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What's wrong with me?

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What's wrong with me?

Postby MyFirstLove462 » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:00 pm

I am a 25 year old who has been struggling to find young women my own age. I just want to find more girls as friends to start out with, and I feel like my looks are overrated and young attractive women are intimidated by me. I don't know what to do. When I was in middle school and in high school I had much more success of having really good relationships with girls, and to be honest my first crush was when I was in 6th grade.

I know that's obviously to young to even start thinking about dating. But this girl really liked me and I was about 10-11 at the time in 6th grade. I live in Pittsburgh, and this was at Dorseyville Middle School. It was my first and only crush, but I became popular in middle school and I was given this nickname by one of my teachers that

I really got along with. He gave me the name J-Money, and this particular nickname lasted me all throughout middle school and high school. My nickname started to grow and grow every year and even more people knew who I was when I got into high school. My popularity was at it's best in middle school but in high school not so much, I'll tell you why in a minute. I had no problem talking to girls in my grade or in my class I graduated with.

No problem talking to girls that were not even in my grade but younger than I was. They said hi J-Money down the hallway when they passed by me mostly everyday, well not everyday you get my point, on a good daily basis. But the reason why my popularity started to fade away is because see I had special-ed when I was in middle school/high school and I had paying attention & listening problems. When I joined different sports leagues guys on my team made fun of me, joking around on how I did'nt know how to run certain plays on my high school freshman team.

So since I did'nt know how to run the plays when we even practiced at our school, come start the regular season I was pretty much benched every game. I did not start one game the whole season because of my paying attention skills, and it really ticks me off that was the case. Maybe if I was'nt in special-ed or did not have ADD-Attention Deficit Disorder I would have ran those offensive plays on my freshman team easily.

I had a swimming class in high school and their was this girl that was in my Class that I graduated with, we had Kayaking class in the pool, and we had to paddle our kayaks from the shallow end all the way to the deep end of our school pool. This girl was in my swimming class but did not dress for swimming, so she sat on the bleachers watching on as I was in my kayak, I was paddled in the deep end and my Kayak fell over in the pool, I was literally still inside the Kayak but I was underwater, trying to gasp for air and the Girl in my class as she watched on-she was laughing at me. No joke yes she was laughing at me, I saw her when I tried gasping for air I saw her sitting on the bleachers making a joke out of it.

While my teacher came rushing to me, yelling at me telling me to get out of the kayak!!!! Which I eventually did, but I was completely embarrassed because everyone in my class saw me drowning. My parents tell me to forget about the past high school problems I had, and in even middle school. It just disturbs me so much to see people making fun of others including me and what I had to go through, even though I was popular in school, my popularity faded away. in my special-ed classes I had guys that I thought that were my friends, acted nicely towards me but later on they turned on me and started cracking racial jokes at me.

Saying that my lips are hideous, and one guy called me Bubba. I dared one guy to call me the N-Word, and he actually said it to my face. That's my fault obviously. But here I am now, I have more to tell you but this is just the beginning of a long story about me growing up starting in middle school. Here are my looks, what do I need to do to make myself look 10-15 times better than I already am?
Is it because I'm black? Am I ugly? Tell me the truth, I'd like to hear your part of the story.

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Postby HouseMD » Tue Nov 19, 2013 12:16 am

The biggest thing that would help you looks wise is just hitting the gym. If you put on a few pounds you would look more manly and a bit older. But looks probably aren't your biggest issue. You're solidly average looking with no negative features.

Don't let what happened to you in high school bring you down. A lot of us had shit lives in high school. I was never popular and suffered from what was described as severe attention deficit disorder. As I got older, I realized my mind just worked differently than that of most people. I suck at abstract math to this day, but I learned I had a gift for the more visual sciences- I can "see" metabolic pathways, cell structures, the flow of enzymes and products as they proceed through reactions. Many people struggle to just pass organic chemistry. I ended up not just acing it, but understanding it. And while I never was popular in my youth, I ended up forming a great group of friends that I am close to to this day that I met in college.

The point is, you can reinvent yourself, and it is very likely there is something that interests you that you will excel at. So look into your interests and find what you enjoy. Develop competence in something to boost your confidence in yourself, and work on figuring out exactly who you are as a person. Once you have some faith in yourself and know what it is you want in life, then focus on women. If you don't do all of this first, even if you snag a good girl, you won't know what to do with her and things will go to shit fast. Also, work on your social skills and making friends. It is difficult to establish something as intimate and complex as a relationship if you can barely form friendships. Once you do these things, if you're still struggling for confidence, go abroad and see what awaits you. You'll find that even a moderately confident and sociable American can do quite well abroad.

