Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Thurs nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts with FREE Prizes!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE Live AFA Seminar! See locations and details.


Scam free! Check out Christian Filipina - Meet Asian women with Christian values! Members screened.
Exclusive book offer! 75% off! How to Meet, Date and Marry Your Filipina Wife



View Active Topics       Latest 100 Topics       View Your Posts       FAQ Topics       Switch to Mobile


Sending money to her family after you marry

Ask questions and get advice, or share advice. Disclaimer: Any advice you take here is at your own risk. We are not liable for any consequences you might incur from following someone's advice here.
Note: Before posting your question, do a search for it in the Google Search box at the top to see if it's already been addressed.

Moderators: jamesbond, fschmidt

Postby Halwick » Thu Sep 26, 2013 4:19 am

davewe wrote:
xiongmao wrote:A friend of a friend back in the UK sends them £0. He sends his Filipina out to work, and she sends part of HER money back home.

This is the way to handle this.


I am not sure it makes a big difference (other than psychologically) whether you send money from your paycheck or your wife sends it from her's. If you're married it's joint assets. Different story if you're not married.

I am newly married to a Filipina and I know my wife would like to be able to help her family. As a general theory I am for this. In reality however there has to be communication, agreement, and firm limits. Do you send a monthly allowance, assist only for emergencies, send the occasional box of goods, or as some fools do, send money every time a cousin knocks up his gf?

Every guy I talk to has a different notion of how to go about it and some refuse to do it at all. It's a topic that could fill a book.

Americans are very independent and like to think that they never have to help anyone but it isn't always true and certainly wasn't true in past generations. My maternal grandfather came to live with us the last couple years of his life, after he got cancer. I know for a fact that my dad helped pay for the nursing home care of my maternal grandmother.

Course nowadays most Americans don't have to do that because they get divorced before such events might occur, but if you actually marry and live with someone for a large chunk of years you have to expect that it is possible that at some point relatives will need help and you will be asked to chip in. So if it happens in this culture, you know it's gonna happen in a poor culture like PI.

YMMV. Personally I am sort of a cheap SOB and have let my wife know that while I am open to genuine major emergencies I have no interest in assisting every sibling or cousin wanting a handout.


Davewe, you are right that you have to communicate very clearly and set groundrules with regards to sending remittance to your wife's family.

Curious: When you laid down the groundrules, what was her reaction? Was she unusually quiet, sulked, or not her usual affectionate self for a few days?

Don't be surprised she will find a way to send money to her relatives anyway, regardless how you feel about it.
Halwick
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 329
Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:39 am
Location: U.S.







Postby mguy » Thu Sep 26, 2013 11:02 am

wanderlust wrote:Thanks for all your input so far, everybody. It sounds like most Filipinas expect money to be sent. So enlighten me some more if you can...

1) Do the middle class Filipino parents have the same shame about accepting outside help that American middle class people might?

2) Would most Filipina fiancés/wives come to an explicit agreement, versus an implicit one, if you tried to get them to spell it out? How would they react?

3) As you have kids with her, does her family eventually take a back seat to the well-being of your own kids and you as a couple (i.e. making sure their higher ed gets funded, making sure you will be able to retire, etc.)?


I'm Filipino-American so I can help you out here.

1.) One could generalize and say that there is no middle class Filipinos, only the rich and the poor. If they are asking you for money this signals that you married into the masa type. They must be from a poor socio-economic position. It doesn't take much to survive here, so asking for help implies a degree of poverty. With poverty, is a mentality.. this "poverty mentality" and with it is the gall to ask for financial help from a newly wed couple. This is what I don't like, this poor mentality (which annoyingly exists trust me!) so you have to understand it and learn to expect it.

2.) I think when Filipinas are looking for foreigners, especially when they meet online, this implies financial support. It may seem like a fancy dream, but at the end of the day, they married because of financial support and not because they are liberal types and you are soul mates. I think most people here are old enough to know this. I advise you to send the money if you have it, but don't send it if it's a non-major issue (nobody is going to die). In a way, you have to "train" them. If you don't deal with this now they will abuse it.

3.) Yes of course
"So never refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite and never outstay the welcome. Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience. And if it hurts, you know what? It's probably worth it."

Like to read?Third World Hero
Like to see?3WorldHero -- Did he really just do that?

mguy
Junior Poster
 
Posts: 749
Joined: Sat Nov 24, 2012 6:09 pm

Postby Halwick » Thu Sep 26, 2013 10:36 pm

wanderlust wrote:Thanks for all your input so far, everybody. It sounds like most Filipinas expect money to be sent. So enlighten me some more if you can...

1) Do the middle class Filipino parents have the same shame about accepting outside help that American middle class people might?

2) Would most Filipina fiancés/wives come to an explicit agreement, versus an implicit one, if you tried to get them to spell it out? How would they react?

3) As you have kids with her, does her family eventually take a back seat to the well-being of your own kids and you as a couple (i.e. making sure their higher ed gets funded, making sure you will be able to retire, etc.)?


Interesting response from Mr. Mguy and different from what I've observed of my friends' Fililpina wives here in the U.S. Guess it depends on the Filipina, her social class and where she is from. From what I've observed, my friends' Filipinas are from a working class, some very poor, others comfortable but not wealthy, some with a college education, most high school education or less. So, with that caveat, my observations:

1) Shame in asking for financial support: The Filipinas I've met don't seem to be ashamed to ask their husbands, even non-relatives, for financial aid. I'll never forget one of my friend's Filipina wife said to me (out of her husband's earshot) that they are "struggling" and she didn't want her husband to know she was asking for help and could I give her $100? She made it sound like I have an obligation to help my friend. I have to admit she had a lot of gutzpah. Later I talked with my friend and he said they are not "struggling" at all. Hmm.....

2) Re reactions to groundrules being spelled out: All my friends' Filipina wives reacted with "tampo", a sort of a quiet, sulking silent treatment, when she didn't agree with the terms. When asked explicitly what they want, the reply was "Up to you."

3) All my friends who are married to Filipinas tell me her priorities are (from first to last): Her children, her family (parents, siblings and relatives in the PI), her, and finally him.

Again, one thing is certain: Either he subsidizes his wife's family or she does. That seems to be non-negotiated issue.
Halwick
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 329
Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:39 am
Location: U.S.

Previous

Return to Questions and Advice

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest