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3 posts • Page 1 of 1
My experience being in some social situations has so far shown me that I can be a little "rough around the edges" and awkward when it comes to handling females and their behavior. It just always seems like a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation for a guy, since guys are always judged a lot more harshly and on many different levels unlike women. Without any further adieu, I would like to hear some advice on how to proceed and deal with a couple of average scenarios where you might need to engage and ease into a conversation with an interested female and how to gracefully ease out of an interaction without looking like a socially-challenged thug or an asshole. Imagine this:
Scenario 1. You're at a party or a concert where a member of the weaker sex nearby starts checking you out and casually smiling at you and/or gives you lots of eye contacts and smiles. What are some of the feasible ways to engage and lightly reciprocate her actions? In short, what are you supposed to do as an average guy?
Scenario 1.1 In the same setting a female nearby starts vigorously or provocatively dancing to you or around you, what do you do? In both scenarios, your mindset is you're willing to casually engage without showing any overt interest as you're there to enjoy the music and the party vibe, which really is my intent when I'm out, but you're not there for a hookup or to get your whatever on.
Please be as detailed as possible in describing what actions I might need to take just to casually uphold the interaction and, in case I need to, de-escalate and gracefully step out of the shenanigans and pretense. I run into these kinds of situations pretty frequently when I'm out at night, so please offer some sound advice and explanation.
What do some of these things mean and what do they normally lead to? To be frank, I'm introverted as hell and I may not know how to effectively handle some broad, while she tries to get her hopes and massive expectations up with an unassuming simple guy like me.
Jusqu'au bout a tout prix..
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If you find her attractive, and that is a big if, walk over and casually ignite a conversation. I might say, "You seem to really like this song. I'm ConEx. and you are? Invite her over to the bar or an area where you can speak and let her know you find her attractive, hand over your phone and have her put her number in it. If she declines or says she has a boyfriend, smile and NEXT her! Rinse and repeat.
This is the same scenario but with a stronger indicator of interest. Granted, most girls who do this are either prostitutes, attention whores, or girls trying to get guys to buy them drinks. But if a nice girl just positions herself near you without the manipulative dancing, proceed as in the first scenario. Finally, you do need to be subtly overt with your interest or you will be friend zoned. Get over that lack of overt showing of interest, but just make it subtle.
Truth be told, you are rarely if ever going to meet a quality girl in a nightspot. Meet women in day to day life like in supermarkets, bookstores, etc. Women get boosts of confidence and dopamine from the attention the get at clubs. They want attention more than they want you!
Chart up that Barista, that girl in the business book section, or the waitress. Always get her number or slip her yours if she refuses. Some of them actually make an effort to contact you.
I recommend the book Mode One by Alan Roger Currie for the skittishness you indicate. He is worth is weight in gold with that book.
The behaviour of the woman in the second scenario isn't a good sign so I would avoid those types if I was you.
As for the first, the wisest course of action is to relax. It's far harder to have a conversation with a woman who hasn't shown any interest in you than one who has so use that to your advantage. Don't begin to worry or become uptight because you'll likely portray yourself as a dork - and don't forget to smile now and again.
Give her a compliment or two and get her a drink to start with if possible then begin talking about the event you're at whether it's a party or a concert. Maybe ask which part of town is she from and what she does for a living etc. You have to remember a conversation is a two-way thing and because she's shown first interest it's probable that she'll be sharing half the load.
If you need to make a quick exit say something like it's been nice talking to you and make your excuses. If things go well you should be with her for the rest of the night and feel comfortable enough to ask for her phone number.