So this lead me to ask, what area of the country are you in and what demographic are you going for?

Good luck.
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Postby Cornfed » Tue Nov 19, 2013 4:22 am

As far as females are likely concerned, what is wrong with you is possibly that you look more like a good-natured dweeb, rather than the thuggish/scumbaggy/flashy type of black man that skanks are conditioned to find attractive. Also, trying to be the female's friend and then turn it into a romantic relationship is a bad strategy with today's females. You should be trying to f**k them up front.
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Postby HouseMD » Tue Nov 19, 2013 4:32 am

Oh, almost forgot that bit. Don't ever be friends with a woman. I am pretty up front with the fact that I don't keep any female company that I didn't meet in my undergrad days- it lets a girl know that if I'm talking to her, I'm interested, and if she isn't down with that then we can both promptly move on. Befriending a girl with the hopes she will fall for you is a really bad strategy- basically you're lying about what you really want from the get go. Months later, when you tell her how you really feel, it'll make her skin crawl because she viewed you as a friend, when in fact she just let a liar get close to her and work his way into her life.

I'll send you a link to a free ebook that is out there that might explain what exactly you're doing wrong with women. It's a compilation of excellent writings by a man way better at this than I'll probably ever be.
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Postby magnum » Fri Nov 22, 2013 12:34 am

I tend to agree with not befriending girls.


knowing girls isn't the same as being friends with them, having a social circle where you know a girl isn't the same as being friends with one to clear that up, at least that's my version of it.
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Postby have2fly » Wed Nov 27, 2013 12:25 pm

I feel bad for you guys going to U.S. high schools and I feel blessed that I had my high school education in East Europe. I had fun, I had friends, I had drinks, we partied with my class mates very often, we drank beer after classes almost everyday at local cafes, I keep in touch with many of them. Some stuck up girls from my class that I tried to kiss are now so desperate, they are making comments on how good I look and amazing life that I have. Payback feels great :)

So in general, you were in the pool and some girl made fun of you? That's just so freaking weak. You know what would've happened with that girl in East Europe? The guy would get out of the pool and slap her in the face. I would do that without thinking, although I never hit women. Girls never joke like that in EE. In the U.S. they just see you as a nice guy they can pick upon. I noticed that anger in American women, I don't know where the f**k does it come from? Especially teens. Those are sweetest years of their life, why are they so bitchy and bullying others so much? I have no understanding. Just remember that only weak people have to prove their self-worth by bullying others. Strong guys or girls already know they are strong, no need to prove themselves in front of everyone. Same as rich people don't have to buy Mercedes, everyone already knows they are rich. THEY know they are rich. I am sure you got the point.

You look fine. Just a bit too sweet. Unfortunately nice guys are not wanted in America, try dating girls that are immigrants. You live in Pittsburgh? Find out where immigrants hang out, even match.com has good selection of immigrant girls there. However, DO NOT be ghetto with any foreign women! IT'S a big no-no. Being ghetto and low-class only works with American women.

I do have female friends, but I do not care much about them. I definitely do not have close friends among them besides my ex-girlfriend, she is totally amazing. We never had any fights and understand each other perfectly fine all the time. But still I don't think befriending women leads to a relationship, no way. True for any country and any women. It only happens in movies, being nice, blah-blah and girls fall for you. Not happening in real life, unfortunately.
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Postby The_Adventurer » Wed Nov 27, 2013 1:55 pm

I agree with others. You look too nice and harmless. Unfortunately, I can not in good conscience recommend faking becoming some thug/rapper type just to get women. In face, I don't recommend doing anything just to get women. They will see through it and hate you anyway. HouseMD has the right idea. Do and build your thing. It's not what you do. It's what you are that attracts women.

Whatever you thing is, however out there it may be, you can be certain there is a group of people somewhere who are equally interested. They will connect with you and be attracted because of mutual interest in that thing. I will give you an example.

