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This revised letter of mine (turned into a essay) was originally sent to Winston and I was asked to share it with you guys to see if what I say on here resinates with some of you. Enjoy! (':)')
I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
I've stumbled upon your website while I was searching for articles on foreign women. Though, this may NOT have been an accident. My name is Jerry Orphe and I live in Miami. I'm American of Haitian descent. I'm also in my late '20's, dyslexic, good looking, keeping in shape, single and "black" in America (hate to put race into this. LOL)
I've read many of your available articles so far, plus your personal intro. I must say, I can relate what you have been through in this country. I haven't dated any girl in my life. And everywhere I move from state to state, black as well as white, it was the same. At least you had on several occasions, even though it didn't last too long.
My letter is quite lengthy, I must warn you, but I think it's a reflection as to where I've been through, and where I'm coming from.
Ever since I was born, I went through tough love in society. Sure there were some exceptions but overall it has been pure mediocrity. To this day, it's tough love with me for the most part, though I've managed to eat some crow and get used to it. And with American women, it's no exception. I've learned in recent months (hard to believe) that you can't trust them nor have any intestinal fortitude for true relations with them; they are either two-faced, or cunning.
I've never had any "luck" with them, there would love to hide their true feelings about me. And then I tried online dating in the US four years ago while I was living in East Tennessee, hoping that it would solve my problems. Only a few would respond. There was this one chick from Indiana who has two children, and we started off good for a little while, then one day she reveal a profound truth; she thought I stink and either seeking somebody else or the father of her children came back to "take care of her". Then there was this dame from L.A. who was studying law, we hit it off for a little while, but with the same result. Then there was this chick I met online from Oklahoma whose mother was a female pastor. A Middle-Eastern descent who was also a nurse and was a few years older than me. We hit it off quite well, though it was mostly small talk for months, like faith, morals and ecumenical relations between fighting sectarians. I was planning to even pay her a visit. (This comes months after I met this woman while I was in Tennessee and then moved back to Miami and back to Tennessee again a few months later.) But she discourage me from doing so, she didn't tell me this before until months later (after moving back to Tenn.) when she reveal the reason why; she is pregnant. Obviously, she has been sleeping with another man before she met me. She was confused and distraught. And was willing to call off relations with me. I was surprised, to say the least, I couldn't expect that from a preacher's daughter. While all of that was going on at around the same time on the exact same dating site, another female met me from Canada, a female who was also a mixed aborigine. She was around 19 and was recently moved to South Florida where I was from. She was living with, and working for a couple with children to babysit. I was thinking since I was planning on going back to Miami for the first time in a few years, I might pay her a visit. But when I came back, she was gone. I couldn't get a straight answer from her for weeks. She said she was in Orlando with a few friends on the one hand, and on the other hand she's back in Canada. Then she reveal a horrible truth; she has been sleeping around with a dude behind my back and while she was living with a couple in South Florida at the time. They then kick her out after they found out about her "extraordinary" duties. And she thinks she's pregnant. Then a few days later, she got in touch with me with a test result and it turned out to be negative. Overjoyed and a 'lil' politically incorrect it seems, I told her "Thank God for that! I guess that should taught you a lesson." She was offended like "Excuse me?" and then she came very defensive like "First off, you got some nerve to judge me like that, who the f' you think you are trying to tell me that I should learn from this? You don't know me nor know who I really am, I've always been taking care of myself, I know what I was doing; you ain't my daddy! You f'n asshole. You can kiss my ass goodbye, you &%#!!!!" And I go, "ookey....dah' I took that back....sorry!!!" like a b*tch. I was petrified, to say the least. Obviously, I had to eat some crow and play PC with her because she was on the verge of breaking up, even though she was screwing around with a fella while she was seeking a "serious" relationship. It was less than a year later that we didn't speak to each other ever again. Then on the same American dating site, there was this scammer from Ukraine by the name of Oksana. Now this is where I find a "niche" through foreign, eastern women in a rudimentary, strange, and twisted way, which I will gladly tell you shortly.
