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9 posts • Page 1 of 1
First of all, how many people on this forum fall into each of these categories? Need approximate percentage estimates:
1. Trolls that don't have a plan to be happier abroad and just come here due to boredom
2. Those who are planning to be happier abroad but lack the resources as of now (ex: me)
3. Those who actually live abroad and are happy (ex: Winston, Ladislav)
4. Those who have been forced to return to the Anglosphere for certain reasons but will live / date abroad once things are settled (ex: magnum)
Ok, so I am Chinese-Canadian and Vietnam is my top destination as of now. Currently 18, about to finish HS in Beijing, and I got a lot of problems ahead of me.
1. I come from an emotionally / verbally abusive and controlling East Asian family, so I will need to keep away from them in the near future. They are desperate to keep me. I am thinking of breaking contact and severing ties with them in the future (except for my aunt who is a bit more sane).
2. It is likely that I will have to attend university in Canada, which means 4 years. My family threatens that if I don't get a GF in uni (which I don't want to either), they will screw me over. And the girl can only be Chinese from the greater Sinosphere or a Westernized one (Canadian / American). Even Malyasian Chinese and Singaporean Chinse are out (very nationalistic / ethnocentric).
3. I need my own credit card (and urgently), bank account etc. And when I am overseas do I still have to pay my Canadian taxes? I fi do, that would suck because I don't give a damn about Canada anymore.
4. How to find a place to live and how to find work in SEA? I want to become an English teacher as I sort of like teaching, plus the fact that I don't have any experience doing business or technical stuff. I didn't even learn to type before I was 12.
5. How to get Vietnam visa online quickly and efficiently? Any suggestions? What is the chance that my application gets rejected?
6. How to order tickets online? Which airlines are likely to have direct flights to places I am interested in like Da Nang, Nha Trang, Saigon?
I know these are a lot of concerns already, and I will have more as I go along. My doomsday scenario would be any case where I can't get the family off my back. Hving to return to Canada sucks! Even if just for 4-5 years. Don't wanna be stuck in a heavily Americanized place like Beijing or Shanghai either, although Beijing is a lot better in quite a few regards.
Next stage is when I actually get the chance to visit Vietnam. I've been using www.vietnameselove.com and already know like 6 or 7 girls (18-23 age group). 2 like in Tay Ninh, 1 in Da Nang, and the rest all in Saigon / HCMC. Had video chats with most of them.
How many should I meet on my 1st trip? How many places should I visit?
I know Chinese / Taiwanese / Korean men go to Vietnam and buy wives and that has given them quite a bad reputation, as many of the women end up getting abused or marry for other reasons to begin with.
I want a real relationship / love connection. Don't know if I really want to be a playboy at this point, but a Plan B, Plan C, etc. could be good. For marriage I woudln't marry someone unless the two of us have a VERY VERY strong bond AND that both of us want to stay in that country. Used to be crazy over the idea of marriage for the sake of it but now not so sure. Perhaps the earliest that I will get married is going to be in the next 8 or 9 years, if I ever tie the knot.
Quite certain that I want to get certification in teaching English, like TEFL / CELTA / DELTA certification. Also doing online English to Chinese and Chinese to English translation work would be awesome. Also interested in doing some SEO.
In conclusion, please bear with me if this post is too long. Really starting to plan, but now my resources are so limited. Now my situation is like when Liu Bei was in Xinye and being surrounded by Cao Cao. I need my Sleeping Dragon to appear! (hehe for fellow 3K fans out there)
My first step will be financial independence. Then visas, travel plans, moving abroad, and family issues. Finally, it gets to the good stuff: girls. (BTW I read in a forum that a "woman" in Vietnam always equals a married female, while "girl" always equals unmarried female)
I need lots of advice, tips, encouragement!
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You're 18 and just getting started with life. It's madness to be thinking of marriage at this stage.
Instead, I would advice to wait until you are at least 30 so your wife can be at least 10 years younger than you;
you'll be happier with her looks from then on and not wanting to cheat on her. I see many unhappy guys because
their same-age wife doesn't look like she used too.
That's kind of a fantasy anyways. I don't believe that much in deep intellectual conversations with chicks. At some point you lose them intellectually,
when they default to some liberal soundbites or superfluous bullshit. It depends how intellectual you are yourself.
But at the end, I think the important thing is that she respects you and looks up to you, and shares your sense of humor/hobbies, that's what I'd like. I don't know if that qualifies as a "connection".
