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Oh...um...hey everyone. It would be surprising for some of you that I'm neither an American nor belonging to any countries of the western world. I am from Malaysia. Just thought of sharing some thoughts with you (and also hopefully convince some people against trying their luck here; believe me, its not much better here than in the US). I stumbled upon this site while visiting Charlie Bushmeister's The Single Dude's Guide to Life and Travel blog. One of his blog posts pointed me to the free ebook version of Happier Abroad. I would like to share with you guys my observation that, sadly, many of the things pointed out about the USA is similarly echoed in my country as well.
First off, a couple of disclaimers beforehand.
1. I am a native-born Malaysian. 100% full-blooded Malay. Traveled throughout the country. Living the typical middle-class Malaysian citizen life. So my observations, while of course subject to mistakes and personal bias, holds greater weight than what some Western expats may tell you about this country, whilst enjoying their brief couple years stay over at their expatriate turtle shells in very heart of Kuala Lumpur. Call me a liar if you will, if my words that the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side upset you somehow. I don't care, but I really wanted to get this off my chest.
2. In before "I met so-and-so Malaysian girl/guy in my uni/workplace in <insert>, she/he's extremely lovable, we are together happily ever after" personal anecdotes. I will certainly not deny those stories, but you should understand that Malaysian expatriates are untypical of the Malaysian population. *Grossly* untypical if I may add. People who chose to go abroad and stay abroad wanted to escape the local atmosphere. They are the outliers, just as much as the people here at happierabroad are outliers as well. We don't find things in common with our country's spirit or the attitude of the general population and thus migrate. I would think its ridiculous if I would go overseas and people would remark that Malaysians as a whole are wise, intelligent, independent, secular-minded and self-conscious just by looking at me. If that is true, why would we, Malaysians, yearn to escape from our country so much? Think about it.
Now moving on as I talk about Malaysia's resemblance to the USA...
The dating scene is a nightmare for Malaysians as much as it is for Americans. Stories of self-sufficient, decent looking men who are virgins till their late-30s are extremely common here. Just as in the USA, *females* are paranoid over being approached even if its a completely innocent call for a friendly chat (I wouldn't say girls. Even grannies are like this). 99% of the time the only way you can squeeze in to introduce yourself is through introduction by their female friends. It's not possible to meet girls via group settings (college, workplace, etc). The girls usually move one step ahead of you by segregating themselves into girl-cliques. They rarely travel alone and will give you a "I'm gonna get raped?" or "Do I know you?" face when you try to hit them with a simple "Hi".
Just as in USA, the non-fat, non-old, pleasant personality women you find are 99% taken or married. Increasingly higher proportions of Malaysians are getting overweight. Exercise is a hated activity due to the sweltering heat and the negative connotations that come with it (Apparently some thinks that lifting weights makes you fatter. I'm not kidding). Don't ever argue with them that healthy foods are cheap. They will talk back to you that they don't have money to buy proper foods then buy junk food at Starbucks/Dome/Subway every week at lunch time.
From those non-fat Malaysians, you have to weed out the unintelligent types. Education in Malaysia is, sadly, lacking even compared to Indonesia. The level of English mastery is appalling with most people only managing to comprehend listening aspects of it, or reading the most basic of instructions. The nation's education system is our favorite target when we are to find faults with the ruling government. The people's general knowledge is so horribly lacking, that you can ask a college student and she wouldn't even know what Chicago is (I'm not talking *where*, but *what*).
Weed out still those who refuse to talk to you confidently or see you face-to-face.
Further weed out those who are unwilling to take initiative, acting romantic/flirty to their partner. Due to the general old-fashioned "Man is responsible for everything" thinking here, the girls feel little obligation to work on their personality. Just sitting there acting pretty is deemed enough for them. I'm not kidding. I have dated 3 girls prior to Valentines Day this year, and they answered me back with one-word answers, almost mechanically, with their faked smiles. And of course, brighten up and suddenly feel chatty when a restaurant is nearby.
