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Help!

Postby abcdavid01 » Wed Nov 21, 2012 10:26 pm

Setup: I joined OkCupid earlier this year, but never bothered to fill in my profile. I still got emails from them for matches though, based just on location. I got one of them today and this girl's profile looked good, so I messaged her on a whim.

My Message:

Hi Joanne,

I'm David and as you can see my profile is totally empty. I could remain cool and mysterious, but that would be a little rude, no? Actually I joined here a while ago and still get emails for matches, somehow. I loved your username and had to check it out. Lo and behold we have a lot in common. I'm a twenty year old Asian guy on break from college in Clark. "Born and raised in a middle class family." I don't know about you being the last romanticist though - I certainly consider myself one. You seem really cool and I'd love to hear back from you.

David

Her Reply:

Hi David,

Nice to meet you. Yes, I noticed your profile is 100% empty.
Don't be mysterious. I am in need of someone to talk to. So hearing back from you would be great.

Joanne.

...

The part about being middle class I copied from her profile. Last Romanticist is her username. Her profile says she's Asian and eighteen. She also says she's on break from college. We really do seem to have a lot in common based on her profile.

What do I send as a follow up message? I can be pretty socially inept. I really need this advice.

Edit: I could probably just ask to meet her in person at this point. But then I'm stuck again. I only had one girlfriend high school and we were together for three or four months, so I don't have all that much dating experience. If she says yes then I still need advice on where to go and what to say and do.
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Postby Ghost » Thu Nov 22, 2012 1:01 am

Well, you could always ask her questions while revealing your interests, and if you have any common interests, you could try to play those up. So, say if you play a sport and she is interested in it, say that you play and talk about your accomplishments I guess.

And if you share any common interests on things that go well in conversation, like current events or politics, you'll automatically have a lot to talk about.

And then after two or three rounds of messages like that, exchange numbers and ask her out.
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Re: Help!

Postby Ginger » Thu Nov 22, 2012 1:11 am

Deleted my own post :)
Last edited by Ginger on Wed Jun 26, 2013 12:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby ryanx » Thu Nov 22, 2012 2:27 am

Anyway, I can't say this enough, just be yourself. Do not copy stuff from her profile unless it really also applies to you.


Do no, under any circumstances listen to dating advice from a woman! Don't forget women say one thing but respond to something entirely different...also you should never be yourself - you should do whatever you need to do to get laid! Bottom line. Be yourself, my ass!

Yes maybe it is best to ask to meet her in person and ask if she is okay with it. Keep it friendly but make it clear you want more than friendship (if that is the case).


If that is the case?! What other case could there be? He is a twenty year old boy, why would he want JUST 'friendship' (whatever that means) with an eighteen year old girl?

As to what to say or do when you two finally meet, just get lost in the moment, DO NOT OVER-ANALYZE (except if you just want a score rather than a real relationship). Maybe introduce her to something you enjoy to do, and get her to talk about something she enjoys to do. Also maybe it is good if you two meet for like coffee and then take it from there. That way, you do not commit yourself to spending hours of boredom and suffering in case you do not click with her. I'm not really qualified to talk about this stuff since I don't date ahahah and I can relate to the socially inept part but hey, my brothers, cousins, and male friends says this stuff works! So maybe it also will for you. The best of luck.


ANALYZE EVERYTHING! SCORE! Real relationship? At twenty? come on!! COFFEE?! How will coffee lead to you sticking it in her? Do you see what I mean about dating advice from women?

BTW if you do not click with her and she is not really into giving you endless hours of carnal pleasure...dump her sorry ass quicker than it takes me to type the period at the end of this sentence. Why suffer endless hours of boredom?

Also I AM qualified to talk about this stuff as I have dated and date A LOT!
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Postby Andrewww » Thu Nov 22, 2012 7:07 am

If you do meet her listen to the guy above. Don't go in being yourself...think about it man...she doesn't know anything about you. As far as I'm concerned you can be Elvis' nephew. Too much talking is never a good thing, let her rant about her boring life and pretend that you can relate. Meet her in a cofee shop so she doesn't freak out but after you get to know each other a bit take her to the closest bar and buy her alcohol. If there's a dance ring, take her for a stroll (you might need to learn a few steps beforehand so you dont look like a complete idiot) and go in for a kiss. If she doesn't push you aside then she's drunk enough for you to take her home. You can score in one date with women that use online dating because they're desperate. The skanks who post half naked pictures never go out on dates, they're just attention whores.
Last edited by Andrewww on Thu Nov 22, 2012 7:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby drealm » Thu Nov 22, 2012 7:14 am

You seem to be good at writing to women. You're on your own here.
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Postby xiongmao » Thu Nov 22, 2012 9:30 am

What's an 18yo girl doing on a dating site? She should be swamped with male admirers in the offline world.

