Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Monday nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE AFA Seminar! See locations and dates here.
View Active Topics View Your Posts Latest 100 Topics FAQ Topics Mobile Friendly Theme
Ask questions and get advice. Disclaimer: Any advice you take here is at your own risk. We are not liable for any consequences you might incur from following advice here. Note: Before posting your question, do a search for it in the Google Search box at the top to see if it's been addressed.
Okay, question for the guys who are not married or getting laid on a somewhat regular basis: How do you guys deal with feelings of loneliness and depression?
As I may have mentioned in my earlier postings on here, I am currently not married; never have been married; no kids; no girlfriend; not getting laid; and not one of those guys who can "just get laid." And I know (at least cerebrally), that living here in the USSA that it's probably a disguised blessing. As has been stated by you fine folks on here countless times. And yes, I know that I'm better off not being with any American, Western, or Feminist woman.
Still though... often times I still have feelings of loneliness, and depression. It really gets to me sometimes. Always has. I never had a girlfriend in high school. I had ONE date in high school: my senior prom. And the only reason I had that was because a friend fixed me up. In college I dated a few girls, and had a couple of girlfriends for a while. But that's how long it lasted, "a while." And I'm not a virgin. I have gotten laid a few times. Many of those were within monogamous relationships. But those never worked out. And I hate to admit it, but at least in the final days of those relationships I was not too happy. However, I was never the one to end the relationships. The woman was.
I can't believe I'm admitting this on here... but I haven't even been laid in about seven years. Yes, you read that right: SEVEN YEARS! People think only guys that have been incarcerated go that long without sex (though from what I'm reading on here, apparently prison inmates get more sex than free men do). I know that getting laid isn't the same as a relationship, let alone marriage and family. But, for me at least, getting laid would still be better than what I have now. I have NOTHING now. So getting laid would at least have some modicum of companionship, if only briefly.
Due to this, even though I know from what I read on here that I'm better off... it doesn't mean that I don't feel bad sometimes. Lonely, depressed, feeling like a total loser, etc. And it's not like I can talk about it with just anyone. Actually... I worry about posting it on here. Because guys aren't SUPPOSED to talk about how they feel, what makes them feel good/bad, etc. That it isn't "alpha" (don't EVEN get me started on the whole Greek letter sh!t). And also, nobody wants to hear it. Even family or so-called friends.
Anyway, my question is: Do you guys on here ever feel this way? Even knowing what you know now? And if so, what do you do about it? I'm just wondering if I'm alone with this kind of thing. Thanks in advance!
Check out our Dating Sites and International Romance Tours!
Special Offer! FREE 6 Month Membership on ForeignWomen.com! Sign up here.
Find Your Foreign Sweetheart Now! Try our international Dating Sites and Overseas Romance Tours!
Do you have a passport??? If not, go down to the Post Office and get one going right away!
If you do have one, take a clean coffee can or the like, and put your passport inside of it
every day put whatever bills you can with the passport in the can. Become obsessed about this.
Make your stash grow. You will see, it begins to feel that you are actually doing something about
your situation. Then step by step, research where it is that you will go. If you pm me I can give you
some pretty good ideas.
Misamis Oriental, Mindanao
I understand how you feel. It's not easy meeting new people and making friends in such a closed and cliquish society like the United States; it's just the way it is here. And your story of not having been laid for such a long time is not unusual in this country either. All I can say is that you should plan on a way to leave the country somehow, and follow in the footsteps of some of the people here that have moved on to other countries.
Hats off to your honesty. Honesty and integrity are the foundation of manhood. When you are finally around good women in a non-toxic social environment, they will smell the honesty and integrity on you and be attracted. As funny as that sounds, I am not kidding.
If there are Asian massage places where you live, it's okay to go if you have to. Sometimes physical touch makes a huge difference, just to get by temporarily.
But the big picture is like OutWest and ZBoy stated. GTFO of this hellhole. You'll feel like Keanu Reeves being farted out of the Matrix tube he was lying in.
It isn't easy, it sucks. You have to look within yourself for strength again, again, again and again. And appreciate your friends and family.
"Take a bold and unconventional action, then you'll find out who your friends are."
"Trying to find good American women is like trying to ice skate in a volcano."
One word: escorts.
Look on the bright side man, no one keeps you on a leash. Do some research, save some money and go on an extended vacation to a few countries. Maybe join one of those foreign dating sites and set up a few dates in advance. If you're glued to your job or your mortgage you'll either have to continue doing what you're doing and be miserable or say f**k it all and make a lifestyle change.
There are plenty of married men who feel lonely, depressed, and aren't getting laid.
That is to say being in a relation$#!t isn't the key to happiness.
I have too many interests to be bothered by solitude, so it's not an issue for me. This may be an issue for extroverts, though.
