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I found this site/forum upon returning from my vacation to Hong Kong, Macau, Philippines (Fort Bonifacio/Boracay), & Tokyo. Been lurking for about a week now but had to sign up because my vacation changed me to the CORE and I want to share my experiences with like-minded people.
I agree with the basic premise that women/people are nicer & more approachable outside of the U.S (specifically, southern california). I don't agree with the hard stance people take on stereotypes here because we all experience life through different eyes and YMMV... but to each their own.
About Me: California was all I knew. I was pretty shy but I managed to have a few gf's in high school but I was not popular nor did I have any game. I was skinny and looked like I was 12 years old. In college, I decided to join a fraternity to help my social life and it did help a lot but I was still pretty shy with women. SO MANY lost opportunities, let me tell you. The easiest and only way I met women were friends of friends or people in my class. It wasn't until after college that I had to figure out how to meet people because obviously you don't have classes anymore. I read "The Game" by Neil Strauss and it changed my life. It was a game changer in that it changed my MINDSET about dating. It was not until then that I started analyzing my friends who were successful with women and noticed what they did, how they treated them, etc. I got into PUA a little bit but only like 20% of it stuck with me as I didn't like it's un-naturalness.
What really stuck with me was "The System" by Doc Love (worth it's weight in gold) & a book on body language. The body language book helps me gauge a woman's interest and also helps identify red flags. The System taught me how to keep a woman & it helps me find those that are good for long-term relationships. It also helps filter out crazy, gold-digging, and/or i'll-give-you-my-number-but-i'm-not-interested-in-you type women that waste your time. Im not a big pimp by any means, but it took me about 5 years of failing, analyzing, and reflecting to get enough experience to be decent with them. What was common with my previous gf's was they were all genuinely nice, sweet girls. They definitely exist in California, but are a little harder to find compared to many places I've been.
The Problem in California: The hotter they are, the more stuck up they are. The fakeness. The cold approach. Approaching women you've never met before or meeting women you have no mutual friends with. Thats tough. Not impossible, but tougher than other places I've visited, thats FOR SURE. Because of this, meeting women becomes VERY LIMITED. Theres only so much time we have on this earth! There is so much you have to do here to stand out. Whatever happened to being nice and honest? Sometimes the games women play can wear you out.
My Previous Solution: Expand the social circle. If the only way for me to meet women was through friends, then I'd have to make more friends right? I've had mild success with this by getting into new sports/activities.
My New Solution: MOVE OUT OF HERE! All I require is a place where people are generally nice, warm, & friendly. Half the battle is over when you have that IMO. Thats all I want. You don't get much of this in Southern California. I am now looking for jobs in Vancouver, Austin TX, Philippines, Australia, and almost anywhere in Europe or Latin America that will hire me.
I hope to learn from all of your experiences and I hope that some of mine can help you as well.
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Great conclusions and advice. You are on the same wavelength as we are. I grew up in Northern California, so I know what you mean.
So what did you think of those countries in Asia that you went to? Are you Asian American? What ethnicity?
So you consider Austin, TX to have friendly approachable girls?
What do you think of Asian girls in Southern California? Can you find FOB immigrants from among them?
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"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
Welcome Flipsurf, thanks for posting your story. I have heard other guys say the same thing about women in southern Cal.
I think a change of scenery would be good for you!
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
Thanks for the welcome, guys.
Winston - I'm Filipino. I think Austin is a great place for dating because there are a lot of young people there (University of Texas), theres a great outdoors scene, great music scene, and you get a bit of that southern hospitality. If I have to stay within the U.S., I'm going to Austin. When I went there I had success . I was even able to talk to 3 mexican girls at a bar there and they were totally open to having a conversation with a stranger. One of them had toilet paper stuck to her shoe and I said "Do you always walk around with TP stuck to your shoe? Ok, now you owe me a drink for saving you embarassment" ... we all laughed and they were cool, LOL. The girls in Austin have a more "natural" look to them, they don't cake on make-up and stuff like that. It's hot in a different kind of way compared to cali girls.
jamesbond - Thanks! The wheels are already in motion.
logical_madness - Thats very true. Hopefully I can marry someone like Jane Seymour or Heather Locklear who stay hot as they age, haha.
Welcome! Imagine that 5 years of your life would be spent actually dating very beautiful women by U.S. standards and actually having many girls during college? Only if you would study abroad or had lived there. When I think about life in the U.S. - how slow people shoot to reach their goals and how much lifetime is being wasted everyday on traffic jams, watching TV, going to football/baseball games. There is no time left to actually "LIVE" and people also tend to choose watching TV over meeting somebody exactly because Americans are so cold and stand-offish. Lots of mentally diseased people in the U.S. too.
Where do you live?
Welcome to the forum! As a California native (and also Asian-American myself), I am very familiar with what you're talking about.
Now when I was in a small town in the central state of Guanajuato in Mexico, I was surprised when a young man told me he had met his girlfriend in the town plaza. Simple as that. No introductions or social circles needed. Another old couple told me they had met decades ago in a local garden (jardin).
In the U.S., parks would be mostly empty, unlike crowded Mexican plazas. Now try picking up an unknown girl in an American park ....
I also met my girlfriend without any introductions or social circles whatsoever. We were complete strangers when we bumped into each other, and simply started talking. And the rest was history.
I've posted about Doc Love's System here. viewtopic.php?t=12085 But you'll find that many foreign women won't be speaking in "Womanese." They might play hard-to-get to a mild extent, but not ridiculously hard-to-get as many women do in the US. American women often want too much challenge - too much for their own good.
Although it is quite sound, Doc Love's System is meant to teach you to navigate around the games that American women play. But why are these games even here in the first place? They shouldn't be.
Sounds like PARADISE! Damn.
Awesome! Nice to meet another Doc Love disciple in here. And you're right... the games shouldn't be here in the first place. Thats so awesome you met your girl very easily. Sounds similar to the Philippines in that you could talk to anyone, anywhere. DAMNIT. I will move out of this country if it kills me.
Welcome my friend welcome. phillipino's are very very cool people. i really like them alot. You guys all know how to make someone laugh. always having a good time. i can tell by your speech patterns on this board that you are a very good person.
Anyways hope you have a good time searching for the woman of your dreams ( or women for that matter !!! )
Haha, thank you kind sir!
Yo FlipSurf. Another native SoCal brother checking in to say welcome! I'm out in the Inland Empire (Riverside). I echo all your observations and sentiments about women here. There's no denying that what we feel and see really does exist. Look forward to seeing more of your posts.
"Women age like milk; Men age like wine." - Tom Leykis