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How can I effectively and positively handle this?

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How can I effectively and positively handle this?

Postby TruthOrConsequences » Sat May 24, 2014 5:14 pm

So, at my job, I've been getting a lot of persistent attention from a woman about my age, who is very upfront and direct about it.

Let me explain this a little bit. There's no little giggly chit-chatting and getting to know each other. There's no little come-on signs. We've talked before on several occasions and got to know each other just a little bit, but now she's pretty much wanting me to.... 'take her out'.... invite her over to my place or take her somewhere to 'hang out' (verbatim). She's very open and public about it. She's made 2 scenes about it in front of our coworkers with them standing in the background and cheering us on, which was pretty silly and all. Now the whole place knows about it as they all gossip like crazed hens behind each other's backs. Every one of my moves is being tightly watched now and all because she decided to make a spectacle out of this. I don't know if that was one of her con tricks or not. Like getting everybody at that place involved would pressure me into some kind of an action or some such. I can't tell.

Is there any way I could positively handle this without pissing anybody off or escalating? Any ideas?
I really don't need any of this high-school drama in my life, but at the same time I need to stay at that job for the time being. Can't afford to quit just yet.
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Re: How can I effectively and positively handle this?

Postby pete98146 » Sat May 24, 2014 5:58 pm

TruthOrConsequences wrote:So, at my job, I've been getting a lot of persistent attention from a woman about my age, who is very upfront and direct about it.

Let me explain this a little bit. There's no little giggly chit-chatting and getting to know each other. There's no little come-on signs. We've talked before on several occasions and got to know each other just a little bit, but now she's pretty much wanting me to.... 'take her out'.... invite her over to my place or take her somewhere to 'hang out' (verbatim). She's very open and public about it. She's made 2 scenes about it in front of our coworkers with them standing in the background and cheering us on, which was pretty silly and all. Now the whole place knows about it as they all gossip like crazed hens behind each other's backs. Every one of my moves is being tightly watched now and all because she decided to make a spectacle out of this. I don't know if that was one of her con tricks or not. Like getting everybody at that place involved would pressure me into some kind of an action or some such. I can't tell.

Is there any way I could positively handle this without pissing anybody off or escalating? Any ideas?
I really don't need any of this high-school drama in my life, but at the same time I need to stay at that job for the time being. Can't afford to quit just yet.


The first thing that comes to mind when I read about your story is that if the shoe was on the other foot, ie you were the one that was publically pursuing her at work, she'd have grounds for a sexual harassment suit.

So I guess the key question is do you like her? If the answer is yes then take her on a cheap date. Don't take her to a fancy restaurant and drop $100+ instead go for a hike or plan an outdoor activity. If at the end of the date you have feelings for her go for it. If not, just tell her that you don't mix pleasure with business (don't date co-workers).

But she does seem to be a bit of a Drama Queen if she's making such a big fuss about this at work. Buyer Beware!

Good luck man!
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Postby TruthOrConsequences » Sat May 24, 2014 7:40 pm

Thanks a lot for your input.

Agreeing to her advances is tricky. The place is filled with gossips and backstabbers. Whatever the outcome - it's all going to be watched and talked about in the most negative cynical way.

I was just looking for a good positive way to friend-zone her and keep both of our reputations intact. Thank you, though.
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Postby ryanx » Sat May 24, 2014 9:07 pm

She is shit-testing you. If she was genuinely interested she would be more discreet about it. You must have seemed aloof to her - as if you are too good for her and now she wants to show you up to prove her feminine powers. Unfortunately in this day and age women can get away with this kind of crap without consequence. Don't flatter yourself, put her in her place by being more outrageous than her. In any case, nothing good can come of this.
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Postby Tsar » Sat May 24, 2014 10:56 pm

Don't bother with her. Respectfully decline. Make excuses like you're too busy that weekend. It's not work it to be involved in a romantic relationship with a coworker, and if she's young and single then don't even be friends with her. Keep it a limited contact, formal and professional coworker relationship.
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Postby TruthOrConsequences » Sun May 25, 2014 2:24 pm

Okay. I appreciate your advices, guys. Thanks a lot.

I'll fill you in on what develops out of this mess.
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Postby abcdavid01 » Sun May 25, 2014 6:57 pm

Ryanx said it right. Maybe not be more outrageous (don't want to get fired), but definitely be firm. If you want to shut it down, don't waver. Don't let it drag on either.
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No joy.. All clear..

Postby TruthOrConsequences » Sun Jun 01, 2014 11:48 pm

The situation has deescalated itself a bit from what it seems...

I was given a couple of looks here and there last week, but other than that everything seems normal and back in place..

I never took her up on her offer, but remained friendly and cordial to her.. Coworkers are not to be dated type stuff...

I hope she didn't have to suffer any negative consequences on her end..


Thank you guys for your input.
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