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Postby kristy_571 » Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:04 pm

kristy wrote:
Hmm. I've bought drinks for guys. All I got was a "thanks", and then they'd go and pick up the large breasted blonde sitting to my right. lol :lol:


jackal wrote:Honey, if you bought me a drink, you'd have my full attention. :wink: :D

About your question, women have to be careful when they are buying drinks for guys. It can seem like you're assuming the dominant position and feminizing them--taking their balls away, figuratively speaking. It might be better to just smile at him with that interested twinkle in your eye, see he gives you an interested smile of surprised delight back, and, if he does, then ask him to buy you a drink. And when you're talking with him, act like you're interested in or impressed by what he tells you. This is the way to stroke the male ego (without getting your hands dirty).

I think the first drink you have with someone is the important one. If you chat and things go well, then you could buy your man a drink and it will seem like a nice gesture (unless you're going out with some ultra-traditional mafia dude), since the focus is on the conversation now.


I honestly do not drink alcohol-at all. Zilch, nada. I have no problem with others drinking around me, but I don't do it.

As far as what you said, I really appreciate that. I was just using it as an example to show that even women can go through that as well. (Feminist side! aaahhhh! :shock: ) :lol: :roll:

I won't feminize anyone or take their balls away. I prefer them to keep their balls, because I have no use for them. And even ultra traditional mafia dudes are cool. I guess it's all about just trying to see the personality first, and then maybe if it seems okay, maybe asking if doing something is alright, then it won't offend the other person. I dunno. I am still 500% clueless when it comes to the opposite sex. But again, I am very thankful for your advice.
:D
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Postby Jackal » Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:42 pm

Well, keep in mind that I'm just giving my opinion above. What I say is not set in stone, so don't rely too much on it. I'm sure there are many types of men out there that I'm not aware of.

And buying drinks is a more macho, high-stakes game than buying a meal for somebody. A lot of modern men would probably like it if the woman at least offers to pay for half the restaurant tab.
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Postby kristy_571 » Tue Apr 01, 2008 8:24 pm

Well, keep in mind that I'm just giving my opinion above. What I say is not set in stone, so don't rely too much on it.


Okay. But I obviously find it useful. I am aware that it is "not set in stone". However, since I respect you, and see you as a good person, I will take that seriously out of my own choosing.


I'm sure there are many types of men out there that I'm not aware of.


Yeah. Of course. But I still value your opinion, and it can actually make sense for at least 70% of the male population in the US.

And buying drinks is a more macho, high-stakes game than buying a meal for somebody. A lot of modern men would probably like it if the woman at least offers to pay for half the restaurant tab.


Once in a while is fine. But going 50/50 all the time can put a damper and strain on the relationship. Ever see the movie "Joy Luck Club"? It's a total chick flick. But there was a lady who had a husband that demanded they go 50/50 on everything. She ended up divorcing his ass later.
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Postby Grunt » Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:54 pm

You guys need to stop being so insecure and understand what it means to be self confident. Not to act self confident, but to be self confident. Once it no longer becomes a mask you wear, but something you have examined, weighed, then burned into your psyche, you become "the real you".

The average female will spout off all day about how a man has to be "sensitive" or "in touch with his feminine side". Guess what men? The more you go down that road, the less they respect you.

Be yourself. Period.

When anyone asks me what do women want? I give them the straight answer. I don't care. Its not my business.

If the women in question is not your wife, it shouldn't be a concern. Let the females earn your respect. Let the females work to gain your attention. Let them work to make you happy. You guys got it all bass ackwards.

Please review the following article over at the not stickman page. The author is an American that runs an industrial lighting company in Thailand. Scroll down to the "Happenings this Week" section and read how he deals with a young Thia girl in a bar. Long story short, hes 45 years old and is getting play from 19 year old hotties.

http://www.notstickmanbangkok.com/Artic ... Insult.htm

Anyhow, that all being said, this does not mean you treat females with contempt or rudeness...unless they are American or feminists. Just smile, do your own thing, and let them come to you. Or, if after you are attracted to a female and spend enough time with her to know you are compatible, you can show some interest.

If not, there are millions upon millions of girls out there that would give their eye teeth to be your wife. Choose wisely, and choose whats best for you and you alone.

The only "rules" in the game are the ones you choose.
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Postby Jackal » Wed Apr 02, 2008 5:01 am

kristy_571 wrote:
And buying drinks is a more macho, high-stakes game than buying a meal for somebody. A lot of modern men would probably like it if the woman at least offers to pay for half the restaurant tab.


Once in a while is fine. But going 50/50 all the time can put a damper and strain on the relationship. Ever see the movie "Joy Luck Club"? It's a total chick flick. But there was a lady who had a husband that demanded they go 50/50 on everything. She ended up divorcing his ass later.


Is that a Chinese movie? The title sounds very Chinese like "Crouching Man, Looming Feminist" or something. Lol

Anyway, I guess I am still in the poor student phase of my life, so I was thinking from that perspective. If a man makes significantly more than the person he is dating or married to, then, yeah, it would stupid and cheap to make the chick pay half or at all.