It's too early for you anyways, just don't fall for the first chick that gives you the time of day if you're in a dry-spell, value yourself.
#2: What do you mean by "they will screw me over"?. Screw them, you go get what makes YOU happy, within reason.
Sometimes you just have to establish boundaries and/or petting order, even with your own family unfortunately.
But that doesn't mean you have to be angry or rude to them and completely cut them off.
I thought higher education was "free" in China, how does that work?
Take the opportunity you have in Canada and get an engineering degree, which pays for itself in no time. That way you'll have the status/logistics to impress the Chinese (or Vietnamese) ladies. I say that since you mentioned in your other post that they're getting more materialistic by the day.
If you can do this by the time you're 24, you're golden. Man, I wish I had done it that early.
Now if you can't handle engineering or some other similar challenge these days, you're screwed financially. It takes effort to pull sh*t off in life, no free meals.
*Disclaimer: This is based on some of my experiences. Your mileage may vary.
1)Too much of one thing defeats the purpose.
2)Everybody is full of it. What's your hypocrisy?
Do you have a steam account? You need to talk to an older Asian guy (me) who knows all about the craziness of Chinese culture and has dealt with it before. Don't ask random people on the internet for advice. Most non-Asians will not understand the difficulties of being an immigrant Asian guy. PM me asap.
I am a terrible person.
Plenty of questions. Anyway I'd say your first two tasks are breaking away from home and getting some sort of career. I've pretty much lived away from home since 18, so I'm very self sufficient.
While I don't work in the field that I graduated in, degrees do open doors.
If I was 18 and back at looking at going to Uni now I'd definitely find a course where I could spend time in another country. When I was at the Uni in China I only found 2 other Brits studying there - true pioneers!
I'd say I fall into a 5th category - Happier Abroader goes abroad, finds out he's not necessarily Happier Abroad, but returns to find he's a stranger in his own country.
Don't be a fool and walk out on your family now. Toughen up. Figure out what you wanna do longer term (5,10,15 years down the track), go to school on yr. parent's dime, and if possible, choose a major and courses which would most strongly support your career and life plans. You can perhaps accelerate the process to getting a bachelor's degree by taking a heavier course load and doing summer classes. Maybe then you could get out in more like 2.5 to 3 years.
Without that degree and/or significant assets/financial resources, you are most likely doing great harm to yourself at a decade or so down the track. It's hard and getting harder to come by English teaching work without a 4 year degree and/or some teaching credential. Sure it's still possible at the moment but not advisable.
You need to bite the bullet and suffer 3 years or so for the sake of your future. Once you have the degree or at least as many credits as you can get before your family cuts you off for not pairing with a Chinese gal in school, you will be in a stronger and more comfortable position for pursuing a HA life in SE Asia.
I am racing with time here. I don't know how Americanized Vietnam/the other SEA countries (Thailand, Philippines, Malaysia) that I'm interested in will be just 3 or 4 years from now. This is one of my fears because I've observed how rapidly China and Chinese women have become corrupted in the last 5 or 6 years. If Latin America is the USA's "backyard" for influence, then SEA is China's "backyard" for influence.
Another major concern is that the women I'm chatting with on www.vietnameselove.com (and on Skype) will not wait for 3 to 4 years and will marry some handsome white guy or rich Chinese/Korean/Taiwanese/Viet man before I can even settle down there. There are 2 or 3 that I already quite like (I can make another post showing you guys their photos/profile information).
Again, even if I do finish uni and get an English teaching job in Vietnam, I certainly WON'T HAVE the resources to support a large network of relatives, nor am I willing to. I believe dating/marriage is STRICTLY between the two individuals. Call me naive and unrealistic, but that's what I strongly believe.
What Traveler posted about the Vietnamese woman's in-laws stealing electronics is quite scary, although I don't have a lot of electronics. Guess it all comes down to which types of women in SEA (or anywhere) that I should watch out for, so you guys need to give me some warning signs (obvious and not as obvious).
if you decide to come to Manila, then I will show you around Bao.
I think as an Asian-American (Filipino here) we have many shared experiences and lots of shared cultural values.
Here's to your move. Ask me anything in PM or at my blog (under forum)
Good luck man.
"So never refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite and never outstay the welcome. Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience. And if it hurts, you know what? It's probably worth it."
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