Still following me? Good. Now....weed out the non-conservative. You may be thinking oh Malaysia is a Muslim country but for the non-Muslims they are just as good as the non-Muslims in the West. Wrong. Even the non-Muslims are generally expected to not engage in sex, nor kiss, nor even flirt at their unmarried mates, as it is deemed too naughty. I have a friend, a Chinese. She lost her virginity during her studies in Australia, and she had her dates terminated when the Chinese men found out she's no longer a virgin. LOL, dont kiss a girl by the cheek at the end of the first/second date like I habitually do. They will slap you and call you a pervert (yes it happens to me).
There is good news, however. The girls aren't as picky like in America because supply of horrible men are just as many. You rarely see only-good-for-her-looks bimbo women going out with Mr. Right guys. 7s go with 7s. 8s go with 8s. 9s go with 9s, etc, but yet, I digress, I will move on to another horrible facet of Malaysian life: Materialism
Life in Malaysia is harsh. There is a a growing inequality of wealth between the rich and the poor compared to other nations. The debt culture surrounds Malaysians just as it surrounds Americans. Plus, there is still a lingering old-fashioned dogma about men providing for everything while women reciprocate with sex. Thus, not only do Malaysian girls demand that you pay for everything (not the first date dinner. Everything). they would also require that you shower them with gifts. It is of course not as bad as in Singapore where inequality of wealth is greater, and the more cosmopolitan living drove females to keep up with the Joneses, but still, don't fool yourself into thinking Malaysians are just like your Russian beauties.
Ah....I mentioned Russians, haven't I? To tell you the truth, I have been to Russia before.
And I will disagree against the author of the ebook that Muscovites find Asians unattractive (of course personal anecdotes dont disprove the general observation). I have been openly called handsome by Russian girls during my brief stay there as a student. Unlike Malaysian girls who would demand so much and reciprocate with so little, a wonderful Muscovite fellow student offered to show me around, split bills, and flirted at me without expecting anything in return. She repeatedly said to me how she likes me in that I didn't have body odor, didn't drink and how sincere I was in getting to know her. (Alas...I was given the chance to lose my virginity then, at the age of 19, but I chickened out, in my culture-shock in how utterly, shockingly different Russians are compared to Malaysians).
The best girls I have met, befriended or dated are all non-Malaysian. Particularly the most memorable ones in my mind now is a French-Canadian, that same Muscovite and a Japanese. I even made myself a resolution that I will no longer waste my time dating Malaysians until they fix up their attitude.
Of course I am not saying all Malaysians are like this. If you go for the self-sufficient ones, those who take care of both their appearance and personality, those who aren't so stuck up/paranoid about being talked to, those who have enough self-worth as to not whore out to any men who spends enough money on them (my non-virgin Chinese friend told me that. She said she felt whorish to have sex with someone out of money), then you will be fine. Go to Malaysia if that is what your heart desires. However, I would ask you why go here when the proportion of women who are like that are higher somewhere else?
As for me, I will go to Germany one day to settle down and/or resuming my studies. Probably also taking a trip to Finland, Russia, Czech Republic, etc. And Japan!! Japanese women past 25 are the best!! (EDIT: Changed my mind about Japan...crossed it off my list, will go there for tourism purposes but not to seek a romantic life!)
Sorry for the long post if it bothers you. Anyways, I'm Rayn from Malaysia. Nice to meet you!!
Last edited by Rayn on Thu Aug 16, 2012 3:01 am, edited 2 times in total.
Welcome to the forum Rayn. I only recently returned to this forum after certain disruptive posters were temporarily banned. Anyway, why would you want to go to a Western country? Asian men have it more difficult in Western countries than in any Asian country. In fact, I would do anything to live back in Asia (any country). I'm still planning on teaching English in Asia one day.
What makes Malaysia such a bad country? You complain about Malaysia women, yet, Western women are typically more difficult to deal with. And Malaysia is a pretty well-off country in Asia. If you think the gap between the rich and poor is bad in Malaysia, you haven't been in the United States--where the problem is even worse.
What I never understand about so many Asians is how many of them bash their own countries, yet, think Western countries are some sort of paradise in comparison; well, let me tell you something--it's not! It's a hellhole for some Asian men like me to live in the West. I don't understand why Asians all want to move to the U.S. and other European countries when they're better off staying in Asia! Think about it--better economy, more freedoms generally, less crime and violence, better family environment, less of a police state feel than the United States, etc. To all my Asian brethens living in Asia, the West is no panacea!
