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Contempating Suicide; Why the hell not?

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Postby terminator » Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:41 am

I was in the same position as you in 2010 - I was living with my step-father who is an unbelievably gross slob. He grossed me out. I applied for Govt rent-subsidy and I was able to move into by myself - I feel 100% better now, even though I spent another Xmas on my own. Just move somewhere - it will be hard to pay rent, but try - and don't get a room-mate - they aren't worth it.

By the way: your dad is probably lactose intolerant - it often comes on in middle age and this is how to fix it (since you buy food, just follow these steps):

1. Tell him to STOP eating milk products - including cheese, yoghurt, flavoured milk, ice-cream.. There are substitutes like lactose free milk for his coffee, fruit sherbet for ice cream...
2. If the above doesn't help totally, the next step is to stop the lactose-free milk and switch to soy milk and make sure he isn't eating the above products.
3. If these haven't helped much, he must be Gluten Intolerant and needs a gluten free diet - you will have to swap soy milk for gluten-free soy....
Last edited by terminator on Sun Jan 06, 2013 9:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Disillusioned_American » Wed Jan 02, 2013 7:16 pm

lone_yakuza wrote:Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.

You say you don't train martial arts anymore and obviously, yes, bad nutrition and constant traveling means keeping fit is hard, but if you are still interested, what if you take a trip to some parts of China and seek out a master there? They are usually happy to teach foreigners. Or even Japan or Thailand for muay thai. Japan and China have more of a philosophical bent as well, so maybe you can find a reason to live there, and who knows, maybe land a good lady if you can prove proficiency in language and understand/respect the culture.


Are you just going to lay down and let the forces of the world win?

Man, f**k the world. Raise your sword and charge into the setting sun and die like a raging warrior. I'm not gonna give up even if it kills me. You shouldn't give up either.

Also one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands. I think the lyrics are relevant:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDa-1InF520[/youtube]


Thanks for the encouragement. That song is really uplifting, too. When I went to look up the band on google, I read a story about how the lead singer fell off the stage while performing for his other band, Edguy, during a recent concert in Germany this past summer, sustaining pretty bad injuries, yet still he managed to play the entire set! Pretty amazing:

http://www.blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?m ... +Headlines)

Anyway, yeah, I definitely think that I would enjoy living in S.E. Asia, and that would be awesome to hire a personal instructor to teach me Muay Thai or something, but I am hesitant about that particular region, since there is a lot of corruption and stupid Westerners causing problems there as well. I would actively avoid the whole party and P4P scene if I was to go there. Check out this TV show that documents the kinds of problems I'm talking about; it kind of scares me away from the whole idea a bit:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DtAWRtcQLk[/youtube]
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Postby Twobrains » Tue Jan 08, 2013 5:09 pm

I'd like to put in a good word for suicide - I think it's a viable solution sometimes. I've tried it twice, first time when I was 13, second time when I was about 34. I've seriously contemplated trying on many other occasions. Sometimes, even now when my life is ok, I wish I'd succeeded. I don't believe in karma, reincarnation, or an afterlife. Suicide, done right, will end your personal pain. It will inflict pain on those who love you, of course, but is it worth putting up with a shit life to keep them happy? Only you can decide that.

Now, there are ways to make your life a LOT better:

If you love sunshine then go live somewhere sunny - it will make a big difference. Make sure you get enough Vitamin D in addition to sun in your eyes. I live at 42 degrees N, so I take 5000IU Vit D a day - one small capsule. It's really cheap - pm me for details.

The drugs do work, at least for some. Continual major depression f***s up your brain chemistry and drugs can help put it back in a more benign state. Prozac worked for me. Selegiline works for some others. My favourite is Stablon (tianeptine); it has been proven to to help increase the size of the hippocampus, which gets shrunk by major depression, and thereby helps your mood and memory. It's very gentle on the body and it has NO sexual side effects. I can tell you where to buy it.

There is some evidence that Cialis (tadalafil) has a mild anti-depressant effect.

DHEA is very good for mood, and it's cheap.

Get some good sex. Pay for it if you have to.

Do something good for others. It will make you feel better about yourself.

Above all, STOP the obsessive thinking. Thinking around and around in the same circles does great harm. Try to do things which require total concentration so that your mind cannot wander onto negative subjects. I have a pdf document about how to escape over-thinking - again, pm me.

So, I'm not saying "don't do it", because I have no right to impose my own moral framework on you. But I am saying "you don't HAVE to do it" - there are alternatives.
"As long as you make an identity for yourself out of the pain, you cannot become free of it." Eckhart Tolle
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Postby Billy » Wed Jan 09, 2013 10:34 pm

i think suicide by skydiving sounds among the coolest methods though the pattaya flying club is also a nice minimalist solution.


In the United States, jumping is among the least common methods of committing suicide (less than 2% of all reported suicides in the United States for 2005).[3]

In Hong Kong, jumping is the most common method of committing suicide, accounting for 52.1% of all reported suicide cases in 2006 and similar rates for the years prior to that.[6] The Centre for Suicide Research and Prevention of the University of Hong Kong believes that it may be due to the abundance of easily accessible high rise buildings in Hong Kong.[7]

There have been several documented cases of suicide by skydiving, by people who deliberately failed to open their parachute (or removed it during freefall) and were found to have left suicide notes.[8][9]
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Postby Contrarian Expatriate » Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:15 pm

I say relocate or radically change your circumstances before you resort to such a step.

Life is about how you negotiate thru difficulty and overcome it. It is normal to be on the bottom of your game at times, but it is gratifying to get back on top.

Do what you gotta do, but don't cheat yourself of the opportunity to slay the dragon that menaces you.
Feel free to visit my sites and to leave your respected words of wisdom:

http://thedeclineofmyamerica.blogspot.com/

http://www.youtube.com/user/ContrarianExpatriate
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Re: Contempating Suicide; Why the hell not?

Postby All_That_Is_Man » Tue Jan 15, 2013 8:50 pm

Disillusioned_American wrote:I'm not looking for sympathy, nor do I need to be called a weak bitch. I'm just trying to vent, and look at things logically.

I am back on the E. Coast US right now, staying with family. I literally have no close friends anymore. None. They have all drifted away, or gotten married, etc. My parents have never really had any good advice for me. In fact, I feel like my father has always tried to emulate me for some reason, and it really creeps me out. He never showed me how to be a man, because he was never around when I needed him to be during my childhood. Now it's like the roles are reversed, and I am the parent; totally weird and unhealthy situation when I am around him for too long. My parents have been divorced for years, BTW. My father is like a psychic vampire whom steals my energy, and keeps me drained by eating up and farting out all of the food that I buy, and it is uncomfortable to live around him because he is a horder and slob (not to an extreme, though). I guess I put up with it since I am staying with him rent free right now, but I know it's slowly killing me. It makes me very sad and angry to think that my own family is bringing me down this much. I hate the thought that I am turning out like him, but I have always been a hard worker and clean/neat person, so I am already the polar opposite to him in that regard, thankfully. So basically, I don't even have a good trusting relationship with my own family members, no friends, and absolutely NOBODY whom I can depend upon.

When I was younger, I used to have a lot of pent up anger and rage, like Lone_Yakuza seems to have. I will never understand how difficult it can be for E. Asian men to grow up in the US, but my life has been no picnic either, and I also know what it's like to be an outcast during the prime years of my youth. I too studied martial arts and weight trained for years, since this was a great outlet for me and something I enjoyed. Music was also a big part of my life as well. I have sort of drifted away from those pursuits, because for the last several years, I have lived very transiently, never really feeling at home anywhere. Thus, it's hard to be physically fit when you can't have a consistent and proper diet. Also, I always strive to not accumulate much "stuff," since I never know where I should live. As a result, I no longer bother with music because I don't even have a guitar. I can't trust my parents to leave my things with them when I travel, because I have had them give away my things in the past without my permission, or they've thrown my stuff in the garbage.

As much as I would like to expat and leave this screwed-up country, I honestly just do not have the mental or physical energy to do that right now. Plus, I know how much of a hassle it can be to obtain long term residency visas outside of the US, because I have been through it all before. Sometimes I think I need to settle down somewhere within the US for a while, just long enough to get my act together, but then I always feel conflicted about staying in the US, convinced that I will never be happy here, and that I will always be alone. Also, despite being physically healthy overall, I wake up every single day with extreme stomach pain and nausea, usually dry heaving into the toilet before I start my day. This has gone on for years, and I have had multiple tests performed by doctors, but everything comes back as normal. In addition, my spine is f*cked up to the point where I have chronic pain in my upper vertebrae. I wish I could buy and use an inversion table, but that would be another physical asset that would only trap me in this lousy country. I stopped going to the Veterans Hospital because of some really bad experiences there. I don't really trust any doctors in this country anymore, and I don't have any insurance. The cost of private healthcare in America makes me want to commit homicide, not suicide, lol. Also, I want to mention that I no longer have any faith in a God, since none of my prayers have ever been answered, even though I did good things like donate large sums of money to charity over the years.

