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I have turned my back on all family members as they chose to support criminal abuse of my children and myself and the abuse of my elderly and ill mother.
I can have no respect for any person who condones criminal acts. And I certainly will not show any respect for any person who condoned the abuse of my mother.
Abusing a mans mother when she has been a great mother all her life is not ok. I think most men agree with that.
I also have a hard time relating to people here, not only my immediate family but also extended family and people in general. I am also in the process of preparing my move from Canada to Asia. The more time I spend outside of Canada, the more I realize that each day spent in Canada is a day of life wasted....can't wait for that glorious to day to come fast enough!
Well I'm not exactly having a sexpat lifestyle here in China. But it's gonna be so strange when I return to the UK in July (after around 5 months away). To say the culture shock will be massive is an understatement.
I'm still searching for some kind of identity here in Asia, but I think I'll be away from the UK for a year or two at least.
Returning to any sort of cubicle slave job in the UK will be hard after this adventure. But at least I've done something incredible in my life.
I'm glad I left when I did as far as the UK weather is concerned - it's been 5C or below pretty much all the time I've been away.
Last edited by Mr S on May 29th, 2017, 5:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor and stoic philosopher, 121-180 A.D.
Yes, I am disconnected from most of my family members--but not because of moving abroad. This is the simply the way it's always been, so there's no point for me to live near them.
It's cold in Hungary now. Spring was coming, but then BAM! a bunch of cold air came and now it's around 0 Celsius. Maybe in a month, it will start getting warmer again...
Resigned to the fact that it's so hard for a guy (or woman) to marry a non-EU foreigner and bring them back to the UK now that if I find a Chinese wife it would be a lot easier for us to live in China.
The only satisfaction I have now is that I'm no longer a UK taxpayer so I'm not paying the pensions or unemployment benefits for everyone who voted in this law change.
Still I'd rather live in an up and coming country than witness the continual decline of a once great nation.
I can't call my family that much because it's hard to talk casually to them. I simply can't call them to talk about the weather or chit-chat like best buddies. Half the time, they will be in a good mood, and half the other time, they will be in a bad mood and have to yell at me about something. I have to carefully think about what I'm going to say, how I'm going to say it, and mentally prepare myself for their non-stop onslaught of random negativities, which may or may not happen when I call them. They will nag me randomly about my lifestyle choices and what I should do or shouldn't do while also telling me that it's my own choice.
They are highly negative Taiwanese people who will always have to nit-pick and find fault with something minor. No matter what you do, they will always be negative and irritated at something. It's like walking on eggshells with them. They send you vague and mixed messages. I guess a lot of Taiwanese subconsciously do it. But it's not in the Thai or Filipino psyche to be like this at all.
I am actually a very compromising guy and do not have any animosities with any of my family members. I keep everything cool and I haven't done anything seriously wrong and they haven't either. A lot of it has to do with complicated family politics that they have among themselves, i.e. my parents' in-laws and siblings hating on each other due to history.
I have a small extended family, and many of them don't talk to each other very much. Many have already passed away, and others are childless. I don't really have much of a family, and the remaining living ones are just not that pleasant to be around with.
But it's just stressful to be in touch with them. Every time I talk to them, I have to mentally prepare myself for a one-hour drilling by phone or Skype. Jeez.
My biological parents divorced when I was seven. I was born out of wedlock, and the only reason why they even married was because of my mum's pregnancy (I don't think she deserves to be called a mum). My biological dad (I identify with my adoptive father) comes from Changshou County in Chongqing, born to a middle-class rural family. He came to Canada in 1988 for his Masters degree, with some other international students. They were funded by the Chinese government. He's worked in Canada, the US, and Hong Kong. Academic high-achiever, but I don't give a f**k. After him and my mum divorced my mum kept telling me bad things about him, and over the years he made attempts to contact me (which I didn't respond to due to brainwashing), and strangely enough, there were times when my mum tried to get me to become closer with him.
I finally got to know him on my own terms at the beginning of 2016, with the intention of having a good friend in him (not as a father, because I'm grown up and I have an adoptive father whom I'm very close to). He initially appeared down-to-earth and wiser than my mum and the relatives on her side, but as time went on he started wanting to change me and I immediately sensed oppression. He wanted to remake me in his image, to 'get back' at my mum and all the things she's said about him over these years. He has a strange mix of immigrant and Western liberal values, and wants to become rich and successful though he clearly cannot. He's an arrogant motherf***er who doesn't know his limits, though he likes to think that he knows shit about life. Eventually I had enough of him and cut him off for good. He's been re-married for three years, to a woman from Shandong who's just 2 years younger than my mum and with a 14-year old daughter of her own. They met a couple years ago in Shenzhen, where he ran a factory and she was the manager of a construction firm. He did the immigration procedures for her and her daughter and they all relocated to Vancouver (for him, back to the West). I never told him about my HA perspective and world view with him because I knew he wouldn't understand. He has a PhD in Physics but when it comes to the things that matter he is dumb as a rock. As a Chinese saying goes, I realized that talking to him was like "playing music for a cow." His beauty standards are totally Western. He thinks white women are attractive, as well as Westernized Chinese girls. He likes darker skin and an 'athletic' frame, he likes women who are socially adept, outgoing, and successful in their careers. I'm the opposite. I'm not into other races, I am not into the more masculine frames of Western / Westernized women, and I don't like very outgoing and extroverted women. I like someone who understands me, accepts me, appreciates me, and is content doing anything or nothing together. During the time I was with him last year, he kept telling me stories of his friends' children who are academically, socially, and / or successful in their careers. He's a conformist at heart and I'm almost bohemian to him for not wanting or caring about what many other people want. So all those success stories he told me, they went into one ear and out from the other.
My mum's side are the uncultured 'nouveau riche' type, presumably also with rural origins from Chongqing. My mum's mum (I won't call her 'grandmother') became rich due to Deng's economic reforms in the 1980s, which saw the emergence of private enterprise. My mum and my uncle, her younger brother, supposedly lived in poverty as children. My mum and her side are crooks, I'm certain that they were engaged in illegal activities. My mum's mum has 2 younger sisters that she doesn't particularly get along with, and one of them wants to replace her in the position of a corrupt and dominating matriarch. One of my older male cousins is a drug addict and a wife-beater. Even more shocking is that his wife's father is rumored to be a drug dealer. My mum's mum has been married 2 or 3 times, they all ended with the man having enough of her. My uncle's currently in his second marriage, and my aunt, who's 12 years younger than him, is in the same boat as me when it comes to being abused and not fitting into their mad, mad world. They have an 11-year old son together and he has no positive feelings whatsoever for his dad, who's a drunk bastard and party animal that gets violent and has absolutely no sense of love or responsibility. My uncle and aunt are separated, and he's been in an affair with this new woman for nine months already. She's from Ningxia but with roots in Shaanxi, she's Han. She was born in 1986 (my aunt was born in 1984, my uncle in 1971 and mum in 1970) and has a 6-year old son. She's either divorced or separated from her husband in Toronto, I believe. My uncle used to back stab me and say bad things about me to my mum, and that intensified her abuse of me. When he met my aunt he lied to her that he had never been married, when the fact was that he was divorced, his first wife had an abortion for reasons I'm not sure of, and his first wife was driven out of the house by the matriarchal bitch I won't call my grandmother. My mum treated (and still does) me mostly with emotional neglect. She thought buying things for me would make me listen to her and be close to her, but looking back she never gave a shit about me. When she thought she was making an attempt to give a shit, it was horrid emotional abuse, brainwashing, and guilt trips along with making me a confidante for her own messed up life. She thinks she's a queen, she thinks she's desired by men, but if I were a man of around the same age I'd turn her down even if she offered me half of her assets. She's a cold and calculating bitch just like her own mum, willing to do anything for money and a twisted sense of pride. Deep down she's weak, insecure, and afraid. She pretends that she loves her own mum and in the past, forced me to do the same, but the reality is there's no genuine love nor warmth between them and she only pretends to love her because of MONEY, and her mum' wants control. Their relationship has been worsening, I can tell, and that's a good thing because bad karma is what evil people deserve and will get. I was brought up by nannies, who were kind and ordinary people. Deep down my mum and her side don't like me, they look down on me because they know I'm not of the same nature. The evil abhor the decent and pure. My aunt's the only one who is like me, and she's had her own share of suffering. She also comes from a broken and dysfunctional "family", in her case her father was a bastard and womanizer. My mum's vain. She needs to put on heavy makeup every day. She's a disgrace to Chinese women. She's said a number of very mean things to me, but perhaps the meanest was: "If you came from me, then I have the right to take your life." What sort of loving and gentle mum who genuinely has her children's happiness and best interests in mind would even THINK of saying such a thing?
To sum it up, they don't love me. They never cared, and still don't care about me. They never even try. My only purpose in their view is as a toy to play with and throw around they can't bully opponents of equal cunning and wickedness. I'm severing ties with them for good and I will live with my adoptive father a year from now. I won't take any of their money, because it was made through the exploitation and suffering of decent people. They can't keep anyone working for them for too long, because people don't just take shit. My aunt revealed to me that the only reason why my mum has remained single all these years, despite successful men (successful in the careerist sense) trying to woo her, is because of money. She knows that if she marries again her mum will cut her off from the inheritance, because her mum wants to keep my mum all to herself. So, for fear of losing out on money, she's even wiling to sacrifice her own happiness in life. They've caused me so much anger, pain, and tears. They will die and even the crows will find their dead bodies too repulsive to poke at (though cremation is the norm). So much for going to Buddhist temples and burning incense, nothing will save their souls because they deserve to crash and rot for the repulsive things they are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will have my own life, my own love, my own family and my freedom. The Lord favours the righteous and punishes the wicked. My mum's side will be condemned to fire, darkness, weeping, wailing, and the gnashing of teeth.
My life fell apart mainly due to neglect and willful destruction. I was too much of a fireball to be any good at anything or have direction growing up...it's amazing I even finished school. My life needed balance, direction and inner steadfastness and fortitude. Instead I fed my raging passions and threw discretion to the wind, petered out. I had some kind of grudge against life and its clear to me I won't change unless I make some real changes or at least address some of the issues driving me and how to better cope with them or temper, or....just work on not giving a f**k so much at all.
That might be part of the answer.
Yes, I am definitely the black sheep in my family.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.