Well zboy1....my experience in Russia was actually pleasant to me :p Sorry if I missed stating it earlier. And I wouldn't even say that my experience is despite my Asian background.
Students, shopkeepers, passerbys and even the police were interested in getting to know me because of my background. There was one time where an officer detained me to see my documents. Instead of suddenly crying out racism or paranoia I simply smiled and assumed these people were just doing their jobs. Through my limited Russian I told them I was a student from Russia and they gave back my student card, and chit-chat with me about my country.
I didn't get any hostile reactions from the Russians. Curious yes, but not any signs of dislike. I did anger a few of them but that was due to my inability to communicate. If I am a Russian I would have received the same flack for not speaking the language properly. As for the other Malaysian students, they weren't exactly liking it. But that because from day 1 they had formed enclaves within themselves and avoiding talk with other non-Malaysians.
And also, be rest assured that I will never set foot in the USA. After reading so many blog posts and listening to my fellow Malaysians who have been there it seems that the place is simply a worse version of Malaysia, with the exception that nobody gives a damn about my religious affiliation (I am a Malay but no longer a Muslim).
I did say afterall that I'm considering Japan, among other countries that I wish to move abroad to one day.
Well, I'm glad you had a positive experience in Russia. Obviously, stereotyping any country is silly and stupid. And I'm not saying all Western countries are bad for Asian men--obviously they are exceptions; I just don't understand why so many Asians want to come to Western countries, that's all. And I'm glad you are considering Japan as well to your list of countries you want to move to. I've actually heard some European women--especially the French and the Germans--really like Asian men. I don't think this is the case in the more Anglo countries such as the U.K./Australia/New Zealand/Canada/United States--where Asian men are kind of disparaged for the most part in those places.
many of those things u mentioned about msia is so true and what i have wanted to tell the forum about,the girls especially.but compared with US,i have already been here for 2 years and i did not made any female friends,while in msia it took me just a few months to get to know a female friend,so msia is not that bad.and you are right about they are always looking for 9 and 10's,thats what i ask my female friend once before,and i asked them what if they are no 9 and 10 available? they said they will go with the others and choose the one who has a good heart etc.i once had a crush on a girl,and i think that girl knows it,but i was never brave enough to approach her,so it ended like that,well i heard from her other friends that said that i was kind etc,but never seen her came to talk to me.and i am still single .so there is one example of a girl that u are talking about,by the way,apa khabar? saudara dari mana? and also i feel like going home to topple the government,enough is enough,but i still cant vote.by the way i miss the food in msia sooo much,roti canai,nasi bryiani,nasi lemak,char kuey teow,many thing else,u can never deny that malaysian food is the best in the world lol.beacuse the education system sucks in msia thats why i am here in the US.however,eventhough all this things said are true,i still love my country and will one day go home to contribute to my country
Nice to meet you as well.
My sister in law is from Malaysia - she's from a hard working Chinese family. However, it's telling that after studying in the UK she has stayed here!
I'd sure like to know more about the Malaysian dating scene. I think there should be more Malaysian dating sites. I run an Asian dating site (check it out here) but sadly the only Malaysians who have registered so far are scammers. It's got so bad I might have to block Malaysians from registering altogether. Maybe this is why the other dating site operators haven't bothered with Malaysia.
You remind me of Mexico, where many want to come to U.S. - and we Americans want to go there. Grass is greener, I guess.
Couple of questions if you don't mind...
Where in Russia were you?
Also - re Malaysia - knew an evangelical Christian boy in college, Chinese-Malaysian, who had "two mothers" - i.e. his dad was polygamist. Is this still around and tolerated among Malaysian Christians?
"Pick a point and go to it."
-- Dr John Hunsucker, speaking about canoeing on Georgia's Lake Lanier, with its irregular shape, and 1000 miles of meandering shoreline
Hi nupter. Nice to see another user from Malaysia. I also wanted to go to the USA once, but am turned off by the tuition fees - and the emerging "country club campus" culture (no idea if its true though). http://tinyurl.com/7qk8nfr
I want to go to Germany instead where the tuition fees are far lower (as in zero) and education is in general taken more seriously.