She was around my age, fine looking girl. She shows me pictures of herself. She then told me how handsome I was and how she loved me so. We certainly hit it off immediately. We both correspond with emails for days on end, talk on the phone. Then one day she wanted to see me in Miami and she just graduated from higher learning and she asks for money for plane tickets. I wasn't working at the time; in fact I was on unemployment insurance. I told her straight out I couldn't afford to give her money for plane tickets. And she needed a visa to come to this country. But she would have none of it. She threatens to call off the relationship if I don't give her money, which it turned out she did. So I was distraught, and saddened that she could do that to me. And you thought that scammers only exist through FOREIGN dating sites outside the US. So I have not spent much time with that particular dating site, like I use to. This is when I've moved back to East Tennessee for a couple of years.
Discouraged yet undeterrent, I went to this international dating site that was based in Atlanta (though, it is part of a small conglomeration of international sites.) An encounter with Oksana was indeed a turning point in my life, because the way she interact with me, and coming from that type of cultural environment where one could expect from a vast majority of women in the former Soviet Union were different compare to the American women I come in contact online. Even though she tried to con me. Nevertheless, I found FSU(Former Soviet Union) women very attractive. Now there are some other groups in the world I like (i.e. Middle-Eastern women), but FSU women was my overall choice, Winston, because I know that "not ALL of them are like that!" the way Oksana did. And it's not just the looks that attract me; it's their characteristics that attract me the most.
So I subscribe to this site, put my honest profile up along with a few, up-to-date picks. And shortly I had a few winks from ladies of Eastern Europe but no offers. So I decided to let them come to me. There was one time this dame from Khabarovsk, Russia. She was a travel agent who has been to China, Mongolia, etc. Her and me seem to have gotten on a good start, but then I seemed to have carried away when I ask for more picks of her. She did but later she didn't trust me because she thought I was a womanizer, who was out for a quick score. And that's when she reveals to me she has a child. I didn't see that on her profile but noneoftheless she told me that and to say that she wouldn't allow her, and her child to let me "take advantage" of them, like most Western man had tried to do with her, and so she end it. Ironically enough, I've told what I just been through to the older woman in Oklahoma (daughter of a female preacher) who just weeks after, made her
Infamous announcement that she was pregnant from her premarital sex with a man she slept with. Interesting, at the time she gave me her take on the matter; that the Russian girl in question could not give me the straight face, and how Russian women couldn't be trusted.
Hypocritical, isn't it?
So I finally cancel my subscription from that American dating site I was with before and continue on with this international one I've mentioned. Just months after that experience with the dame from Khabarovsk, I was approached by a Russian chick from Kazan. Instead of started out as friends at first, we started out as lovers. She would tell me her problems with past boyfriends, losing her dad and I tried to cheer her up as best as I could. We got acquainted, though. We send instant messages, play online games together and blow kisses. It was quite sincere, though cumbersome. We spend some time online for almost a year. We thought about one of us going to visit the other soon but she Insist that she visit me, she was also in school at the time. She had a hard time thought trying to get visas to America, and she was having hard time raising money for trip. But I tried to encourage her not to give up.
Then there was my faith, at the time I was in spiritual confusion I've been to a few Christian denominations while I stayed in Tennessee for a couple of years until I went to a Roman Catholic church in town. I was interested in Catholicism and thought that they are the one, true, and "ancient" religion that I need, though throughout my journey towards Catholicism I've studied church history and it's recent deviations and changes in dogmatic Christian teachings, practices. Many of which didn't make much since to me. But I've decided to stay the course up to my conversion. Anyway, that is when I met married couples that are devout Catholics. I later on ask them to become my sponsorâ€™s prior of confirmation to the Church. One time, they invite me into their house for lunch and to help me make scans of my tech books onto a computer they owned where I can burn scanned pages onto a blank disc. While at the same time I have a pick of my girl I retrieve from an
Email so I can adjust the brightness of the photo via editing software they have. One of them saw what I was doing. She wanted to know who she is. I told her that's my girlfriend from Russia whom I met online and she wanted to know more about this girl. I told her almost everything about her and how she lives. I could tell she was concerned about my dealings with this girl. She express her objection with me dating someone from oversees because they might deceive me. And then her husband joins in on the discussion. You see, Winston, sponsors in the Latin, Papal church are obliged to give you some wisdom and to "help" a neophyte like myself stay on a right and moral path. Though, I had to admit, she sounded like an American of the mainstream cultural mindset who doesnâ€™t travel much would sound. She argues that those people are desperate to leave such a not-so-develop land and my friend was up to no good. Moreover, she said, they may have one or two other
male partners on the side who I don't know about (which bear some truth to that.) And that a girl and a boy who has similar problems cannot produce positive chemistry in a relationship that way; In other words, I should stay the hell away from her. She would also like it if I should stay away from online dating in general and instead focus on participating in religious, local, youth get-togethers at the Catholic church, bible meetings and all that. And find someone who spiritually relate to yours, one who is Catholic that is. She went on to tell me that maybe God doesn't mean for me to have a wife; in other words, He wanted me to become a celibate priest like all other Catholic priests or even a monk (even though I have some sinful, sexual urges I couldn't control, it's just human nature.) And if I were to find a spouse I need to show her the positives in her. I need to have my cup overflow with positives, enough positives in me to "spill over" to a
negative person like her. (With analogies and the whole nine yards in order for me to figure it out.) I took a back with all of that. Even though there was SOME truth to what she said to me, I thought she was paranoid in branding caricatures, and stereotypes towards Russian women, let alone the people in general.