Now, I am not some thirty year old virgin, and in fact I have gotten laid several times within the last couple of years. The thing is that, I need real companionship, not just a lay. I need someone to genuinely care about me. Plus, I've never really been with a woman that I felt was beautiful at all. They haven't all been hideous, but they were not a good match for me looks wise (due to female hypergamy in the US, plus lack of hot available women). I have always had to lower my standards. I lost my virginity to an older single mom when I was 21, because at the time I was desperate. Even though some here might criticize me for having lowered my standards, I honestly think that I would have gone on a killing spree if I hadn't done what I did. I used to fantasize about strapping powerful explosives to myself, and walking into a crowded nightclub filled with arrogant douchbags and bitchy sluts, and detonating the mother*cker (something that I was very capable of doing, since I have extensive knowledge about energetic compounds). This is how sexually frustrated I felt back then. I am definitely not some kind of sociopath though. Women treated me like absolute sh*t. I have had a couple of decent girlfriends since that time, but things didn't work out in the end, obviously.

Alright, enough of the b*tching and complaining. I'm not even sure if anyone here will read all the way though this rant. Anyway, I am seriously at my wits end. I just spent yet another New Year's Eve alone. I feel like I no longer want to go on. I have nothing to live for. Even foreign women are not enough of an incentive to keep me going at this point, since I fear many of them just want to take advantage of men like me. Why not just end my God damned life once and for all? I have thirty years on this planet, and most of it has been sh*t. I can't get a girlfriend to save my life, unless I opt for some used-up milf/cougar. Plus being on the E. Coast, the weather alone makes me want to die, and the women here are even colder than the weather. Why should I even bother to continue, with my life being this empty and hopeless? How do I turn this whole thing around?


Oh, geez. Another guy who takes his female-deprivation too far. Cheer up, buckaroo. This is no fault of your own. We (males) are all victims of western media and their over-pedestalization of the female persona. Some men get lost and even believe a lack of female companionship is grounds for suicide or mass shootings. Not the case. I wholeheartedly agree with Teal Lantern when he said that every average frustrated chump (AFC) needs to experience at least ONE long-term relationship. Is it because modern-day females are so great? Fu¢k no. A long-term relationship gives an AFC the chance to discover that a relationship is not some wondrous, magical event that is required in order to go on breathing. Sorry to burst your bubble, but the modern-day female is not some glorified super being who will rid you of your problems and be an insatiable sex-goddess whenever you want it. Sure, that would be nice, but it's just a lie from the media. Stop seeking affection and someone to care about you. Many have been down that road and, as you have clearly pointed out, only dried-up, battered single mothers await there. And these ¢unts usually still live with their jailbird, 30-year-old son at home, which could make things awkward.
"Manginas grovel. Men travel." - me (04/17/2012)

"I used to be one of those men who believed that men are better than women at everything. Then I stood corrected!
Women are better than men at... getting fat." - me (02/24/2013)

Black women suck at life.
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Postby lavezzi » Thu Jan 17, 2013 1:51 pm

I would strongly advocate that you commit suicide as soon as possible, as it is the only solution for you to end your problems. Only do not kill your body, as this has nothing to do with "you" (at least no more than a pigeon in Nigeria or a star in a distant galaxy has anything to do with "you"). What you conceive yourself to be is merely a mistaken belief; an idea stemming from your imagination. This mind-made self is the only thing which needs to be relinquished in order to cure all of your current ills.

If there is no anticipation/desire for personal gratification in the future, there is no potential for mental suffering, full stop. However this is not a conscious mechanism, but rather an unconscious one. If you observe your thoughts, you'll notice that all the cultural programming accumulated within your memory system is randomly arising and being processed in a way that attempts to affirm your personal identity/ego as being strong/positive/desirable/correct etc. Your mind will continue to do this until you've seen through the process. This will require you to use your conscious intelligence to objectify reality as it relates to your psyche, and therefore cancel out the false beliefs/assumptions your unconscious mind is dependent upon in order to operate as it does.

An object cannot perceive itself, therefore anything which arises in your perception cannot also be it's origin point i.e. the utmost "you". Ask yourself, what evidence is there that you are your body/mind rather than any other sense objects that arise, such as that which exists outside of "your" body? Who/what are "you"? After thorough enough inquisition, you should find that there is no evidence WHATSOEVER for a separate "you", and such questions consist solely of human language based on false assumptions, notably that an object must pertain to a subject. There is indeed subjectivity, but this is observing occurring experientially, not something "being done" by an "observer".

