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10 posts • Page 1 of 1
Hey! my name is Jessica
Been reading here for pretty long and it has helped me a lot. Now I'm hoping you guys can help me out again with my first post.
I decided to try online dating and found an amazing man living in another city 45 min away from me. We've been speaking for about a month and I've figured that he's definitely a man of my life. At first I had a great game and was even impressed by myself. But the more I talked to him and got more comfortable.
Date 1: Took a walk, he guided me around her city
Date 2: Dinner
Date 3: he took the train to my city and we discovered Stockholm together, then dinner. All the time holding hands. We finished the date with cinema, but we kissed more than looking at the actual movie.
As usual I sent a message after the date saying "Had a great time, I want to see you again soon". He suggested that I should come visit him then, so 3 days later I did.
Date 4: First took a walk then movie at his place. His mother called and he answered "I'm with Jes, talk later". That means he had mentioned me to his mother? Probably good? During the movie we started making out. We didn't go further though. At 00:00 I left cause I knew he was going up early and me too (Tuesday). I sent him a text saying "Hope to see u soon )<3". He replied "Of course! and a kiss smiley".
Our next conversation was on snapchat. I commented on his story, wished him a great weekend (went to visit his friend)
I was a bit surprised that he didn't text me like he used to, so sent him a "thinking about you" on Sunday evening when I knew he'd be home. he replied with just a smiley and asked if I had a great weekend. The conversation continued, but he was a bit cold and not as flirty as he used to be. I invited him to my place and told him I'd try to beat his friend in the MasterChef challenge.
Here comes the problem. He denied and said he was busy whole week with studies. He didn't say that he wanted to see me, but not that he didn't want to see me either. I continued the conversation a bit and he replied even though I didn't ask questions, but still cold.
I've probably f***ed up totally. My current plan is to not text him in a week and see what happens. Fellas! Please give me some tips, because I really like this man and don't want to blow it! Don't tell me It's too late.
I agree in my mind with idea that he needs to feel validated by having you "Chase" him. The fact that he is always running off, waiting for you to run after him to make things better.... This is not a trait of a mature man. It's not okay to make you feel like you are always the one to make amends, and give him reassurance. It almost seems like a game to him to see how far he can push you without you leaving.
For him to refuse to return your texts/calls for so long, and then finally respond as though you are annoying him is childish and just plain rude. Is this really your ideal man?
You are absolutely right is to not text him in a week and see what happens, but if I were you? I wouldn't. Not at all. You didn't do anything wrong, yet you have to play his I Love You I Love You Not game? I think not.
I would seriously suggest you to read this. It's not fair to you to always be playing by his rules, and being manipulated into catering to him whenever he is moody.
When he contacts you again, be firm and let him know that you need more stability in your relationship and he can't be playing Hot and Cold at his whim. If he doesn't contact you? Let him leave. It's truly his loss, not yours.
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You can be kind, charming, and show a reasonable amount of interest. If he's really interested in you and he's comfortable with you, he'll pursue more of a relationship with you. Being too needy might drive him off. Give him some space. He may actually need time to study. if he's interested, he can contact you.
I didn't realize we were becoming agony uncles.
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Doesn't sound like you did anything to drive him away. Got to ask: Do you think he might be seeing someone else at the same time as you? Or maybe he's trying to make a choice of which one to go with? Some observations from a man:
One can't predict the future, so it definitely gets to a man's head to wonder which road to go down. I think women tend to realize that things can actually improve & the beginning isn't necessarily the best it'll ever be.
Plus, there's the fact that someone can be compatible with more than one person- a point A LOT of men seem to miss.
I think I found the problem...
"Here comes the problem. He denied and said he was busy whole week with studies. He didn't say that he wanted to see me, but not that he didn't want to see me either. I continued the conversation a bit and he replied even though I didn't ask questions, but still cold.
I've probably f***ed up totally. My current plan is to not text him in a week and see what happens. Fellas! Please give me some tips, because I really like this man and don't want to blow it! Don't tell me It's too late."
You did not f**k him. He is probably f***ing some else because you did not bang him yet.
No one studies for a whole week. That is total bullshit.
The way male-female relationships have worked since the beginning: women owe their man sex. Men give commitment and women give their man sex.
Thanks and enjoy
NovaSarah: If you think about it, studying for a week IS possible (especially for something serious coming up or catching up on things)- but the story sounds a little shaky. I don't think f***ing within a week makes THAT much sense, since a lot of people race into a relationship & it doesn't work out well. I don't think it's a wrongdoing or whatever, just that it's a good idea to let things develop at their own pace.
Don't sleep with him until you are married.
He's only 'the man of your life' OP if he chooses to be. Most people take a lot longer than three dates spanning a month to make their minds up about a future lifelong partner and I'd imagine he can sense your adulation which to a lot of men can be deemed as a red flag simply because you're going full pelt in a ridiculously short space of time. It can also been seen as desperation to some.
I'd advise you to back off although the damage may have already been done and he's just letting you go gently, hence the different attitude towards you.
Apologies if this sounds harsh but this is the way I see it.
Why do western men die before their western wives? Because they want to!