Fortunately, Winston is not going for the ambiguous, PC, appeal to everyone niche. While there is indeed a dearth of useful information, there is a reason it is called Happier Abroad.Mickey wrote:I think this site should be called "Happier With a Foreign Woman" instead of Happier Abroad because I think this web site is useful not only for those looking to expatriate, but also for those wanting to import a woman. You have to remember that there are non-Americans here on this forum and for those who want a normal family life with a mature woman, importing may not be such a bad idea, especially if you're not the adventurous type of person. Of course, if you're 70 years old and want to bang teenagers, you have no choice but to move to another country. But for me, at age 46, I would be most happy with a slim 30-35 year old woman and most people that age don't change their values and personalities much, even if they move to another country.Introvert wrote:...which pretty much defeats the purpose of even being on this site. Instead of having to contend with an ex, you'd have to contend with the country at large on behalf of your lady and the kids.Mickey wrote: And it really isn't a problem if you plan to bring the woman (and her children) to your country.
Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Monday nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE AFA Seminar! See locations and dates here.
View Active Topics View Your Posts Latest 100 Topics FAQ Topics Mobile Friendly Theme
Ask questions and get advice. Disclaimer: Any advice you take here is at your own risk. We are not liable for any consequences you might incur from following advice here. Note: Before posting your question, do a search for it in the Google Search box at the top to see if it's been addressed.
That's only true in western countries. Single moms in the Philippines are often the best women to date. Most single 18 yr olds in the Philippines make lousy girlfriends that's why most guys don't want to marry them.
A man shouldn't date a single mom because she will always love her children more than you, at best you will come second, she might still have feelings for the man that left her (if he came back she might accept him. They do that), and she will expect you to give everything to her and another man's children. Supporting a children takes a lot of money. If the ex-husband or the father of the single-mom's children is alive then he could be a part of that life. The children could have resentment issues because they don't view you as their real dead. Then there is the fact like was mentioned before, it's like you are accepting seconds (or thirds, because seconds would be accepting a non-virgin without children. Maybe fourths because thirds might be accepting a non-virgin woman that has at least one divorce). It is also aiming lower like saying you think a single-mom would be easier to get compared to a single woman higher up the "Best Type of Bride" hierarchy, so it's like accepting one of the lowest consolation prizes (that has extras you constantly have to pay for). Paying for any girl is part of a relationship, buying her dresses, jewelry, or thinks to keep her beautiful and attractive if she deserves it. But paying for her children with another man is something that most men shouldn't want to do. Some men might not care and be very giving that they could accept such a woman and be happy but most shouldn't ever think of doing that or try to convince themselves they could be happy. The type of man that would be happy with a single-mom would already know that's what he wants.
For couple's that can't have children there are many options. Adopting children is one, if the man can't have children then they could find an acceptable anonymous sperm-donor if the woman really wants a child of her own and the man is okay with that option, or if she can't have children then the man could find another woman to have children with either polygyny (finding a second woman to be a concubine) or use a surrogate mother. None of the options I mentioned involve raising the children of one or more of her former boyfriends or husbands.
So single-moms are only suitable for a very small minority of men that have a really giving and philanthropic nature that are willing to take a big risk. Really desperate older men without much going for them might also accept one.
The other man probably won't pay child support, you will buy the other man's children food, pay their medical expenses, expect to pay any additional expenses, if the woman doesn't work you pay for a lot more of the expenses for HER children, and college expenses. It's one major expense that men can avoid. The costs outweigh the benefits for every man except the men with a very strong philanthropic nature that are willing to accept single-moms.
Well stated. Although some of these might not always be applicable.
And herein lies the problem. In fact you will often be third, behind her child and family. On the other hand, you run this same risk (albeit smaller odds) with many foreign women regardless.
First you say men shouldn't want to raise another mans children, but then you suggest other ways to do just that. I understand the distinction you are making here, that it's a former boyfriends kid. But to me this sounds like, to coin a phrase, egotistical hypocrisy. There are legitimate reasons to avoid single moms, but ego and aversion to "raising another mans child" shouldn't be one of them.
