided to sign up for Happier Abroad because I noticed that most American posters seem to go to either Asia or Eastern Europe, completely bypassing the goldmine of a country that is located right below us. I wanted to tell the users about my experiences and why I consider Mexico to be a perfect country for any American man looking for a nice woman.
I was born in 1985 and am from the East Coast originally. In 2003 when I was 18 I enlisted in the Marine Corps and was stationed in California, which I mistakenly thought was going to be paradise due to its portrayal in Hollywood movies. Once I got there, I found getting a date to be nearly impossible, with many women playing this game of "my cellphone is broke, write down your phone number on this piece of paper and I'll call you." I tried clubbing and found that most girls in clubs were not even interested in meeting men. It was not a fun time for me.
Thinking I must be doing something wrong, I made the mistake of trying PUA. It felt so fake and unnatural that I vowed from that point on I was never going to put on a persona just to get a woman. In other words, if she didn't fall in love with the "real me", then she wasn't truly in love with me.
After my failure with PUA, I kept desperately searching the internet trying to find solutions. First I signed up for a dating site where my only reply was from a 180-200 pound woman who described her body type as "athletic". Then when I proposed meeting her she got mad at me and called me a creep because we had only been speaking for a week online; she told me I was being too fast. After another internet search, I found a site which would change my life.
The site, Singleabroad.com, is no longer an active site. Back in 2005, however, the site talked about the same basic thing which Happier Abroad talks about: that American women are unapproachable, set their standards too high, and that American men can easily go abroad to foreign countries in order to find a good woman. Shortly after finding this site, I decided to take my first trip abroad.
I was originally going to go to Brazil, but my Commanding Officer said no, so I settled on Mexico instead. I bought plane tickets and took a four-day vacation to a city in northern Mexico. I was amazed by the friendliness of the people! I could barely speak Spanish at the time and yet people made a genuine attempt to understand and help me. As for the women, they were friendlier than women I had met in any part of the United States. I must have met at least 20 women in those four days who all gave me their phone numbers and I am still in contact with half of them.
The best experience I had on that trip was when I met a group of girls about my age (I was 20 at the time) at the movie theater and we saw a movie together, then spent the next few hours driving around in their car. In the United States meeting girls at the movie theater would be impossible, as would riding around in a car with a group of girls I had only just met a few hours earlier.
After that four-day trip I promised to return to Mexico as often as my military duties allowed me too, and began studying Spanish for several hours every night (I now speak the language fluently). I also slowly but surely began to lose my interest in American women. While I remained friendly and curteous with all American women I met, I no longer considered them to be possibilities. In the military you get 30 days of leave a year, in addition to 96 hours off on every federal holiday (known as a ninety-six in military terms), and I spent just about all of my leave and ninety-sixes in Mexico, dating different girls (one at a time of course, I'm a faithful man!) The hardest time for me was my deployment to Iraq, since it meant 7 months away from Mexico. I find it kind of funny that while deployed I did not miss the United States, but only Mexico.
Once my military service ended and I returned to civilian life, I settled in southern Arizona and began attending college using the GI Bill. My choice of location was to be able to both get the degree program I desired as well as be only a few hours drive from paradise. One positive benefit of the GI Bill is that you get a housing allowance which varies depending on the area (in my ZIP code it's just over $1,300 a month), so I was able to live decently in Arizona on just a part-time job, and still have enough gas money to drive down to Mexico just about every weekend if I so desired.
For men who live in the Southwest, there is absolutely no need to travel to Eastern Europe or Asia to find a woman unless you are specifically attracted to women of those ethnicities. Mexico has so many advantages: proximity to the United States, low cost (both to get there and while in the country), very good food, and women of all kinds. Some men reading this might say "but I don't want a brown woman, I want a white woman." Well Mexico is 15% white (remember, the country was founded by Spaniards who are white Europeans), it's just that you rarely see White Mexicans outside of Mexico since they tend to be the ones with more money and stable incomes and therefore have no need to immigrate to the United States in search of work. If you want an Asian woman or black woman though you will probably have to search elsewhere. Also, for those who prefer the educated type like myself, there are plenty of college-educated women in Mexico. Surprisingly though, the college-educated women in Mexico still maintain feminine traits (like knowing how to cook, wearing skirts and dresses, not getting drunk in bars and screaming obscenities.) If you do decide to go with a college-educated woman, my general experience has been that the best ones are the ones who majored in something technical (like engineering, doctor, veterinarian). One of the best women I ever met down there was a newly-certified orthodontist in her first year on the job (but unfortunately she already had a boyfriend!)
