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I've been doing some thinking lately, why is it so uncommon for men to look for a foreign woman WITH children, if he wants a family? I can think of the following pros and cons with finding a woman who already have children:
1. There's no guarantee that a woman can have children or that your sperms are working as they should. If you choose a woman with healthy children, you're guarenteed healthy children no matter what.
2. A lot of women gain weight during pregnancy and don't care to lose that extra weight after giving birth. If you find a slim/slender woman who has already given birth, you can be fairly confident she will remain slim/slender for the rest of her life.
3. The first few years of baby's life can be very demanding and tiresome for the parents and you can expect very little sex during this period. If your prospective woman's children are, let's say 3-10 years old, you avoid that period.
4. Less competition meaning you can choose a younger and more attractive woman.
5. You have no legal obligations with respect to her children and you can leave and move anywhere if the woman doesn't behave.
6. You can see for yourself upfront if she is a good mother or not.
7. It's a cruel world and it's selfish to put more children on this planet. By raisng an already born child you can get a father experience without feeling bad about it.
8. Typically, women who are mothers are more mature and know what's important in life (having the latest iPad or the coolest clothes are no longer the most important things in life).
9. Greater control over having (step-)grandchildren. If you choose a woman with a daughter, you can raise her properly and very likely she will have children one day. If you have a son, you will need to raise him into being a bad boy to make sure he can find a partner 20 years from now.
1. Some people argue about "blood" and how humiliating it must be raising someone else's offspring.
2. Don't get to see them growing up completely.
3. If the woman's ex is still in the picture, you could potentially have problems with him.
4. The children could have resentment issues because they don't view you as their real father.
Anybody want to comment on this?
Last edited by Mickey on February 13th, 2014, 11:30 am, edited 5 times in total.
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Yes! I agree. The reason being...so far, one of the few women I've met in China that was sweet, kind and not materialistic or money-oriented, was a divorced women with one kid. She's 28 years old, but she's so much better than most of the other girls I've dated, because she's not into the money-aspect of the relationship--but the love and romance of wanting to find someone to love again.
She's also a great body that I like in a women; nice curves, nice breasts and a nice behind. And she's not fat but rather, decently sized.
Her previous husband was a scumbag, so she's left with a child and, no man wants her in China because of that; but I don't mind at all, as long as the women is genuine. However, you will get many disagreements on dating or marrying a women with a child, on this forum!
Last edited by zboy1 on February 5th, 2014, 4:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I think there is something biological, among mammals, against raising another's offspring. Although I have to agree about those first years of raising a child, tiresome as they are, I wouldn't trade my baby, or this experience, for anything.
“b***y is so strong that there are dudes willing to blow themselves up for the highly unlikely possibility of b***y in another dimension." -- Joe Rogan
Yes, I've heard other people voice that argument. However, I think all children deserve a loving and present acting father (biological or not), that's how I look at it. And I guess there's nothing stopping you from having a child of your own in addition, if that's important to you.
Last edited by Mickey on February 5th, 2014, 4:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
One of the little known PUA secrets is pursuing women with children. When you see these guys with extremely attractive women, in many cases they are young single mothers. It just never occurs to most guys because she is so hot that they automatically assume one of the other stereotypes must be true ie. he must have money, he must be a smooth player, etcetera. When describing women in their tales of braggadocio, they will say what she looks like, how little she weighs... you know, all the good stuff. They will leave out the fact that she already has kids unless asked.
Look at it this way... I'm not a fan of Kim Kardashian, but I acknowledge her popularity. She has a kid now. Most guys that I know would still love to be with her. Her looks cancel out the fact that she's a mom (for many men).
I think it is really a pride thing on the part of most men, especially if the child looks nothing like you. In real life it doesn't seem to bother most people. But when thinking about it or discussing it in fora, it brings up issues. If that child grows up to be respectful and loving, especially towards you as the stepfather, then that would pretty much negate the cons.
Spinning back to the cons, however, is the fact that you don't get to choose her ex. If he is still in the picture, you'd have to constantly be on your guard as he attempts to belittle you and undo everything positive that you stand for.
Edit: I see you've edited the original post to include the ex factor.
