Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Monday nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE AFA Seminar! See locations and dates here.



View Active Topics       View Your Posts       Latest 100 Topics       FAQ Topics       Switch to Mobile


How can I effectively and positively handle this?

Ask questions and get advice. Disclaimer: Any advice you take here is at your own risk. We are not liable for any consequences you might incur from following advice here. Note: Before posting your question, do a search for it in the Google Search box at the top to see if it's been addressed.

Moderators: fschmidt, jamesbond

How can I effectively and positively handle this?

Postby TruthOrConsequences » May 24th, 2014, 6:14 pm

So, at my job, I've been getting a lot of persistent attention from a woman about my age, who is very upfront and direct about it.

Let me explain this a little bit. There's no little giggly chit-chatting and getting to know each other. There's no little come-on signs. We've talked before on several occasions and got to know each other just a little bit, but now she's pretty much wanting me to.... 'take her out'.... invite her over to my place or take her somewhere to 'hang out' (verbatim). She's very open and public about it. She's made 2 scenes about it in front of our coworkers with them standing in the background and cheering us on, which was pretty silly and all. Now the whole place knows about it as they all gossip like crazed hens behind each other's backs. Every one of my moves is being tightly watched now and all because she decided to make a spectacle out of this. I don't know if that was one of her con tricks or not. Like getting everybody at that place involved would pressure me into some kind of an action or some such. I can't tell.

Is there any way I could positively handle this without pissing anybody off or escalating? Any ideas?
I really don't need any of this high-school drama in my life, but at the same time I need to stay at that job for the time being. Can't afford to quit just yet.
Jusqu'au bout a tout prix..
User avatar
TruthOrConsequences
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 80
Joined: March 5th, 2012, 8:43 pm




Check out our Dating Sites and HA International Romance Tours!



Re: How can I effectively and positively handle this?

Postby pete98146 » May 24th, 2014, 6:58 pm

TruthOrConsequences wrote:So, at my job, I've been getting a lot of persistent attention from a woman about my age, who is very upfront and direct about it.

Let me explain this a little bit. There's no little giggly chit-chatting and getting to know each other. There's no little come-on signs. We've talked before on several occasions and got to know each other just a little bit, but now she's pretty much wanting me to.... 'take her out'.... invite her over to my place or take her somewhere to 'hang out' (verbatim). She's very open and public about it. She's made 2 scenes about it in front of our coworkers with them standing in the background and cheering us on, which was pretty silly and all. Now the whole place knows about it as they all gossip like crazed hens behind each other's backs. Every one of my moves is being tightly watched now and all because she decided to make a spectacle out of this. I don't know if that was one of her con tricks or not. Like getting everybody at that place involved would pressure me into some kind of an action or some such. I can't tell.

Is there any way I could positively handle this without pissing anybody off or escalating? Any ideas?
I really don't need any of this high-school drama in my life, but at the same time I need to stay at that job for the time being. Can't afford to quit just yet.


The first thing that comes to mind when I read about your story is that if the shoe was on the other foot, ie you were the one that was publically pursuing her at work, she'd have grounds for a sexual harassment suit.

So I guess the key question is do you like her? If the answer is yes then take her on a cheap date. Don't take her to a fancy restaurant and drop $100+ instead go for a hike or plan an outdoor activity. If at the end of the date you have feelings for her go for it. If not, just tell her that you don't mix pleasure with business (don't date co-workers).

But she does seem to be a bit of a Drama Queen if she's making such a big fuss about this at work. Buyer Beware!

Good luck man!
User avatar
pete98146
Experienced Poster
 
Posts: 1125
Joined: June 22nd, 2009, 4:31 pm

Postby TruthOrConsequences » May 24th, 2014, 8:40 pm

Thanks a lot for your input.

Agreeing to her advances is tricky. The place is filled with gossips and backstabbers. Whatever the outcome - it's all going to be watched and talked about in the most negative cynical way.

I was just looking for a good positive way to friend-zone her and keep both of our reputations intact. Thank you, though.
Jusqu'au bout a tout prix..
User avatar
TruthOrConsequences
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 80
Joined: March 5th, 2012, 8:43 pm

Postby ryanx » May 24th, 2014, 10:07 pm

She is shit-testing you. If she was genuinely interested she would be more discreet about it. You must have seemed aloof to her - as if you are too good for her and now she wants to show you up to prove her feminine powers. Unfortunately in this day and age women can get away with this kind of crap without consequence. Don't flatter yourself, put her in her place by being more outrageous than her. In any case, nothing good can come of this.
ryanx
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 283
Joined: July 22nd, 2010, 11:08 am

Postby Tsar » May 24th, 2014, 11:56 pm

Don't bother with her. Respectfully decline. Make excuses like you're too busy that weekend. It's not work it to be involved in a romantic relationship with a coworker, and if she's young and single then don't even be friends with her. Keep it a limited contact, formal and professional coworker relationship.
Tsar
Veteran Poster
 
Posts: 2030
Joined: August 7th, 2012, 8:40 pm
Location: Somwhere, Maine

Postby TruthOrConsequences » May 25th, 2014, 3:24 pm

Okay. I appreciate your advices, guys. Thanks a lot.

I'll fill you in on what develops out of this mess.
Jusqu'au bout a tout prix..
User avatar
TruthOrConsequences
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 80
Joined: March 5th, 2012, 8:43 pm

Postby abcdavid01 » May 25th, 2014, 7:57 pm

Ryanx said it right. Maybe not be more outrageous (don't want to get fired), but definitely be firm. If you want to shut it down, don't waver. Don't let it drag on either.
中国人万岁! 中国美女万岁!
abcdavid01
Experienced Poster
 
Posts: 1580
Joined: November 18th, 2012, 7:52 am
Location: On the run

No joy.. All clear..

Postby TruthOrConsequences » June 2nd, 2014, 12:48 am

The situation has deescalated itself a bit from what it seems...

I was given a couple of looks here and there last week, but other than that everything seems normal and back in place..

I never took her up on her offer, but remained friendly and cordial to her.. Coworkers are not to be dated type stuff...

I hope she didn't have to suffer any negative consequences on her end..


Thank you guys for your input.
Jusqu'au bout a tout prix..
User avatar
TruthOrConsequences
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 80
Joined: March 5th, 2012, 8:43 pm


Return to Questions and Advice

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests