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techie guy currently experiencing the "Seattle Freeze"

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techie guy currently experiencing the "Seattle Freeze"

Postby JollyBengali » Sun Jun 14, 2015 6:23 am

Hi all,

I recently discovered this site, and reading through the all of the articles, and it feels like everything's clicked into place, like everything I ever suspected about American culture and values and women isn't just all in my head. My own parents have told me many times to avoid American-born women, and go for foreign women who are loyal and have good values, and I'm finally starting to see their wisdom.

A little about myself. I'm currently a 32-year-old software engineer living in Seattle. I moved to this city for the job, a city infamous for being difficult to meet new people in (even by American standards). While I'm loving the job, I also feel more lonely than ever before, as I had very little of a social support structure of people I knew when coming in. I tend to gravitate towards hobbies/interests not shared by many women (technology/sci-fi). I'm pretty sexually unattractive, as I'm only 4'9'' in height, born with several facial deformities due to a congenital defect, and have the voice of a child. I've gone through the usual self-improvement regime to try to compensate for this, such as weight-training 3 times a week, and dressing well. For a while, I've become very content with being single and independent, but after reading through this site, I'd like to give a try in pursing women abroad.

When I first attended college, it was my first real exposure to international women, and I quickly noticed a difference between them and the western-born women in how they treated me. The international students from China/Dubai/Vietnam/Korea seemed very warm-hearted and welcoming towards me; when they first talked to me, it was like they genuinely wanted to know me more as a person. Some of them would come to my room before holidays just to wish me a happy Thanksgiving/Christmas; if I was feeling down, they'd notice and try to cheer me up; if I didn't have plans for the weekend, they'd invite me to join their social circles. By contrast, I felt completely invisible most the American-born women, and if I ever approached them, I always got the vibe they felt I was beneath them. I ended up dating a woman from Korea for a little while (my one serious relationship), and she might have been the one had she decided to stay in the country (oddly enough, I've always perceived Korea as one of the LEAST conducive countries in Asia to finding a woman abroad).

I'm looking forward to frequenting this forum more, in order to help me plan an upcoming trip to Asia later this year, and get some advice on possibilities for building my career outside of the US.
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Re: techie guy currently experiencing the "Seattle Freeze"

Postby GoingAwol » Mon Jun 15, 2015 2:44 am

Welcome!
So you're only 4'9? That's gotta be tough because that would make you shorter than the vast majority of women. Even women from Asian countries. I'm 6'4 myself and I don't have any luck with women either so I can only imagine what you go through. I wish you the best of luck in finding a good foreign woman.
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Re: techie guy currently experiencing the "Seattle Freeze"

Postby clarkelewis » Thu Jun 18, 2015 6:10 pm

Welcome! It's good that you are finding out now about American woman now! I wish I would have at your age. I'm a black male and I was engaged to a black woman about 6 years ago. Did not work out. It was all about me getting her the diamond ring for her, and then she left for a year and then came back, really? Anyway, I'm 50 yo, and I have decided that my search is international now. I'm 6'2, college educated, and I work out and the gym and ride my bike. Getting a date in Washington, DC is hard.
I thought the same thing about Korean woman also until I joined this site bestunderstanding.com. I always get letters from Korean and Chinese ladies. The woman will write you back and you can send them pre-made postcards on the site for free. The site is basically a translation service. I use Google Translate to keep the costs down. One caveat i will say, choose carefully because you will receive a lot of letters. My best advice is read a couple letters before your respond to some. Maybe take some notes. The ladies are nice, and don't be put off if they say they want to get to know you a little better before meeting. Here is a funny story, I was complaining to a Japanese girl about paying for the service, and she offered to send me money to continue our communcation. How many American woman would do that?
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Re: techie guy currently experiencing the "Seattle Freeze"

Postby JollyBengali » Mon Jun 29, 2015 3:46 am

clarkelewis wrote:Welcome! It's good that you are finding out now about American woman now! I wish I would have at your age. I'm a black male and I was engaged to a black woman about 6 years ago. Did not work out. It was all about me getting her the diamond ring for her, and then she left for a year and then came back, really? Anyway, I'm 50 yo, and I have decided that my search is international now. I'm 6'2, college educated, and I work out and the gym and ride my bike. Getting a date in Washington, DC is hard.
I thought the same thing about Korean woman also until I joined this site bestunderstanding.com. I always get letters from Korean and Chinese ladies. The woman will write you back and you can send them pre-made postcards on the site for free. The site is basically a translation service. I use Google Translate to keep the costs down. One caveat i will say, choose carefully because you will receive a lot of letters. My best advice is read a couple letters before your respond to some. Maybe take some notes. The ladies are nice, and don't be put off if they say they want to get to know you a little better before meeting. Here is a funny story, I was complaining to a Japanese girl about paying for the service, and she offered to send me money to continue our communcation. How many American woman would do that?


