European Woman here..happily married..need advice

[well-informed]

4 kids and $22,000 in loans. That's not good man

[Room Temp]

$22,000 in student loans is more than normal these days. I went to the Ohio State University and I know people who owe a heck of a lot more than just $22,000 in student loans and cant get work in their field.

[djfourmoney]

Well Informed I guess you haven't gone to a major university....

My homie has almost $80,000 in School Loans, but he also has a Masters Degree and that's WITH the G.I Bill.

Room Temp consider yourself lucky that it isn't higher, the whole student loan business is a complete racket and seeks to impoverish students. But I understand both you and your wife's desire to LEAVE THE MATRIX.

You know you've hit the Twilight Zone when other Eastern Europeans in America, immigrants just like you are unwilling to socialize with you...

I don't know much about Hungry either, I've been "inside" Hungry but that's for another thread I would consult the Hungarian Consulate (http://www.traveldocs.com/hu/embassy.htm) about the status of her property. I don't think its an issue either, if the property is unoccupied I don't see a problem.

Have you considered another country other than returning to Hungry? Maybe Germany or Czech Republic? I ask because I might suggest you go where the jobs are instead of fixating on one country. Anyplace that allows you to maintain your current standard of living should be enough, right?

I wanted to say Welcome and this site is meant to be available to everybody. Yes we tend to bash American Women and that sort of thing but that doesn't mean Women who generally agree with us aren't allowed to participate.

I'm glad you see a "problem" with American Society as a whole, where we have serious issues but what's being talked about is ridiculous at best and downright retarded at worst.

[Think Different]

"...the whole student loan business is a complete racket and seeks to impoverish students."


This is the absolute truth. Since the US government took over the student loan business a few years ago, it's now being used as a cross between a bullwhip, a cattle prod, and a threat of enslavement against US citizens. As you can see by the current US unemployment crisis (U6 is about 22%), having a university degree no longer guarantees you a decent job or a decent standard of living in the US. I studied 8.5 years at the university, I speak 5 languages, I have a Masters in IT, worked 12 years in that field, and I still was thrown out on my ear in the US and was unable to get gainfully reemployed. Americans need to wake up and see the scam that the university/student loan process is. Remember: student loans are THE ONLY things you cannot wiggle out of. You can file for bankruptcy, but your student loans will not be eliminated. They will follow you for your whole life, accruing interest. It's just another way for the US government to enslave its people by building the "virtual Berlin Wall" around the country. The government doesn't want it's taxpaying slaves to leave. That's part of the reason that the US media continues to portray everything abroad as being substandard, filthy, backward, and unlivable. It's not so different than the propaganda that the former USSR and the Eastern Bloc used to feed its citizens. It's just that the Soviets and the satellite states knew their "news" was BS propaganda. Americans haven't figured it out yet.

See this for more info: http://www.collegescholarships.org/rese ... ent-loans/

You can still pay off your student loans from overseas, although it will take longer. The longer you wait, the harder it will become to leave. I'm older than ambient and her husband and I still did it. It is possible, even with children.

[ladislav]

Student loans can be deferred, postponed, rolled into some 30 year payment programs- you can do all kinds of things with them. 22K is not much. Think of online work- can anything you do be done online/remotely? Can you set up an online company?

[Winston]

Welcome to the forum Ambient. I'm glad you liked the videos and found them validating, so that you knew you weren't the only one who felt that way. You are right that most adults in the US don't like deep meaningful conversations, only polite ones about superficial things. It's like being deep is a taboo. In Europe, average young people are often able to hold very intelligent conversations. So it's a big difference.

You sound very aware and honest. But you aren't the first Euro woman to say such things after moving to the US. I have collected many such feelings from immigrants on this page:

http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Page32.htm

May I add your comments to it as well? You should see what the Russian ladies had to say in the comments collection. It was pretty vehement.

So you are from Hungary? Does your husband prefer the EU or US? Are you friends with his family or siblings? What part of the US are you in? The US is a big place.

As to finding legit online work, a lot about that has been covered in the FAQ threads, linked above. See here:

viewtopic.php?t=10859

Welcome Room Temp. It's nice to have a husband and wife couple posting on here. It makes this forum more like a cozy family atmosphere.

Do you have the same feelings about the situation as your wife?

Winston

[Winston]

$22,000 in student loans is more than normal these days. I went to the Ohio State University and I know people who owe a heck of a lot more than just $22,000 in student loans and cant get work in their field.

I don't get how you guys accrue that much in tuition loans. In the 90's, my community college tuition at Ohlone College in Fremont, CA, was 6 dollars a unit, and at 12 units a semester, my tuition for the whole semester was about 72 dollars, plus several hundred dollars in textbook fees. Then after that, when I went to Cal State Hayward, my tuition was 700 dollars a quarter. So if you graduate in 2 years from there, the total tuition would be about 5600 dollars, plus expensive textbook fees of course.

