Do I owe my Filipina girlfriend an allowance?

Post by **Winston** » June 18th, 2011, 6:09 am

I am having a nasty migraine right now. It pulsates like a blinking light right above my left ear, and every time it blinks, I feel a sharp pain there. What kind of migraine is that? How come others don't describe headaches like this, yet I get it all the time?

It happened after me and my girlfriend and son came back from a nice vacation at the beach, only to have another argument about her allowance.

Apparently, she needs at least 300p a day for food, transportation and personal needs. She uses it to go places and sleep at places that I'm not allowed to see, and spends it on Jollibee, and feeds my son Jollibee all the time too, which I don't approve of since fast food is junk.

But if I don't give it to her, then she gets moody and upset and makes me feel guilty by saying that I am starving her if I don't give her cash everyday.

Yet when I drill her and ask her how other Filipino couples handle this issue, she doesn't like answering it. I told her that I do not buy that the average Filipino guy making 300p a day (the average salary here), gives all of it to his girlfriend for food and transportation so she doesn't starve. So how do they manage? Thus I do not buy that having to give your Filipina girlfriend 300 to 500p a day so she won't starve is a normal thing that everyone does here. She refuses to address this and hates the question.

So how do most couples here handle this?

Also, whatever I give her in cash is always gone in one or two days. Even when she's working (at places I'm not allowed to see, but not at bars since she's disgusted by bars) she still never has any cash. So what's the point of working then, if you never have any cash and need others to give it to you? I don't get it, and she can't answer that either.

That's what I hate, that a lot of Filipinas here, even if they have a job, are still always broke and cashless and need you to pay for everything. It just doesn't make sense. If everyone is broke, then who are all the Filipinas I see buying food at Jollibee and buying 500p shirts and 1000p jeans at SM Dept Store? I never understood that.

Frankly, I HATE feeling like a sugar daddy. For some reason, a lot of foreign guys here actually LIKE being a sugar daddy. But I DON'T. I hate it. It makes me feel shameful and dishonorable and repulsed, like I'm being used and drained against my will. I am a saver, not a waster. I come from a family where wasting money is considered a sin. I can never understand how other foreign guys here can enjoy being used and taken advantage of. It makes no sense. I guess they are a different breed. And in that sense, I'm not compatible with dating poor Filipinas, even though I like their relaxed easygoing personality. I don't like having someone constantly leech off me. It creates a resistant feeling in me.

So what should I do? I don't mind giving my girlfriend some cash for food and transportation. But the problem is that she needs it everyday and spends it on things I don't approve of and goes to secret places with it. She has another life she doesn't want me to see, for some reason, and has her own reasons for keeping secrets and a separate private life from me for some reason.

Should I just hand her a fixed amount everyday and not keep an account of what she does with it? Or should I demand that she accounts for how she spends it? She does not like the latter and prefers to do what she wants with it. But I don't like having to hand her a 500p bill all the time. It feels like a steady wallet drain. And plus, I don't feel that it's necessary since I do not believe that other guys here making 300p a day does the same thing with their girlfriends.

I hate dealing with this issue altogether. And I hate the constant pressure for an allowance. It's sickening.

Any suggestions?

I prefer that she just stay with me and not have to go out all the time. That way, I can just pay for her food and expenses directly, and not have to give her cash. But she keeps saying that she has to go to rehearsal practice for some singer/entertainer gig in Korea that supposedly will pay her a lot so she can have a future and be able to buy a house and car. Yet I don't see why she has to practice for hours at a time for so many days. Every time she goes, she needs cash and puts a wallet drain on me, yet these "trainers" never pay her, so what's the point of going? I don't approve of this gig at all, and I don't like having to spend money so she can prepare for it. Also, I don't buy that the other girls involved in this gig are getting money from their boyfriends for food and transportation everyday either. She says that two of her friends are also involved in this gig and going to rehearsal practice everyday to prepare for auditions with Korean managers. What boyfriend would approve of his girlfriend going away to Korea to make money as a singer/entertainer? It doesn't make sense. Yet when I ask Dianne about it, she gets mad cause she does not like answering such questions.