If after reading my post you still decide to go to Eastern Europe, Asia, or a different Latin American country, all the best to you. The only purpose of my post was to both introduce myself and to present to you the option of Mexico as a viable country in which to find good quality women. I intend to post regularly in the "South America, Central America, Mexico" section.
Welcome AmericanInMexico, glad you found our forum. I have also heard that the women in Mexico are far more friendly and approachable than American women are. I took 2 years of spanish in high school and still remember quite a bit of it, even though that was years ago.
You said when you were in Mexico one time, you met a group of girls at a movie theater and then afterwards you drove around with them in their car. That would never happen in America because women in the US are paranoid of men. In seems like in the US, you need to be introduced to a woman by a mutual friend.
We look forward to hearing more from you.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
Thank you for a new Happier Abroad strategy. Mexico looks increasingly attractive as costs in many farther away countries continue to rise along with airfares. Your solution is cheap and easy. Also, the military branch you served in sounds like a great deal in some respects. You're sitting pretty now with your housing allowance and close proximity to Mexico. Good luck with your school and dating life in Mexico.
How are Mexican women about the age of men? Because here in the Philippines it simply does not matter. I can be 50 and be dating 19-20 year old ladies.
Also, how is the immigration situation and visas?
How is the level of nationalism and the average population's and the Immigration's attitude towards foreigners of all colors? There have been news of foreigners locked up and beaten/tortured by the cops. Aren't Mexicans super nationalistic?
How easy it is to approach the ladies and get their numbers? And how does one progress from there?
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
Congratulations on your success abroad! I'm also happy to hear about your success learning Spanish. I feel that learning Spanish is like doing 70 push ups: it takes some effort, but with enough training, anybody can do it!
Yes, Mexico does sound like another good lower-difficulty option for guys here in addition to the Philippines. And even some guys who have the ability to learn very difficult languages and adapt to very different cultures might find that they prefer Mexico, as well.
How does Mexican culture make you feel in general when you're there? What do you think are the biggest differences between Mexicans in Mexico and Americans?
Many Americans live in Mexico, but its always nice to hear from somebody else that has spent many hours, days and weeks there.
I've considered Mexico an option and got some insight on racial issues from Henry Louis Gates series Black In South America.
The violence does concern me, but I guess as long as your not involved in drugs and don't hang around nightclubs very often, nothing will happen. Also if your not apart of the news media in Mexico you'll be okay.
Other than that, its learning Spanish and finding employment. Living in TJ/Mexicali is optional but Mexicali is so far away from anything meaningful its ridiculous. I even found an IT job out of Caliexico where you would travel between there and Yuma, Az to serve/repair machines. TJ is at least close to the coast of Mexico and San Diego.
Moving deeper into Mexico as I said concerns over what type of jobs are available and my laziness around learning anything but what I want to learn as it off the radar sort of.
A wonderful woman would change that I suppose but haven't met her yet.
I agree that Americans shouldn't overlook Mexico, its affordable because it one of the few places left where your dollar goes a fairly long way.
Last edited by djfourmoney on Tue Jul 26, 2011 9:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
Where are you from Ladislav? I've noticed you post a lot but still can't figure out your nationality.
To answer your questions, it is very important to mention that I have noticed that in many ways there are three Mexicos. There is urban Mexico, rural/ranch Mexico, and indigenous Mexico. You will only be able to have good dating success in urban Mexico and I will explain why.