Anyway, this comes just weeks before my girlfriend didn't bother to speak to me online. After I was confirmed into the Papal church, I decided to move back to Miami. I didn't hear from her still for another month until I text her on the Instant Message board. She said she was in Moscow to work at some firm. And that was just about it. I don't hear from her again. I guess I wasn't so trustworthy to her.
I was a bit heartbroken but I was undererrent once again, so I stay on to that East-West dating site. Two other females from two former Soviet republics approach me but they both were in the US. One of them was going to school in Indiana, the other was working as a housekeeper who was living in the Orlando area with her girlfriends. We talk separately of course but I never did have the chance to meet them nor stay in contact with them for long.
Then, there was a girl from Khabarovsk, a different girl this time. And this time I decided to start off as friends the next time I'm encounter, because I was having misfortunes otherwise. But she did approach me on the same site I just mentioned. Apparently, she was thinking the same thing. She sends me her email message, then told me who she was and how she wants to make new friends. She told me her occupation and her age. Hum, I could have sworn that her profile and the uploaded picks were not hers; I thought this could be another scammer. She then adds her cell phone number and I like "Wow! She really must be a scammer!" LOL But I took time to reply to her, acknowledge that the profile and the picks don't match. It turns out the profile and photographs were her mother's, and did that because she was having trouble getting her own profile/picks uploaded, and wanted me to send her my email address so she can reply with picks of her own. Okay, I figured, so she
past the first smell test. Now let me see if she actually sent those picks, which she eventually did. And she looked pretty good indeed; I liked it. We then start correspond with each other through all forms of communication. It continues to this day and it has been nearly two years since, the longest I ever have with any woman online.
At the time of our encounters though, I still have some feelings toward American woman. I though well maybe I should give them another chance. But I wouldn't go join an ordinary dating site; I figured maybe it has to be religious. So I went to Catholicmatch.com and subscribe. For once I took my sponsors' advice (well half of it anyway, I still attached to online dating sites.) I thought were if these Catholic ladies are as nice on there then they should be nice anywhere in the country. After all, one out of a few Catholic articles on the Internet suggest that religious men should stop wasting time and money finding foreign women abroad and concentrate on local "religious" women in the States because they don't describe to the feminist, secular cultural mindset and besides it's much "cheaper". Foreign women are "desperate" to do anything to come here and live a better life for them. It should be "Love not Lust!"
I later realized though how naive and presumptuous that turned out to be. And it turns out IT was the final straw that broke the camel's back.
On the first day of subscription, no winks, a few nods here and there but no offers. Then one chick from Chicago saw my profile and like what she saw, a female by the name of Gina. She was amazed that I'm a neophyte to the Catholic faith. She was quite old; like 41y.o. old. She has a doctoral degree from a Catholic college and also a medical practitioner. We started to talk, how she strain from the church at one time and was consider
joining the New Age movement until 9/11 came about and she had an epiphany, that religion does play a huge part of one's life. So she went back to "Rome" (as to returning to the church.) She likes reggae and dancehall music, she's into health and fitness like I am, into organic foods like I am, brags that she has been to Europe and Jamaica, reads books, speaks Spanish, loves to engage in meaningful conversations, loves everything Jamaican and does yoga. (Hum, I wonder where did Christ ever instruct his disciples to do yoga? It is beyond me believe me.) She wants a man who is (get this) attractive, physically fit, highly intelligent, refined, motivated and a natural born leader, one whose speak foreign languages and plays one musical entrustment at least. And he has to be for animal rights.