What can I do? The constant pressure on me for an allowance won't stop.

She is also often impatient and moody, but she is fun to be with and has a dramatic flair that other Filipinas don't have, which creates a sort of "friction". The typical Filipina, who is polite, easygoing, simple and pleasant, seems empty and hollow compared to her.

But I hate how she always lies frivolously. To her, lying is a natural tactic to get her way which is not morally wrong. She's the kind of girl that will tell you what you want to hear to your face to avoid confrontation, but will go ahead and do what she wants anyway. I hear that this attitude toward lying is common in the Philippines, unfortunately. I've lectured her on this many times, but she won't change. Moral parables such as "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" have no effect on her. Even if she knows that 5 minutes later she will be caught lying, she will do it anyway. I ought to deduct from her allowance each time she lies. lol

What I don't understand is how most Filipinas can consider themselves Catholic or Christian, yet are willing to sacrifice everything for money, and do not consider lying to be wrong, but as a normal tactic for getting one's way or avoiding confrontation. That doesn't make sense. But then again, such contradictions and ironies abound in this insane world of fakery and hypocrisy.

well-informed · Post by **well-informed** » June 18th, 2011, 8:39 am

Imagine if you're girlfriend does become a singer in Korea and she becomes financially independent. Do you really honestly believe she'll be staying with you Winston?

Since your an eunech of a man Winston, just keep paying your gf money everyday, your relationship is at a point of no return. She already has the invisible chains locked around your legs

Whatever you say, do or act will NOT change who she is at all. There's nothing you can do at this point, because she doesn't respect you Winston. The level of respect and trust with you is already out of the window. So Winston just keep paying her like a slave, because we all know you're going to keep doing it anyways

Post by **Winston** » June 18th, 2011, 9:11 am

I'm pretty sure she's not with me for money. She could have found richer guys before and she had lots of offers from them. Plus I didn't give her any allowance for a year when we first met, so she passed that test.

You don't know her and you can't judge, you arrogant prick.

Ask Ladislav. He knows Dianne and says that we look like soulmates who were made for each other.

momopi · Post by **momopi** » June 18th, 2011, 9:41 am

Winston wrote: That's what I hate, that a lot of Filipinas here, even if they have a job, are still always broke and cashless and need you to pay for everything. It just doesn't make sense. If everyone is broke, then who are all the Filipinas I see buying food at Jollibee and buying 500p shirts and 1000p jeans at SM Dept Store? I never understood that.

In order to be broke, one has to go blow $ at Jolibee and SM Mall first. But that's not the most important. Shouldn't you find out what your GF is doing first? Doveryai, no proveryai? As the person who's paying the bills, you should be the boss.

Winston wrote: What I don't understand is how most Filipinas can consider themselves Catholic or Christian, yet are willing to sacrifice everything for money, and do not consider lying to be wrong, but as a normal tactic for getting one's way or avoiding confrontation. That doesn't make sense. But then again, such contradictions and ironies abound in this insane world of fakery and hypocrisy.

First, let's look at perspectives. When a person sees another trip over a rock, he thinks that person is clumsy. But if he tripped over the rock himself, he'd blame the rock for being there and kick it. Yet, from the rock's perspective, it does not care or understand. The world is planet earth (until we manage to colonize space), the mountains, oceans, and trees do not care or understand "irony", "insane", "fake, or "hypocrisy". They're human attributions that only exist while we're here, and cease to exist when we're gone -- when there's a person, there's a problem. When there's no person, there's no problem. It's OK to have an opinion on people based on your values, but don't expect the world/universe to have any human values at all.