Last edited by Introvert on February 6th, 2014, 3:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
But isn't it virtually unheard of that the ex is still in the picture in 2nd and 3rd world countries? And it really isn't a problem if you plan to bring the woman (and her children) to your country.
The good thing about moms is that you avoid all the really picky girls and those who were so toxic that all other men have avoided them.
It's better in Asia, where grandparents play such a big role in raising kids. But in Western countries, kids are such a drain on resources that it's a big ask.
I quit my boring cubicle slave job and now I'm Happier Abroad...
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...which pretty much defeats the purpose of even being on this site. Instead of having to contend with an ex, you'd have to contend with the country at large on behalf of your lady and the kids.
The only cake that was on sale was the one past its expiration date and with flies walking over it. This self-defines guys, c'mon. Such goods would have a higher price otherwise. Pre-kid time she would've ditched you for the scumbag, and now you fall for the 'sweet' act.
+1 The one voice of reason in China.
Once again, a bunch of traumatized western guys with low self-esteem aiming at cuckolding. *sigh...
Of course for such guys "snatching" a hottie mom in the states would be an achievement.
I've been really tempted myself by one lately. Thankfully, the state puts a gun to my head so I pay for her kids' education; thus, she really doesn't need to be that nice to me, instead expecting to be 'entertained' and 'courted' without putting much effort. But I'm strong, for I'm leaving soon muahhahah.
But anyhow, for crying out loud, how many years does it take to 'detox' abroad? leave the baggage behind.
I can't wait for Tsar's and Teal's remarks...
1)Too much of one thing defeats the purpose.
2)Everybody is full of it. What's your hypocrisy?
I think this site should be called "Happier With a Foreign Woman" instead of Happier Abroad because I think this web site is useful not only for those looking to expatriate, but also for those wanting to import a woman. You have to remember that there are non-Americans here on this forum and for those who want a normal family life with a mature woman, importing may not be such a bad idea, especially if you're not the adventurous type of person. Of course, if you're 70 years old and want to bang teenagers, you have no choice but to move to another country. But for me, at age 46, I would be most happy with a slim 30-35 year old woman and most people that age don't change their values and personalities much, even if they move to another country.
Or, she could have grown up, perhaps? I don't know how old zboy1 is, maybe he's 50? Would he able to get a 28 year old without a child in China? When I read your post I get the same feeling I get when I read advice on how to find a local woman, "man up!", "be the man!", "learn to be the best you", blah, blah, blah.... What are you gonna do next, sell me a $3000 PUA bootcamp?
On the contrary, my point is for guys to have some self-worth. The terms "man up" etc are understood in the context of inducing western males to settle for less than what they could (unbeknownst to them) otherwise obtain abroad.
A 50 yo dude marrying a woman in her late twenties is not as far fetched as you think. Have you traveled and interacted with women abroad? Perhaps you have not seen other scenarios. Just sayin'.
1)Too much of one thing defeats the purpose.
2)Everybody is full of it. What's your hypocrisy?
IN America the only DECENT looking girls that ever showed me interest, and I use that term loosely were mothers.
The rest were, well fat ugly delusional American women.
That was on a American site.
On a Asian dating site, I had a girl who looked like a perfect 10, who had a 5 year old and a 2 year old child, the ONE and only time I've ever had a chance with a girl that attractive besides my ex.
You have to admit, it's tempting not to go single for months or years at a time, every time I get dumped, I've literally gone 2 to 4 years single, and I mean NO dates.
Now you have a single mother willing to give a guy a shot, I can't blame a guy for going for it, some people cope better with being alone, others can't stand it and it drives them to lower their standers.
I'm a guy who can't stand being alone, It causes me to be depressed and truly full of sorrow, BUT I respect my self enough not to end up with a woman who has kids, that's just not my problem, you split your legs for the wrong guy, you get to keep the kids, I have no moral obligation to dedicate my life to your kids, nor give you the time of day as a future partner.
It's hard enough getting enough financial support up to take care of a wife, not to mention 1 to 2 kids she'll bring with her.
Besides, if you ever have a child of your own in the mix, I don't care who you are, it's going to be your favorite look like you, and give the other kids complexes and I'm sure they'll already have enough of them considering their father will be a foreigner.
And the hassle of getting them to your country, it's hard enough with a wife, but kids too, that seems like the next level of trouble.