Whew! What a mouthful! Now I can see what you mean about high expectations of a typical American woman.
At first glace, we seemed like an ideal "power couple". Okay, so I barely made it out of undergraduate school but at least I'm highly intelligent. And I'm in to the Jamaican culture (well 3/4 of it anyway.) And I don't have a musical instrument to play, I did have a portable organ but it was broken and has to be thrown away. And I'm not into animal rights, cause I think animals don't have rights; they can't sue their masters or take their human masters to court. But I haven't killed a single pet in the house. )
But after a while, things started to go downhill. I told her I was moving to Chicago to start a new life. She seems okay by it. Unfortunately, it was during the winter months and she was going on a vacation to Jamaica with her mother. I then resign at a cafe I worked for six months. I flew to Chicago, and sure enough it was snowing and cold. I stayed at a townhouse in a Chicago suburb for a couple of months with a few thousands of dollars in cash with me to get by, trying to find work while my friend Gina was out of town. Anyway it was weeks before she came back from her trip. I reached her online and she sounded pissed off after her run-in with the Rastafarians while she and her mother visit Jamaica.
She was mad at them because they treated her and her mother like rubbish by giving them a hard time.
I told her about my relationship attempts in the past, such as the Russian girl from Kazan. She go,"Geez, those girls over there are quite 'stuck up'!" (I don't know what is with these Papist and Russia? Especially hypocritical female Papist. To this day, it's a mystery.) (':lol:')
She later told me about her brother who left the Catholic faith and become a "born-again Evangelical". And how he would not submit to the pontiff and why he wouldn't have their children baptized in the Church. She sounded quite adamant about it every time she mentions it, she wouldn't dare marry a guy who felt the same way about her Church (Though, I happened to agree with some of what he's saying.) Then she ask where I'm located, I told her Des Plaines (outside the city limits) near Oâ€™Hare Airport. She was taking back the fact that I did not find a room to rent in the "city PROPER." She hates the suburbs, for some bizarre reason. Boy! Some encouragement I got from her after days of no job offers and little support from the landlord who rented the room out. She's obviously a city freak.
We later met in person, and had dinner at a Middle-Eastern restaurant after days of postponements. Just small talk etc nothing exciting.
Then weeks later, I tried to get a Illinois driver's license in order to get a food delivery job operating a registered vehicle the landlord lend me. But the clerk at the DMV said I needed a birth certificate or a passport before I can register (which I didn't have with me at the time.) So the red tape of Illinois prevented me from getting a license, and I didn't get a job as a takeout deliveryman. Interesting, I brought this to my friend's attention and of course I was pissed off about the whole thing, I just needed to tell someone to get it off my chest. But then she was offended after I said "to hell with the State of Illinois", and next thing you know we had a fight. All because I "dis" her home state. She went on to rant "Duce the attitude, J!" and "Well why don't you just leave here, if you don't like Chicago so much, let along the state!" I never said I dislike the City of Chicago, where did she get the idea? So we stop talking to each other for
awhile. Then we patch things up and start talking again.
Then my money was running out. I've spent most of what I have left on a bartending class in The Loop for a few weeks. When I've failed to get a job working behind the bar, the landlord demands that I pay the next months rent or else. He tried to help me out anyway he could but I've failed to meet his standards. I only had a couple of hundred bucks left, so I decided to give up and take a bus back to Miami. All this time my "friend" Gina couldn't help me out at all, I thought she was too self-centered to at least help me get through the winter months till I find a job a when I did get one it was too late. When I even told her what was happening and how not many would hire during the winter months, she go "Well, why didn't you tell me this before you came? I could have told you to wait until spring!" Ha! She "could have". This is what I "could have" expect coming from a loyal Chicagonian and a devout Catholic.
It was a huge mistake. I came back here in late February of last year with no job to go back to and virtually no money. I told my Russian friend in Khabarovsk what happened and she tried to cheer me up a bit. I thought that was kind of her.