I promise you, you can liberate yourself, but first you need to give up ALL the egotistical crap inherited from your culture, this "happier abroad" nonsense included. This way you will be consciously moving in the direction of reality which will in turn destine your unconscious tendencies (the sole cause of your suffering) to the same fate sooner or later. Best of luck.
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Postby Banano » Thu Jan 17, 2013 5:52 pm

dont do it but if you really decide to go ahead with it why dont you get as many bank loans as possible, credit cards, personal loans and so on

go to colombia,live it up, bang as many as girls as you can, they have the best and purest coke in the world, you can live like rock star before money runs out and the best thing is you dont have to pay it back
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Postby Disillusioned_American » Thu Jan 17, 2013 7:40 pm

Thanks for all of the feedback. In hindsight, I now feel pretty foolish for making this thread in the first place. Since the New Year began, I've started to come around. I haven't had a cigarette or smoked weed in almost three weeks (wasn't ever really a chronic weed smoker, but still). I think those two things were really contributing towards my personal misery, and quitting them was definitely horrible mentally for the first few days. Quitting tobacco can be a real mind*ck, and what's weird is that, even though I didn't really crave it after stopping, I had all sorts of whack thoughts, but somehow, while in the throes of my own personal hell, I was unable to make the connection between the quitting and my depression. This is weird, since, when looking back on it all now, it seems totally logical and blatantly obvious as to what was causing all of this internal turmoil.

It's true; I don't need a woman to make me happy, and you guys are correct in pointing out that many married men - or just those with constant female companionship - are often totally miserable anyhow. The problem I'm having is that, I really desire a genuine sense of community and belonging, and I can't seem to find that anywhere. I truly want to be part of something greater than myself. Like fschmidt says on his blog, it is unnatural for men to live without this sense of community (or something along those lines). It's just hard to assimilate with any group, especially when none of them seem completely compatible or worthy. The lone wolf path can be a hard road to accept.

I think I will concentrate solely on seeking the inner path of enlightenment and self-improvement at this point, but I will keep an open mind in case something better comes my way. Thanks again.
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Postby lavezzi » Thu Jan 17, 2013 8:06 pm

Disillusioned_American wrote:Thanks for all of the feedback. In hindsight, I now feel pretty foolish for making this thread in the first place. Since the New Year began, I've started to come around. I haven't had a cigarette or smoked weed in almost three weeks (wasn't ever really a chronic weed smoker, but still). I think those two things were really contributing towards my personal misery, and quitting them was definitely horrible mentally for the first few days. Quitting tobacco can be a real mind*ck, and what's weird is that, even though I didn't really crave it after stopping, I had all sorts of whack thoughts, but somehow, while in the throes of my own personal hell, I was unable to make the connection between the quitting and my depression. This is weird, since, when looking back on it all now, it seems totally logical and blatantly obvious as to what was causing all of this internal turmoil.

It's true; I don't need a woman to make me happy, and you guys are correct in pointing out that many married men - or just those with constant female companionship - are often totally miserable anyhow. The problem I'm having is that, I really desire a genuine sense of community and belonging, and I can't seem to find that anywhere. I truly want to be part of something greater than myself. Like fschmidt says on his blog, it is unnatural for men to live without this sense of community (or something along those lines). It's just hard to assimilate with any group, especially when none of them seem completely compatible or worthy. The lone wolf path can be a hard road to accept.

I think I will concentrate solely on seeking the inner path of enlightenment and self-improvement at this point, but I will keep an open mind in case something better comes my way. Thanks again.


Tabacco gives you many endorphins which make you feel good, which is the reason people smoke. If a person is truly happy smoking would simply not occur. The day of my awakening I just threw out my packet of tobacco and have not had a single drag since.

Take my word for it or not, the current state of humanity is completely based in fear and insecurity and you and everyone else have been dragged into that through conditioning. People out there are saying how "cosmic energies" are opening up making it super-easy to transform spiritually at this time. I don't know how true this is, but I would highly urge you to commit yourself to looking within rather than without. It is VERY possible to find true happiness beyond that which you can imagine now by really putting all your heart into it, finding your inborn passion for life itself (not what occurs in it) and scraping away all the old conditioned patterns of belief. Seeking outside yourself by changing your circumstances may work somewhat, but you will always find yourself on the brink of unhappiness.

"Seeking enlightenment" is completely futile, as in reality you will be using the exact same mind mechanism any average person is using when seeking money, fame, love, sex etc. for fulfilment., but seeking does have to be done otherwise you'll remain ignorant. Look to wise teachers for pointers and paint your own picture of what it is to you using intuition and insight, as it's different for everyone. But it is crucial to truly humble yourself. You have to give up your idea of a "wonderful me" identifying with a conceptual life-story, really contemplate the true nature of reality beyond social conditioning, and meditate regularly (at least 40mins a day if you can) to dis-identify with your mind's thought processes. If you truly want it, it's yours to find.
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