Davewe, you are right that you have to communicate very clearly and set groundrules with regards to sending remittance to your wife's family.davewe wrote:I am not sure it makes a big difference (other than psychologically) whether you send money from your paycheck or your wife sends it from her's. If you're married it's joint assets. Different story if you're not married.xiongmao wrote:A friend of a friend back in the UK sends them Â£0. He sends his Filipina out to work, and she sends part of HER money back home.
This is the way to handle this.
I am newly married to a Filipina and I know my wife would like to be able to help her family. As a general theory I am for this. In reality however there has to be communication, agreement, and firm limits. Do you send a monthly allowance, assist only for emergencies, send the occasional box of goods, or as some fools do, send money every time a cousin knocks up his gf?
Every guy I talk to has a different notion of how to go about it and some refuse to do it at all. It's a topic that could fill a book.
Americans are very independent and like to think that they never have to help anyone but it isn't always true and certainly wasn't true in past generations. My maternal grandfather came to live with us the last couple years of his life, after he got cancer. I know for a fact that my dad helped pay for the nursing home care of my maternal grandmother.
Course nowadays most Americans don't have to do that because they get divorced before such events might occur, but if you actually marry and live with someone for a large chunk of years you have to expect that it is possible that at some point relatives will need help and you will be asked to chip in. So if it happens in this culture, you know it's gonna happen in a poor culture like PI.
YMMV. Personally I am sort of a cheap SOB and have let my wife know that while I am open to genuine major emergencies I have no interest in assisting every sibling or cousin wanting a handout.
Curious: When you laid down the groundrules, what was her reaction? Was she unusually quiet, sulked, or not her usual affectionate self for a few days?
Don't be surprised she will find a way to send money to her relatives anyway, regardless how you feel about it.