A few months and three failed jobs later, I begin to correspond to Gina and debate her about her religion and some of its controversial teachings, like the papist's version of the Assumption of the Mother of God, and how a person who did not have a stain of Original Sin didn't die and was assumed bodily into heaven. Remember, their fundamental teaching of Original Sin is that we inherit "guilt" from Adam's sin against God upon our birth, thus bringing death upon ourselves. Which was a total mistranslation of scriptures, and when in fact should be the other way around; that we are born "mortal" but do not inherit Adam's guilt. So I brought this to her attention just to get the ball rolling. At first it was quite civil, but then as it progresses turned vicious. She, and her modern Church dismiss the fact that we inherit "guilt" through Original Sin, at least that's its core teaching from Augustine himself. Then it progressed to other squabbles over other,
questionable, teachings such as: the Immaculate Conception, the Latin version of the Assumption of Mary, etc. She was really defensive, as most Roman Catholics are. She then accuse me of "dissing" her faith and starts throwing red herrings at me with some 'Ad hominems', and some straw man arguments. I thought that was a bit childish. That is how one responds to constructive criticisms, I thought. That did it, she then decided she would cut off communications with me because what I've said was "repulsive", and "offensive" to Catholics like her. Nobody should ever criticize his or her beloved religion. Remember, I had mixed feelings towards Catholicism prior to conformation. I even taken an oath that I believe every single doctrine/dogma the Church teach and if I were to openly criticize even one teaching, I would be blackballed and ostracized by much of the faithful and perhaps by the clerics too. I didn't call her bluff because I knew how Catholics would react
to criticism, they would slander you, lash out at you and cut you out of their lives. Which is what Gina did. It was religious fanaticism at its worst. And this is not the first time that ever happened to me, on the same Catholic match website a single mother by the name Colleen from Australia, whose significant other left them years ago. She saw my profile that I was a Uniat (that is a Catholic who belongs to a Eastern Rite church in which they are in "union" with the Latin Papal Church.) I've joined a Uniat parish here in Miami at one time, which came weeks after I was confirmed. Anyway she gave me her phone number not to get acquainted with me, but for a theological dispute. She has a beef with the iconostas on an eastern altar and how it severs ties with the people and how unfair it is to her. This comes from a woman whose same church she confess to had altar rails, at one time, that separated the people from the clerics during mass and later do away
with it just decades ago. I tried to give her biblical explanations as to why, and how the "sanctuary" where the iconostas is located is God's holy ground, ties also with God and Moses. But she was not satisfied with my answer. So she suggests that I should get explanations from my priest and then get back with her. I did, and when I told her what he told me, she still was not convinced, she reacted what even a atheist would. Obviously, she don't want to believe it because she thinks it's unfair, she was used to everyone desecrate the altar with their sacrilegious shenanigans since Vatican II and the changes to the liturgy that comes with it. I tried to reason with her but then came the arguments. She starts throwing red herrings at me, the ad hominems' and the like. And then she cuts me out of her life. It's some sort of a "pattern". I could see why her man left her.
You just can't reason with them, even if you try to be nice to them they would always find something to whine about.
And so I told Gina right before she cut me off from her life, "To hell with Catholicism and to hell with your pope!" (And for that matter, to hell with American Women.) When she cut me off I cut myself off from the Catholic dating site as well as American women.
Now I'm quite wary to be around them, Winston because of the bitter experience I had with them over the years. And these so-called religious women in America are just as bad as the rest of them are, if not worse. I did not choose to be wary with Western/American women with anger and disgust; it was the feministsâ€™. And as to why did I want to start a debate with Gina? The answer is quite obvious, arrogance and self-centerness. And that's all I'm going to say about that.
I continue to talk to my female friend from Khabarovsk, Russia because I think she holds a promise. I hope her when she was ill. She lend me HER money, not my money, her money so I can buy and send her a few vitamin supplements she ask for where she could not get in her country. I think I've earned her trust. I'm planning to even travel to Russia myself this year to see what all the fuss is about, and see her. I don't know how it will all turned out but I will have to wait and see. Who knows, maybe I can give you her name and a pic if it turns out good.
I thank God I've found a person who I can relate to and has experience in the international dating scene like you do. You can give me your take on my "horror" story, if you like. (Though, I think it turned out to be a positive one in the end. I think you would agree too!)
Take care and talk to ya'll soon!
Welcome Jerry. And thanks for sharing your long story with us. I hope you will find the info and inspiration you need here to set off on a new direction toward better times and better relationships.
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.
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"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
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