I was also thinking from the perspective of somebody who is dating American women who perpetually take advantage of men by making them pay for things, annoying them to death, and then giving the men little or no affection in return--or dropping one of those psychological A-bombs such as: "Oh what? Oh, you're not my boyfriend." "You thought this was a date?" (No, I'm pursuing you for your poetry-reading ability.) :evil: :evil: :evil:
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Postby Jackal » Wed Apr 02, 2008 5:27 am

Grunt wrote:You guys need to stop being so insecure and understand what it means to be self confident. Not to act self confident, but to be self confident. Once it no longer becomes a mask you wear, but something you have examined, weighed, then burned into your psyche, you become "the real you".


I like it, Grunt. This could almost be in a Zen book. But you also have to understand that Kristy and I are in a different phase of life than you are: You are happily married, however we're still looking for love while we recover from the psychological wounds of our pasts.

Grunt wrote:Be yourself. Period.

I agree. I always have been and this caused me a great deal of pain while growing up in a snobbish town in conformist America.

Grunt wrote:The only "rules" in the game are the ones you choose.
Now I don't think this is true. It's a nice way to think, and people should always be looking for new opportunities and not artificially limit themselves by their outlook, but the fact remains that every culture and subculture has its "rules".

I mean think of the military. What if an enlisted man wants to date a woman who is an officer? That's kind of forbidden isn't it?--that's one "rule". But there is probably a way to go about it if both people want it enough and the ways to do it are other "rules" of that culture.
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Postby Grunt » Wed Apr 02, 2008 8:35 am

Quit stressing over it. Know that, in time, you will find the perfect girl for you. Identifying what the primary inhibitor (feminists) to happiness is is half the battle. And don't think you are the only one thats been treated poorly. It happens to everyone, but not everyone comes away from it with the right lessons.

Being yourself does not denote arrogance. Just quiet confidence. But I agree America is a 3-ring circus. In my younger days I would obsess over righting the wrongs...now I see that as tilting at windmills. The ignorant can not be redeemed unless they decide to be.

Problem is, the vast overwhelming majority of Americans are spectacularly ignorant. Best course of action is to hit the lifeboats before U.S.S. America plows into the inevitable iceberg or two. If after some years there is anything worth coming back to, then do so. If not, don't share the fate of idiots.

The final come-uppance will be the total collapse of the financial, transportation, social, and political system. Then every feminist will starve to death, or be beaten, raped, then brutally murdered by roaming gangs of illegal Mexicans or Hells Angels. Men will, of course, survive by heading up into the mountains.

Anyhow, as far as "rules" go, I was referring to The Rules, a book by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. Rules such as:

• The female always makes The Rules.
• The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
• No male can possibly know all The Rules.
• If the female suspects the male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.
• The female is NEVER wrong.
• If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
• The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.
• The female may change her mind at any time.
• The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.
• The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
• The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry and/or upset.
• The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.
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Postby Jackal » Wed Apr 02, 2008 7:28 pm

Grunt wrote:Problem is, the vast overwhelming majority of Americans are spectacularly ignorant. Best course of action is to hit the lifeboats before U.S.S. America plows into the inevitable iceberg or two. If after some years there is anything worth coming back to, then do so. If not, don't share the fate of idiots.


Yeah, I agree that getting out of the US is important, but I have more sympathy than you for the people that will be left behind. The majority of Americans haven't had access to a decent education and as a result they can barely read at grade level and can't even find Iowa--let alone Iraq--on a map. What chance did these people ever have?

Grunt wrote:The final come-uppance will be the total collapse of the financial, transportation, social, and political system. Then every feminist will starve to death, or be beaten, raped, then brutally murdered by roaming gangs of illegal Mexicans or Hells Angels. Men will, of course, survive by heading up into the mountains.


Well, that might make a good movie, but I think that that's an exagerration. Things might get as bad as the Great Depression or perhaps as bad as Mexico, but I don't think they will reach the extremes you mention. All the same, I don't want to stick around here to find out.

I hope you're not one of those "End of the World", "Fear the New World Order" "survivalists" that congregate at gun conventions and always live in the permanent paranoia of some mysterious "They".

Grunt wrote:Anyhow, as far as "rules" go, I was referring to The Rules, a book by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.


Okay, we were talking about different "rules". My "rules" were cultural norms. For example, people bow in Japan and shake hands in China. You can ignore them, but they are still real. Cultures also have certain dating traditions, although not everybody follows them, and being an expat in a foreign country can sometimes get you an exemption from certain cultural rules.

Your "rules" seem like something from a cute poster like the "Murphy's Laws" posters

MURPHY'S LAWS

THE PRIME AXIOM: In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that
can go wrong, will.