So how do you get $22,000 out of that?

I mean, a degree isn't going to get you a job by itself. It's just a minimum requirement for advancement in many positions. So what does it matter if you go to a cheaper university or a super expensive one? The most important factor is whether you are a good fit for the career, not the degree.

[Room Temp]

Thank you for your warm welcome. I have always had problems with american women. Even to this day I have issues with them and I am one of two guys who work in my department. THough I am a bit over weight now I am/was a good looking guy in HS and college and I could not get a date other than with the extremely emotionally messed up girls.

We are in AK so you get a different breed of woman here. Some are very hippy and some are very traditional while others are very butch but still hetero. My grandmother asked me why I married someone from outside the US. I said that dispite the fact that I love Ambient, that 52% of all american marriages end in divorce. I simply removed half the problem from the equation. I love my wife and I feel very bad that she is so unhappy here. It does cause a lot of strain. I wish we would of tried to live in Hungary after we got married but I had the student loans and car loan and did not know how we would ever make it. Add on top of that I bought a house that ended up with Hurricane damage that made 1/3 unliveable. We finally got rid of the house last year at a loss. AS for the student loans I spent about $10,000/yr on instate tuition at OSU for 6 yrs. (I changed my major a few times). So I spent $65,000 but half was scholarships and grants. So I graduated with $35,000 in loans at 3% interest over the next 30 yrs. I pay about $134 per month. So between rent, car, student loans, and etc we rarely save money let alone have enough to pay off the student loans before moving. And from what we have seen $500/ month in Hungary is a typical salary but still not enought to live on if you still have student loans on top of that. So it would be great if Jackal or someone could comment on the teaching ESL front in Hungary. I am looking at getting my cert in TEFL but that can be pricey from what we have seen. I would love a lab job but I know that healthcare there does not pay crap (hurray for socialized medicine) and most nonhealthcare US lab jobs here want alteast a masters to do more basic work than I am doing now for less money than I am making now in the US

[Contrarian Expatriate]

I really empathize with what you are going through. If you are a cultured, intellectual type from Eastern Europe; try being a cultured, intellectual type who is African American. It is much worse.

Americans tend to stereotype Eastern Europeans as poor and oppressed and inferior despite all evidence to the contrary. The same is true for African Americans. So people will relate to us and treat us in the way you describe.

I think you and your husband should travel around and settle in an area with people you can relate to. I don't know what country you are from, but why not consider living in a community with people from your country? You could speak your language and have a social circle that you crave.

You also need to perhaps take some courses at your local university. Believe it or not, there are many intellectual Americans and many of them are educated so you have to go where these people go.

I think your problem is social isolation. You need to make some adjustments so that you can socialize with people on your level, not the bumpkin goobers that you have been encountering.

[lavezzi]

I didn't read the entire topic. Is your problem that your husband is ineligible to work inside the European union? If so, should he have an Irish grandparent, he would be able to claim Irish citizenship and therefore be eligible to work anywhere within the EU. Hope this helps.

[clearbluesky]

So I am ambiant's husband. I have a BS in Clinical Lab Science and work as a Medical Technologist for a hospital lab. The money is not bad but the hours suck and I have to work weekends and holidays. I would not mind, even like, teaching English (I always wanted to be a science teacher) but I am worried if I can bring in enough income to support my wife and four kids. Is this possible as an English teacher in Hungary? We are not worried about living fancy but would like to not worry if we can keep the lights on or where our next meal will be. Ambiant is a 1/4 owner of a flat in her home town which might or might not help. I also still owe about $22,000 on my student loans.

Dear Ambient and Husband,

Ran into your post and just wanted to put in my small share of advice. I understand where your wife is coming from. My German female friends have said the same things when they lived abroad in America. I'm currently an American USAF doctor working in Germany at the Landstudhl Regional Medical Center. It is the largest and only American military hospital overseas. There are a ton of jobs for civilian personnel/contractor. Typically these are several year positions, but I know of many retired military/non-military people who have been here most of they life. They simply extend their contracts forever. There are a bunch of military labs, mostly in Germany, that could hire a certified medical technologist. In fact, we are getting ready to build a whole new hospital slated to open in 2018 that will be even bigger than this one. Army HQ is now moving from Heidelberg to Weisbaden. So, I recommend looking into contracting positions with DoD or the army. Talk to any army medical personnel/facility to get more info. Look online for DoD jobs in Germany.

If you want, I can talk to the medical technologist here and see if I can get you some web address or more info. Let me know!