Everybody has a plan til they get punched in the mouth
The distinction is there won't be an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend with the options I mentioned, and it doesn't involve her being with someone else and have memories of them. Maybe if the woman with children was a widow then some men could handle that better also but if there is an ex that is involved and living it's not generally a good idea, or if she had the children out of wedlock that shows a poor moral character.
I will admit it does sound like my options are rather egotistical but it's a source of pride and my options eliminate many negative issues. It's not necessarily aversion to raising another man's children, it's more of uncertainty, in Western society the step-father can't really discipline their step-children, the children would have a high chance of not liking their step-father, and the financial cost of raising any child is high. If the wife is or wants to be a stay-at-home mom would you want to spend about roughly $3,000-4,000 per year in total expenses per child. Wouldn't that mean you would have less money to give your own biological heirs? Adoption a child as a couple is completely different than becoming a step-parent. Having a child as an heir or choosing an heir is different than having a step-child. How many step-children actually view their step-father as their real father and love the step-father more? Some step-children could blame the step-father for ruining the chance of their mother and biological father to get back together. There's also the chance that she can't afford supporting the children on her own if her ex isn't helping and there is no enforcement or welfare, so would she be marrying you because she really wants to start a family or does she view it as becoming a your wife and maybe having your children in exchange for you supporting her's? There are many questions, doubts, and it might not end well. You could beat the odds and get a good match, but the odds are not in any man's favor.
If you don't care to invest your money and time in a child that is not from you than go for it but I personally don't want to raise the child of somebody else.
I truly respect the man who can accept another men's child as their own and even adopt it but I personally couldn't do it. I just wouldn't feel right
Owner of http://www.globalseducer.com
How is that different if you are the biological father of her children? She will still love them more.
In that case you should only date women who have never had a boyfriend. How likely is that to happen?
She would expect the same if they were YOUR children.
Doesn't supporting your own kids take a lot of money? In fact, if the biological father is still in the picture he might be paying child support which would make it cheaper.
If you're importing a woman and her children, this is not a problem. If you emigrate, I've read typically the fathers aren't too keen on being involved in their childrens' life. If they have shared custody, every other week you are alone with your wife which means undisturbed sex sessions at any given time.
Yes, I will add this to the cons list.
I disagree. From what I've read, at 46 I can barely find a 35-year old without a child (I'm not looking in Asia and I want to import). However, if I'm willing to accept woman with a child, I could probably find someone under 30. And I plan to have children anyway.
I get the impression that you think children is nothing but a burden. I would advice you to never have children.
That is not what I was trying to get at. I think that having children can be very rewarding. However, a couple needs to make sure they can afford to support the children and give them a positive childhood and teenage years. The child should be given the best things to help increase their self-esteem. If they deserve a expensive gifts like a new PS4, latest video games, top brands of clothes, and nice things then they should get it. Also, there should be family vacations, especially international vacations.
I remember an article posted on a thread awhile ago about a man who had two children. His ex-wife has another child with a deadbeat. His ex-wife still talked to his mother. The man's own mother was also trying to get him to do charity for the ex-wife's child. The man would pay for his two children to go on nice trips with him, and the ex-wife's new child with the deadbeat felt left out.
In comparison, if a man is unable to support one of his own children and any possible step-children with his current income, then all the children will feel left out. If a man could afford the travel expenses for three people then there could be situations where people feel left out. How do you think the situation should be resolved? Should he, his wife, and the child they had together go, while the two step-child get left at a relatives home? It wouldn't be fair, the wife would probably be a little disappointed, but it's the only thing that he could afford. If it was a traditional family with one child of their own there wouldn't be as many complications.
People need to consider favoritism, equality and fairness, and whether or not everyone can get a positive experience. Should there be a communist-style budget where everyone receives equal gifts, surprises, and vacations, or a capitalist-style budget some receive more than others? If it came down to it then would there be favoritism? Could you discipline step-children or would you allow them to do whatever they want?