OKCupid is full of scammers - I recognise them all the time from badun's trying to join my site.
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Postby Ginger » Thu Nov 22, 2012 1:48 pm

Deleted my own post :)
Last edited by Ginger on Wed Jun 26, 2013 12:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Rayn » Thu Nov 22, 2012 2:10 pm

I personally DESPISE taking women out on coffee on the first date, instead I prefer to take them to do something outdoorsy - like a cycle out in the park or playing several rounds of tennis together . I have several reasons I refuse to do so, but the two major ones being that A) It is too awfully cliche, and B) This is my way of filtering out women who aren't exactly serious in meeting me. In my experience those who plan to flake or waste your bloody time by going on a date with you out of pity then rejecting you afterward, will ABSOLUTELY NOT want to exert themselves physically with a male they aren't interested in.
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Postby Ginger » Thu Nov 22, 2012 2:16 pm

Deleted my own post :)
Last edited by Ginger on Wed Jun 26, 2013 12:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby publicduende » Thu Nov 22, 2012 3:26 pm

ryanx wrote:
Anyway, I can't say this enough, just be yourself. Do not copy stuff from her profile unless it really also applies to you.


Do no, under any circumstances listen to dating advice from a woman! Don't forget women say one thing but respond to something entirely different...also you should never be yourself - you should do whatever you need to do to get laid! Bottom line. Be yourself, my a**!

Yes maybe it is best to ask to meet her in person and ask if she is okay with it. Keep it friendly but make it clear you want more than friendship (if that is the case).


If that is the case?! What other case could there be? He is a twenty year old boy, why would he want JUST 'friendship' (whatever that means) with an eighteen year old girl?

As to what to say or do when you two finally meet, just get lost in the moment, DO NOT OVER-ANALYZE (except if you just want a score rather than a real relationship). Maybe introduce her to something you enjoy to do, and get her to talk about something she enjoys to do. Also maybe it is good if you two meet for like coffee and then take it from there. That way, you do not commit yourself to spending hours of boredom and suffering in case you do not click with her. I'm not really qualified to talk about this stuff since I don't date ahahah and I can relate to the socially inept part but hey, my brothers, cousins, and male friends says this stuff works! So maybe it also will for you. The best of luck.


ANALYZE EVERYTHING! SCORE! Real relationship? At twenty? come on!! COFFEE?! How will coffee lead to you sticking it in her? Do you see what I mean about dating advice from women?

BTW if you do not click with her and she is not really into giving you endless hours of carnal pleasure...dump her sorry a** quicker than it takes me to type the period at the end of this sentence. Why suffer endless hours of boredom?

Also I AM qualified to talk about this stuff as I have dated and date A LOT!


Time to put those PUA books back to sleep matey :)
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Postby publicduende » Thu Nov 22, 2012 3:52 pm

Rayn wrote:I personally DESPISE taking women out on coffee on the first date, instead I prefer to take them to do something outdoorsy - like a cycle out in the park or playing several rounds of tennis together . I have several reasons I refuse to do so, but the two major ones being that A) It is too awfully cliche, and B) This is my way of filtering out women who aren't exactly serious in meeting me. In my experience those who plan to flake or waste your bloody time by going on a date with you out of pity then rejecting you afterward, will ABSOLUTELY NOT want to exert themselves physically with a male they aren't interested in.


Yeah that's not a bad idea. Only problem I see: I for one wouldn't want to show a first date my sport-pathetic, sweaty out of breath self :D
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Postby abcdavid01 » Thu Nov 22, 2012 4:00 pm

My first date, ever, I went kite flying with her because a restaurant was too conventional.
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Postby lavezzi » Thu Nov 22, 2012 4:12 pm

the best advice you could be given is to reduce self consciousness to a minimum by maintaining at all times a philosophical outlook on life rather than a personal one. when you find specific eligable individual women such as this one, without exception never let a single thought about them come into your head. if such thoughts arise, simply do not follow them, that way you can avoid becoming emotionally attatched and if it does not work out you wont get too upset.
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Postby Andrewww » Thu Nov 22, 2012 8:17 pm

I can guarantee you that if you won't over-analyze she definitely will. If you're nervous she'll see it from a mile away. You should always try to make it memorable. Women say that they just want to sit down and talk on the first date, what they really mean is the opposite. So don't be your boring self, find out what she's into and take her somewhere else than a cofee shop. Try to be funny, "being yourself" is something you cannot quantify. I act differently around my family than around my boss and co-workers. I always crack jokes around my friends yet at home I'm quiet as a fish. I think it's better to say that you should be honest if it's a relationship you're looking for.
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