One day I was sitting at the bar with a group of colleagues and I went into something of a monologue or speech. I was talking, I think, about Jet Li, martial arts in film, and maybe some anime thrown in there. This was not on a superficial level, but in detail, as that is one of my things. Though I had the attention of the whole group, one girl in particular, was just staring open mouthed through my whole diatribe. At the end, she just blurted out, "Oh my god! You are so cool!" She wanted to go to my place to watch movies and talk more. I could have easily said, "Let's go watch some now." and taken her back to my place and banged the bejeezus out of her. I was after someone else at the time, though.

Now, being the guy seemingly running the table might make me seem "alpha", based on PUA nonsense, but I don't believe in that stuff. If I was at a table full of football players or fast and furious street races, I wouldn't have a word to say. This is not because I am shy, timid and don't talk much. It's because I have no interest in those things and nothing to say about them or to those people.

Put me at a table of related interests, though, and I will almost naturally run it. This is not because I try to, or want to be the leader. It is because if someone asks a question, I know the answer. If someone brings up a topic, I have a strong opinion on it. It is because I am passionate about my thing. That's what you're looking for.

Read some posts by Jamaican in China to find out about passion. It may just help you find your path abroad too, because, frankly, I don't think you should be getting involved with women in your area anyway.
“b***y is so strong that there are dudes willing to blow themselves up for the highly unlikely possibility of b***y in another dimension." -- Joe Rogan
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Postby momopi » Wed Nov 27, 2013 6:23 pm

http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/a ... ntPage=all

What’s behind the boom in dystopian fiction for young readers?
By Laura Miller

Rebecca Stead chose to set her children’s novel “When You Reach Meâ€￾—winner of the 2010 Newbery Medal—in nineteen-seventies New York partly because that’s where she grew up, but also, as she told one interviewer, because she wanted “to show a world of kids with a great deal of autonomy.â€￾ Her characters, middle-class middle-school students, routinely walk around the Upper West Side by themselves, a rare freedom in today’s city, despite a significant drop in New York’s crime rate since Stead’s footloose youth. The world of our hovered-over teens and preteens may be safer, but it’s also less conducive to adventure, and therefore to adventure stories.

Perhaps that’s why so many of them are reading “The Hunger Games,â€￾ a trilogy of novels by Suzanne Collins, which take place at an unspecified time in North America’s future. Her heroine, Katniss Everdeen, lives in one of twelve numbered districts dominated by a decadent, exploitative central city called the Capitol. Every year, two children from each district are drafted by lottery to compete in a televised gladiatorial contest, the Hunger Games, which are held in a huge outdoor arena. The winner is the last child left alive. The fervently awaited third installment in the trilogy, “Mockingjay,â€￾ will be published by Scholastic in August, and there are currently in print more than 2.3 million copies of the previous two books, “The Hunger Gamesâ€￾ and “Catching Fire.â€￾

Collins’s trilogy is only the most visible example of a recent boom in dystopian fiction for young people. Many of these books come in series, spinning out extended narratives in intricately imagined worlds. In Scott Westerfeld’s popular “Ugliesâ€￾ series, for example, all sixteen-year-olds undergo surgery to conform to a universal standard of prettiness determined by evolutionary biology; in James Dashner’s “The Maze Runner,â€￾ teen-age boys awaken, all memories of their previous lives wiped clean, in a walled compound surrounded by a monster-filled labyrinth. The books tend to end in cliff-hangers that provoke their readers to post half-mocking protestations of agony (“SUZANNE, ARE YOU PURPOSELY TOURTURING YOUR FANS!?!?!?â€￾) on Internet discussion boards.

Publishers have signed up dozens of similar titles in the past year or two, and, as with any thriving genre, themes and motifs get swapped around from other genres and forms. There are, or will soon be, books about teen-agers slotted into governmentally arranged professions and marriages or harvested for spare parts or genetically engineered for particular skills or brainwashed by subliminal messages embedded in music or outfitted with Internet connections in their brains. Then, there are the post-apocalyptic scenarios in which humanity is reduced to subsistence farming or neo-feudalism, stuck in villages ruled by religious fanatics or surrounded by toxic wastelands, predatory warlords, or flesh-eating zombie hordes. An advantage to having young readers is that most of this stuff is fresh to them. They aren’t going to sniff at a premise repurposed from an old “Twilight Zoneâ€￾ episode or mutter that the villain is an awful lot like the deranged preacher Robert Mitchum plays in “The Night of the Hunter.â€￾ To thrill them, a story doesn’t have to be unprecedented. It just has to be harrowing.

