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Girlfriend Ignoring me (Or Trying to)

Posted: January 2nd, 2014, 2:33 am
by RedMenace
About a week before my flight back to the UK, I decided to ask a girl I first took interest in (and vice versa) when I came to China for lunch because I didn't really care if she refused since what you haven't gained you cannot loose. It turns out she is never had a boyfriend and is pretty damn pure. Her parents never allowed her to swear and they shielded her. She isn't spoilt though. She is quite understanding of a man's role actually. But anyways I took her on 2 dates (Second was cinema. She bought the tickets before hand online because it would be cheaper. So considerate :) ).

On the third date she came over to my hotel and we had a bottle of wine before I took her to the taxi. Anyways on the fourth date she walked the whole of Nanjing road with me (to symbolise the difficulty of long distance relationship that she was about to be a part of). I told her there was something special at the end. I asked her out when we got to Jing'an Temple Station which we decided was going to be the end since the real end to this road is quite vague. She was not expecting it but accepted saying she doesn't know what a girlfriend is supposed to do though since it's her first time. I said I would teach her.

On my last day in Shanghai we hung out and I explained to her the challenges with long distance relationship. She didn't really show any emotion. I took her back to where she stayed. There was this other girl who was there that started asking me questions about the UK because she was going to study here and me being the nice guy happily answered. I didn't realise I was ignoring my girlfriend. She didn't say anything. This other girl wasn't helping by laughing at everything I said and being all flirty lol wtf. She asked me for my wechat and I told her because I didn't think it was a big deal. She added me and I accepted. I think during this time my girlfriend left the glass house we were in and came back. I was done answering questions and my girlfriend asked if I wanted to leave now or stay since she was going for her yoga class. I went with her and we said goodbye at the point where the road splits. We literally walked in opposite directions (f***ing cliche as hell). A minute later as I was on the main road trying to get a taxi, she messaged me saying she cant stop crying. I was like wtf. She said she is missing me leaving and that it hurts that I ignored her during my last minutes with her. She sent me some short audio message and you can clearly hear she is cry talking. That made me feel like shit. I never really comforted her but instead told her this was not going to be easy and that we would meet again in a year. Then she starts saying she is going to think of me as a friend and will forget me if she cant see me again.

Now I feel like I am going to loose her. She is actually the only women I actually enjoyed being around. She ignored my messages for the whole day that I left. Then later the next day she asked me what the time was and proceeded to saying I am going to meet with this other girl and I quote "Nope, still unpleasant, I just decided to ignore you, leave me alone *purple sad face with horn*". Should I stop messaging her until she cools off and how long is this normally? She is ignored me kind of the whole day today after asking me for the time this morning. :( Now I crave for her smell (The perfume she wears. I think its quite common in Shanghai) because it reminds me of her and Shanghai. This smell is on the scarf she gave me and it makes me think about her whenever I smell this scent. :| :cry: :cry: f***ing sucks that we get separated so soon.

Posted: January 2nd, 2014, 9:41 am
by tre
Long-distance relationships don't work. I really don't understand why guys save up their money for a short trip, find a girl, and then leave expecting them to wait for you.

It sucks, but I think you will be losing her due to your leaving her there. She sounds great though, hope you had a good time and memorable experience. Next time, I'd plan for a MUCH longer trip and have a strategy that doesn't involve leaving someone that you'd consider "The One" behind....

Posted: January 2nd, 2014, 10:05 am
by RedMenace
Actually they do and I think you will value a LDR far more than a conventional one. They may take some extra work but that's all the better. And the time when you finally meet will be amazing because all the feelings you have kept inside will be unleashed. Based on a woman's life circumstance, she can wait. If a woman has a job that requires her to work from morning to 8pm during the week, she can wait because she has something to do. Same if the woman is a university student. The only time when it is far more likely to fail is if the woman has nothing else to do. Then she will be jealous and lonely. For me she will be moving to Australia to study for 2 years in a few months. She will have something to do. Anyways she messaged me this morning saying she is sorry for not being polite so I took the opportunity to apologise for unintentionally ignoring her and reminded her that I love her. Actually I really do.

Posted: January 2nd, 2014, 10:11 am
by magnum
If you think she's the one or even have a remote thought of her being the one.......fly back and don't even hesitate.

Looking back at how I lost my ex, I knew leaving the country was a mistake, I felt like I should have missed my flight and ignored the cost of the flight, because things would have been different.


What is your priority in life, if it's not her, then don't worry about it, but if it is, act and act quickly.

Posted: January 2nd, 2014, 10:34 am
by Contrarian Expatriate
magnum wrote:If you think she's the one or even have a remote thought of her being the one
.......
Just the type of magical thinking that too many men fall into. There is no "the one" that women and the media want you to believe. There are hundreds of thousands to millions of women who could be appropriate matches for you. Show me a man who still believes in "the one," and I'll show you a man who is a risk for stalking, murder, or suicide as they put all their eggs in the basket of what they falsely believe to be "the one."

Posted: January 2nd, 2014, 10:52 am
by RedMenace
Contrarian Expatriate wrote:
magnum wrote:If you think she's the one or even have a remote thought of her being the one
.......
Just the type of magical thinking that too many men fall into. There is no "the one" that women and the media want you to believe. There are hundreds of thousands to millions of women who could be appropriate matches for you. Show me a man who still believes in "the one," and I'll show you a man who is a risk for stalking, murder, or suicide as they put all their eggs in the basket of what they falsely believe to be "the one."
I don't think she is "the one" because nobody is but I think she comes pretty close. I would regret it forever if I didn't at least put the effort into keeping the relationship alive long enough to close the distance.

