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10 posts • Page 1 of 1
Hi everyone, this has been a great forum to read in, but I am looking for some advice from those who have experience in dating and talking with foreign women, especially South Africa. (Moderator, if this post needs to be moved edited, feel free to do so.) I have had a situation beyond my experience happen to me, that is outside of my experience and I am looking for advice on how to proceed.
I found this woman's profile briefly on an American dating site, it was taken down in a day, but she did complain to me in a email of guys being rude and asking for naked pictures. Her profile read like a foreign woman's profile, that is, seeking love, a long term relationship, how much she could bring to it, ect. Over the course of a few emails, she said she was 33, white, from Capetown, SA, and visiting her cousin in Mass. having come over to the US for her cousin's wedding. I am 50, average looking, and never have had any beautiful woman be interested in me, so this makes me question my judgement on the matter. We have talked several times on the phone, I don't know if her accent is Africaner, but it is nothing like I have heard in the US.
On the pro side, she did very quickly get to questions of what I am looking for in a relationship, what I look for in a woman, do I want to have children, hobbies, interests, pets, do I live alone, that sort of thing. Also when I mentioned that I have 3 rescued cats, which normally stops all further communication, she wanted pictures, and thought the cats were cute. She does speak in a soft voice with a cadence that reminds me a little of the foreign born Hispanic woman that a neighbor is married to (and has a stable marriage.) Today, when she called this afternoon when I was grilling, and found out that I hadn't eaten lunch yet, she sort of scolded me for not eating regularly, so that seems to be a legit attitude as well? She keeps reminding me that her Visa expires in a month and that she wants to meet face to face before that. Never married, no kids, seemed approving that I have never married and have no kids. The picture she sent me really did look like it was taken in a restaurant in the US, I enlarge to photo to pixelation and couldn't find anything.
On the side of doubts, this women is in my opinion, smoking hot from the pictures she has sent me, which feed my concerns, the "If it's too good to be true, it might just be so." Then again, I get the impression that 33 is considered to be getting a little aged for unmarried foreign women. Personally I don't care if she 33 or 43.
What are people's opinion's/advice on this? Is there a way to upload a photo, it is a tasteful, but sexy photo in my opinion. Definitely safe for work, although it would majorly piss off feminists, I suspect, just on general principles.
She lives in "South Africa" and is visiting the USA briefly because she's attending a friends wedding, yet she's joined an American dating site? Hmmm. Sounds like a red flag right there.
My guess is that her visa will be expiring but she's working in the USA and wants to stay instead of returning back home (wherever that is). What's her solution? No prizes for guessing.
I could be wrong but her story doesn't really add up.
How many pictures of her, have you seen?
For women I interact with who are from abroad, I want to see dozens of pics or at least speak with her over a webcam.
Thanks for the response, I agree that the old "The site worked for my cousin for finding a husband, so now I want to try it" story is less than convincing. I suppose it could be true, but how should I go about discovering the truth here. I have only been sent 3 pictures, which also seems rather low. Should I be blunt and demand more pictures or what sort of options are there for searching on the internet? Do you recommend a service like Spokeo which I could subscribe to for a month to do a reverse email lookup? A name search using various search engines returned no matches.
Thanks for the advice, I did the reverse image search for using google and her photo was a perfect match with that of a porn star so I now know that either I was being scammed or catfished. Either way, I learned something and only spent some time chatting with some stranger on a phone. No big loss.
The best way of finding a woman from abroad is to either live overseas or hang out there for a few months and meet someone in the traditional way.
Online dating is a minefield but it is possible to find someone suitable, although you'll need plenty of patience; not allowing yourself to get carried away emotionally, and be able to recognize the numerous "pickpockets" amongst the crowd.
Maybe she sees that South Africa is not a great place for white people, and she's interested in marrying someone overseas. You could ask Kradmelder for insight into why a South African woman on a temporary visa would look for a husband on an American dating site. She may be eager to meet someone while she is in the US.
Does that mean she just wants to scam you for a Greencard? Not necessarily. She could want to marry an American (Englishman, Australian, Dutchman, New Zealander, or some other white guy from a developed country that she could communicate with. But if she takes marriage seriously, that may not be a big problem. I suppose she could be a scam artist trying to use a man to get a Greencard. If you date her, you may be able to ask her some questions to get at how seriously she takes marriage. If she really doesn't believe in divorce and doesn't have fairy tale ideas of marriage, that may be good. Based on what Kradmelder has written, it sounds like some of the white women from their like their men masculine, traditional, and politically incorrect. But he's a 'politically incorrect' racist, so it is good to know what perspective he is coming from.
Is her accent kind of English? Does it sound maybe a bit European? Afrikaans derived from Dutch. I have read Afrikaans is close enough to Dutch for the Dutch to understand it, though Afrikans speakers may not understand it. I heard a South African white woman before. Her accent sounded English, almost, but with a little European-sounding accent. I wondered if she was from Denmark or somewhere like that and had spent a lot of time in the UK growing up.
Just read the more recent posts-- picture of a porn star, yeah, that's a red flag. She could be looking for a spouse and using a pretty photo because she's lacking in the looks departments. If that's all it is, it may not be the worse thing in the world, if you don't mind being with a deceptive 300 pound woman. It could also be she doesn't want to put her own face on a dating website. Maybe that's embarrasing for people.
How common is that? If someone were a public figure, I could see why he or she would not want to. But it could also be some kind of scam.
The deceptive part is a deal breaker for me. A "Do NOT Pass Go". Ironically, if she was otherwise pretty and had a good personality, a 300lb woman might look okay compared to the slovenly, scowling american women I see around ATL. Sort of off topic, but I visited a burrito shop for lunch today, and even having just walked off a construction site, I was still better dressed than some of the "women" customers. I never thought wearing a work shirt, jeans, and steel toe boots would count as "dressing up".
99% chance that it's not her picture - and even if it was, would you be interested in a porn star?
This one's a no brainer!
For me, of course not, but it would be interesting an interesting story if he found out she posted her real picture.