Dystopian novels for middle-grade and young-adult readers (M.G. and Y.A., respectively, in publishing-industry lingo) have been around for decades. Readers of a certain age may remember having their young minds blown by William Sleator’s “House of Stairs,â€￾ the story of five teen-agers imprisoned in a seemingly infinite M. C. Escher-style network of staircases that ultimately turns out to be a gigantic Skinner box designed to condition their behavior. John Christopher’s “The White Mountains,â€￾ in which alien overlords install mind-control caps on the heads of all those over the age of thirteen, tore through my own sixth-grade classroom like a wicked strain of the flu. Depending on the anxieties and preoccupations of its time, a dystopian Y.A. novel might speculate about the aftermath of nuclear war (Robert C. O’Brien’s “Z for Zachariahâ€￾) or the drawbacks of engineering a too harmonious social order (Lois Lowry’s “The Giverâ€￾) or the consequences of resource exhaustion (Saci Lloyd’s “The Carbon Diaries 2015â€￾). And, of course, most American schoolchildren are at some point also assigned to read one of the twentieth century’s dystopian classics for adults, such as “Brave New Worldâ€￾ or “1984.â€￾

The youth-centered versions of dystopia part company with their adult predecessors in some important respects. For one thing, the grownup ones are grimmer. In an essay for the 2003 collection “Utopian and Dystopian Writing for Children and Young Adults,â€￾ the British academic Kay Sambell argues that “the narrative closure of the protagonist’s final defeat and failure is absolutely crucial to the admonitory impulse of the classic adult dystopia.â€￾ The adult dystopia extrapolates from aspects of the present to show readers how terrible things will become if our deplorable behavior continues unchecked. The more utterly the protagonist is crushed, the more urgent and forceful the message. Because authors of children’s fiction are “reluctant to depict the extinction of hope within their stories,â€￾ Sambell writes, they equivocate when it comes to delivering a moral. Yes, our errors and delusions may lead to catastrophe, but if—as usually happens in dystopian novels for children—a new, better way of life can be assembled from the ruins would the apocalypse really be such a bad thing?

Sambell’s observation implies that dystopian stories for adults and children have essentially the same purpose—to warn us about the dangers of some current trend. That’s certainly true of books like “1984â€￾ and “Brave New Worldâ€￾; they detail the consequences of political authoritarianism and feckless hedonism. This is what will happen if we don’t turn back now, they scold, and scolding makes sense when your readers have a shot at getting their hands on the wheel.

Children, however, don’t run the world, and teen-agers, especially, feel the sting of this. “The Hunger Gamesâ€￾ could be taken as an indictment of reality TV, but only someone insensitive to the emotional tenor of the story could regard social criticism as the real point of Collins’s novel. “The Hunger Gamesâ€￾ is not an argument. It operates like a fable or a myth, a story in which outlandish and extravagant figures and events serve as conduits for universal experiences. Dystopian fiction may be the only genre written for children that’s routinely less didactic than its adult counterpart. It’s not about persuading the reader to stop something terrible from happening—it’s about what’s happening, right this minute, in the stormy psyche of the adolescent reader. “The success of ‘Uglies,’ â€￾ Westerfeld once wrote in his blog, “is partly thanks to high school being a dystopia.â€￾

Take the Hunger Games themselves. In the first book of Collins’s trilogy, Katniss explains that the games are a “punishmentâ€￾ for a failed uprising against the Capitol many years earlier, and they’re meant to be “humiliating as well as torturous.â€￾ The twenty-four child contestants, called tributes, are compelled to participate, and the people of their districts must watch the televised bloodbath. Yet residents of the richer districts (District 12, Katniss’s home, is a hardscrabble mining province) regard competing as “a huge honor,â€￾ and some young people, called Career Tributes, train all their lives for the games. When Katniss herself becomes a tribute (she volunteers, in order to save her younger sister), she’s taken to the Capitol and given a glamorous makeover and a wardrobe custom-designed for her by her own personal fashion maestro. She’s cheered by crowds, fêted at galas, interviewed on national television, fed sumptuous meals, and housed in a suite filled with wondrous devices. She’s forced to live every teen-age girl’s dream. (Her professed claim to hate it all is undermined by the loving detail with which she describes every last goody.)

As a tool of practical propaganda, the games don’t make much sense. They lack that essential quality of the totalitarian spectacle: ideological coherence. You don’t demoralize and dehumanize a subject people by turning them into celebrities and coaching them on how to craft an appealing persona for a mass audience. (“Think of yourself among friends,â€￾ Katniss’s media handler urges.) Are the games a disciplinary measure or an extreme sporting event? A beauty pageant or an exercise in despotic terror? Given that the winning tribute’s district is “showered with prizes, largely consisting of food,â€￾ why isn’t it the poorer, hungrier districts that pool their resources to train Career Tributes, instead of the wealthier ones? And the practice of carrying off a population’s innocent children and commanding their parents to watch them be slaughtered for entertainment—wouldn’t that do more to provoke a rebellion than to head one off?

If, on the other hand, you consider the games as a fever-dream allegory of the adolescent social experience, they become perfectly intelligible. Adults dump teen-agers into the viper pit of high school, spouting a lot of sentimental drivel about what a wonderful stage of life it’s supposed to be. The rules are arbitrary, unfathomable, and subject to sudden change. A brutal social hierarchy prevails, with the rich, the good-looking, and the athletic lording their advantages over everyone else. To survive you have to be totally fake. Adults don’t seem to understand how high the stakes are; your whole life could be over, and they act like it’s just some “phaseâ€￾! Everyone’s always watching you, scrutinizing your clothes or your friends and obsessing over whether you’re having sex or taking drugs or getting good enough grades, but no one cares who you really are or how you really feel about anything.

The typical arc of the dystopian narrative mirrors the course of adolescent disaffection. First, the fictional world is laid out. It may seem pleasant enough. Tally, the heroine of “Ugliesâ€￾ (and its two sequels), looks forward to the surgery that will transform her into a Pretty and allow her to move to the party enclave of New Pretty Town. Eleven-year-old Jonas, in “The Giver,â€￾ has no problem with the blandly tranquil community where he grows up. Then somebody new, a misfit, turns up, or the hero stumbles on an incongruity. A crack opens in the façade. If the society is a false utopia, the hero discovers the lie at its very foundation: the Pretties are lobotomized when they receive their plastic surgery; the residents of Jonas’s community have been drained of all passion. If the society is frankly miserable or oppressive, the hero will learn that, contrary to what he’s been told, there may be an alternative out there, somewhere. Conditions at home become more and more unbearable until finally the hero, alone or with a companion, decides to make a break for it, heading out across dangerous terrain.

Because these new dystopias follow a logic more archetypal than rational, many of them don’t even attempt to abide by the strictures of science fiction. Or perhaps they care only about the third of Arthur C. Clarke’s famous three rules of prediction: “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.â€￾ In her rooms in the Capitol, Katniss, who has previously spent her days poaching in the woods with a bow and arrow, finds she can “program the closet for an outfit to my taste. The windows zoom in and out on parts of the city at my command. You only need to whisper a type of food from a gigantic menu into a mouthpiece and it appears, hot and steamy, before you in less than a minute.â€￾ She might as well be living in a fairy-tale castle, dining off enchanted golden plates that refill themselves every evening.

The snow-globe timelessness of these novels doesn’t prevent them from incorporating the particular flavor of contemporary kid culture. Waking up in a hostile, confined place without an identity or any notion of what you’re supposed to do or how you can get out—as Thomas, the hero of “The Maze Runner,â€￾ does—is a scenario often found in video games. So are the rings that give their possessors more lives in Catherine Fisher’s “Incarceron,â€￾ where the characters are confined to a prison as big as a small country, complete with cities and metal forests. Like “The Maze Runner,â€￾ “Catching Fireâ€￾ features a moment in which the desperate players must picture the geography around them as seen from above, like a game board or puzzle in whose pattern can be found a crucial clue. There’s more hand-to-hand combat in these dystopias than there was in the books of thirty years ago, and it’s more important to the stories, which frequently culminate in a showdown resembling the climax of an action movie. Carrie Ryan’s “The Forest of Hands and Teethâ€￾ takes an insular, vaguely medieval community reminiscent of the town in the M. Night Shyamalan film “The Village,â€￾ subjects it to George Romero-style zombie attacks, and then throws in a love quadrangle with enough emo angst to rival “Twilight.â€￾