Mexico has a racial breakdown of about 15% White, 60% Mestizo (mixed White/Native American), and about 25% unmixed Native American. Most of the unmixed Native Americans have never blended in to "mainstream" Mexican society and a lot of them do not speak Spanish; they still speak their indigenous languages. Most of them barely finish elementary/primary school and they are well known for marrying extremely young (around 15) and having as many as 10 children. They tend to stick within their own indigenous villages (indigenous Mexico, the third of the three Mexicos) and even if you wanted an indigenous lady, most of them are already married by their late teens and probably would not be interested in a man from outside their village, or even leaving their own village. Take my advice: don't try to date a woman in indigenous Mexico.
As for rural/ranch Mexico, you will have a much higher chance at success there than in indigenous Mexico, but it will still be a struggle. Most of the Mexicans who live in rural/ranch Mexico are mestizos, mixed White/Native American. They do speak Spanish and don't get married as early as the girls in indigenous Mexico, but still get married relatively young (around age 20). The main problem with dating women in rural/ranch Mexico though is that many of them do not seem open to the idea of dating a foreign man. I did manage to date one girl in rural/ranch Mexico but only one; most other girls would be friendly to me but not consider me dating material. People in rural/ranch Mexico are extremely nice though and I love visiting villages because they always make me such good food and invite me in to their houses. I have many good friends in rural/ranch Mexico, it's just not a dating goldmine like urban Mexico is.
Urban Mexico is where most of the White Mexicans live, as well as a significant amount of Mestizos and a few indigenous too. I've found urban Mexico to be the best as far as dating goes, since many urban women are at least open to the idea of dating a foreign man, especially the white Mexican women. For some reason I've had far more success with white Mexican women than with mestizas; it could be because I'm white and women seem to prefer men of their own race. In urban Mexico there are also lots of places to meet women, much more than there are in rural/ranch Mexico. I've met many women simply by going to stores and being friendly with the employees. There are also lots more things to do in urban Mexico.
Now to answer your questions, as far as age goes, women in Mexico tend to be more liberal than Americans when it comes to age, but not as liberal as the Phillipines. 50-year-old men in Mexico will never be found with 20-year-old women unless there is money involved. Now a 30-year-old man with a 20-year-old woman, that happens a lot. The age discrepancy in rural/ranch Mexico tends to be more permissive than in urban Mexico; most women in urban Mexico seem to prefer a man no more than 5 years older (although I have seen exceptions.)
As for immigration situation, that depends on your country of citizenship. For me as a US citizen I can visit Mexico all I want just as long as I don't make money there. Despite Mexico's constant whining about the visa situation for the United States, it is actually easier for a Mexican to get a work visa for the USA than for an American to get a work visa for Mexico. I have been trying for years now to get a work visa for Mexico and have been completely unsuccessful. Mexico really does protect its workers: there is a federal law that for every foreign worker in a business, there must be at least 9 Mexican workers. Also there are many jobs which foreigners are expressly prohibited from performing. Mexico is definitely one of the hardest countries to get a work visa in, which is why it annoys me to no end when the Mexican government insists that Americans need to give even more work visas to Mexicans when we already grant them more than a million a year.
While most Mexicans are proud of their country, I have never seen any form of extreme nationalism, probably because most foreigners in Mexico are American and Canadian tourists who don't blow people up or shoot people, so there's never been a need for extreme nationalism. As for the police, I have had dealings with them before and they have never arrested or beaten me, but have demanded a bribe. In Mexico as long as you stay out of the police's way, you should be good. It's not as bad as people make it out to be where everywhere you walk if a police officer sees you he'll come over and throw you into Mexican jail. Only the very stupid or the very unlucky get arrested in Mexico. Stay away from drugs and any sort of illegal activity and you'll be fine.
There is very little overt racism in Mexico, so no one gets mistreated for their race. There is however no political correctness, so there are lots of racist jokes that would get someone fired from their job in the United States, but that's just the way Mexican society is; you can joke around about race and it's considered funny.
As for approaching the ladies, it is very easy to approach them. They don't seem to have the paranoia American women have, but one tip: they are much easier to approach when in a group of women. In this sense they are the opposite of American women who you never approach when they're in a group. Mexican women on the other hand seem to thrive in a group with each other and they all like to place bets on which one is gonna end up with the man. Everytime I have ever met a woman that I ended up dating, it was when she was in a group with other women. And getting numbers is likewise easy, they hand them out like candy.
