Clean Cut and the afterwards.....

[WhiteCloud]

Hello All,

I was wondering if I could get some feedback on this. Please excuse my writing skills as English is my second language, i am still struggling with it.
Sorry about the long post, it became lengthy.

I am in my early 40s, Single father with 2 teens, it has been almost 2 years since separated with x wife, I am still working on my divorce.

I have met a Colombian girl online and I have chatted her for past 6 month, She is a decent looking single woman in her early 30s, never been married, has a master degree, stable job and good family. We chatted almost every day or every the other day past 6 month days & nights and I felt really good about this lady and she mentioned few times she really wants to see me in person. I asked her to visit me, I was not able to travel because of my kids and she has USA visa but she prefers I visit her first.

So I finally decided to meet her several weeks ago, I flied down to her city in Colombia. She picked me up from the airport.
First thing she asked me was to dress well, no hat, no Jean, no flipflaps...... About an hour later she came to pick me up and took me her home to introduce me to her parents and about 10 other relatives. She stated that all of her family members know me and they want to see me very much. All her family were very nice and welcomed me, And her father even asked me how are my kids doing? I felt really good because it seemed her and her family are serious about this whole thing. After all the hand shacks, she took me to a party with her college friends and coworkers about 30 people. After few hours of great time I asked her to take me to hotel because I felt really tired after long trip and party.

We had a wonderful time next 3 days. She drove her car to show me around the city, sight scenes, beaches, clubs and restaurants, we held hands, hugging and kissing. She seemed very happy with me she even picked up every the other check after dinner. I haven’t had this kinda feeling for long time. She made me feel special, I was happy with this beautiful woman entire time.
As time goes I had more feeling about the this wonderful woman, I decided to pour my feeling to her on night 3rd, I asked her to accept me as her boyfriend but her answer was “NOâ€￾ because our cultures are too different, my divorce is not completed, what if my kids don’t like her…..etc. I could not belive the reasons of rejection. She knew about all this 6 month!
And then she started to talk about her last ex-boyfriend she dated 2 years ago, she dated a British guy prox 2 month but the guy changed and eventually married to a lot younger Colombian girl.

I felt pretty bad at that time but I still acted cool but one thing I noticed was she looked even happier than before and acted even more close to me and sweater after the event. She got me confused pretty good.

Day 4, she skipped her afternoon work hours to spent time with me. In the evening, the last night of my trip, I suggested her to go to my hotel room, I didn’t have plan nor intention to have sex with her because she stated herself as a virgin, she never had a sex before. She would only allow her husband for sex. It was one of the reasons I decided to come to meet her because she seems not liberated and different from other girls. Anyhow, we started to chat in my hotel room. I gave her foot massage because we walked around pretty long time. After that kissing, hugging and touching. Simply speaking it was close to making a love for about 2 hours I just did not pulled down her pant off, I could see how she was going nuts but trying to hold down her temptation but she was still rejecting me, “Noâ€￾ to my “I love youâ€￾ would not accept me as her boyfriend. I did not want to pursue her any more.

Next morning she drove me to the airport, having her father drive her Car.
She was absolutely beautiful in the airport, I could see she was not happy about my leaving I could see tears in her eyes but still “Noâ€￾ to my “I love youâ€￾.

I came back to states with many questions and even more confusions. I could not go on with it so I decided to give her clean cut.
I asked her to chat me last week in Skype and gave her my feeling for her again and I stated to her that I am planning a trip to her city if she is willing to meet me again and I will take it as positive signal from her. If not I will no longer waste my time.
She said “Noâ€￾!
That was it. I called it off. I removed her from my contact list.

About two days later she txt’ed me.
“I don’t feel well… I hope you can understand me and forgive me someday, if you want we can be friends.â€￾
But I did not reply to her because I have no desire or reason to have online friend in Colombia.

And a Day later she sent me the following email.
“These last days haven't been easy for me, so I suppose it is no better for u. Although I have had to smile n pretend that nothing happened, that is not what is happening inside of me. I feel that I hurt someone sincere n really special. I know u don't deserve this, n as I understand that u don't wanna stay in touch with me, I just can ask God to forgive me cause He knows those weren't my intentions.
I don't have more words n nothing will Belluci enough to show u how my heart is.
Anyway.... I want u know u will be always welcome to my city and u will have my hand to support u.
Take care, A hug.!"

What should I do? Any feedback is very much appreciated.

[Mr S]

She's mental, an emotional drama queen who is an attention whore. I've dealt with many of those and have to deal with one regularly nowadays in my life for the next 12 years or so...

Just move on and find a real foreign babe after your kids are finished with High School. Just keep yourself in as good of shape as you can for the next few years, join a gym to pass the time waiting for your kids to become adults. It'll be worth it in the long run.

That's what I currently do. Men age like fine wine, woman spoil like bad milk...

[Capster78]

[Capster78]

On a side note, don't fall out of one trap and into another. A lot of guys jump at the first chance to get it going again with another girl especially if she is attractive, after their divorce. I guess you could call it a rebound. That is fine, but I would suggest before getting serious with anyone, enjoy being single for a year or so and keep your options open. Date a lot of different women and choose when you are mentally ready to do so. Jumping on the first trim after a divorce is just inviting an even worse situation.... This is why people have multiple divorces.. They should have been dating instead of divorcing.

[WhiteCloud]

I have visited Phillippines two times last year, it was greatest. I have met and dated 4 non pros, wonderful girls age of 20, 23, 25, 27. I have dated peruvian single mom who wants to move in like yesterday. but I have never fall into this kinda situations before. Thanks guys, it was pretty good lesson.

[Capster78]

I have visited Phillippines two times last year, it was greatest. I have met and dated 4 non pros, wonderful girls age of 20, 23, 25, 27. I have dated peruvian single mom who wants to move in like yesterday. but I have never fall into this kinda situations before. Thanks guys, it was pretty good lesson.

Sounds like you are on the right track. I would continually stress that you live freely for awhile. Enjoy being "out of prison" for awhile and let your hair down, have some fun. You just got out of a relationship that was unenjoyable. I think you probably would agree with me that you feel you deserve to have some fun for once. When you feel you have fulfilled yourself, then look for the one you want to get serious with again.

[WhiteCloud]

I agree with you big time, I think I was blinded by attractive witch for few weeks.

[Capster78]

I agree with you big time, I think I was blinded by attractive witch for few weeks.

Understandable, that is how nature intended it. The attractiveness part I mean, not the marriage part. I have stated to myself that if I were ever to get divorced, I would probably never get married again, or at least, for a very long time. There are simply to many things out there to enjoy while your single. Until you have enjoyed some of those things, you will never be completely happy being married. When you get tired of "having fun" is when you are ready to settle down and get married. I would, on a side note, be honest with whoever your going out with also. Make sure they know you are not serious at the moment. That will make life a lot easier for you and them.

[onezero4u]

im no relationship expert but a few things jumped out at me...

nowadays you just dont find early 30 female virgins!!!!!! theyre either nuns or crazy emotional basket cases...

either she is lying about virgenity or she is crazy....
my feeling is with a little bit of skill and luck...you could of banged her the last nite you were together.

second....you shouldnt have spilled your guts to her and opened your heart like that....you definately gave her ALL the power to reject you (which she decided to unfortunately)

i think she wanted you as a husband but lost interest after you showered her with emotions and heart felt feelings....for her it was like the end of the movie and time to move on....to find new guys who would give them the same emotional thrill without having to put out.

id move on to a new lady...and try to keep your feelings a bit closer to yourself. good luck amigo

oh yeah DEFINATELY dont stay friends with her....you are correct...you have no need of a friend down there....besides that would be insulting to you in that you told her you love her...she said she didnt love you....and then why the hell are you still agreeing to JUST be friends??? f**k that....dump her cleanly and move on...

best of luck

[WhiteCloud]

onezero, thanks for your feedback.
As i stated to Capster, I was blinded, trusted everything she said, I was just too nice to her and acted like 17 years wimpy boy in some part. I was totally off guard to these games. Now I think back and banging my head....

[Contrarian Expatriate]

Typical latina scheme to manipulate a man to marry. She is clearly requiring you to change your cultural ways towards hers, to finalize your divorce, and to have you flown to the US to meet the kids.

Consequently, you should forget about that manipulative, over-the-hill, drama queen immediately. Who in her right mind would bring you to family events that early in the process then refuse to be in a simple relationship?

You are a man so you should more quickly recognize game being played on you when it is so clear.

Politely drop her and get a younger less manipulative girl. Not even friendship is an option.

[WhiteCloud]

CE, Thanks for the feedback, that was the one thing confused me much that why she brought me to all her family, friends, coworkers....but I am moving on.

[momopi]

Hello All,
I was wondering if I could get some feedback on this. Please excuse my writing skills as English is my second language, i am still struggling with it.

What is your ethnic/nationality background?

[WhiteCloud]

I remember when she took me to her aunt's house, there are about 6 of her aunts, none of them married. All are single pretty much 40 - 60 years old Colombian women living in one house, there is no one who married.
Only married woman was her mother out of 7 and it seemed pretty Odd to me.
I have been talking to about 5 Latinas from Peru, Colombia, Brazil and Mexico. She was the finest one with less dramas and I picked her to go for but I gave out my guts sooner.

Appearance wise Peruvian lady I have been seeing is better i has visited US 3 times but she has 3 kids. I have 2 kids and adding 3 more is not the life I am looking for....

[Capster78]

I remember when she took me to her aunt's house, there are about 6 of her aunts, none of them married. All are single pretty much 40 - 60 years old Colombian women living in one house, there is no one who married.
Only married woman was her mother out of 7 and it seemed pretty Odd to me.
I have been talking to about 5 Latinas from Peru, Colombia, Brazil and Mexico. She was the finest one with less dramas and I picked her to go for but I gave out my guts sooner.

Appearance wise Peruvian lady I have been seeing is better i has visited US 3 times but she has 3 kids. I have 2 kids and adding 3 more is not the life I am looking for....

Why would you choose a woman with kids already when there are millions of very sexy and sweet single ladies you could be dating? It seems to me that you are looking at the wrong kind of women.