The experience of growing up under nearly continuous adult supervision—the circumstances that made writing about autonomous contemporary sixth-graders so difficult for Rebecca Stead—has tinged these novels as well. The protagonists in the technological dystopias of earlier generations frequently contended with surveilling cameras, hoping to either elude or defy them. Face-offs between the human eye and a soulless lens still occur; the teen hacker who narrates Cory Doctorow’s “Little Brother,â€￾ a privacy-rights anthem set in near-future San Francisco, provides helpful instructions on how to make a concealed-camera detector out of a toilet-paper tube and a handful of spare L.E.D. lights. Often, however, the attitude is sullen resignation; in “Incarceron,â€￾ the hero, Finn, can do no more than note the small red lights of the prison’s ubiquitous “Eyesâ€￾ staring down at him from the rafters. When Katniss is finally delivered into the Hunger Games arena, a tract of forest, she never even bothers to look around for the cameras; she knows they’re embedded everywhere. “It has probably been difficult for the cameras to get a good shot of me,â€￾ she thinks as she climbs down from a tree. “I know they must be tracking me now though. The minute I hit the ground, I’m guaranteed a close-up.â€￾ In “The Hunger Games,â€￾ surveillance is ambient.

The Internet plays a less important role in these novels than you might expect. One notable exception, M. T. Anderson’s merciless and very clever satire of late-capitalist complacency, “Feed,â€￾ has information (mostly advertising) piped right into people’s brains; the novel’s narrator thinks of the laptop era as being “like if you carried your lungs in a briefcase and opened it to breathe.â€￾ (“Feedâ€￾ is one of the few Y.A. dystopias in which adolescence doesn’t confer any special immunity to the Big Lie. It’s a lot closer to “Brave New Worldâ€￾ than to “The Hunger Games,â€￾ and its ending is notably downbeat.) In perhaps the most impressive of the recent crop, “The Knife of Never Letting Go,â€￾ by Patrick Ness, the Internet appears metaphorically, in the form of a virus that causes people’s thoughts to be broadcast into the minds of all those around them. “Information is absolutely everywhere today,â€￾ Ness has explained, “texts and emails and messaging—so much it feels like you can’t get away from it.â€￾

Todd, the novel’s narrator, is a post-apocalyptic Huck Finn, the youngest resident of an all-male frontier town (the women have been killed off by the virus), where he’s bombarded by mental “Noise,â€￾ a cacophony of impressions and ideas, rendered at one point as a web of overlapping scrawls. Todd prefers to hang out in the nearby swamp, which is also Noisy, because the virus broadcasts animals’ thoughts, too, but less intrusively so:



The loud is a different kind of loud, because swamp loud is just curiosity, creachers figuring out who you are and if yer a threat. Whereas the town knows all about you already and wants to know more and wants to beat you with what it knows till how can you have any of yerself left at all?

The young readers of “The Knife of Never Letting Goâ€￾ may feel the same way about their overscrutinized, information-flooded lives, or maybe that’s just how Ness thinks he’d feel if he were them. It somehow fits the paranoid spirit of these novels that adults are the ones who write them, publish them, stock them in stores and libraries, assign them in classes, and decide which ones win prizes. (Most of the reader reviews posted online seem to be written by adults as well.) But kids do read the books, and some of them will surely grow up to write dystopian tales of their own, incited by technologies or social trends we have yet to conceive. By then, reality TV and privacy on the Internet may seem like quaint, outdated problems. But the part about the world being broken or intolerable, about the need to sweep away the past to make room for the new? That part never gets old. ♦
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Postby momopi » Wed Nov 27, 2013 6:54 pm

Yes, Jr. High and High School can be a tough social environment. But you're 25 and long out of high school. The kind of advice that I'd give to someone who is currently in HS, versus someone who graduated 7 years ago is very different.

There's an old Chinese saying "a good horse doesn't turn back to graze". In this world there are far better grazing grounds out there, you shouldn't dwell on what has already been passed. If the local grazing ground has not been good to you, then it's time to move on.
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Postby MyFirstLove462 » Wed Nov 27, 2013 8:23 pm

No offense to anyone ere but I only need to talk to black members only on what I am dealing with and the the tough darkest days that I went through growing up as an African American male, and how I can get help with dating outside my race, what are the best countries for black men? Close this topic but be ore u do that tell me the smartest and most knowledgable members on here that are black only that can help or white members/moderators that know about black people. Who are the best? Tell me.
Last edited by MyFirstLove462 on Wed Nov 27, 2013 8:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby tre » Wed Nov 27, 2013 8:26 pm