Being culturally Catholic (or Christian) doesn't mean that the person has internalized (or abide by) religious morals. If people did not cheat and lie, then there wouldn't have been a need for religious teachings against cheating and lying. I'm not a Christian so my views will differ from those who are Christian or culturally Christian. From my personal perspective, older polytheist religions that taught a person will be judged by the sum of all his/her good vs. evil deeds in the afterlife is more "just". The Christian concept of going to a Priest and have him say "I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen" seems "unjust" to me. It's like knowing that you're going to do something bad and ask for forgiveness before/after, but the weight of the bad deed itself seems to dissipate with absolution, instead of going on the set of weights on judgement day?

Post by **Winston** » June 18th, 2011, 9:50 am

There's no way for me to find out. She won't take me with her when she does other things in her other life. And I don't want to hire a detective to follow her either. There's really nothing I can do. I've tried everything.

well-informed · Post by **well-informed** » June 18th, 2011, 10:41 am

Are you sure about that Winston. If she's not with you for money, then why does she keep asking for it everyday and not tell you what she does with it. Not that im saying you throw her out to street either. You're the breadwinner, so the finances should have been discussed already with her, so that you can have a mutual understanding.

You say that she could of attracted richer men than you if she wanted. Well now that she has a child inevitably her dating prospects go down, and rich men would turn the other way. It's like a slap on the face and ego, that a man of means has to financially take care of a child that's not his for the sake of p***y. So a single mom that looks like a lizard (like Dianne) will most likely not attract a wealthier guy than you. If she could, she would have already

Don't insult me Winston, i simply just tell the truth. If you don't like it, then don't ask for help. I'm not a yes-man i won't tell you what you want to hear sometimes.

That's all you want from this forum (other than traffic), you go through your period and cry and then you expect people here to give you a pad on the back. That shit doesn't fly with me, i'll call you out when i have to, got it. So don't think for a second that you're shit don't stink. You reap what you sow, so deal with it Winston.

If Dianne lies that much, then shes hiding something or wants to avoid confrontation. That's unhealthy for a relationship but you seem to tolerate it...... so what's another lie to a man without any conviction or strength over his girlfriend

Rock · Post by **Rock** » June 18th, 2011, 11:56 am

Winston wrote:
Frankly, I HATE feeling like a sugar daddy. For some reason, a lot of foreign guys here actually LIKE being a sugar daddy. But I DON'T. I hate it. It makes me feel shameful and dishonorable and repulsed, like I'm being used and drained against my will. I am a saver, not a waster. I come from a family where wasting money is considered a sin. I can never understand how other foreign guys here can enjoy being used and taken advantage of. It makes no sense. I guess they are a different breed. And in that sense, I'm not compatible with dating poor Filipinas, even though I like their relaxed easygoing personality. I don't like having someone constantly leech off me. It creates a resistant feeling in me.

Wow, you are SO in the wrong country if you don't accept being some sort of sugar daddy. I think we've established on this forum that the PI girls who are interested in foreigners (including other Asians) are usually very poor and generally expect regular payments and support. Its a double standard. They expect this from foreigners but not local Filipino guys. You can lecture and tell stories until you are blue in the face. It won't change anyone's thinking though.

If you don't wanna be forced into the sugar daddy role, I think there are much better countries in the region and elsewhere.

NorthAmericanguy · Post by **NorthAmericanguy** » June 18th, 2011, 5:24 pm

Winston wrote:I am having a nasty migraine right now. It pulsates like a blinking light right above my left ear, and every time it blinks, I feel a sharp pain there. What kind of migraine is that? How come others don't describe headaches like this, yet I get it all the time?

It happened after me and my girlfriend and son came back from a nice vacation at the beach, only to have another argument about her allowance.

Apparently, she needs at least 300p a day for food, transportation and personal needs. She uses it to go places and sleep at places that I'm not allowed to see, and spends it on Jollibee, and feeds my son Jollibee all the time too, which I don't approve of since fast food is junk.

But if I don't give it to her, then she gets moody and upset and makes me feel guilty by saying that I am starving her if I don't give her cash everyday.

Yet when I drill her and ask her how other Filipino couples handle this issue, she doesn't like answering it. I told her that I do not buy that the average Filipino guy making 300p a day (the average salary here), gives all of it to his girlfriend for food and transportation so she doesn't starve. So how do they manage? Thus I do not buy that having to give your Filipina girlfriend 300 to 500p a day so she won't starve is a normal thing that everyone does here. She refuses to address this and hates the question.

So how do most couples here handle this?

Also, whatever I give her in cash is always gone in one or two days. Even when she's working (at places I'm not allowed to see, but not at bars since she's disgusted by bars) she still never has any cash. So what's the point of working then, if you never have any cash and need others to give it to you? I don't get it, and she can't answer that either.

That's what I hate, that a lot of Filipinas here, even if they have a job, are still always broke and cashless and need you to pay for everything. It just doesn't make sense. If everyone is broke, then who are all the Filipinas I see buying food at Jollibee and buying 500p shirts and 1000p jeans at SM Dept Store? I never understood that.

Frankly, I HATE feeling like a sugar daddy. For some reason, a lot of foreign guys here actually LIKE being a sugar daddy. But I DON'T. I hate it. It makes me feel shameful and dishonorable and repulsed, like I'm being used and drained against my will. I am a saver, not a waster. I come from a family where wasting money is considered a sin. I can never understand how other foreign guys here can enjoy being used and taken advantage of. It makes no sense. I guess they are a different breed. And in that sense, I'm not compatible with dating poor Filipinas, even though I like their relaxed easygoing personality. I don't like having someone constantly leech off me. It creates a resistant feeling in me.

So what should I do? I don't mind giving my girlfriend some cash for food and transportation. But the problem is that she needs it everyday and spends it on things I don't approve of and goes to secret places with it. She has another life she doesn't want me to see, for some reason, and has her own reasons for keeping secrets and a separate private life from me for some reason.

Should I just hand her a fixed amount everyday and not keep an account of what she does with it? Or should I demand that she accounts for how she spends it? She does not like the latter and prefers to do what she wants with it. But I don't like having to hand her a 500p bill all the time. It feels like a steady wallet drain. And plus, I don't feel that it's necessary since I do not believe that other guys here making 300p a day does the same thing with their girlfriends.

I hate dealing with this issue altogether. And I hate the constant pressure for an allowance. It's sickening.

Any suggestions?

I prefer that she just stay with me and not have to go out all the time. That way, I can just pay for her food and expenses directly, and not have to give her cash. But she keeps saying that she has to go to rehearsal practice for some singer/entertainer gig in Korea that supposedly will pay her a lot so she can have a future and be able to buy a house and car. Yet I don't see why she has to practice for hours at a time for so many days. Every time she goes, she needs cash and puts a wallet drain on me, yet these "trainers" never pay her, so what's the point of going? I don't approve of this gig at all, and I don't like having to spend money so she can prepare for it. Also, I don't buy that the other girls involved in this gig are getting money from their boyfriends for food and transportation everyday either. She says that two of her friends are also involved in this gig and going to rehearsal practice everyday to prepare for auditions with Korean managers. What boyfriend would approve of his girlfriend going away to Korea to make money as a singer/entertainer? It doesn't make sense. Yet when I ask Dianne about it, she gets mad cause she does not like answering such questions.

What can I do? The constant pressure on me for an allowance won't stop.

She is also often impatient and moody, but she is fun to be with and has a dramatic flair that other Filipinas don't have, which creates a sort of "friction". The typical Filipina, who is polite, easygoing, simple and pleasant, seems empty and hollow compared to her.

But I hate how she always lies frivolously. To her, lying is a natural tactic to get her way which is not morally wrong. She's the kind of girl that will tell you what you want to hear to your face to avoid confrontation, but will go ahead and do what she wants anyway. I hear that this attitude toward lying is common in the Philippines, unfortunately. I've lectured her on this many times, but she won't change. Moral parables such as "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" have no effect on her. Even if she knows that 5 minutes later she will be caught lying, she will do it anyway. I ought to deduct from her allowance each time she lies. lol

What I don't understand is how most Filipinas can consider themselves Catholic or Christian, yet are willing to sacrifice everything for money, and do not consider lying to be wrong, but as a normal tactic for getting one's way or avoiding confrontation. That doesn't make sense. But then again, such contradictions and ironies abound in this insane world of fakery and hypocrisy.

