Those are some good points you are making. Winston really has some things he needs to be thinking of, and one of the most important questions he has to ask himself is: what does he want, and what sort of a woman is most compatible with him? I asked him this on another thread and I think it's also relevent here.Mr. Q wrote:Winston,Winston wrote:
Because I'm TRYING to find a serious relationship and settle down in China. Duh. That's been explained. Yeah I may not be the marrying type. But I'm TRYING to be. Maybe if I find the right one, then... well isn't that what we all tell ourselves?
If you're not sure whether you're the marrying type or not, you will definitely have a problem finding a serious relationship and settling down. And don't think that finding "the right one" will do the trick. Your problem isn't that you haven't found the right one. Your problem is that you've led a lifestyle up till now that not only runs totally contrary to married life, it is also not easy to give up without an almost revolutionary change in your thinking.
It's really very simple. Do you want to get married or not? If you're conflicted, then you better put any marriage plans on hold.Winston wrote:In my conscious mind, I'm trying to find a wife. But who knows if my subconscious mind will cooperate? That is uncertain. We cannot control our subconscious mind so easily.
Remember: you're both going to live with each other, everyday until death do you part. If you can put up with her (and possibly children) and the duties and responsibilities that go along with it, then go for it.Winston wrote:I can give Chinese women what they want. I can bring them to America and put them in a house. Or I can stay with them in China and rent an apartment together while we both work. Many couples in China do just that. It's normal. So why can't I?
Well, yes, but then are your responses as serious as their questions?Winston wrote:I do not tell any of the women in China that I'm looking for casual dating or sex. Duh. How stupid do you think I am? When they ask me serious questions, I respond very tactfully and smoothly, like Bill Clinton does. If asked "Do you want to marry?" I'll answer, "If I find the right person. Yeah." Isn't that what I'm supposed to say?
Before you even start looking for women to marry, you should ask yourself: are you prepared and willing to go through with marriage and all that it entails? If you are, then you won't have to worry about how you'll respond.
Per: viewtopic.php?f=37&t=26553&p=222927#p222927
Winston,
I think there are a few things for you to consider here. First of all, you are not tall and slender and considered handsome which is why getting casual sex with a Chinese girl is a whole lot more difficult to attain for you then it is for him. There's also your age and your height. Neither are dramatic obstacles, but both can be a reason for a girl not to instantly want to tear your clothes of, lol. You have to consider your limitations, and that in a country like China, you are more limited then you are in another country such as in the Philippines. Casual sex and living la vida loca was something you could easily do in the Philippines. A new girl every night, you were like a kid in a candy store. That's not the life you can live in China. Think about that before you get married with a woman who will not be as easy-going as Dianne, and may take over control of your life.
You are a man driven by the desire for freedom, Winston. Everything you have done since you were a young man, indicates that this has always been your life goal. Freedom to do what you want, make love to who you want, do what you want. You have your income, you have your options, you have a family even. Above all, you have a girlfriend who is okay with your philandering ways and the casual and inconsistent nature of your relationship... do you have any idea how f***ing rare that is, man? Also, I don't know about you, but when I think "passion", the last thing that comes to my mind is Chinese girls. I'll think Latina, or Filipina, before I think Chinese, Japanese or Korean. And I know passion is of vital importance to you, in order to keep you interested in a girl and in the relationship.
Your entire China plan seems so illogical to me, and not in line with your character. You will never find a woman in China who allows you to live your polyamorous lifestyle the way you choose. Once you get married, and have another kid, you are pretty much guaranteed that your freedom ends there. Whereas the Philippines is a country where men maintaining mistresses are extremely common place among guys of all layers of society. In China, from what I heard, it's mostly the elites who maintain mistresses and even then, when discovered, it's always a huge scandal and a lot of drama involved - Filipino society is more casual, with mistress and bastard children often being the norm rather then the exception. They have the whole Filipino time thing, the casual lateness, the carefree attitude. In some ways, it's very much a third world country, and very poor, but it gives you advantages as a man with a first world income.
You mentioned family pressure... who cares about family pressure? If I did, I would have had a boring white wife now, and office job from 9 to 5, a Golden Retriever and ten years from now around 2.1 kids. But I decided that wasn't what I wanted, and that what I wanted was freedom, so I am trying hard to attain that abroad. We all have to find the country that is best for us, the atmosphere that is most fitting for us. Maybe for you, that really is China? But somehow I wonder if you are doing it more for yourself and your own desires, or for the wishes and expectations your parents might have. And if you aren't simply wasting your time on something that's just a phase. People have been trying to sell the idea of China being so perfectly suited to your needs for a long, long time in here. Maybe it just isn't what it's hyped to be, and the girls and you are simply too incompatible with one another.
For all these years you have been preaching about freedom and thinking out of the box. That is the principle on which you built HappierAbroad, Winston. And now, because of the pressure of your friends and family, and maybe even you deluding yourself with "my Chinese dna", you are about to crawl right back into that box you struggled to escape for so long. Why? Maybe what you really want and need has been just around the corner the whole time.