Middle School and High School mean nothing...put that behind you. College doesn't even mean much. I dated had one girlfriend in HS and went on ONE date with a girl in college. That was it. I didn't have sex until I was nearly 25. The external doesn't matter as much as the internal. Don't worry about what women want or rather what they SAY they want. Young women don't even know what they want. Become what you want to be and form your life without their involvement. Do not put them on a pedestal and form your life around them...that's always a mistake. Find satisfaction in doing something you like to do for work that also makes good $$. Keep yourself in shape...take care of yourself physically at the same time. At that point, you'd be a "catch" in their minds. You have to believe that YOU are the catch and that THEY are the lucky ones being considered for taking the ride of life with you. You don't have to show this (women are attracted to confidence, but not cockiness), but this must be something you must feel internally. If you can do that, you will be much less likely to come off as needy and more likely to keep that attraction that women feel for you.

I don't believe that this is "PUA" stuff. This is simply building up your qualities and increasing self-confidence in yourself. Once you have these in place, many things will fall into line for you more easily...including women.
tre
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Postby tre » Wed Nov 27, 2013 8:35 pm

MyFirstLove462 wrote:No offense to anyone ere but I only need to talk to black members only on what I am dealing with and the the tough darkest days that I went through growing up as an African American male, and how I can get help with dating outside my race, what are the best countries for black men? Close this topic but be ore u do that tell me the smartest and most knowledgable members on here that are black only that can help or white members/moderators that know about black people. Who are the best? Tell me.


You best option is to gain knowledge from everyone here, regardless of race. Some guys here are proud racists for sure, but just ignore any negative comments they leave...don't let that get you down. I have black friends that absolutely do not have any problems getting women of any race in the USA. How do they do it? They don't restrict themselves into that Black "box" and they hang out with ALL races. You can't progress if you are purposefully holding yourself back. You CAN get what you want in life, but being narrow minded will not get you there...
tre
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Postby MyFirstLove462 » Wed Nov 27, 2013 9:12 pm

tre wrote:Middle School and High School mean nothing...put that behind you. College doesn't even mean much. I dated had one girlfriend in HS and went on ONE date with a girl in college. That was it. I didn't have sex until I was nearly 25. The external doesn't matter as much as the internal. Don't worry about what women want or rather what they SAY they want. Young women don't even know what they want. Become what you want to be and form your life without their involvement. Do not put them on a pedestal and form your life around them...that's always a mistake. Find satisfaction in doing something you like to do for work that also makes good $$. Keep yourself in shape...take care of yourself physically at the same time. At that point, you'd be a "catch" in their minds. You have to believe that YOU are the catch and that THEY are the lucky ones being considered for taking the ride of life with you. You don't have to show this (women are attracted to confidence, but not cockiness), but this must be something you must feel internally. If you can do that, you will be much less likely to come off as needy and more likely to keep that attraction that women feel for you.

I don't believe that this is "PUA" stuff. This is simply building up your qualities and increasing self-confidence in yourself. Once you have these in place, many things will fall into line for you more easily...including women.


Well guess what I have tried several dating sites because I am so desperate for love, and none of them haven't really worked out, I was on this one social networking site calls SKOUT. A lot of people say their are a lot of freaks on that particular site, well it's actually a iPhone app anyways some guy messaged me today and said I was cute. See I don't like that kind of crap, stay away from me If your gay because I'm not..I am straight, all I want to do is meet girls my own age as friends first not a girlfriend. I just don't know If I should continue doing online dating or stick to dating in the real world-which takes longer but is obviously more safer-what should I do? This guy was definitely gay though and I wasn't having any part of it.
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Postby zboy1 » Thu Nov 28, 2013 4:23 am

MyFirstLove462 wrote:No offense to anyone ere but I only need to talk to black members only on what I am dealing with and the the tough darkest days that I went through growing up as an African American male, and how I can get help with dating outside my race, what are the best countries for black men? Close this topic but be ore u do that tell me the smartest and most knowledgable members on here that are black only that can help or white members/moderators that know about black people. Who are the best? Tell me.


Similar Black members like you include: JamaicanInChina, the Adventurer, NorthAmericanGuy, E_Irizzary, Mr.Darcy, ErikHeaven, and The_Hero_of_Men.
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Postby Winston » Thu Nov 28, 2013 4:46 am

I asked the same question all throughout the decade of the 1990's. No one ever gave me an answer. Only until I went to Russia in 2002 did I realize that the problem wasn't me after all. That's when my awakening began. You should go do the same. Then you will have your answer.
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