And how do you progress from there? You go out with her, but in a group with her friends. Couples dating doesn't seem to be as common in Mexico. While couples do occasionally go out on their own, most of the time they go out in a group with all their friends. Friendship seems to be of even more importance than love in Mexico (as it should be). Keep in mind that I am writing this from the point of view of a 26-year-old dating women in their 20s; for an older man dating older women I do not know enough to give you a good answer.
I hope I have thorougly answered all of your questions!
Jamesbond and Rock, thanks for your encouraging words too!
I used to know an American friend who owned a dating and marriage agency in Guadalajara - Mexican Matchmakers. Typically, they matched gringo men with local women. I noticed that the age specs requested by the women tended to be for men who were 5 to at most 15 years older than themselves, less liberal than Colombia and certainly the PI.
Well, I'm pretty sure there's also almost always money involved when early 20s Filipinas date 50 year old men. Correct me if I'm wrong you PI experts.
Thank you for finally coming around and making your presence known. See, when I was on FriendFinder for Cuba back in 2006, I had met a Cubanita whom majored in Computer Science and she is very fluent in C-sharp among other .NET Technologies. It f***ed my whole head up because I'm used to charlatan women here in America that claim they are techies on their dating-site profiles. Yet when I reply to them with some technical enough concepts that the laymen cannot graps to intrigue those tech women, they blatantly ignore me thus not replying to me.
AmericanInMX, Â¿por que son charlatanas (a lo que me refiero son esas putas americanas) (in that they don't like men whom are in Engineering or I.T. like they are)?
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Sounds like Mexico is not for me, really. As far as being 50+ with 20+ year olds , in the Philippines the girls seem to like older guys period. Age simply does not matter. And 50 is not old if you look OK. I'll stick with the PI. Of course, it is not easy for a girl to love a man who is 300 lbs all wrinkled up with no teeth and no hair but they still firmly believe in looking at the inside not the outside but it is common cuortesy to try and not look like an overweight hippo when you are with a younger woman.
Last edited by ladislav on Tue Jul 26, 2011 3:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
I have also recommended Mexico, and think it would be a good possibility for men who can't get out of the US. If you live in San Diego, it is possible to live in Mexico and commute to work (as long was you have a SENTRI). Mexico is also inexpensive - I find the costs to compare favorably to what I found in Thailand. The people are also friendly which makes life easier. Once I hit a pothole on the road which destroyed my tire, and a group of Mexicans changed the tire for me and then left without asking for anything. I have also found the police to be friendly. You won't find the women to be as open as reported in the Philippines, but they are approachable and polite. You do need to learn Spanish. I also met that guy many years ago who ran Mexican Matchmakers and remember that he had a Colombian girlfriend at the time he was running the agency. I don't recommend agencies in Mexico, but you really don't need them.
I have often thought about moving to Mexico as well. Besides the prospect of making more money, living in Japan or China really doesn't appeal to me that much. A decent Mexican city would be nice. I heard that it's hard to make money in Latin America doing ESL, but if I can get online work perhaps things will pan out...
What I like about your discovery is that sometimes, the best kept secrets are right in one's backyard.
On the whole, I would never have thought about Mexico, despite the few people I once knew from there, because I'd thought it was dangerous and unsavory, thanks to all the claptrap around me. It's good to know that it's not as how mainstreamers might have imagined it to be.
I'm also from the east coast (Boston), and I was never into the Cali scene esp with its wannabes & the Wilshire Boulevard Golddigger Brigades. It's sad when an area's friendliest residents are potheads or into a Cult. After a few hops along the east coast, I was pretty much done with AWs. I guess I'd saved myself a fruitless journey out west. Many of my former HS/College acquaintances, who'd moved out to Cali, have now moved back.
AmericanInMexico, I dont know if you've addressed this already or not. Question: Do you have a SENTRI pass? How necessary do you feel it is?
Also, care to disclose which northern cities are good? Monterrey? Baja California? You probably havent visited all of these, considering the size of the country.
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