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Would you pursue this girl?

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Would you pursue this girl?

Postby emh » Tue Feb 07, 2012 3:28 pm

So last year I was traveling in Colombia. I spent about a week in a city called Bucaramanga (nice city btw). Anyway, while I was there I had coffee with a Colombian girl named Angie I met via couchsurfing. It wasn't a date or anything and I can't say that "sparks flew". Still, she was a very nice person and definitely attractive. I only saw her one more time while I was in Bucaramanga but that was in a group setting.

Fast forward to 6 months later. I've had no contact with during that time. I'm on facebook and out of nowhere she initiates a chat with me. She asks me early on if I have any plans on coming back to Bucaramanga. I tell her I'm not sure. She later admits during the chat that she wasn't sure I'd remember who she was (for the record I always remember a pretty girl!). Anyway, I thought it was a bit odd that she initiated a chat with me since we barely know each other and she wasn't even sure I'd remember her.

So that's led to us chatting some more and even talking once on skype. We've tried to chat again on skype but haven't been able to arrange a time - she cancelled on me once, and I cancelled on her once. At some point, she again asked me if I had plans on coming back to bucarmanga.

At this point though, I can't figure out her agenda. I'm certainly not going to Bucaramanga if she just wants to be friends. So I tried to find out last week, asking her why she wanted me to come to Bucaramanga and if she was interested in being my girlfriend in the future. She responded by saying "I was just saying...it would be nice if you came to bucaramanga". Hmmm...not much to go on.

So last night, she again initiates a chat with me. This is part of the conversation:

her: we are not compatible hahaha
me: nope, you can't be my girlfriend after all! hahaha
her: boooo :/
her: buu
me: haha well i don't know if you want to be anyway.
her: well, let's wait until you decide where are you gonna live
me: yeah good point. of course you could make it easier for me to decide where to live.
her: yeap, but i'll have to wait and see if there is a job for me in Bogota, cause i really dont wanna stay here

(the context is that I'm trying to decide where to live and I had mentioned to her that I might be moving to Bogota. she's also expressed an interest in moving to bogota when she finishes school in about 6 months).

So I'm debating whether or not I should go visit this girl in bucaramanga. It would cost me $1,000-$1,500 to visit her. Which would be fine if there's potential for something romantic. But I'm not spending that kind of money if all she thinks is "it would be nice if you came to bucaramanga" and there's no potential for something romantic.

I should mention that there is a big age difference between us. I'm 42, she's 25. Some Colombian girls are okay with that, but not all of them. (she may not know how old I am...most people think I look 35). Beyond that I'm not even sure we're compatible. Points in her favor include that she's attractive, a nice easy-going person, she lived in the US for 2 years so she's familiar with the US, and she speaks really good english.

Thoughts?
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Postby pete98146 » Tue Feb 07, 2012 5:06 pm

If you are considering moving to Bogota, why zero in on one girl? From what I hear, Colombia is nirvana for the single male. Plus if you liked her THAT much you wouldn't have had a period of non contact to begin with.

If you move to Bogota go ahead keep in contact with her but play the field in case a better one comes along.
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Postby emh » Tue Feb 07, 2012 6:15 pm

Thanks for the input. You definitely make some good points. Of course, at this point I'm just thinking about moving to Bogota. Definitely not a done deal. And even if I do, I think I'd have a hard time finding someone else who speaks great english, has lived in the US, and has her level of physical attractiveness.

I think I'm just trying to figure out where this girl is coming from. Why did she contact some guy she barely knows after 6 months of no contact? And why does she keep asking me if I'm coming back to bucaramanga? It's not like we're close friends or had some amazing adventures when I was there. Or that bucaramanga is some amazing city like Paris or Istanbul. I don't expect anyone to be able to answer these questions, just that these are the sort of things that are running through my head.
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Postby davewe » Tue Feb 07, 2012 6:51 pm

emh wrote:Thanks for the input. You definitely make some good points. Of course, at this point I'm just thinking about moving to Bogota. Definitely not a done deal. And even if I do, I think I'd have a hard time finding someone else who speaks great english, has lived in the US, and has her level of physical attractiveness.

I think I'm just trying to figure out where this girl is coming from. Why did she contact some guy she barely knows after 6 months of no contact? And why does she keep asking me if I'm coming back to bucaramanga? It's not like we're close friends or had some amazing adventures when I was there. Or that bucaramanga is some amazing city like Paris or Istanbul. I don't expect anyone to be able to answer these questions, just that these are the sort of things that are running through my head.


If you are interested in Columbia as a place to relocate, why not visit several cities and better yet, set up meetings with several girls (including this one). You wont be able to figure out why she didnt contact you. Hell, you didnt contact her either.

So, if it were me, I'd contact multiple women, say I am gonna visit, and see who wants to meet me.
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Postby emh » Tue Feb 07, 2012 9:14 pm

davewe wrote:
emh wrote:Thanks for the input. You definitely make some good points. Of course, at this point I'm just thinking about moving to Bogota. Definitely not a done deal. And even if I do, I think I'd have a hard time finding someone else who speaks great english, has lived in the US, and has her level of physical attractiveness.

I think I'm just trying to figure out where this girl is coming from. Why did she contact some guy she barely knows after 6 months of no contact? And why does she keep asking me if I'm coming back to bucaramanga? It's not like we're close friends or had some amazing adventures when I was there. Or that bucaramanga is some amazing city like Paris or Istanbul. I don't expect anyone to be able to answer these questions, just that these are the sort of things that are running through my head.


If you are interested in Columbia as a place to relocate, why not visit several cities and better yet, set up meetings with several girls (including this one). You wont be able to figure out why she didnt contact you. Hell, you didnt contact her either.

So, if it were me, I'd contact multiple women, say I am gonna visit, and see who wants to meet me.


Well I think I can cross this one off the list. We had another facebook chat today. I mentioned that I was thinking of coming to Bucaramanga to visit her. She was happy to hear that. But I pressed her some more and let her know that I was coming cause I had been enjoying getting to know her and wanted to see what might develop in person. Her response was along the lines of "well, I wouldn't want you to come to Colombia just because of me, i hope you are doing it more for reasons like finding a job or something." Not exactly an encouraging response!!!
emh
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Re: Would you pursue this girl?

Postby Rock » Tue Feb 07, 2012 9:15 pm

emh wrote:So last year I was traveling in Colombia. I spent about a week in a city called Bucaramanga (nice city btw). Anyway, while I was there I had coffee with a Colombian girl named Angie I met via couchsurfing. It wasn't a date or anything and I can't say that "sparks flew". Still, she was a very nice person and definitely attractive. I only saw her one more time while I was in Bucaramanga but that was in a group setting.

Fast forward to 6 months later. I've had no contact with during that time. I'm on facebook and out of nowhere she initiates a chat with me. She asks me early on if I have any plans on coming back to Bucaramanga. I tell her I'm not sure. She later admits during the chat that she wasn't sure I'd remember who she was (for the record I always remember a pretty girl!). Anyway, I thought it was a bit odd that she initiated a chat with me since we barely know each other and she wasn't even sure I'd remember her.

So that's led to us chatting some more and even talking once on skype. We've tried to chat again on skype but haven't been able to arrange a time - she cancelled on me once, and I cancelled on her once. At some point, she again asked me if I had plans on coming back to bucarmanga.

At this point though, I can't figure out her agenda. I'm certainly not going to Bucaramanga if she just wants to be friends. So I tried to find out last week, asking her why she wanted me to come to Bucaramanga and if she was interested in being my girlfriend in the future. She responded by saying "I was just saying...it would be nice if you came to bucaramanga". Hmmm...not much to go on.

So last night, she again initiates a chat with me. This is part of the conversation:

her: we are not compatible hahaha
me: nope, you can't be my girlfriend after all! hahaha
her: boooo :/
her: buu
me: haha well i don't know if you want to be anyway.
her: well, let's wait until you decide where are you gonna live
me: yeah good point. of course you could make it easier for me to decide where to live.
her: yeap, but i'll have to wait and see if there is a job for me in Bogota, cause i really dont wanna stay here

(the context is that I'm trying to decide where to live and I had mentioned to her that I might be moving to Bogota. she's also expressed an interest in moving to bogota when she finishes school in about 6 months).

So I'm debating whether or not I should go visit this girl in bucaramanga. It would cost me $1,000-$1,500 to visit her. Which would be fine if there's potential for something romantic. But I'm not spending that kind of money if all she thinks is "it would be nice if you came to bucaramanga" and there's no potential for something romantic.

I should mention that there is a big age difference between us. I'm 42, she's 25. Some Colombian girls are okay with that, but not all of them. (she may not know how old I am...most people think I look 35). Beyond that I'm not even sure we're compatible. Points in her favor include that she's attractive, a nice easy-going person, she lived in the US for 2 years so she's familiar with the US, and she speaks really good english.

Thoughts?


If u go there there just for the girl and she knows that, over 90% chance you will get nowhere with her. She will feel pressured and your status with her will go down. I don't think she knows yet what she wants out of you. She's curious and wants to see you again but is not sure of her feelings yet. If you go there for your own reasons which have nothing to do her and see her casually (ideally after she requests it), that would be best. Putting pressure on her by going to be her bf will almost surely backfire unlesss she happens to be a very serious type and traditional type.
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Re: Would you pursue this girl?

Postby gsjackson » Tue Feb 07, 2012 10:17 pm

Rock wrote:[quote=If u go there for the girl and she knows that, over 90% chance you will get nowhere with her. She will feel pressured and your status with her will go down. I don't think she knows yet what she wants out of you. She's curious and wants to see you again but is not sure of her feelings yet. If you go there for your own reasons which have nothing to do her and see her casually (ideally after she requests it), that would be best. Putting pressure on her by going to be her bf will almost surely backfire unlesss she happens to be a very serious type and traditional type.


Agree entirely with this. And if you want to encourage her budding interest, don't allow any unwelcome guests on the date, such as your insecurity about the age difference. A can't-do attitude usually equals won't do.
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Postby lookin4happiness » Tue Feb 07, 2012 10:27 pm

No man. Don't get hung up on her. Women are a dime a dozen. None of them are special... Just move on to the next one.. Another one will just come along out of thin air.
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Postby emh » Tue Feb 07, 2012 10:34 pm

Thanks Rock and Gsjackson! Definitely some good input. I think I was pressuring her a bit cause I really don't have a compelling reason to visit her city if we're not going to pursue something romantic. Maybe not the best strategy but probably best to find out before I headed down there.
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Postby onezero4u » Tue Feb 07, 2012 11:41 pm

id go to colombia.....but not for her!!!! lots of womans there
marriage is a 3 ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and then suffering.
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