Posted: January 2nd, 2014, 12:00 pm
by Anti-American
Contrarian Expatriate wrote:
magnum wrote:If you think she's the one or even have a remote thought of her being the one
.......
Just the type of magical thinking that too many men fall into. There is no "the one" that women and the media want you to believe. There are hundreds of thousands to millions of women who could be appropriate matches for you. Show me a man who still believes in "the one," and I'll show you a man who is a risk for stalking, murder, or suicide as they put all their eggs in the basket of what they falsely believe to be "the one."
+1

Posted: January 2nd, 2014, 8:10 pm
by bones765
I dread that will happen to me this summer...... :( I really wish that it doesn't but I am stuck where I am right now and she's in a place far away..... I really f***ing hate distance.

Posted: January 2nd, 2014, 9:05 pm
by tre
Contrarian Expatriate wrote:
magnum wrote:If you think she's the one or even have a remote thought of her being the one
.......
Just the type of magical thinking that too many men fall into. There is no "the one" that women and the media want you to believe. There are hundreds of thousands to millions of women who could be appropriate matches for you. Show me a man who still believes in "the one," and I'll show you a man who is a risk for stalking, murder, or suicide as they put all their eggs in the basket of what they falsely believe to be "the one."
I agree. When I said "The One", I said it with a bit of sarcasm as I don't believe in that either. I just stated it that way, inside quotations, as so many guys go abroad on short trips to find a life-long partner. I find that to be foolish, but maybe that's just me...

Posted: January 2nd, 2014, 11:52 pm
by Maverick
OP, I think it's pretty awesome that she got upset and cried when u flirted with another woman. In my opinion, that suggests that she may be a quality girl.

This is in stark contrast to the girls that I've dated in the US that get turned on when they see me flirting with other women lol.

I don't believe in "the one" either, but this girl sounds like a potential keeper so far.

Posted: January 3rd, 2014, 12:34 am
by magnum
I don't think "the one" is a person that exists for you, its a person you have made a choice to be the one, I don't believe in fairy tales.

Posted: January 4th, 2014, 5:15 am
by Renata
You could have stayed & taught english or something ... btw Japan offers work holiday visas to brits, it's not far from China, you can meet regularly.

Posted: January 4th, 2014, 9:52 pm
by RedMenace
Renata wrote:You could have stayed & taught english or something ... btw Japan offers work holiday visas to brits, it's not far from China, you can meet regularly.
I don't think staying in a country such as China illegally to teach English as a black male (Have to work harder to even get a job) 19 years of age for a woman when I have university back home that will enable be to earn descent wage is a good idea. I will try to keep the relationship alive but its okay if it fails because I realised how easy it is to find a good woman in China if you have the aptitude to spot her (Which I find I do). At this point in my life university is the number 1 priority. Everything else comes after. By the age of 24/25 I would have completed my masters in Electrical Electronic Engineering. That's when the real fun begins. :lol:

Posted: January 5th, 2014, 3:44 am
by zboy1
RedMenace wrote:
Renata wrote:You could have stayed & taught english or something ... btw Japan offers work holiday visas to brits, it's not far from China, you can meet regularly.
I don't think staying in a country such as China illegally to teach English as a black male (Have to work harder to even get a job) 19 years of age for a woman when I have university back home that will enable be to earn descent wage is a good idea. I will try to keep the relationship alive but its okay if it fails because I realised how easy it is to find a good woman in China if you have the aptitude to spot her (Which I find I do). At this point in my life university is the number 1 priority. Everything else comes after. By the age of 24/25 I would have completed my masters in Electrical Electronic Engineering. That's when the real fun begins. :lol:
Yeah, Blacks and Asians are routinely discriminated against in China for teaching jobs. The Chinese would prefer a blond, blue eyed unqualified, non native-English speaking White person, over more qualified Black and Asian teachers, but that's how it is here in China, and most of Asia unfortunately. ...

Posted: January 5th, 2014, 4:31 am
by Renata
zboy1 wrote:
RedMenace wrote:
Renata wrote:You could have stayed & taught english or something ... btw Japan offers work holiday visas to brits, it's not far from China, you can meet regularly.
I don't think staying in a country such as China illegally to teach English as a black male (Have to work harder to even get a job) 19 years of age for a woman when I have university back home that will enable be to earn descent wage is a good idea. I will try to keep the relationship alive but its okay if it fails because I realised how easy it is to find a good woman in China if you have the aptitude to spot her (Which I find I do). At this point in my life university is the number 1 priority. Everything else comes after. By the age of 24/25 I would have completed my masters in Electrical Electronic Engineering. That's when the real fun begins. :lol:
Yeah, Blacks and Asians are routinely discriminated against in China for teaching jobs. The Chinese would prefer a blond, blue eyed unqualified, non native-English speaking White person, over more qualified Black and Asian teachers, but that's how it is here in China, and most of Asia unfortunately. ...
Zboy Does that apply to other Asian countries like Korea, Thailand & Singapore? I can easily dye my hair blonde & slap in some blue contacts & get away with it lol but I'm really a mixed race girl; black hair & black eyes, lightly brown skin.