All thanks to the shitty media and their mothers sucking up to them that as long as they got the looks, everything else is secondary. As I see in Malaysia, thankfully, these type of girls always end up single for a very long time until they either get their act together or settle down with guys around their own level. They have no chance bagging a high-quality guy unless they are high-quality themselves.
This reminds me though. One of my exes plain refused to train with me when I asked her many times but chatted me up and flirted with me when she sees how handsome I have gotten, and how thick my arms had become. Essentially she wanted a fit guy without ever wanting to commit be fit herself. Ditched her to the dustbin. f***ing tired of her bullshit that eating half-boiled eggs for breakfast makes her fat and munching on Nasi f***ing Lemak doesn't.
Did they say you are handsome? If the girl is attracted to you that would be the first thing she and her friends would say to you. Also that would explain why she wouldn't come to talk to you.
I personally work on my game by promoting myself as the "cute/handsome/sexy guy" not the "nice/kind/friendly guy". I don't bother about being "nice" - only being myself. No pickup lines, no clowning, no Facebook stalking, no carrying bags for her, no nothing. I only ask a girl out once, and direct at that, and when I go to dates I don't go for shopping mall/restaurant dates where I would endlessly pay for her foods and gifts while bragging about my career/personality/education/yadda yadda. I go for something physical instead (like training or sports), or invite them to my place so I cook for them - both great occasions for me to flirt and physically escalate. And as mentioned before, close in with a hug or kiss at the end of the date.
Don't do this for Malaysian girls. They will either
a) say you are so hot that you can easily get girlfriends, and thus refuse to go out with you anymore (yeah I know, WTF right?).
b) Think you are some player or something since you seduced them so fast.
c) Unleash the Islamic/Conservative Hammer of Morality.
or worst and most common of all, d) Listen to them rant that you should treat them like royal brats cause they have the vagina (A very, very, very, very American thing to do if I must admit).
But feel free to hit on the expat girls /westernized Malaysians this way. I certainly did.
Yes, a larger percentage of the expats who chose to remain outside are Chinese. Both for being on the higher income levels in Malaysian society (thus, having better education and migration opportunities) and for also being the marginalized minority. Upset at the current state of racial discrimination and Islamization of this country.
Malaysian's aren't fond of online dating. It has partly to do with their average literacy of English. I know, I have surfed Okcupid for Malaysian profiles and genuine, non-scammy profiles are few and between. Most of the genuine profiles were "just looking for friends".
Dear Jester, I would say that things are better in Mexico and Malaysia than in the USA but still not ideal. I would advise expats not to visit here since there are still even better places to go to.
As stated in my first post, I was in Moscow. I also made a very brief sojourn to St. Petersburg, only for meeting with the other ice swimming club members during my brief stay there as a student.
Yes, polygamy....a constant thorn in Malaysian society. I had no idea that it extended to Christians as well. It usually the Muslims who do this. Muslim men going off to Patani district at Thailand to get married to their second wive in secret.
I've heard that the population of Malaysia is comprised of Chinese, Malay, Indian and..... White?
What are White guys doing here? To f**k women? If so, that is so sick.
Asians who bash their own countries tend to be women. Rayn is the exception. Why he bash his country? Probably because his women bashed him first.
Thanks for the feedback.
Sorry to hear polygamy in Malaysia is kept on the down-low. Heck, I can do that anywhere.
Moscow, eh? If folks are friendly there, in Russia's New York City, other cities of Russia and Ukraine should be a piece of cake.
Jester...alongside with my plans on going to Germany, I also plan to go back to Russia. To enroll in Russia's math program.
Graduate mathematical studies in Russia is extremely well regarded in the Western world, as all of us have already known.
Hi Rayn. Have you thought about Sweden for your postgraduate education? I have never been there but, from what many people told me, their academic culture is excellent, friendly and cosmopolitan. Many postgraduate degrees are taught in English, and you obviously have the opportunity to learn Swedish for free, as most universities offer free quality Swedish courses for their foreign students. And since the entire education system is heavily state-subsidided, from undergrad to PhD level, studying in Sweden is relatively cheaper compared to US, Canada or the UK, and very comparable if not even more economical than France or Germany.
As for the women...no words are necessary...
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