She is the mother of your child right? If so she should get some kind of steady income for STAPLES and such. Another way to get out of feeling like a SD is to ask her what she needs then you buy it for her, that way you can have some kind of control.

swincor · Post by **swincor** » June 18th, 2011, 6:43 pm

Winston wrote:Plus I didn't give her any allowance for a year when we first met, so she passed that test.

She was never given the opportunity to pass any test: you got her pregnant right after meeting her.

From that moment on, you were financially locked into a relationship with her.

So yes, it makes sense that you didn't give her an allowance for a year when you first met: she didn't need it then, as she hadn't yet delivered the kid that you were expected to financially support upon his birth.

Ask Ladislav. He knows Dianne and says that we look like soulmates who were made for each other.

Really, Winston, are you so lacking in capability that you can't honestly and objectively size up your GF without needing to resort to outside advisors?

Post by **Winston** » June 19th, 2011, 6:41 am

well-informed wrote:Are you sure about that Winston. If she's not with you for money, then why does she keep asking for it everyday and not tell you what she does with it. Not that im saying you throw her out to street either. You're the breadwinner, so the finances should have been discussed already with her, so that you can have a mutual understanding.

You say that she could of attracted richer men than you if she wanted. Well now that she has a child inevitably her dating prospects go down, and rich men would turn the other way. It's like a slap on the face and ego, that a man of means has to financially take care of a child that's not his for the sake of p***y. So a single mom that looks like a lizard (like Dianne) will most likely not attract a wealthier guy than you. If she could, she would have already

Don't insult me Winston, i simply just tell the truth. If you don't like it, then don't ask for help. I'm not a yes-man i won't tell you what you want to hear sometimes.

That's all you want from this forum (other than traffic), you go through your period and cry and then you expect people here to give you a pad on the back. That shit doesn't fly with me, i'll call you out when i have to, got it. So don't think for a second that you're shit don't stink. You reap what you sow, so deal with it Winston.

If Dianne lies that much, then shes hiding something or wants to avoid confrontation. That's unhealthy for a relationship but you seem to tolerate it...... so what's another lie to a man without any conviction or strength over his girlfriend

She claims she uses it for food and transportation. Discussion with her doesn't always do any good. Even if she agrees to something, she won't abide by it. She will just easily agree to whatever you say and then do the opposite behind your back. I told you, it's easy to lie here.

Actually she disagrees that Filipinas with children can't get men. She says that both she and other girls she knows with children both have many men courting them who don't mind that they have a child. So she vehemently denies it and claims that Filipino men don't mind dating women with children.

She's not with me for money. We do have love between us. Relationships based on money never last this long. You aren't seeing the big picture.

Post by **Winston** » June 19th, 2011, 6:46 am

Northamericanguy wrote: She is the mother of your child right? If so she should get some kind of steady income for STAPLES and such. Another way to get out of feeling like a SD is to ask her what she needs then you buy it for her, that way you can have some kind of control.

Right but we've been over this a thousand times. I keep telling her that I prefer to just buy her everything she needs rather than giving her any kind of allowance. But she's not happy with that. She prefers to have cash with her at all times and never have to ask for it. That's why she's training for the Korea gig. She said it's terrible being cashless, like you're powerless and helpless and she's sick and tired of feeling that way just cause I don't trust her with cash.

So that's the dilemma. What to do then?

Her dream is to save up cash so she can buy a house with garden and car too, so she can have her own assets. Her goals in life are very different than mine. She is fleeing poverty, while I am fleeing insanity and loneliness. Neither of us can relate to each other's past. lol

Post by **Winston** » June 19th, 2011, 6:50 am

swincor__ wrote:
Winston wrote:Plus I didn't give her any allowance for a year when we first met, so she passed that test.