-Peter

[ambient]

Thank you everyone for your support and insights. It means a lot to me and my husband.
The "problem" with me attending to the local university is that we have four kids under 6. I know some people here (just as much as elsewhere) would disagree with having this many kids this day and age but you must understand the background I am coming from (catholic) and as an only child in a fatherless family my greatest dream was to have a large "traditional" family. I suppose many non-western type of girls dream about the same. This is why despite of my studies I did not want to "waste" my youth to build a career. I terribly miss my extended family and I/we thought if we have to be this far away from my family, let's build the next generation and then there will be large extended family for our kids, cousins, etc..family that I miss so much here. Does that makes sense? Or is this also too un-american thinking?
Unfortunately it IS an isolating experience - it is very, very hard to raise kids (let alone four) without the help of family. Even when we lived closer to Room Temp's (my husband's) family, it was of no use. I've talked about it before a bit. I was called a green card getter, I was called a woman of loose morals on my own wedding day (for coming to the US to marry my love) and I was ridiculed by my different habits (even about the famous hungarian cheek kiss between girls..) to just name a few. Yes, there were family members that accepted me and us but these instant terrible experiences somehow "burnt" into my brain and heart and I've retreated a bit from Room Temp's family. Not that I haven't tried to get along but the nicer family members lived far away even then, and the not so nice family members often treated me as inferior and I did not want to waste my life proving my worth to them when I was clearly aware of my strengths and values regardless, even though I was and am really sensitive of others' opinions if that makes sense.
We moved up to AK for a great job offer for Room Temp several years ago and guess what? I actually like it here..People are "different". STILL..I can't imagine to raise my children here. I can't imagine to raise our daughters to be american .Even the nicer girls I know here are so "american" and even after many years I feel just as distant from them as at the beginning, because we have no points of connection. I can't wrap my brain around how their brains work. I've lived through so much as a child in the changing times in Eastern Europe, I've lived through borderline poverty as a child and I cannot relate to all these spoiled, constantly complaining and unhappy women..Ironically now I am becoming a complainer too..isn't that tragic that I would rather live in the late years of communism in Hungary than in the free, wonderful US in 2011? Don't get me wrong I love the US. The foundations on what this country was built upon. I admire it. The anthem makes me cry. I feel every word of America the beautiful in my cells. I love what this country is supposed to be. I just don't like what it is..and what it has become.

[E_Irizarry]

@Room Temp and Ambient,

I hope you guys stay together until death do you all apart. I'm tired of divorces, and the kids are being used as bargaining chips in this "caga de mierda" piece of shit country.

Americans call America the U.S. of A.
I call America the U.S. of Gay.

Ciao.

[ambient]

Thank you for the welcome Winston! I am lucky because my husband is also extremely aware of the problems in the US. Over the years without much moral support from his close family he grew farther from them. He would love to live and travel in Europe.

From what I've seen he can only work in Hungary freely. He can live there for the purpose of family unification. He will receive the resident card easily, if I am working and providing enough money for the family OR if we have sufficient savings to prove that we are not going to be burden for the state.

Well, my problem is with option 1. is that I have not worked in over 7 years now, since I have been at home with the kids. I've studied informatics and special needs childrens ed, also web design, but much of my knowledge is now outdated and I barely remember any of it. On the top of that there's a strong bias against moms with young children in Hungary and on a job interview they'll flat out ask you: do you have kids? are you planning to have any (more)? - They discriminate pretty bad and I know for a fact that most of my friends with young children in Hungary are unemployed. (This is one thign where the US is better..) So I don't hold my breath over finding a job easily.

Option 2 - I have contacted our embassy to figure out what "sufficient savings" mean. No answer yet. I am wondering how many months' worth of savings would they accept. Also like my husband said I am a partial property owner there that I am most likely going to inherit once my grandparents die. (which I don't want to happen anytime soon!!!! I want our kids to spend lots of time with them before they go..)

Clearbluesky, thank you!!!! That is an idea we haven't even thought of! We live near two army bases in AK and still it has never occured to us. Thank you! I've forwarded the info to my husband who's at work right now. Let's see what he thinks. I think it is a brilliant idea. I will start to look into it today!!

[ambient]

And, of course, Winston, please feel free to add my comments to the immigrants' opinions page if there's anything worthy of being added. I'm growing more and more honest in this fake and dishonest society. I am alienating more and more people with it, how odd - my honestly is what used to help me to make friends in the past in Hungary and Europe. I can't fathom how fake people are being accepted even with their obvious fake behavior around me, and I am being pushed away more and more because I am not afraid to be real and authentic. So by all means, if there's anything useful in what I write, please add them to the page. This is the only place -besides my husband's arms- where I could open up and say what I think. Thank you.

(I still have to read the page with others' opinions, which I will be trying to do now).