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I'm David and I thought to tell you a little about myself in hope someone can offer advice for my situation.
I am twenty years old, half Chinese, half white. My mother is Chinese and my father of blonde European ancestry. I am pretty good looking, though not very tall. Some people can tell I am Asian, but others cannot.
I am very conservative and traditional, but I should make clear what I mean by this. I am not specifically religious, but I do want to remain a virgin until marriage. My goal is to be married by age twenty seven, preferably to a woman a few years younger. I want to raise a family.
As for my relationships with women, I get along well enough with my older sister because we grew up together, but she is a hardcore liberal feminist. Feminist theory has its roots in Marxism, so this is altogether unsurprising. My sister is not one who is merely influenced by Feminism through the media, but is an active participant in its propagation. I reject these theories and that is why I am a conservative. I believe in Capitalism, but not the Ayn Rand fetishism that is used as a strawman and is not reflective of most conservative thought. Honestly, I believe Socialism is viable in smaller communities, but when applied to massive states like China, Soviet Union, or increasingly in America it just becomes an uncontrollable bureaucracy with quite often deadly consequences. I believe in traditional gender roles and it is in this sense that I am conservative, but certainly not in any nationalistic sense of the word. I also primarily believe in libertarian methodologies.
As for my mother, she was a careerist woman who put in much less effort towards raising me than my father. She once told me she worked so hard because she was afraid of winding up like her friends, divorced without a safety net. In any case, this was an insecure and self fulfilling prophecy as her valuing a career over motherhood caused considerable tension with my father. My father has privately told me not to marry someone like her. I have a very strained relationship with my mother.
When I entered high school, I went to a county school where students from each town in the county could take an entrance exam and the top five in each town would be admitted. This means almost all of my classmates were new. On the first day, I got up from my chair during a class and when I returned a girl was sitting there. She was about to give me my seat back when I told her to stay and sat next to her. We played board games together and it was one of the happiest days of my life (there weren't many at the time). Her name was Angel, or Andzelika, and she was Polish. She moved to America when she was seven, but still had a considerable accent. She was very religious, but also very smart, and wrote poetry. She would teach me things like sign language and the genus and species names of various animals. For reasons I will not get into, things did not work out, but on reflection I now know that that is the type of girl I want. She was not ugly, but she was not the type likely to get a modeling contract. Nevertheless, her personality was so refreshing compared to my sister or various other girls. From reading this site, I would hope that this is just more characteristic of foreign women's personalities versus American women. I long to find another like her and vow to seize such an opportunity if it occurs. Since time has passed, I am not so nostalgically enamored with her as much as I have a recognizance of a certain personality type I desire and hope to find in other foreign women. I would not settle for less.
As far as looks, I have spent considerable time browsing foreign dating sites and have concluded that I personally find Ukrainian women most attractive, by a margin large enough that I can say so with confidence. Not just Russian women, but specifically Ukrainian. Not that that matters so much though. As said above, I would be much more interested in an average looking woman with a good personality than an entitled "bitchy" American woman with model looks.
I am twenty now, and this is merely reflective of long term goals. I am not so much looking to go abroad or start dating next month say. But my ultimate goal is to be married by twenty seven so I can find a woman young enough to start a family. My mother initially did not want children, so my dad waited until they were both in their thirties to have my sister and I. He wanted more children and regretted not being able to. My sister does not want children, so my dad placed the burden on me to give him grandchildren. It is, however, a role I am happy to accept. I am conservative because I find the divorce rate and number of single mothers shockingly high, a real national tragedy.
Do I have a good mindset? Does anyone else have similar experiences? Any types of advice you can offer?
I would like to thank Winston and others for their writings. This is very good and important work.
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You sound like a intelligent guy with a good head on his shoulders, so I'm going to give you some advice in no particular order.
1) If you look "Asian" enough and are attracted to Asian women, you might want to consider a Vietnamese woman. It's the perfect combination of conservative, feminine, and family-orientated you are looking for. I would advise to avoid the Catholic Vietnamese as they can be too westernized. There's plenty of college-educated girls in Vietnam that are very traditional and feminine.
2) If you look "Asian" enough, your chances of finding a Ukrainian or any Eastern European wife is slim. Generally speaking, EE women are not attracted to Asian men. This is not to discourage you, but you help you face realities. Don't be deceived by looking at foreign dating sites. The majority of EE profiles on major foreign dating sites are scammers/fakes. If you really want a EE wife, it's going to be a very difficult and uphill struggle to get a decent one. Again, I would recommend Vietnamese women if possible. If you can, PM me a picture of yourself so I can make an evaluation of where you stand--I am good at this sort of thing. It's entirely up to you though.