She was never given the opportunity to pass any test: you got her pregnant right after meeting her.

From that moment on, you were financially locked into a relationship with her.

So yes, it makes sense that you didn't give her an allowance for a year when you first met: she didn't need it then, as she hadn't yet delivered the kid that you were expected to financially support upon his birth.

Ask Ladislav. He knows Dianne and says that we look like soulmates who were made for each other.
Really, Winston, are you so lacking in capability that you can't honestly and objectively size up your GF without needing to resort to outside advisors?

Usually if a girl is using you for money, she will bail after you become useless to her. She will not wait for very long either. Ask anyone who's dealt with gold diggers. They will tell you this.

I was saying that if you don't trust my judgment, then you can ask Ladislav if you value his. He will confirm what I say.

People tend to assume the worst about others.

Btw, you have to keep in mind that a man cannot act totally logical and rational around a woman he loves or has affection with. Women subdue your logic and use emotions to control you. We all know that. That's how they control us and have power over us. That's why I can't always do what's right around women. That's why men will bend toward their wishes and do things he normally wouldn't do. You gotta keep that in mind. Men cannot be rational around women.

ErikHeaven · Post by **ErikHeaven** » June 19th, 2011, 8:09 am

It is never a good idea to discuss your relationship in a public forum. Yet since you have here is my take. 1 You know i respect you Winston yet you seem like the innumerable men that i have known over the course of years. Just face it you complain and moan yet you are not going anywhere.
My best friend has been "Leaving Maria" for the past 15 years of their 15 year marriage. Just face it brother your not going anywhere.
2 I think you like to hear yourself talk. Many men do it. My other friend always talks about the problems he is having with estranged wife and quite honestly i cannot stand the guy anymore. I tell him all the time just divorce the bitch already.
Short story about myself my son is 21 years old and i was with his mother for 13 years. I got tired of the b.s and one day i packed my stuff and i just left.
The best decision of my life. My son is still in my life, i see him every other day and life goes on.
If you are truly tired of your situation please stop posting about it and just leave. You will have respect for yourself.

Fenix · Post by **Fenix** » June 19th, 2011, 8:39 am

This is what my Filipina friend told me when I asked her if allowances are customary in the Philippines:

Hi Phoenix. How are you? Remember what I told you before? A lot of women in the Philippines used the Internet for money. Don't expect you are the only man in there life. If it's a genuine relationship, they would never ask you for money. They make you believe there's an emergency and they need money so you'll send them money. Those women are cheap, uneducated, low class being. I feel so disgusted every time I hear those kind of issues. I'm not saying all of them are like that but I can say 9 out of 10! It is so embarrassing.

I know you didn't meet Diane on the Internet, but this is still interesting.

C.J. · Post by **C.J.** » June 19th, 2011, 9:12 am

Well, I can say I did deal with family members constantly asking me for money.

I'm actually glad I don't make a ton of money a month, because most of my family are smart enough to not bother asking me for any. But when they do and you give them some, they'll take you to the cleaners. Family, huh? It's mostly living in the [false]reality that you're broke all the time. Once they sniff it on you, they don't go asking anymore, because they think it'd be a waste of time. Suckers...

Winston, I believe you can handle this simply. I face secrecy with a f**k YOU attitude. I tell people that ask me for money that if they can't at the very least tell me what they need it for, it must not be important enough to get money for.

Filipinas are weird. I've seen them act in the way you describe Winston. They'll do anything to get out of trouble. They'll even pull some jedi mind trick on you and leave you feeling stupid BY SIMPLY REPEATING WHAT YOU SAY BACK TO YOU, just so they can walk away from you.

They also know how to live their lives. Keep stuff away from people and act dumb.

Do I owe my Filipina girlfriend an allowance?

Do I owe my Filipina girlfriend an allowance?

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