Korean women are certainly still very desirable compared to the anglosphere and generally raised with good values. Though relative to much of the rest of Asia, my understanding is that Korea seems increasingly feminist, workaholic, and beauty-obsessed, plus it's still not very common of them to date foreigners. But I'll check out the site you mentioned, as it sounds interesting. I'll be in Korea and Japan this summer, so I will see firsthand what the women there are like, before visiting other countries in Asia. Sorry to hear about your engagement, and best of luck in your search! I've heard DC is particularly hostile when it comes to the dating scene.
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Re: techie guy currently experiencing the "Seattle Freeze"

Postby Ghost » Mon Jun 29, 2015 7:25 am

Welcome to HA. It sounds like you've got a decent job, so maybe you could leverage your skills in the future to get a job abroad. I don't know about the market for software engineering abroad, but I'm sure you'd have a chance. Can your facial deformities be improved by surgery? If so, you could make that a goal, and then save up for expatriation more permanently. I don't think 4'9" height will impact your success too much. You've already had a foreign girlfriend in the U.S., so foreign women are definitely an option. In a country like Philippines, you won't be taller usually, but you won't be shorter, either. So there it would probably be neutral if anything.
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Re: techie guy currently experiencing the "Seattle Freeze"

Postby JollyBengali » Wed Jul 01, 2015 3:08 pm

Ghost wrote:Welcome to HA. It sounds like you've got a decent job, so maybe you could leverage your skills in the future to get a job abroad. I don't know about the market for software engineering abroad, but I'm sure you'd have a chance. Can your facial deformities be improved by surgery? If so, you could make that a goal, and then save up for expatriation more permanently. I don't think 4'9" height will impact your success too much. You've already had a foreign girlfriend in the U.S., so foreign women are definitely an option. In a country like Philippines, you won't be taller usually, but you won't be shorter, either. So there it would probably be neutral if anything.


Thanks! I am definitely interested in continuing software engineering, as that's the one thing I know how to do; another thread here suggested Singapore as a place with some opportunities. I went through a couple of surgeries as a child, which alleviated but did not eliminate my facial problems. (It's known as Goldenhar Syndrome, which a google image search will show more info on). I believe that height-based preference, while partly biological, can vary widely from place to place, so I don't think being short is a total dealbreaker depending on where I go.
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Re: techie guy currently experiencing the "Seattle Freeze"

Postby E Irizarry R&B Singer » Thu Jul 02, 2015 12:15 am

JollyBengali wrote:
Ghost wrote:Welcome to HA. It sounds like you've got a decent job, so maybe you could leverage your skills in the future to get a job abroad. I don't know about the market for software engineering abroad, but I'm sure you'd have a chance. Can your facial deformities be improved by surgery? If so, you could make that a goal, and then save up for expatriation more permanently. I don't think 4'9" height will impact your success too much. You've already had a foreign girlfriend in the U.S., so foreign women are definitely an option. In a country like Philippines, you won't be taller usually, but you won't be shorter, either. So there it would probably be neutral if anything.


Thanks! I am definitely interested in continuing software engineering, as that's the one thing I know how to do; another thread here suggested Singapore as a place with some opportunities. I went through a couple of surgeries as a child, which alleviated but did not eliminate my facial problems. (It's known as Goldenhar Syndrome, which a google image search will show more info on). I believe that height-based preference, while partly biological, can vary widely from place to place, so I don't think being short is a total dealbreaker depending on where I go.


Which skills do you have? I'm mainly a SharePoint, .NET, PoSH (PowerShell), Systems Center, vmWare kind of guy.
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Re: techie guy currently experiencing the "Seattle Freeze"

Postby JollyBengali » Sun Jul 05, 2015 9:59 am

E Irizarry R&B Singer wrote:Which skills do you have? I'm mainly a SharePoint, .NET, PoSH (PowerShell), Systems Center, vmWare kind of guy.


Primarily .Net (C#), ruby, and C/C++, with some experience with java, ruby on rails, SQL Server, and Spring. Currently trying to pick up more mobile development (android, iphone with swift) in my spare time.
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