3) You sound very idealistic. This is good and bad. This is good because you haven't become disillusioned like a lot of guys have. Bad because you may be taken advantage by women if you're defenses are too weak. Guys like you are uncommon nowadays for a reason. I'm not trying to scare you or make you take a different path, but...when you try to find a wife, do so with caution and patience. Be realistic on what to expect. Women are flawed just like us.
4) I know this sounds harsh but...whatever you do, keep your sister away from your future wife. I'm not saying your sister is bad person, but if she's a feminist propagandist like you say, then she's going to try to infect your wife. Maybe not so maliciously, but it is the nature of someone who believes in such garbage to try to poison others around them and drag them to the same misery/delusion.
5) Your mother sounds like what we Asian guys like to call a "ball-buster." Hardcore Chinese woman that worships career and status above all else. You should probably keep your mother away from your future wife too. Again this is not a slight against your family, but something you want to keep in mind. Don't introduce any toxic environments into your future family life.
If you have any other questions/concern, feel free to PM me.
I am a terrible person.
Thanks for your reply. I'll be certain to check out Vietnamese women.
Honestly though, I tend to think of myself as white. This is probably because my town is 95% white people and I am much closer to my dad. Not that I'm ashamed of being Asian though. As far as looks, like I said, some people assume I'm Asian and others are completely oblivious. Depends on the person.
My mother has jet black hair, but my father is blonde, so I have dark brown hair. My eyes are somewhere between an Asian slant and Western round, noncommittal to either one. My dad is actually primarily Hungarian with a bit of other European ethnicities mixed in. Hungary is right next to Ukraine, but I'm really just an odd mix. I feel bad for mixed black/white kids here in America - the identity crises they must have! Not to be racist, but that certainly is something to take into account.
There's even a Wiki article about Vietnamese brides in Taiwan:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vietname ... _in_Taiwan
I'm very familiar with the Vietnam bride market. The men that take these Vietnamese brides are mostly from Taiwan, Singapore, China, and South Korea. Keep in mind that the men that go to such means are usually the "losers" of their respective societies. They are usually farmers or "low class" workers that cannot attract the women in their own countries. Others are mentally unstable and/or suffer from severe social anxiety. This is why you may here a lot about abuse that goes on against the Vietnamese brides. On the other side, the Vietnamese brides that usually get married off are uneducated, poor village girls. There are often times huge communication problems between the men and their brides because the guys never bother to learn the girl's language. Most of these guys are idiots and are "low-class" for a reason.
You will be different. When you go searching for your future wife, learn the language and live in her country for a while (90 days visa?). This is a sacrifice/challenge you have to undertake. It doesn't matter what country you ultimately end up going, as long as it's not a dangerous third-world one known for its crime. In my opinion, having your feet planted first on their soil is usually the best way to meet prospective women--not online. Way too many scammers and unknown risks on foreign dating sites. If you're interested in how to meet Vietnamese women in particular, PM me as I'm too lazy to type it all out and it's very cultural specific to Vietnam only.
I am a terrible person.
Okay. In order to get a Vietnamese bride, you need a bouquet of red roses, a basket of the native fruit, flash light, some duct tape, pack of salted peanuts, a toilet plunger, and CD containing Freddy Mercury's greatest hits.
I will post a serious reply tomorrow lol. Need to do something right now that's occupying all my attention.
I am a terrible person.
Seriously though, is there a bride price? I have always thought Asian wedding practices were much more classy. I remember because when my aunt got married there was an elaborate ceremony in which my new uncle, a successful Chinese programmer, offered the bride price. Piles of gifts and ornate red/gold boxes. I was young, so I don't remember it too well, but something like that is hard to forget. His parents were out in California at the time since this was before the actual wedding, so I don't know if my aunt paid a dowry. None of my other relatives had this happen when they were married, but they at least have tea ceremonies and the like. Much better than slutty Bachelor/Bachelorette parties.
Chinese ladies usually have a bride price. I even got talking about this with one of my ex's. Turns out she was less expensive than I thought!
I think you usually get cash gifts at the wedding anyway, so you'll usually get it all back again.
Wow, it's better than the Indian system anyway.
8 posts • Page 1 of 1
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