I plan to have children in the future several years after I find a bride, maybe up to ten if I get a 16 year old bride. However, I will only have as many children that I could afford without bringing down the quality of their life.
I always felt like I missed out on a lot in life because my family wasn't able to take me on visits to national landmarks, international vacations, give me the latest video game system, nice gifts, spending money, or some of the best clothing. They didn't even replace my furniture. I wouldn't have had a computer of my own unless I used about half my savings at age 16 to get it for myself. I had to buy my own MMO subscriptions and buy the few video games I had for myself. It was something that you could call a traditional family but it was in the lowest-middle class. I always felt like it was not the best experience and I do feel like they didn't do enough. They didn't do as much as they could have and with the bullying I experienced and being ignored, a loner, and being shunned by everyone growing up, and being friendless I constantly look back at the past with a large amount of bitterness. Things would probably have been different if they could have given me better. So I know what it's like to be in the lower-class of American society. I will never have a child if they can't experience a reasonably happy childhood and growth into adulthood. Happiness isn't just about having a solid family or being given love. Love is nothing without a reasonable level of happiness. Happiness is being able to be comfortable, experience leisure, have little worry, and not feeling like you are at the bottom. A child needs the latest video games, clothes, a fun and exciting family vacation, or popular items for their self-esteem. Not having them will hurt them. If they deserve the latest things then I think they should get it. Sometimes not being able to afford it is a poor excuse even if it's a legitimate excuse. That's why I want to be able to financially support a child before I have any, just like I want to financially support a wife so she doesn't have to work and so she won't have her own money.
I agree, you should not have more children than you can afford to provide a reasonable living standard for. That's the major reason I don't want to emigrate and live on a TESL salary.
Congratulations, you were born into better conditions than me. I was born in an emotionally draining, low class, full-fledged white trash family and I got my first job at 12, but that didn't stop me from getting a useful university degree that has gotten me a well-paid job.
I agree they treat you better my previous barhoe treated me better in SOME ways than this childress girl who is supposed to quite innocent i have now but single moms in philippines usually are quite hoeish and the bars are mostly even filled with those types of girls(milfs). I dont want a girl who is in desperate need of a guy and only sees me as a wallet. Although the girl i have now doesn't have a job she doesn't have the same desperation as a bargirl or girl with kids. and if you knock them up now you have a whole family to take care of
I think dating a single mother in a Western country is a problem due to anti-father legislation and radical feminization where women think they can have it all and drop their male partner when they get bored of them and destroy them financially in the courts if they were inclined to do so.
Dating a single mother from a non-western country might work as long as the woman was a professional or had a way to make her own money and didn't really need you to help support her and the kid. Also, if you are already a single father then it might be better than dating women who don't have kids since you can already tell how good of a mother she currently is and whether she would be suitable to help raise a child together if you both wanted more children. Plus, she probably wouldn't be as immature as a single woman might be and would be more responsible.
I would just be careful of making sure the kid isn't going to be a problem moving forward into the relationship. It's all relative to ones personal preference and situation in life. But as one ages and creates their own baggage finding the ideal women becomes harder and harder so maybe one could find a decent single mother from a non-Western country and pick a winner. Your chances are probably much better than trying to find a decent woman in the West whether she has kids or not.
Just stay away from poor uneducated single mothers, no matter how beautiful or cool they may appear to be. They will be more like an albatross in the long run.
"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor and stoic philosopher, 121-180 A.D.
It is "Happier Abroad" precisely because it makes no difference whether the woman is born here in The States or imported, she will more than likely embrace the toxic Westernized/feminist mantra and over time, that happy relationship with your imported wife will resemble every other relationship you see with your friends and family here. And not to mention the fact that the courts and the laws enable irresponsible activity from women and so much so, that they even allow for women to do things that will put your life, liberties and property at risk.
Are you a man or woman?
Why in the world would you want to take on the responsibility of taking care of, providing, and being responsible for another man's children?
Furthermore, why would you want to take care of another man's children knowing they may not accept or respect you as their father authority, so long as their biological father is still in the picture?
Otherwise, to the mother and her children, you are just a walking, talking ATM machine.