Also, seeing the crap guys are going through these days (between news and forums), worse than my own experiences, I'm not in too big a hurry to jump back into the "game".
Would you rather "rub one out" or be the last guy that dated Jodi Arias?
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162- ... ory-lapse/
I'm guessing he didn't initially think she was "like that", and she probably omitted to warn him.
For female conversation, there's social networking.
It seems you can have a more authentic convo with a woman you're not actually involved with.
Also, you can set the interaction rate.
If you must press real flesh, there are plenty of no-strings, or FWB outlets for that, too.
Otherwise, just get a larger hard drive.
All the pretty girls you want, and 'delete' is cheaper (and safer) than divorce.
In the meantime, save up your cash for a ticket out or expand your hobbies.
не поглеждай назад.
"Even an American judge is unlikely to award child support for imputed children." - FredOnEverything
Unhappily single, it's good to be so open and honest about how you're feeling.
I think that by the way you describe your situation, what's causing you the most pain is that you doubt whether you have what it takes, or whether you're good enough, which is perfectly understandable. I don't know your situation however, but lack of female companionship, especially nice ones, even on a social level can be pretty unpleasant and is not good for your emotional wellbeing. You can end up, in a lonely place like you describe questioning whether you have what it takes to find a good woman, or whether you have what it takes for a nice woman to like you for you.
In addition to that, it can also seem like nice girls are few and far between. Both those things can also make you feel a sense of powerlessness too, which can be deeply unpleasant.
There are in fact plenty of guys in that very same boat and like you, they feel they can't express how it makes them feel for fear of being seen as weak. In fact, the way people feel they cannot talk about issues like that, for fear that they'll be seen as weak or whiny, is one of the major reasons people develop depression. A problem shared is always a problem halved.
Try not to look at yourself, and your worth towards women in terms of 'alpha' or 'beta' though, since I think those ways of looking at the world can be unhealthy, and will only make whatever it is your feeling one notch worse.
How bad are you feeling by the way? Is it bad enough to affect your motivation and performance?
Do you think that traveling to another country would be a good option for you? Do you think that even being in a better social environment, where there are friendlier women that are easier to connect to would help you feel better? I don't know our social situation though, but if it's one that is having that bad an affect on you then I would highly recommend it.
Or are you convinced that the problem is 110% your fault and that nothing could change it? If that's the case, then going to a more positive social environment will at least help to undo that unhealthy conditioning, if it applies to you that is.
Hope that helps
"Gaming" in action.
Three Charged In Sex Assault May Have Victimized Others, Police Say
http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2012/10/09/ ... olice-say/
Note what the 3rd man is charged with, although the oinks admit he didn't partake in the "festivities".
They probably felt really "Alpha" ... right up until the cops showed up.
не поглеждай назад.
"Even an American judge is unlikely to award child support for imputed children." - FredOnEverything
i started pursuing hobbies i've always had an interest in -- model railroading for example -- that keeps me busy and less worried about lonliness. also i've admitted my lack of poontang to my female friends. they are helping me. one wants me to move to charlotte NC -- where she lives -- she's talking me up to her single friends and already has dates lined up for me. i've found fuk being alpha -- being real is what life is all about.
It wasn't like this in the 1980's and early 1990's -- that's for sure bud.
itÂ´s a adaptation process. like in science you have to search for a method which works for you. it takes time itÂ´s not easy but living with a wife is also not easy. the mgtow crowd will help you with this.
anyway i think life is only bearable with somekind of drug. i mean it could be mucic, dancing, sports, work, girls and the usual suspects real drugs.
i am now in the situation where i am afraid to come in contact with girls and men as they are probably goingt to hurt my system. like an alcohol addict who doesnÂ´t want to be in contact with alcohol.
so in my case itÂ´s the opposite is true i long for loneliness somehow.
facing with your true self is not for everyone i suppose.
now in my case i donÂ´t have to work which makes it even easier to create a system under controlled circumstances.
I use to be in the same boat as you(8 years since I got laid). I did what Yakuza and other people on here, did a lot of activities and disassociate myself from these "friends" that was making my life worse. Took up activities and hang out with new friends and one I lost contact for awhile(childhood). The problem was my new friends were old(50 on up)and the old childhood friend was married. But the problem was still there, alone and my mental well being was deteriorating(those old friends were claiming bullshit, I was crazy, harassing one's sister and so on) . So, I said f**k it and grabbed a ticket. Now here I am, meeting girls. Some good, some bad, but I get more attention with girls than when I was in the US.
Try having a group of college girls giggling when they past you and then one turns around. Walks up to you and wants your phone number. Makes you feel like you are worth something, or just walking in a internet cafe and the girl there always smiles at you and nice to you (she gives you here phone number after appearing there a few times). There is nothing wrong with you or any of us. It's just the people where you are at. Zboy is right on that. Take outwest advice, get a passport and throw some money in that can.