2. If the possibility exists of several things going wrong, the one that
will go wrong is the one that will do the most damage.
3. Everything will go wrong at one time.
3.1 That time is always when you least expect it.
4. If nothing can go wrong, something will.
5. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
6. Everything takes longer than you think.
7. Left to themselves, things always go from bad to worse.
8. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
9. Given the most inappropriate time for something to go wrong, that's
when it will occur.
10. Mother Nature is a bitch.
10.1 The universe is not indifferent to intelligence, it is actively
hostile to it.
11. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
Etc.
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Postby Grunt » Wed Apr 02, 2008 9:13 pm

First off, comparisons on the Great Depression are valid from a financial perspective, not a cultural one. Back in the early 1900's, America was a fully cohesive nation. Families were strong, the majority of people had farming experience, thus crime rates remained low and people weathered the storm in good fashion.

Now, fast forward to 2008. America is divided utterly, whites vs blacks, blacks vs latinos, asians vs all, females vs male, democrat vs republican, right on down to every man for himself. People have no stored food and no ability to raise crops.

This may seem abstract, but when I say this, its not based on opinion. Back in the 1980's Argentina was a shining jewel of South American economic freedom. The rug was pulled out from under Argentina, just like whats being done to America, and all hell broke loose. A seemingly "advanced" nation instantly slipped into a wild free for all with rioting looting rape and murder.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1989_riots_in_Argentina

As far as being concerned about who "they" are, I am all you describe and more. In fact, please add more dismissive terms, as it wont change the outcome for either of us.

The rules I spoke of, again, were a best selling book on female dating techniques, or, how to dupe a man into marriage and turn him into a slave. I'm all for cultural rules, and I don't flaunt another peoples way of going about life. Ukrainians put mayonnaise on food...alot. Ive come to like it after a 4 years of marriage.
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Postby Jackal » Wed Apr 02, 2008 9:58 pm

Grunt wrote:As far as being concerned about who "they" are, I am all you describe and more. In fact, please add more dismissive terms, as it wont change the outcome for either of us.


I didn't mean to insult you personally, but you have to admit that there's a whole industry of books, mail-order catalogues, and websites out there that prey on paranoid people like that and who find it in their best interest to keep people paranoid so they can keep selling their products.

Your analogy to Argentina is at least more focused and might be correct. I know that it's a fact that America is not very well prepared for another terrorist attack or a natural disaster--as Hurricane Katrina illustrated.

So tell me, do these websites have a concrete definition of "The New World Order"? I always have found that people have suspicions about some shady, secret, elite, international group that can never be proven.
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Postby Grunt » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:38 pm

Setting aside the "new world order" to avoid rhetoric, lets focus on the reality. What matters more is, are you prepared? Do you have storable food? Do you have a little gold and silver? Firearms and ammo? Water purification? Do you live in a safe area, preferably above any potential sea level changes and with a majority single racial percentage?

Katrina is a perfect example, because those unlucky enough to live there all had none of the above. And they paid the price. Who cares about the "new world order" when those in your town would kill you for a loaf of bread?
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Postby kristy_571 » Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:14 pm

Grunt:
Anyhow, as far as "rules" go, I was referring to The Rules, a book by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. Rules such as:

• The female always makes The Rules.

bullshit. it goes both ways

• The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

more dribble
• No male can possibly know all The Rules.

women don't know any "hidden rules" that men may have two. Both men and women can have their dumb rules in the game of love. Everyone is different.

• If the female suspects the male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.


lol. that is funny. but NOT TRUE.

• The female is NEVER wrong.


Bullshit. Women are wrong all the time. When a person is wrong, they need to admit it.

• If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.


bullshyte
• The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.
• The female may change her mind at any time.
• The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.
• The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
• The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry and/or upset.
• The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.


bullshit, bullshit. Sexist, fictitious bullshit. I do not agree with any of the above. And not all females are like that, nor would we all agree with it. If you hate american girls, fine-that is your right. However, if one of us treats you nicely, it would be nice if you are nice to us as well and do not immediatly blow us off and call us a feminazi. ;)
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Postby kristy_571 » Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:20 pm

Is that a Chinese movie? The title sounds very Chinese like "Crouching Man, Looming Feminist" or something. Lol


:lol: You are too funny. I love it. Crouching Man, Looming Feminist. Tee hee. :twisted: 8)


It's a movie based on the book "The Joy Luck Club" by Amy Tan.

Anyway, I guess I am still in the poor student phase of my life, so I was thinking from that perspective. If a man makes significantly more than the person he is dating or married to, then, yeah, it would stupid and cheap to make the chick pay half or at all.


then 50/50 is the best way to go. Maybe if a woman makes significantly more, then she can pay, as long as she doesn't start busting his balls and making him feel less of a man.

I was also thinking from the perspective of somebody who is dating American women who perpetually take advantage of men by making them pay for things, annoying them to death, and then giving the men little or no affection in return--or dropping one of those psychological A-bombs such as: "Oh what? Oh, you're not my boyfriend." "You thought this was a date?" (No, I'm pursuing you for your poetry-reading ability.) :evil: :evil: :evil


That is true. Girls can do that. :( But I do not believe in treating ppl like that.
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Postby jamesbond » Sat Apr 19, 2014 5:37 pm

Image
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
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