Longing to Escape the North American Lifestyle

[EscapetoFreedom7]

Hello:

I am new to this site. I have been following this site for sometime, but have only recently decided to join. I would like to thank Winston for creating this community.

Like Winston, I am an only child and was raised by immigrant parents. Also, like Winston, I have also suffered close to 20 years of loneliness. The difference is that I'm female.

I often wish my mother had not come to USA. I grew up not knowing my mother's family. On my father's side, I had cousins who were decades older than me and could not relate to them. This made my childhood a very lonely one. I also grew up in a large, metropolitan city where everyone's a stranger. School was difficult because there were cultural differences. Americans are taught early on how to be fakes, phonies, and frauds. Because I was not raised that way, I often had a difficult time making friends I could relate to. I used to believe it was my fault.

In college, I worked and went to school, so very difficult to make decent friends because when you commute, you're isolated from the social scene. The same goes for the dating scene. I have been told I am not aggressive enough nor do I act immodestly enough. I have been told I'm just too nice and bitches land the best guys. These are the reasons I have been given as to that's why I'm single. Frankly, these rationales just prove to me how deeply mentally disturbed society is.

I recently changed my career and went into the allied health field. I thought things might improve, but I am encountering the same old bullshit. Luckily, my current field is needed around the world. I've been looking to relocate internationally, but I don't know where. All I know is something's got to change and soon.

Thanks for listening. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

[lookin4happiness]

Hello there,
I am sorry that you have such a difficult time growing up in the U.S. It is true that a society that says you should be fake or mean/bitchy to fit in is a a society that holds a very sick perspective. If I were you I would look into my roots. What country do your parents come from? Do you know the language? Think about maybe travelling there and finding somewhat that will accept and respect you for who you are. There are definately people out there.
Hope this helps.

[have2fly]

Hmm... this sounds very generic. Which city did you grow up in? What is your ethnicity?

These words are exactly what I don't want my kids to tell me when they grow up because I know how lonely they are going to be growing up in the U.S. which is very mentally tough.

[ladislav]

Nice to have a lady here. Please give your profession and if you do not mind, ethnic background. We can all come up with different versions of possible solutions.

[momopi]

I recently changed my career and went into the allied health field. I thought things might improve, but I am encountering the same old bullshit. Luckily, my current field is needed around the world. I've been looking to relocate internationally, but I don't know where. All I know is something's got to change and soon.
Thanks for listening. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

1. Can you elaborate more on the allied health field?

2. Will this field require a medical related degree, and if so, is it transferable/recognized abroad?

[EscapetoFreedom7]

I'm a speech therapist. I grew up in NYC. My ethnic background is Moldovian.

[have2fly]

Ah, fellow Eastern European Moldovan girls are very good looking, not always of course, but most of the time. How come you feel lonely in NYC? The city is filled with Russian speaking immigrants. I would definitely be much happier if I would live in NYC in terms of social life and dating.

[Camp38]

I actually grew up in NYC myself. I went to NYU in the GSP program and lived in Spanish Harlem for 4 years. Studied martial arts in Chinatown as well. I consider it my primary residence even though I live in the culture devoid cesspool of SWFL for now. You can actually feel the isolation among hardcore New Yorkers. It's an external vibe which becomes more apparent with the high stress levels of living in an extremely diversified ethnic city were everything from careers to socialization is competitive. I was in NYC last year for the holidays, and I remember walking around the east village on Christmas eve and saw many lone individuals eating at Subway, and be totally nonchalant about the experience. Talk about being lonely in that proverbial crowded room. I would still trade that for the banality of the "cracker" non-culture any day. When you are out of vibe with a certain environment, socially it can be very stigmatizing, especially overtime.

[EscapetoFreedom7]

Thank you, Camp38, for confirming what life in NYC is really like. People who didn't grow up here or have only visited here have a warped view of life in NYC. The false mass media of portrayal of NYC as a city of singles living the high life certainly doesn't help. The truth is very few young people here are living the good life. Being good-looking is not enough. To live good in NYC you have to have been born wealthy and connected or extremely aggressive and cutthroat in order to climb the social ladder. I'm neither. So, it's very easy to stay single and isolated here.

Have2Fly, you're absolutely right, life would be much better for me among Russian-speaking immigrants. Russians immigrants receive the red-carpet treatment here and the red mafiya practically run this town indirectly. Only trouble is, I'm not RUSSIAN. Moldavians are ethnic Romanians who were under Soviet occupation until 1991. I'm surprised as you claim you're a fellow Eastern European, you didn't know that. Russians are not culturally or linguistically similar to Romanians either. We are closer to Italians in culture and language than Russians. We also don't share Russian morals which from my experience is non-existent which is another reason why they do so well in NYC.

[Jeygonza]

Hello:

I am new to this site. I have been following this site for sometime, but have only recently decided to join. I would like to thank Winston for creating this community.

Like Winston, I am an only child and was raised by immigrant parents. Also, like Winston, I have also suffered close to 20 years of loneliness. The difference is that I'm female.

I often wish my mother had not come to USA. I grew up not knowing my mother's family. On my father's side, I had cousins who were decades older than me and could not relate to them. This made my childhood a very lonely one. I also grew up in a large, metropolitan city where everyone's a stranger. School was difficult because there were cultural differences. Americans are taught early on how to be fakes, phonies, and frauds. Because I was not raised that way, I often had a difficult time making friends I could relate to. I used to believe it was my fault.

In college, I worked and went to school, so very difficult to make decent friends because when you commute, you're isolated from the social scene. The same goes for the dating scene. I have been told I am not aggressive enough nor do I act immodestly enough. I have been told I'm just too nice and bitches land the best guys. These are the reasons I have been given as to that's why I'm single. Frankly, these rationales just prove to me how deeply mentally disturbed society is.

I recently changed my career and went into the allied health field. I thought things might improve, but I am encountering the same old bullshit. Luckily, my current field is needed around the world. I've been looking to relocate internationally, but I don't know where. All I know is something's got to change and soon.

Thanks for listening. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

You're not alone... i joined on this site and everybody has the same problem... Dating problems!!! I think you are in the right place cause Winston is an expert... He's a dating guru.

[Winston]

Escape to Freedom,
Welcome! Wow I never expected a lady to have such experiences in the US. You are a rarity, or else one that we've experienced here.

How did you find this site? What part of NYC did you grow up in? I heard that NYC has something for everyone?

What about your looks? Have people told you that you needed to improve your appearance? Are you thin? I can't understand how a female can experience this. Have you ever approached any guys? If so, what were the results?

How come you never conformed to what others said?

Where would you like to escape to? What about Moldovia? Have you ever been there? I think you should try Europe. People are more authentic and intellectual there. And if you go to Italy, guys will hit on you all the time. I think you would have a lot of fun and refreshing social experiences.

Glad to see your post.

Winston

[Camp38]

Thank you, Camp38, for confirming what life in NYC is really like. People who didn't grow up here or have only visited here have a warped view of life in NYC. The false mass media of portrayal of NYC as a city of singles living the high life certainly doesn't help. The truth is very few young people here are living the good life. Being good-looking is not enough. To live good in NYC you have to have been born wealthy and connected or extremely aggressive and cutthroat in order to climb the social ladder. I'm neither. So, it's very easy to stay single and isolated here.

The perception about living in NYC and specifically Manhattan or what genuine New Yorkers affectionately refer to as simply "The City" is often misunderstood by everyone outside of NYC and this also includes the boroughs such as Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx..etc One thing is certain is that the human groupthink and tribalism that is naturally inherent in all social interaction, is completely evident when examining the disparity between NYC as opposed to living in the boroughs. There is an intellectual and monetary disparity which manifests a severe plastic attitude, arrogance and general apathy. I actually didn't witness and see this firsthand until I moved from the city into the boroughs myself (Jamaica, Queens) Once my area code changed so did the vibe and general reception. In some chic clubs/bars you could not get a job unless you had the cherished and now defunct 212 area code. Having the 718 borough code screwed not only some of my dating prospects but also some jobs that involved social relevance. It was like Manhattan had it's own status quo to uphold. This was magnified the further you went geographically from certain city neighborhoods. The east village had it's own vibe or SoHo or even midtown and also Central Park west..etc Nothing was homogeneous at all. This contrast was even further obvious when I dated girls who lived further east out in Long Island, especially Suffolk county. It was almost as if the rural exposure and lack of culture, along with the beauty parlor mentality made them less desirable in every way, especially on a mental level. In all instances, those girls were always enamored with the possibility of living one day in NYC. It was a total rural vs. urban extreme perception even though anyone outside the general NYC vicinity would not comprehend except by a similar experience living as an expat in a contrasting location. This is even more extreme when you consider what "Manhattanites" think of those who live UP north...upstate NY. In essence, they are not even considered "real" New Yorkers as they are often stigmatized as offshoots of a redneck variety. After all, Sex in the city was never filmed in Albany. If you factor in all the various neighborhoods divided along ethnic, financial and religious lines, the overall NYC experience becomes one that is highly sheltered and isolationist by nature.

[Winston]

You're not alone... i joined on this site and everybody has the same problem... Dating problems!!! I think you are in the right place cause Winston is an expert... He's a dating guru.

Thanks. But not exactly a dating guru. Most like a truth/insight/critical thinking/debunking BS guru.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

Thank you, Camp38, for confirming what life in NYC is really like. People who didn't grow up here or have only visited here have a warped view of life in NYC. The false mass media of portrayal of NYC as a city of singles living the high life certainly doesn't help. The truth is very few young people here are living the good life. Being good-looking is not enough. To live good in NYC you have to have been born wealthy and connected or extremely aggressive and cutthroat in order to climb the social ladder. I'm neither. So, it's very easy to stay single and isolated here.

Have2Fly, you're absolutely right, life would be much better for me among Russian-speaking immigrants. Russians immigrants receive the red-carpet treatment here and the red mafiya practically run this town indirectly. Only trouble is, I'm not RUSSIAN. Moldavians are ethnic Romanians who were under Soviet occupation until 1991. I'm surprised as you claim you're a fellow Eastern European, you didn't know that. Russians are not culturally or linguistically similar to Romanians either. We are closer to Italians in culture and language than Russians. We also don't share Russian morals which from my experience is non-existent which is another reason why they do so well in NYC.

I met several Moldovan (I know Moldavian is different) women in Key West, FL who seem to love it down there. Most of the service industry is comprised of Eastern Europeans and the Americans who live there are not like New York types at all. Why don't you take a trip there just to prove that New York is not America in any real sense.

You can move back to Moldavia too if you speak the language. Bucharest might be even better. Do you speak Ukrainian? If so, that might be an option too.

Keep your spirits high, keep yourself presentable and attractive (this is the critical key for a female), and explore your options. Travel and relocation is the cure for what ails you, rest assured.

[ladislav]

I would start concentrating on creating an online business of some kind. Then you can move to Argentina or something. The guys there are Latin and very good looking, too.